I don't know about you, but usually, when I hear someone talk about their short and long-term goals, it typically has something to do with professional or health-related ambitions. Those are important, no doubt about it. But I do think that there is another set of achievements that should get just as much of our time, effort, and attention—personal development goals. Because, if you really stop to think about it, what's the point in being professionally successful or even being in the physical state that we desire if our personal lives, our mental state, and/or our emotional stability are in total shambles?
To a large degree, personal development goals are as unique as each person reading this. But there are some things that, I feel, we all could only benefit from if we made them a top priority. If you want to make this season of your life one where you thrive in a way that you never have before, here are 10 ways to accomplish that ambition.
1. “Tithe” to Yourself
If you've ever wondered why a lot of people pay tithes in church, it's because there is a Scripture in the Bible that gives that instruction; it's in Malachi 3. The reason why folks offer up 10 percent is that that is literally what tithe means. I'll admit that it's always been a bit of a controversial topic but, regardless of your religious affiliation or personal convictions, if there's one thing that I think you should be open to doing is "tithing to yourself".
The reality is a part of the reason why a lot of us incur the amount of debt that we do is because we don't budget wisely. When we want those new pairs of shoes or to get a much-needed massage, because we didn't prepare to spend what it costs ahead of time, we end up spending more than we should. By setting aside 10 percent from each paycheck that you get to do nothing but focus on self-care, not only does that remind you to make yourself a priority, but it also offers up a guilt-free and financially responsible way to do it.
2. Use Discernment
A movie that I re-watched online recently isVideo Girl starring Meagan Good. If you've never seen it before, the long short of it is Meagan's character is a former ballet dancer who gets into a car accident that shatters her dreams. A famous video director discovers her, she starts to book a lot of gigs, and well, I bet you can guess that things start to get pretty rocky from there. As I watched the story play out (again), I thought about so many of the red flags that her character ignored. Blatant ones. Then I thought about all of the times when I've done basically the same thing in my own life.
In a society that has become so hypersensitive that it seems like no one can be advised or corrected on anything, try and avoid being that type of individual. Be humble enough to receive wisdom from those who care about you. Also, be self-aware enough to use good judgment in both personal and professional circumstances and situations.
If something doesn't feel right, listen to what your mind, body, and spirit are telling you. If you aren't at total peace, don't ignore that fact. If you think you should pump the brakes on something in order to get a better understanding, do that. A wise person once said, "Discernment is the ability to see things for what they really are and not what you want them to be." Just imagine how much drama and foolishness could be avoided if we all applied this to our lives on a consistent basis.
3. Handle Stress Effectively
I know a personal development goal that always remains on the top of my list is reducing stress. That's why I make the conscious decision to not worry a lot. I also try and allow peace to be my guide at all times. One of the main reasons why I think this is so important is because, to me, good health is paramount. And with articles out in cyberspace like "10 Health Problems Related to Stress That You Can Fix" to remind me heart disease, diabetes and headaches typically don't "just happen", stress triggers them—it's so important to make sure that I avoid people, places, things and ideas that are prone to stress me out rather than keep me calm. I'm not the only one who feels that way either. Check out "Forget The Bag, Kelly Rowland Wants You To Get Your Stress In Check". It serves as a great reminder that nothing and no one is worth you sacrificing your health or peace of mind. You'd betta believe it.
4. Understand Your Power of Influence
Someone once said that influence is not the main thing in influencing others; it is the only thing. I thought about that as I was watching R&B artist Snoh Aalegra's latest music video "Whoa" featuring Michael B. Jordan. As I was thinking about how much she gave me modern-day Sade vibes in a lot of ways (fun fact: her debut LP featured a cover of Sade's song "Smooth Operator"), I also thought about how I dug her energy and vibe. It was cool to just hear some good music, see some nice visuals, and feel like my young goddaughters could walk into the room and I wouldn't have to mute the lyrics or change the channel because of what was happening on the screen. That little story right there is a small example of what one's power of influence is like. I appreciated something that Snoh presented, wrote about it, and now you're reading it.
My point to that is this—someone is always watching you. It might be a co-worker, a friend, your children, or a complete stranger. And whether you realize it or not, your words, actions, and even energy can have a domino effect on others; usually in ways that you can't even begin to fathom. That's why it's so important to be intentional about the choices that you make—in both the big and little things. Just by making it a goal to be a responsible influencer, you are choosing to impact this society in a very powerful, relevant, and lasting type of way.
