Let's be real, breastfeeding can be a total pain in the boob!
...while often taking an emotional toll on your soul when it goes wrong. Just ask any mom!
From calloused nipples, to engorged cup-sizes, breast feeding is not every woman's cup of tea. However, society will certainly make it feel like it should be.
Don't get it twisted: The pros of a mother's breast milk are endless. Besides the physical health benefits that come with exchanging your strong antibodies with your little human, the emotional bond from such an exchange is one that many moms consider to be priceless.
Recently, actress and The Real co-host Tamara Mowry-Housley opened up about her breastfeeding experience with her five-month old daughter, Ariah Talea. Elated that her second go round at feeding was much smoother than when she had her son Aden, the mother of two blogged about it on her personal site:
"It’s incredible how different one child can be from the next, and how much easier it can be the second time around. Of course, we’ve got a long way to go. But all the experiences I’ve had with Aden as a baby have definitely taught me so much, making things like breastfeeding much more enjoyable with Ariah.With Aden, breastfeeding was hard. It didn’t come as naturally as we’re meant to believe. Aden wasn’t latching properly, which meant I experienced soreness, my nipples were callused and I was in pain for about 8 weeks. I was having a hard time keeping up my supply of milk and it was taking a major emotional toll on me. All this in the midst of things I had to learn and research as a new mom – it was important to know, for example that I needed to eat right while breastfeeding to give my baby what he needed. (What we eat can even contribute to whether or not the baby gets colic.) There was just so much to learn, and so much I wanted to be able to do. I wanted so desperately to breastfeed that when it didn’t seem like a viable option, I broke down. But I was determined not to give up."
For those who don't know, "latching" is a young child's ability to properly grasp their mothers breast and areola in such a way that is effective for eating. Many non-moms, or new-moms, assume that breast-to-baby equals immediate mealtime, but this is far from the case. Not only because quite often your baby is too young to know how to instinctively feed themselves, but also because sometimes our own breasts are our worst enemy!
Tamera continued to detail Aden's issues with latching, as well as the progress that comes with getting the latch down pact!
"I know I’m not the only woman to have felt this way. In fact, I didn’t have it as bad as some women do. Breastfeeding can come easy and it can be nearly impossible. There are a ton of reasons for this, but the one that affected me was Aden’s latch. It took some time, but I finally learned how to get the right latch, and then breastfeeding was much easier. Let me tell you you, if breastfeeding is important to you, do not leave the hospital unless you’ve had the right latch with your baby!When it came time to breastfeed Ariah, I have to admit I was a little worried. I wanted to be sure that I could give her my antibodies, feed her nutrients and give her enough of my milk to help prevent her from getting sick. Thankfully my worries were unwarranted. I took everything I learned from my experience with Aden and Ariah had the perfect latch from day one. The nurses even commented that they wished Ariah could teach the other babies there! Lol."
Tamera Mowry-Housley's daughter, 5 month old Ariah Talea
Tamera went on to discuss the bond between her and her baby girl:
"Where breastfeeding with Aden was challenging, with Ariah it’s been unbelievable. I can’t fully express how it actually feels, but the bond it’s building between us is amazing. I cherish every second I can sit down and feed her. It’s our private time together, and I really find it so relaxing. It makes me feel good to know that I can give her everything that her body needs, and I plan to do so until she’s one year. And women must do what’s right for their baby–which can include bottle feeding of course. In that case, I’ve discovered that Gentle Gerber formula is best!I’ve learned to trust my baby. I hope hearing my story will help any new mommas out there!"
According to WebMd, some of the amazing healthy and economical pros of breastfeeding include:
- It's free and always available (formula can cost an upwards of $4 an ounce)
- It contains active infection-fighting white blood cells and natural chemicals that give increased protection against infections in the first months, when these can be the most serious.
- It can help prevent SIDS, sudden infant death syndrome, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.
- It contains the perfect proportion of nutrients that your baby needs, including protein, carbohydrates, fat, and calcium.
- It is easily digestible.
- It may protect against allergies and asthma in the future.
- It may decrease a baby's risk of obesity in the future.
- It may contain some fatty acids that promote brain development.
- Breastfeeding can help new mothers lose weight more easily (with some OB-GYN's claiming that a day of breastfeeding can burn as many calories as a 7-mile walk. Now you wonder why some moms have an incredible attack of "snapback" when they come out looking better than pre-pregnancy!
