CatCalling: When The Street Holla Turns Into Sexual Harassment
When I was thirteen and swore I was grown, my friends and I would put on our press-on nails and steal whatever lipstick we thought we could make work from our mothers' purses. This was the 90's, a time before Youtube make-up tutorials. We got our make-up tips from YM magazine and wondered why the olive eyeshadow they suggested for “brown girls" never looked quite right. We did all this to take the long way to the corner store with the hopes that some boy would ride by on his bike and try to “talk to us". Because back then a “Yo, shawty. You look good as hell," wasn't street harassment, it was a damn good day.
Where do you draw the line between a “street holla" and harassment?
I must admit, I haven't had any man yell at me from a block away in a long time. What I have noticed however is a difference in their standards. I had more men come on to me while I was 8 months pregnant waddling to work then I ever had when I was fresh to death for happy hour in my skinny jeans. Not to mention I was rocking an engagement ring as well. But men would make U-turns in the middle of traffic just to say, “Take my number if your husband starts acting up."
Wait…what? Would you want a man approaching your wife with a get-out- of marriage-free card if she ever started having problems with her husband?
Street harassment is officially defined as a form of sexual harassment that consists of unwanted comments, wolf-whistles, "catcalling", and other actions by strangers in public areas. I'm not necessarily down with movement for men to completely stop approaching women they're attracted to; I appreciate direction communication over a direct message any day. But I am down for stopping disrespect and men have to understand the anxiety that single women, in the city especially, go through daily. If you're making sexual comments about my anatomy, insulting me because I turned you down or believe it's acceptable to embarrass me by being loud and obnoxious, you're harassing me and it's not flattery. In 2014, Stop Street Harassment commissioned a 2,000-person national survey in the USA with surveying firm GfK. The survey found that 65% of all women had experienced street harassment. Among all women, 23% had been sexually touched, 20% had been followed, and 9% had been forced to do something sexual.
Fellas, if you're trying to get a woman's attention, here are some simple guidelines:
If I'm with a young child or family members, please be considerate of what you say and how you say it. If you can't approach me with courtesy, don't approach me at all.
If you're following me in a car and I'm walking by myself I think you want to stick me up, not take me out.
If I'm married I'm not looking for friends or adding your number to speed dial the minute I get mad at my husband.
If I'm pregnant I have bigger concerns on my plate, then giving you a call, but you CAN hold the door or that elevator for me.
No I don't want a ride. You're a complete stranger and possibly a serial killer.
If I say no, I mean no. And no need to say, “I was wack anyway." Or get in your expletive bag. Take your L like a man.
If you wouldn't want someone to say it to your mama, mother of your kids, girlfriend, grandma or any woman you respect and care for, don't say it to me.
The goal of “getting talked to" as a teen is now an inconvenience for adult women like myself who find themselves taking the long way home just to avoid areas where they're walking through a literal rude comments section. Whether you believe street harassment is the real deal or you think it's another exaggerated movement consider this: No woman should feel like harassment is a daily part of her routine.
I asked a few ladies what were their worst experiences with street harassment and here's what they said:
“The other day, I was walking from my building to my leasing office and this man sitting in his car, windows down, said something. I looked his way and he said, 'Aye I like your walk'. I say, 'Thank you.' I smiled as I inherently do and kept walking. He proceeds to creep alongside me with his vehicle, 'Aye what's your name?' I say, 'No thank you' and keep walking and try to walk in over a hill where he can't drive. I can still hear his voice, 'I'm not going to stop until you let me take you out.' This n-word probably thought that was cute as hell, but it was scary and creepy, Like why does no make some people think try harder?" -S.G.
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“I just went out for my coffee & I usually speak back & say hello to men who say g'morning or hello. But this one dude goes YO. Ninja, get the phuck. I keep moving. He SCREAMS YOOOOOO! Now you REALLY don't get a hello b/c you were MAD IGNORANT." - E.H.
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“I'm walking to the bodega to get some snacks. The cat calls begin.
Dude: wassup sexy ass my little pony. I like your hair. What you doing tonight?
..... shoot me to the moon." -S.M. (a Facebook friend with the most gorgeous ombre lilac hair I've ever seen.)