5. Define Success for Yourself
To this day, I'd have to say that one of my favorite songs by Drake as well as Trey Songz is "Successful". If you listen to it carefully, although they are talking about money, cars and clothes being the definition of success in the hook, the verses also explore the challenges that can come with having those things. Moral to the story—this is why it's so important to define success for yourself. For instance, for me, being able to make a living off of my writing gift is my definition of success. Believe you me, a sistah ain't rich; not even close. But I wake up being able to set my own schedule while enjoying what I do and not feeling like I am compromising my values or integrity in order to take care of myself.
While a lot of the world would have you to think that you're only a true success if it's based on "the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like", I personally believe that the happiest people in life are the ones who define success another way—"the accomplishment of one's goals". Knowing your purpose, setting short- and long-term goals, and remaining focused on accomplishing these things—if you're able to do this on the regular, I salute you. You, my dear, are a textbook definition of success.
6. Manage Your Expectations
There is someone in my life who lives by, what I personally think, is one of the most depressing mottos on the planet—"Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed." Geeze. Listen, there's nothing wrong with having expectations. Even the Good Book says, "Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly." (Psalm 5:3—AMPC) The key is to manage your expectations properly and realistically.
One way to do that is to base your expectations on someone's character and track record. For instance, one of my friends? Whenever he says, "I'll call you back in a minute", I have learned to translate that as, "I'll talk to you later." I don't expect him to ring my phone the same day because there's a 50/50 chance that he won't. But I have another friend who, if she says she'll hit me back in 10 minutes, she's always on time (even if she has to call to say that she'll call back). Another way to manage your expectations—and this is a big one—is to not try and turn people into another version of yourself. What I mean by that is, don't expect people to do (or not do) something, simply because you would. State your needs, allow them to decide if they wish to comply or not, and then set boundaries based on whether or not you can live with what they choose to do.
Life would be pretty grim if you never looked forward to anything which is what expectations are all about. Just make sure that your expectations are grounded in reality and you should be all good. Oh, and if you are constantly being disappointed by someone based on your expectations and them not meeting any of 'em, perhaps it's the relationship that needs adjusting, not what you're expecting overall.
7. Break Bad Habits
Not too long ago, I shared a list of some habits that were worth, at least considering breaking, before this new year began. But aside from things like eating fast food, breaking promises, and settling, we've all got personal bad habits that we know we should let go of as well. It might be overthinking. Maybe it's holding grudges. Perhaps it's constantly breaking your budget or showing up to work late. Maybe it's always getting involved with guys who are absolutely no good for you. Or always allowing opportunists to take advantage of you. Perhaps it's still eating dairy when your body has been begging you to let it go or still allowing your mama to run your life when you are too grown for that now.
The thing that you always have to keep in mind about habits is, before long, they are so ingrained into your lifestyle that they literally become a part of you; they end up being like second nature. If there is anything that you are doing—or allowing—that is hindering you from becoming your best self and living out your best life, NOW would be the time to remove it and replace it with something better. Out of all of the personal development goals mentioned here, make sure that this one doesn't get overlooked.
8. Take a Day Off. WEEKLY.
Ever since I was born, I've been a traditional Sabbath observer. What that means is from sunset Friday through sunset Saturday, I don't work. Actually, it's more than that—I don't work and I make it a point to do things that bring me pure enjoyment, just for the heck of it. Because of this, I don't get overwhelmed very often. I also feel calmer and I'm able to be more productive during the week because I have gotten the rest that I needed over the weekend. The thing about "keeping the Sabbath" is it's more than a "religious practice". I know a lot of people who see Sunday as "their Sabbath" but they don't get a lick of rest on it. First, they're in church for hours on end, then they are rushing home to prepare for the upcoming week. That's not a day off if you ask me.
Our bodies are not made to constantly be on the go; rest is supposed to be a part of our life's routine. That's why it's so important to not see taking at least one day off a week as being a luxury. The process of disconnecting, recharging, and even pampering are all important if you want to remain physically healthy, mentally clear, and emotionally balanced.
