Quantcast
Black woman with an afro and tube top laughing
Getty Images

It’s Time To Start Your Villain Era

When you put yourself first, people might get mad. That’s ok.

Culture & Entertainment

If you have been on social media for any significant amount of time this year you may have come across women saying that they are in their “villain era.” For these women, being a villain means embracing the negativity and judgment from others that comes when you say “no” to people, and living your life unapologetically. For them, being a villain means letting the chips fall where they may when you no longer allow other people’s ideas about you to restrict you from living the life that you want and deserve.


Of course, none of this sounds particularly villainess or evil. The phrase that has picked up in popularity over the past year is primarily tongue in cheek. It signifies the ways that women have been made to feel bad when they exercise any type of autonomy over their decisions, be it in their professional, romantic, platonic, or familial life.

Especially as it pertains to Black women, wickedness is always projected onto us, especially when we set our boundaries and stick to them. To be a Black woman who’s leaning into our inner villain means more than just eating an extra pastry or going on a solo trip; it’s doing the internal work of unpacking all the ways we have resigned ourselves to a life that is not our own. It’s about learning just how much of the negative lens people look at us through is influenced by white supremacy and misogyny and doing all we can to not see ourselves through that lens by navigating against those ideals.

Every so often, Black women are given a signal of sorts that reminds us and gives us permission to prioritize ourselves and our own mental well being. I’m reminded of when Rep. Maxine Waters famously said, “Reclaiming my time,” and the words reverberated outside the halls of congress and into the lives of Black women everywhere. Our time is being wasted; it’s time to get it back.

So sis, if you are currently looking for a sign for you to free yourself from the mental bondage that has been taken, then here it is: take your life back. Whether you’ve lost years of your life to depression or abuse or trying to adhere to societal pressure, it is never too late to start again. There are so many things in life that are out of our control; so many tragedies and traumas that shape the person we’ve become; so many larger forces that try to keep us tethered to a life that doesn’t serve us. So get the haircut, quit that job, leave that relationship but also: dismantle the systems that have led us to feel evil for simply putting ourselves first, and unchain yourself from the world that creates these unfair perceptions of yourself.

Get your licks back and then some -- even if that means being the villain in someone else's story.

Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.


8 Kinds Of Sex Every Couple Should Have In Their Rotation

When it comes to sex, you can never have too many tricks up your sleeve. A long-term relationship can quickly become boring, and nothing kills desire faster than boredom. When people get comfortable in long-term relationships, they often lose their spark. Relationships are like monthly subscription services. You get the first month for free, but after that, you have to actually start investing in order to continue to reap the benefits.

Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.
'Black Panther: Wakanda Forever' Reminds Us That Angela Bassett Is Still Owed An Oscar

In a world much fairer than the one we currently occupy, Angela Bassett shelves would be adorned with multiple Oscars. While watching the latest installment of the Black Panther franchise, I was reminded of the sheer brilliance and excellence of the actress who has blessed audiences with her boundless talents for over three decades now. I wasn’t the only one captivated by Bassett’s performance, with some people even going as far as to suggest that Bassett might garner award recognition for the role.

Keep reading...Show less
The Best Healing Rituals For You Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Healing rituals are key to thriving in this human experience. If you are not regulating your emotions, taking the time to process, and giving your spirit time to renew and heal, then you are often carrying emotional heaviness from one experience to the next. Healing rituals are a way to give your mind, body, and soul the attention it needs and craves, and to put yourself in a better position to live your best life. When you take the time to heal within, positive transformations occur without.

Keep reading...Show less
black-family-dinner-table-grief-loss-during-holidays

The holidays are widely known as a time for celebration. It is a time when many people gather together to engage in community, cultivate connection and experience the joy of togetherness. Hallmark movies play on most TV screens and the dinner table is spread to serve people in abundance. A season that is often widely known for joy, can simultaneously be a season of grief for many. There are folks who will go through this holiday season with someone they love missing from the dinner table. A stocking that would usually be found hanging over the fireplace will be out of sight. No one talks about the heaviness of death and loss during the holidays.

Keep reading...Show less
5 Things You Should Consider Before Moving Abroad

Have you considered moving abroad? In 2021, I started life as a digital nomad. A "digital nomad" is a phrase that came to popularity due to the pandemic and it describes a person who lives a location-independent lifestyle. Since I started working and traveling simultaneously, I've traveled to Mexico, London, Dubai, and the Caribbean. According to a report by Upwork, 22% of the American workforce will be remote workers by 2025 — thus giving more people than ever the opportunity to live and work abroad.

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive Interviews
Latest Posts