What I can admire about Tamera's recount on breastfeeding (as a woman who hopes to have children in the future, and just as a woman overall) is that for one reason or another, the very fact that breastfeeding comes harder for most women than others is like a taboo, and hardly anyone speaks on it. It's as though a ladies' failure to breastfeed with ease is the equivalent of a shameful secret, as if such a thing makes us less of a woman because of it. And because of that, we often feel alone when it happens to us.
In actuality, many women, both young and older mothers, have issues with either producing milk, getting their babies to latch or both. Lack-tation (see what I did there?) can actually be the common result of blocked milk ducts or Mastitis, aka the inflammation of the breast which can result in your breast milk's duct being blocked. And no woman is safe from it either!
During a recent discussion, some of our very own staff revealed their experiences with breastfeeding:
"I personally didn’t breastfeed because my crazy son got freaked out every time I pulled out my boob. He just refused to latch, so we didn’t force it. But we should have stuck with it, because there are a ton of benefits to breastfeeding. I applaud any mom who can do it." -Joy "I didn't breastfeed for long because I stopped producing milk after two weeks. If I'm being honest I didn't mind though because that process, for me, was very painful. I cried every time. Which could've been due to my lack of milk supply, but I used to hate having to get up in the middle of the night just to be in pain. Then when I had to stop I received so much backlash from people and it was like why are you yelling at me? I didn't have an option! As they spewed their facts and health knowledge about why its the best thing in the world.
There are some people who breastfeed and make it seem like if you don't you're a horrible mom and the only way to bond with a child is through breastfeeding. Have literally heard people say this and its discouraging because its not true." -Ashleigh
"God bless the women who breastfeed–I did it for a month the first go round (and oddly, stopped producing) and not at all the second time. I 100% agree that it isn't easy, and although my experienced sucked, I fully advocate for it.
As far as the emotional trauma that comes with it, a lot of it has to do with other moms who shame parents (I've been through it–side eye) or understanding that the benefits are so key for your baby's development and not being able to produce enough milk. The blame game is real on the latter & some Mommies don't realize that sometimes, there's nothing you can do. It's not your fault." -Erica
Breastfeeding-shaming is also a huge and unfortunate part of women feeling the pressure to breastfeed, even if it's not the best for their baby or even their body. The crazy thing is, there are more than a few dangers associated with breastfeeding, with the most common one being "thrush,"--a yeast infection of the nipple and/or breast. It’s the result of a fungus that thrives on milk on the nipples and/or in the milk ducts. Your baby can get it, too. In fact, you can pass it back and forth to each other. So not everything is for everybody. Only each individual mom, with the possible further assist of a physician, nurse or experienced woman in her life, knows what is best for her baby and her body.
And although I don't entirely agree with feeding your tot a tit once they are able to chew into steak (as Erica pointed out, "the woman I worked with in a hospital said her baby bit her nipple off and she had to get it sown back on-- HELL nahhh!) every mom is different. Some only care to breastfeed up until the baby's first birthday, while some mom's will feed their kid way into their first day of preschool.
Either way, breastfeeding is an option that most mom's feel is a right they should have to decide upon!
What are your thoughts on breastfeeding and how was your experience?
If you need extra support, tips, or questions about breastfeeding, check out the Black Women Do Breastfeed, Breastfeeding in Combat Boots (for military), or Breastfeeding USA's Facebook pages.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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If, while on your continual journey to get the best out of your own tresses, you’d like to learn how to get them healthier than it’s ever been, I’ve got seven acids that are typically known for skin use that can be just as beneficial to your hair as well.
1. Salicylic Acid
When it comes to your skin, salicylic acid is beta-hydroxy acid that is great for your skin if you’re looking for something that will exfoliate it, clear out your pores and dissolve dead skin cells. In fact, this is why it’s an acid that is quite popular when it comes to treating acne.
Your hair will enjoy salicylic acid because, if you’re looking to remove product build-up, you want to soothe an itchy or irritated scalp or you’ve got some dandruff flakes that are totally driving you up the wall, salicylic acid has the ability to treat all of this. Either purchasing a shampoo that contains this ingredient or adding it to your favorite scalp scrub is probably the most effective way to get the most out of it.
Just make sure that if your scalp is sensitive or dry that you approach with caution. In these instances, it could end up irritating your scalp more than helping it out, so use a very little bit in the beginning to make sure that it vibes with you.
