The list is endless when it comes to all the things I want and plan to teach my daughter. I can't wait to love on her and nurture her to the fullest. The more I think about my journey as a black woman, the more my goal of teaching my daughter to love her natural hair is reinforced.
Growing up, I manipulated my hair to the fullest. I put heat on my hair constantly and eventually ended up getting a perm at age 17. This was normal to me because all the women in my family did it. Anytime I had someplace "nice" to go, my hair had to be straightened. I honestly started to become used to hiding my hair behind un-natural hairstyles. I used to think that my hair had to be a certain way in order to be beautiful.
It wasn't until a little after college when I got to know myself more, and be more unapologetic, that I started to love my natural hair. Even still, I always played it safe in the workplace and felt like I could not wear my hair the way I wanted to. I never wanted to draw too much attention to myself. Today, I now realize my hair is who I am. It is a part of me and I can wear it any way I choose. I truly believe that every time I wear my hair naturally that I am sending a positive message to another black woman or black little girl to love themselves while challenging them to be who they are.
When my baby girl arrives, I want to inspire her every day.
Although I love wigs and weaves, I plan to wear my hair naturally often, especially when she is young. I want her to see a representation of herself in me. I want her to feel beautiful in her natural beauty. I want to bond with her while teaching her how to care for her hair. I want her to go to school with girls who look different from her and feel proud and unique in her skin and her hair.
I want to take accountability now. I want to be ready now. I don't want to be scrambling to get it together once she arrives. As a mother and soon-to-be parent, it is my responsibility to do my homework. In the black community, I have noticed that we act surprised when our girls don't love themselves. I am not surprised at this at all. We are not usually represented well and are shamed for our natural beauty. This is so interesting being that others pay doctors thousands to look like us.
I believe as black mothers we have the power to break that cycle. Here are some tips that I think we can do collaboratively to help our black babies.
1. Wear your hair naturally often while your baby is young.
This will allow your baby to see a positive representation in you and in herself at a young age. This is an essential tool when it comes to building her confidence. This will also teach her who she is through imagery.
2. Do similar or matching hairstyles with your baby.
This makes for a fun bonding experience. When you style your hair in a fro, bun, or braids this reinforces the positive representation of your daughter seeing herself. She can feel happy and confident because you are leading the way and when she looks at you, she will see herself. You can even make it fun and let her style you. This is sure to create memories that will be unforgettable.
3. Take photos/videos in a natural state with your daughter when she is young.
I am someone who loves pictures. Today, in my late 20s, I still love to look at old photos of myself when I was young. It makes me happy. Pictures tell a story. Your daughter seeing photos of you doing her hair as a baby or photos of you and her in your natural fros represents love. It shows that you accepted who she was since day one. Videos are also great because they serve as live pictures that toddlers can watch over and over again. It can become a positive routine to review pictures and videos often while giving positive affirmations.
4. Learn how to do hair.
By saying this, I'm not saying you need to be hairstylist of the year, but you should know how to do a little something. I have lost count of how many of my friends, family members, and other women I know that have said, "I had to get a perm because my hair wasn't manageable." Or, "My family didn't know what to do with my hair so I had no choice but to perm it."
It is so sad to hear! Take the time to research and experiment with hair products that can work for your baby. Learn how to do basic ponytails or braids. Instill in your child that their hair is beautiful and accepted. It should not be seen as "too much work."
5. Use real-life positive examples of other women and children living in their natural beauty.
If you know anyone who is natural and has children who are natural, bring your daughter around that. Show your daughter women who are in power in magazines who love their natural selves (Issa Rae is a favorite of mine). This will allow them to see that it's not just their mom telling them to love who they are, but other black women and children as well. Something I have started to do is purchase books that have African-American girls in them with natural hair. I read them to my daughter now while she is still in the womb.
I look forward to reading to her when she gets here and her growing old enough to flip the pages herself while practicing self-love. So many shows and print ads don't have us featured, but we can create an atmosphere where we are always on the cover for our upcoming daughters.
Featured image by Giphy
Bianca Simone was born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts. She currently resides in California where she is pursuing her dreams of being a writer. She hopes to move and inspire people every day through creating, and by working diligently, remaining humble, and relatable always.
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Serena Williams Hits Back At Skin-Bleaching Accusations: 'I’m A Dark, Black Woman, And I Love Who I Am'
Serena Williams is clapping back at skin-bleaching accusations. During a makeup tutorial for her beauty brand, Wyn Beauty, the tennis legend took the opportunity to address the "haters."
“And then I put just that neutral color, that is actually my skin color, and no, for you haters out there, I do not bleach my skin,” she said. “There is a thing called sunlight, and in that sunlight, you get different colors.”
The rumors started after the mom of two posted a video of herself and her husband, Alexis Ohanian, at their daughter's school play. In the video, she appeared to look a few shades lighter. During her response, she revealed that she was volunteering at the play and wore stage makeup.
“Yes, I’m calling you out on this because it is ridiculous that everyone’s like, ‘Oh, she bleached her skin,’" she said. "I’m a dark, Black woman, and I love who I am, and I love how I look and that's just not my thing.”
The 23-time Grand Slam champion also said that she doesn't judge anyone who bleaches their skin as she "stays in my lane."
Serena has always had style on and off the court, and even collaborated with Nike with her own collection Serena Williams Design Crew. However, the tennis champ has now pivoted into beauty.
Wyn Beauty was launched in April 2024 with at 10-piece collection of lip, eye, and complexion products. The brand was inspired by Serena's time on the court and the packaging is reminiscent of a tennis ball due to its chartreuse color.
“Throughout my career, I was always searching for makeup that looked good after hours on the court, mixing products myself and creating my own formulas while traveling the world,” she said in a statement. As she continues to make a name for herself in the beauty industry, I'm sure we will see a lot more looks from the tennis star.
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Feature image by Marc Piasecki/WireImage