Opting To Repurpose Relationships Instead Of Discarding Them Can Be Beneficial, Here's Why
What About Your Friends?

Opting To Repurpose Relationships Instead Of Discarding Them Can Be Beneficial, Here's Why

If friendships came with instruction manuals, it would take all of the fun out of the relief you feel when finding your tribe. However, with respect to all of the evolving we do in life, the idea that your day ones will be there your whole life is unrealistic and exhausting. That concept does not honor that we all grow at different paces, and some of us reach major milestones like marriage, children, and our dream careers at different times. Some people serve their purpose and move on.

For me, friendship is a very complex subject because I went through more than half of my life having a very superficial and hateful relationship with myself, so many of those that I gravitated to reflected that sentiment to me. However, by some miraculous miracle, when I had those glimpses of times when I was being the highest, most authentic version of myself, I was able to offer support and be supported by like-minded individuals. I am lucky enough to call these women my sisters now. With that sisterhood still comes challenges.

A benefit of going through the hard stuff at an early age is I learned about different aspects of life and human behavior way before people who hadn’t faced those challenges yet.

It used to be intoxicating to look at my friend group as I conquered each obstacle with a finger pointed at them as if I was superior. Life had a way of humbling me, though. I felt I exemplified an idea of what a woman my age should look like and didn't give a damn about how one-dimensional I was. That just mirrored back how I didn't value my authentic self outside of a performative persona…and then I was just mirroring that back to people who didn't deserve to be alienated just because they didn’t approach life the way I did.

Now, I am not at all advocating for you not to shed dead weight when it comes to friendships. I've experienced crying and begging for those I thought loved me to show basic levels of support, concern, and respect for me (which I do not advise). For those types of friendships, you can just cancel and get a new one like Nino Brown.

Friendships that you look at like your favorite purse that just might be out of season for the moment are worth carefully putting in its protective duster bag and placing on its respective shelf in good view for when the right season arises. What am I saying exactly? Though each friend may not be of use to you at the moment, they are still very valuable, and your life can benefit from regarding them as such.

How? Well…


Firstly, you get to learn what it feels like to love someone unconditionally (which is different than unconditionally tolerating harmful behavior, btw) without getting a pet or pushing out a kid.


You give that person who played a vital part in your growth and development some compassion and time to evolve and grow. This means being able to give yourself that same grace. It’s very difficult to extend to another what you have not given yourself. So maybe…work on that?


You get to have gratitude for what this friend is great at and capable of instead of focusing on what they're not. Are you a new mom right now? Once that baby is walking, you are gonna need that party friend to get you in a freakum dress and go out on the town for a few hours to remind you of who the hell you are.

Burning out in a career you hate? You are going to need that free-spirit friend that doesn't take the material world too seriously to show you that your health and well-being are the bag. Do you see what I mean? These people you meet along the way may not be in your season but are classic and never truly go out of style.

And so, I urge you to start examining your friendships with eyes of compassion and empathy with respect to your needs and overall well-being before it’s too late. Some people are so poor that all they have is money and accomplishments…no one they can trust or who values them within reach for when life gets real. You don’t have to be one of them.

Redefine and repurpose the people who bring value to your life before discarding them like trash. You won't regret it. I sure don't!

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Feature image by valentinrussannov/ Getty images




This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture

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