2. Lactic Acid
Lactic acid is an alpha hydroxy acid that can help to even out your skin tone as well as slow down the signs of aging. The properties in it help to do this by reducing hyperpigmentation and boosting collagen production in your skin as well as keeping it hydrated.
Why is it great for your locks? For one thing, lactic acid is considered to be a humectant. This means that it pulls water from the air so that your hair is able to remain moisturized.
Another thing that makes it a winner is the fact that lactic acid breaks down dead skin cells on your scalp (so that your hair follicles are able to flourish), it can help to soften and detangle your hair (making it a helpful addition on your wash days) and it also helps to protect your tresses from heat styling tools and UV damage. Applying a hair rinse that’s made up of part lactic acid and part water can work wonderfully (so long as you apply it once a month, tops; more than that might be too “intense” for your hair strands).
3. Glycolic Acid
Glycolic acid is a water-soluble alpha hydroxy acid that is actually made from sugar. Your skin will adore it because it smooths the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, improves the texture of your skin, gently exfoliates, clears your pores and brightens up your complexion overall.
The reasons why you should consider this acid for your hair is because it helps to keep your scalp youthful (and yes, there is such a thing; check out “Your Scalp Ages Six Times Faster Than Your Face. Why It Matters.”), removes excess sebum (that could be clogging up your hair follicles) and it helps to keep your hair moisturized. Your best bet here is to make it a part of your pre-shampooing ritual.
4. Succinic Acid
Succinic acid is an acid that is made from sugar cane and contains antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties. Although it doesn’t exactly exfoliate (like many of these other acids do), it can still be beneficial to your skin when it comes to reducing the kind of irritation that is associated with eczema, decreasing the bacteria that leads to breakouts and keeping your skin pretty hydrated.
As far as your hair goes, this is an acid that is worth trying out because it helps to balance the sebum that is on your scalp, remove dead skin and product build-up that can irritate your scalp and clog your hair follicles and, succinic acid is also beneficial when it comes to reducing dandruff and helping to prevent hair loss. Most people tend to apply this as a serum.
5. Hyaluronic Acid
I’ve officially sung the praises of hyaluronic acid on this platform before. One example is via the article, “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday.” On the skin tip, hyaluronic acid is great because it deeply hydrates your skin, contains anti-aging properties and can even bring relief to vaginal (including vulvar) dryness.
Your hair will adore this particular acid because it aids moisture to it (including your hair follicles), will help to improve your hair’s texture and it also soothes scalp dryness, nurtures the cuticles of your tresses and decreases frizz. Using a serum rich in this acid as a pre-poo or as a leave-in conditioner is recommended.
6. Azelaic Acid
If you’ve never heard of azelaic acid before, this is your lucky day. It’s a dicarboxylic acid that, when it comes to skincare (and hair care) products, is usually synthetic. Anyway, if you are looking for a way to reduce inflammation, even skin tone after a breakout or if you want to use an exfoliant that will improve the texture of your skin overtime, you might want to give this acid a shot.
This one makes the list as far as your hair is concerned because, if achieving more inches is your current focus, azelaic acid might come in handy. That’s because it is able to strengthen your hair, thicken your strands and also stimulate hair growth from within your hair follicles.
7. Glutamic Acid
Glutamic acid is actually a type of amino acid. Skin-wise, it’s great for deeply hydrating your skin as well as protecting it from pollutants and damaging UV rays. Also, if you’re looking for an acid that treats skin dryness or “tightness,” this could be the answer to your prayers.
Since glutamic acid is also considered to be a humectant, it’s another acid that can moisturize your hair. As a result, it can decrease breakage while helping your hair to feel smooth and look shiny.
BONUS: Amino Acids
Speaking of amino acids and hair, please try to keep some amino acids in your diet at all times. The reason why is because, since your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin, to be exact), amino acids are pretty darn effective when it comes to helping you to maintain the overall health and well-being of your hair.
Ones to prioritize include proline (it boosts collagen so that your hair strands can maintain flexibility); arginine (it increases blood flow to your hair follicles so that they can receive the nutrients that they need); cysteine (it helps to keep your hair follicles healthy); alanine (it helps your system to produce more collagen), and isoleucine (it strengthens the tissues that help to make up your hair strands). All of these are available in supplement form or you can use Google to see which foods contain them.
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Although it might initially seem odd to apply acid to your hair, as you can see, certain ones will work miracles for it. So, test them out to see which one tickles your fancy.
Hell, since they work for your skin as well — it’s a two-for-one deal that is worth every penny!
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