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Six Things Women Wished Men Knew In Dating
Women are not as complicated as many men make them out to be. Sure, women have their emotional moments and sometimes their heart can be as guarded (with good reasons) as the Great Wall of China. However, they are pretty straightforward about what they are looking for in regards to dating and commitment.
In fact, here are 6 things most women wished men knew in dating.
1.Women are attracted to men who are proactively on their journey towards WHOLENESS.
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No one likes a mess and more specifically, cleaning up after one. Despite what culture may have the world to believe, a majority of women are attracted to men who have taken the time to learn about themselves, reflect on their past mistakes and are on their healing journey. There are various perspectives around what defines wholeness, but what many men do not know is that we do not expect a man to be 100% healed because healing is a never-ending journey that requires work. A man who is proactive and intentional with his self-development is usually emotionally available, and that is certainly attractive.
2.Women want men to be OVER their ex/exes.
It does not matter how fabulous, purpose-driven, intelligent, or beautiful a woman is; if the man is not completely over his ex, then she stands no chance. There are no exceptions for this and when women make excuses for it, they tend to find themselves in situationships or left empty in the end. Therefore, many women find great comfort when men speak of their ex/exes in past tense, as well as with no animosity or bitterness in their tone of voice.
3.Women want men to communicate, not carry an interview.
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A majority of women value verbal communication (via phone or in person) not "interview questions" that are often exchanged through texting. Most women will agree when I say that we do not like the "tell me about yourself" or "what do you like to do" question. They desire real communication that cultivates knowledge, vulnerability and genuine passion that is sparked. So when men ask women those "safe" questions, they actually learn less about who they are.
Instead, some women would prefer the following questions:
- If you could wake up to your dream job, what would your typical day look like?
- What are your current thoughts around {insert current event}?
- I see you are very devoted to your faith. What was that journey like for you to get to that place?
4.Women want men to specify if the FIRST outing is a date or not.
An outing is something that friends or acquaintances do but a date is a person's way of investing their time, energy, and sometimes money (for the big ballers) to evaluate if the person is worth getting to know on a more romantic level. If a woman is looking for something serious, she does not want to spend ample time assuming that the intention of the outing is genuine interest when in reality, it is just a hang out and chill type of outing that may continue for a couple of days, weeks or months until someone "better" comes along.
Therefore, women desire and deserve to be validated on whether or not the outing is a date or just hanging out. That information allows a woman to determine how she should navigate that outing, if she chooses to go. If a woman is told that you guys going bowling is a casual outing, do not be surprised if you see her flirting with a guy at the concession stand or playing the staring game with a guy in the next lane.
5.Women are nurturing by nature but they like to be nurtured.
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When God created women, he added a nurturing bone in her body and from then on, women have been known to be one of the most nurturing people on earth. While nurturing others is greatly beneficial to their partner, women still have a strong desire to receive it. When a woman is nurtured correctly and consistently, the walls surrounding her heart comes down. She most likely finds you to be her safe place since you have set a welcoming atmosphere for her to be vulnerable to you.
6.Women find consistency to not be overbearing when the interest is mutual.
Consistency will NEVER get old or become outdated. Women are attracted to effort from men. As a result, it provides women a space to lower down her walls. In essence, women must be proven through consistent actions that you are worth opening up to. If consistency is lacked, progress usually will not be made.
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Joy is a 2x Author, Empowerment Speaker, and Strategy Coach. Her platform, Speak With Joy, mission is, "To empower and equip Women and Young Adults to speak with JOY despite life's circumstances in the area of FAITH, PURPOSE, and RELATIONSHIPS".
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
Step One: Bond Repair Collection Shampoo
Rejuvenate your hair with SheaMoisture Bond Repair Shampoo, your go-to solution for luscious locks. Packed with hella hydration power, this shampoo adds moisture by 60% while removing buildup without stripping your strands. This shampoo gently cleanses impurities while significantly enhancing shine, smoothness, and softness.
The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
Step Two: Bond Repair Collection Conditioner
Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
Step Three: Bond Repair Collection Masque
This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
Step Four: Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner
Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
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Unapologetically You: Overcoming Summer Body Anxiety With Self-Acceptance
When the summer hits, warmer temperatures mean fewer clothes.
This seasonal transition from heavy, concealing garments to lighter, more revealing attire can trigger feelings of self-consciousness and discomfort in our bodies. Whether the pressure to be “swimsuit ready” is influenced by social media body standards or felt inwardly, the demand for the “perfect” summer can lead to the all-familiar feeling of summer body anxiety.