9. Respond Instead of React
If you want to know if you've truly mastered someThe Karate Kid wax on, wax off ish, ask yourself if you truly know the difference between responding vs. reacting to things that are difficult or you don't like; this could be a person, place, thing or idea. Indeed, if there is one personal goal that I focused long, deep, and hard on in 2019, it was this one.
So, how do you know if you are responding or reacting? First of all, reacting tends to be an immediate emotional action. If you do things, solely from an emotional space, it oftentimes isn't thought through; it's also not necessarily what you would do if you took a few moments to process what happened. Another point worth mentioning about reactions is they are oftentimes so aggressive and off-putting that they can set off a chain of other reactions that you probably don't want to put up with either.
I've got to give credit to where credit is due here. At least based on what we know thus far, Omarion is a great example of what can happen when you respond vs. react. When you remain calm and centered, you can plan, strategize and get the kind of results that you ultimately want. When you don't, well—VH1 has plenty of programming that serves as cautionary tales for that.
10. Define Self-Love for Yourself
A few months ago, I wrote an article on here entitled "What Loving Yourself Actually Looks Like". The more that I embark on my own journey in this area, the more I realize that there are some things about self-love that should automatically apply to all of us (like self-respect and self-esteem). At the same time, because we are each unique in our own ways, some things are customizable. When Miss Universe 2019 Zozibini Tunzi decided to rock her killa fade over a wig in the pageant, that is how she decided to reflect her self-love. Big Sean's semi-recent commitment to take a year off in order to take care of his mental health was an act of self-love.
Cassie releasing her past so that she could have an even greater future was an act of self-love. Lizzo has done all kinds of things to challenge the status quo when it comes to how she defines/displays self-love. I recently watched an episode of Righteous & Ratchet featuring KevOnStage, Mrs. KevOnStage, and Doboy discussing all of the creative risks that they took (and won) this past year that was their acts of self-love. What all of these examples have in common is these people focused on what they needed to do to feel good about themselves—and that is a big part of what self-love is all about.
At the end of the day, a goal is "the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end". If you're currently dissatisfied with your personal life, it's probably time to set some new personal goals. It's a simple step that can lead to really big changes and lasting results. Set some.
Featured image by Getty Images
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
‘Found’ Star Shanola Hampton Spent $532 On Her Wedding. 6 Reasons Why That’s Beyond Bomb.
A few weeks ago, a girlfriend asked me to name a female celebrity who I personally found to be physically beautiful. Although it took me a second to run through my mental Rolodex, two people who came to my mind were actorsJavicia Leslie (who I first “stumbled upon” via the series Chef Julian) and Shanola Hampton.
As far as Shanola goes, I was first introduced to her via the independent film Things Never Said(which also starred Omari Hardwick). Anyway, it’s always so cool to watch people evolve in their respective fields and Shanola has definitely become a household name thanks to the role that she currently plays inthe NBC seriesFound.
And y’all, my fondness for her certainly went up a few notches after I peeped a few things that she recently shared ina PEOPLE interview. In 2025, she will have been married to her beloved for 25 years (salute!). As she was talking about their wedding day, she shared that they eloped in Las Vegas, that it only cost them $532, that she wore a thrift store dress and “Erykah Badu headwrap” and that she only has one regret.
Because they were “too broke” at the time to afford a full elopement package, they didn’t get a videotape of her nuptials (they do have pics, though). She also said that a big part of the reason for the regret is because she adored her husband, Daren’s vows: “Gosh, if we could only have seen what it was going to be...” INDEED.
As a marriage life coach, something else that I appreciated about the article is when she said, “Yes, you learn and grow and evolve. But you don't change each other by marrying each other." Lawd, if more people really got that, less folks would end up in divorce court (check out “The Right Relationship IMPROVES Not CHANGES You”).
However, the main reason why I’m using Shanola’s words of wisdom as the intro for this piece is because I know far too many couples who either keep putting off wedding plans to save thousands of dollars for a ceremony or they are far too stressed out because they think a big wedding is something that absolutely must be done.
Well, between what you just read and what you’re about to read, here’s hoping that you’ll realize (and accept) that there are all kinds of benefits that come from taking the “less is more” approach — yes, even when it comes to wedding days.