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“I had a guy follow me in his car while I was walking on 5th street and once he realized I was ignoring him, he shouted his number at me and sped off. He didn't follow for long but it scared the s**t out of me. I don't walk on 5th street anymore. Those guys are truly thirsty." -D.Y.
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“I was walking my mom to bus stop one night and this guy proceeds to run from the playground and approach us like, 'Hey, sexy ass Grandma,' and waits with us at the bus stop. It was funny and rude at the same time. I mean my 8-year-old son was there and sometimes you just want to have a moment with your family, not feel like it's $2 Tuesday at the club every time you walk outside your door." -L.W.
What was your craziest experience involving street harassment?
Writer, sexual health superhero, and #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoy curator regularly featured on @Madamenoire. Toya can usually be found in between her earbuds, listening to trap music and refreshing her browser for concert tickets. Tweet her @thetruetsharee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Growing up in Brooklyn, New York, Caribbean culture has always been all around me, from the food to the dancehall and soca music to traditions carried out by all of the Caribbean people living in the city. As a youngin, I loved attending the West Indian Day Parade every September because the floats, steel drums, extravagant feathers, and upbeat music made me feel free and gave me a deeper appreciation for the culture.
As I got older, I learned that the yearly Carnivals happening across the Caribbean put NYC’s little festivities to shame. Traveling to the islands themselves and experiencing the people and culture first-hand really gives you a deeper understanding and appreciation for Caribbean culture.
The history of Carnival celebrations in the Caribbean can be traced back to enslaved people who were forbidden from participating in the Pre-Lenten celebrations and thus created their own celebrations and traditions, which over time developed into celebrations of freedom and rebellion. Each country in the Caribbean has its own unique history of celebrations, as well as its own Carnival traditions that set it apart from other festivities.
What started as a Pre-Lenten celebration is now celebrated during a range of months throughout the year and now attracts hundreds of people from all over the world. Here are six carnivals that you should go to this year to experience this culture for yourself.
Crop Over - Barbados Carnival
Crop Over Dates: July 31, 2024 - August 6, 2024
What better place to celebrate carnival than the home of our Bajan Queen Rihanna? While some festivities start as early as May, the official festival season in Barbados starts in July and ends in early August. Crop Over originally started as a way for plantation workers to celebrate the end of the sugarcane harvest season and has now evolved into a much larger celebration. Crop Over is a blend of both old and new traditions, such as the Ceremonial Delivery of the Last Canes, and Cohobblopot, where bands show off their beautiful costumes and play soca and calypso music.
All of the week's festivities culminate with the Grand Kadooment, Crop Over’s big parade featuring all of the bands and droves of people taking to the streets in their beautiful costumes and dancing to the local music.
Other things to do: Visit Hunte’s Garden in Joseph’s Parish and find peace in the picturesque garden while spotting an array of different birds and animals. If you’re looking for beach relaxation, spend a day at Carlisle Bay, the perfect beach for swimming, taking in some sun, and a possible turtle sighting.
Saint Thomas Carnival
Saint Thomas Carnival Dates: April 28, 2024 - May 5, 2024
No passport? That won’t be a problem for U.S. travelers looking to get in on the carnival experience. Saint Thomas, one of the three U.S. Virgin Islands, is known for its crystal clear beaches, scuba diving scene, and overall vibrant culture. The island celebrates its carnival in late April and features a dynamic lineup of events including colorful adult and kiddie parades, calypso competitions, and street parties. Virgin Islanders are known to love to party, so make sure to fill up before the festivities with some local favorites like johnny cakes, callaloo, and conch fritters.
With its rich cultural heritage and lively atmosphere, this is a carnival experience perfect for a first-timer who wants to ease their way into the lifestyle.
Other things to do: Visit one of Saint Thomas’ many turquoise blue beaches such as Coki, Magens Bay, Brewers Bay, or Lindquist Beach. Coki Beach is perfect if you're looking for a more lively experience and want to snorkel without swimming far out, and Brewers Bay is best known for the sea turtles that you can see from the sand. You can also take a short ferry over to Saint John, another of the Virgin Islands, and spend a day at Lime Out, a floating taco and margarita bar.