Summer body anxiety refers to the feelings of distress, unease, or discomfort that individuals may experience regarding their physical appearance, shape, or size. It often involves a heightened self-consciousness about one's body, leading to negative thoughts and emotions. People experiencing body anxiety may feel pressure to meet societal or personal standards of beauty or fitness, which can contribute to feelings of inadequacy, shame, or insecurity.
Take a few scrolls down your social media feed or FYP, and it won’t be long before you stumble across an ad persuading you to join a 30-day shed challenge or to order a one-size-fits-all meal plan. While these can be helpful for those aiming to meet their weight goals for summer, for others, they can trigger feelings of anxiety and psychological distress, due in part to diet culture.
“When we hear the word ‘diet,’ we think about restriction, versus it meaning what your relationship around food is,” mental health consultant and CEO of Revita Therapy and Wellness, Ce Anderson, tells xoNecole. “The word ‘diet’ simply means what it is that you are consuming, but we live in a culture where diet means restricting yourself for a specific reason or result.”
Psychologically, when there is any kind of restriction, Anderson says that it can cause our behaviors and self-perception to worsen, if not approached healthily or consciously.
To manage triggers from diet culture and comparison, particularly during seasons of increased body exposure, Anderson emphasizes the importance of concentrating on self-acceptance and acknowledging the fleeting beauty standard perpetuated by the media. “Social media, print images, and TV often promote unrealistic and unattainable beauty standards. Recognizing the artificial nature of these images and focusing on self-acceptance can help mitigate the impact of these triggers,” she says.
During the warmer months, the shorts are shorter, our tops are cropped, and dresses cling to every curve of our frame. But if the hyperawareness of how our clothes fit causes us to avoid social situations or engage in excessive grooming, this could put limits on our summertime enjoyment. “Are we doing things like constantly checking or asking ‘How do I look?’ or ‘Do I look okay?’ Are we using clothes to camouflage or hide our body?” she asks. “This can be damaging to one's self-image and self-efficacy.”
How To Ditch Self-Consciousness & Practice Self-Acceptance
Many individuals, particularly in the summer or on vacations, may steer clear of warm places or activities like swimming because they can't easily hide or cover up their bodies. But the shape or size of our bodies shouldn’t compel us to hide. To shift our mindset from striving for a "perfect shape" to appreciating our bodies for their current state and capabilities, Anderson offers the following tips to encourage self-acceptance.
Reflect On Your Standard:
“What are your standards? Examine them and then examine where your standards came from,” she says. “Are they perpetrated by society? Do they come from your family system? Do they come from the people around you, or do they come from inward?”
Consider The Realism Of These Standards:
“Ask yourself: Is this standard realistic for my age? Meaning, where am I in my personal physiological development? Let's be realistic about where we are in life in development,” Anderson shares.
Consider Health and Psychological Impact:
“After you examine your standards, ask yourself if these standards are putting you at any health risks, psychological risks, or imposing a burden on you,” she notes. “If you're noticing these restrictions are causing you health problems or that they hold a big chunk of my life, that's a problem.”
Evaluate External Influence:
“Lastly, is this even your voice, or is it that of someone who held authority in your life?” she shares. “Were they healthy enough to comment on your body composition?”
Anderson emphasizes that practicing self-acceptance involves recognizing your worth independently of social media, internal pressures, or family and friends. It's about affirming one's worth and truly embodying the mindset of, "I am enough."
“Being able to accept yourself looks like 'regardless,'" she tells xoNecole. “That means, 'regardless' of what social media says, 'regardless' of what people say, I am accepting myself — 'regardless' of the expectations of other people.”
She continues, “Why do we compare? Because if we’re unique, there is no comparison. I'm focused on my journey, and my journey looks like my health is a lifestyle; is not just three months before summer hits.”
Ultimately, our bodies are the vessels that hold us and protect us in every season of life, not just when we’re wearing less clothes. Appreciating our bodies isn't just about being thankful for the way they look but for it’s abilities. “Am I grateful for the fact that my heart is pumping? That my legs are moving, and for the sight that I have? That’s appreciating and valuing your body,” Anderson says.
“Acceptance is not a one-time thing. Acceptance is a daily practice. And that doesn't look like scrolling social media for hours. That looks like limiting your exposure to the things that make you feel bad.”
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