Reality Star Karen Derrico On Being A Mother of 14
What do you get when you add two parents plus 14 kids? The delightful TLC reality series Doubling Down with the Derricos, following the lives of Karen and Deon Derrico and their fourteen kids – that include multiple sets of twins and triplets – as they navigate daily life with their larger-than-life family.
Just in time for Mother’s Day, xoNecole caught up with Karen to hear what it’s like to be a stay-at-home mother of 14 living children and how their story began. “We met at a nightclub,” Karen says about meeting her husband Deon for the first time. “There was just a boldness about him…and we just danced the whole night.”
It only took three months into their courtship that Karen says the couple discussed their plans around having children. “He asked me, ‘How many children do you want?” She replied: “I want as many as God blesses me to have.” She said it was those magic words that led to her life as a mother to over a dozen kids.
Sets of multiples run on both sides of the family. Karen says that she has cousins with twins and triplet aunts and her husband’s family has twins. Even Gigi – Deon’s mother who also appears on the show – tragically miscarried a set of triplets. “I guess I’m just carrying on Gigi’s torch,” Karen says.
But Karen is a medical anomaly having so many sets of multiple children without the aid of fertility treatments. It’s one of the reasons why TLC producer Lori Ansaldi reached out to the Derricos after reading their story in a newspaper article and asking them about the idea of doing a show. “We just realized there are things in our life that we had a blueprint from someone else to go by,” Karen says about their decision to do the show. “"If someone…says, 'Girl, I got five heartbeats in here and I got to carry them. How was it like for you?'... We just want to provide that loving, caring, non-judgmental blueprint for other families out there [with the show].”
There was only a bit of hesitation from extended family members about why Karen and Deon would want to invite a camera crew into their lives, but for the most part, Karen says that everybody was on board, especially their kids. “We introduced it to them as this is our way of telling our story and what we’ve been through,” she says.
Their lives before the show weren’t much different than now, with Deon working in real estate and Karen raising the kids as a stay-at-home mom. The newfound spotlight also hasn’t created any “pumpkin heads” as Karen describes it. “We don’t drop that ‘f word’ of fame,” Karen says. “We don’t use that word at all.” A part of keeping the kids level headed also includes their weekly Saturday morning cleaning rituals, which Karen attributes to her “old school” parenting style. “You turn your music on, you light some candles or some incense and everybody in the house knows it's time to get up and start cleaning,” she says.
It’s their faith and their commitment to a life of service that keep the Derrico family humble. Besides the ability for the kids to get big boxes of complimentary fruit roll-ups whenever they want (which Karen says she quickly nipped in the bud), it’s been fans' messages about how much the show has meant to them that have been a blessing to Karen especially. Opening up about miscarriage, Karen says she’s had fans reach out to her and thank her for her vulnerability on the subject. “You’d be surprised how much people don’t talk about going through a miscarriage,” Karen says. “I want other mothers to know that it’s okay, not to be okay.”
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
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Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images