Spicemas - Grenada Carnival
Courtesy of Grenada Tourism Authority
Spicemas Dates: August 7, 2024 - August 14, 2024
Grenada, also known as the Spice Isle due to its production of a variety of spices, has one of the most anticipated carnivals every year. During Spicemas, revelers hit the streets for lively music, paint, oil, dancing, and good times. One of the most important aspects of Spicemas is Jab Jab, a celebration that involves covering one's body in black oil or paint. This tradition started as a post-emancipation masquerade, in which former enslaved Africans would paint themselves black emulating a “Jab” derived from the French word diable, which means devil.
This was a way of mocking their former masters and also represented rebellion and freedom. Since then, the tradition has evolved into a staple of Carnival on J’ouvert morning, a celebration of freedom, and undoubtedly an element that makes Grenada stand out from other Carnivals across the diaspora. Outside of J’ouvert, Spicemas is a beautiful culmination of colorful and vibrant costumes, steel band competitions, delicious rum, and music that you’ll dance to all night.
Grenada is celebrating 50 years of independence this year, so just know that Spicemas is going to be extra special!
Other things to do: For the ocean lovers, the Molinere Bay Underwater Sculpture Park is a must-see attraction. It is the world's first underwater sculpture park and a popular excursion for folks visiting the island. This year, five new installations are being added to the park, which can all be viewed through snorkeling, diving, or a glass bottom boat ride.
Antigua Carnival
Antigua Carnival Dates: July 31, 2024 - August 7, 2024
Every August, carnival lovers flock to the beautiful island of Antigua for its annual carnival festival. First celebrated in 1957, Antigua’s Carnival started as a celebration of emancipation from slavery and has since expanded into a dynamic showcase of local talent, music, and cultural pride. Some events to look forward to are the Party Monarch and Calypso Monarch competitions, as well as the Caribbean Queen’s Competition.
Antigua Carnival is an almost two-week extravaganza that leads into J’ouvert on Carnival Monday and the main parade on Carnival Tuesday. If you love good music, vibrant costumes, and delicious food, this is the carnival for you.
Other things to do: Take a trip to Shirley Heights Lookout for live music and breathtaking panoramic views of the coastline and ocean. And with 365 beaches in total, you’d be missing out if you didn’t fit in a few on your itinerary.
Bermuda Carnival
Bermuda Carnival Dates: June 12, 2024 - June 17, 2024
Also known as Heroes Weekend, Bermuda Carnival may be smaller than some of the other carnivals, but is still a great time. Bermuda is one of the newer carnivals, originating in 2015. Celebrated in June, this long weekend of festivities draws inspiration from other popular carnivals while also highlighting elements of Bermudian culture. You can expect some similar elements as other countries such as daily fetes, soca music, and a parade filled with different bands and extravagant costumes.
They also celebrate Bermuda’s National Heroes during carnival with a national feast. Bermudians have immense pride in their country and culture, and their carnival is the biggest celebration of the year that you don’t want to miss.
Other things to do: Take a day trip to Crystal and Fantasy Caves, beautiful caves formed over millions of years that you can take tours of. Spend a few hours taking in these beautiful natural wonders and seeing some of the formations and underground pools.
Saint Lucia Carnival
Saint Lucia Carnival Dates: July 10, 2024 - July 17, 2024
Home to some of the most beautiful mountains and beaches in the Caribbean, Saint Lucia has the perfect backdrop for an unforgettable carnival experience. Saint Lucia Carnival didn’t take flight until the late 1940s but has grown into a favorite for both novice and seasoned masqueraders. Formerly held in February, this carnival now kicks off in July which allows it not to compete with the highly revered Trinidadian carnival that also happens at that time. Saint Lucia’s Carnival has grown in popularity over the years because of the lively music, delicious food, and turned-up fetes.
One of the highlights is the Parade of the Bands, where masqueraders adorned in elaborate costumes dance through the streets to the rhythms of soca, calypso, and steelpan music. The best way to prepare for the Saint Lucia Carnival is to stay hydrated and well-fed so that you can thoroughly enjoy the plethora of events and parties happening from early morning to nightfall.
Other things to do:The Pitons, Gros Piton and Petit Piton are a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the main attractions in Saint Lucia. Take a hike of Gros Piton or just marvel at its natural beauty. If you're there on a Friday night, stop by the weekly Gros Islet Street Party, which is filled with music, drinks, and local food.
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Featured image courtesy of Grenada Tourism Authority