First, the Difference Between a Micro-Wedding and Eloping
GiphyI promise you that I don’t get why so many folks damn near hyperventilate whenever they hear “small wedding” (or micro-wedding which is apparently the popular term right through here). It’s like they are automatically wired to think that means making some wack concessions or that they automatically have to elope. Well, before getting into some actual facts that come from taking the minimalist approach to one’s nuptials, let me just say that just because you don’t end up having 500 people on your wedding guest list or three choices of cuisine at your reception, that doesn’t mean that you have to end up at the courthouse in a pair of sweats.
For one thing, treat yourself to TikTok and put “Black elopements” in the search field. Yes, even if you do elope, you can still dress to the nines (or 12s because you don’t have to spend as much money as you would on a wedding), it can be at another location (like a beach or even a church) and then you have the rest of the day to do whatever you want: post up in a swanky hotel, fly some place that requires a passport stamp for your honeymoon — whatever. And, since you’re eloping, you and your bae can be totally off the grid the entire time.
However, a micro-wedding is a bit different. Basically, it’s what happens when you do pretty much everything that you wanted to do for your wedding only, it’s with a guest list of 50 people or less. And I’m pretty sure you can see the immediate benefit that comes with taking that approach: you’re able to save money — and y’all, since reportedly a whopping 56 percent of couples went into debt just from their wedding alone and financial issues continue to be a leading cause of divorce, well, yeah, don’t diss a micro-wedding. It definitely has its perks.
Okay, but there are other researched and fact-based reasons why it can be a wise move to go smaller as far as weddings are concerned. Here are just six of ‘em.
1. Expensive Rings (Oftentimes) Predict Shorter Marriages
GiphySome of y’all may remember the student last year who went viral on TikTok and then became a news story thanks to his under-twenty-bucks device that let teachers at his school know if their engagement/wedding ring was the real deal or not (chile). Hmph, all it did was remind me of the De Beers origin story of engagement rings and how I will continue to share it until each and every cow comes home. Basically, the company was going broke, it came up with the slogan “a diamond is forever” and folks have been drinking the Kool-Aid ever since. SMDH. And what’s really wild is while people actually think that saving up three months of a salary is a sign of one’s everlasting love, there are articles out in cyberspace with titles like “Why an Expensive Ring May Predict a Short Marriage.”
In this one, it features a study that said the people who spend somewhere between $2,000-$,4,000 have a higher chance of divorcing. The reason? Eh, I’d venture to say that it’s probably not so much about the ring itself but the motive behind why someone wants a really expensive one, how realistic their expectations are about marriage and their financial future, and if they want to be a wife or just a bride — and yes, there is a really big difference, chile (check out “Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?”). Not to mention the stress that the groom-to-be may have experienced to make the sacrifice (especially if it was above his means). Either way, take note.
2. Smaller Weddings Can Be Exquisitely Intimate
GiphyI have a little love sister who has been engaged for over three years now. Y’all, it can’t be said enough that the purpose of being engaged is to plan your wedding — literally that is what the time is for. Know what else needs to be reiterated? The fact that some studies say that the longer you’re engaged, the more likely you are to divorce. One study gets even more specific than that. It says that if you’ve been engaged for more than 27 months, the intimacy between you and your partner will suffer during its newlywed years and yes, it could lead to a serious breakdown in the relationship.
That’s why I’ve been telling her that instead of her and her fiancé damn near killing themselves to pay for an over-the-top wedding, they can have a smaller one — one that is more intimate and can be just as beautiful. If you don’t believe me, check out Brides' “40 Small Wedding Ideas for an Intimate Affair” piece. Personally, I’ve always liked the idea of renting out a really nice vacation house and having loved ones all stay together while getting married at the same location.
Sometimes big weddings are so big that a lot of the “closeness” is lost and certain moments are a complete blur. With a smaller wedding, the chances of these things transpiring end up dropping…significantly so.
3. The Planning Process Is Far Less Stressful
GiphyI’m telling you, when it comes to this topic, the facts just keep on coming. Boy, there is nothing like working withan engaged couple while they are planning their wedding — if that doesn’t reveal some things about what their relationship is actually made of, nothing will. Hey, but you don’t have to take my word for it.
A few years back, Business Insider published an article entitled, “Wedding planners reveal the 10 biggest red flags that a couple won't make it.” One of the things that it said was, “From unrealistic budgets to family conflicts, there are multiple problems that can arise during the wedding-planning process that can create rifts in a marriage or even lead to divorce.”
Yeah, they ain’t neva lied because if you don’t know how to keep your emotions in check, how to negotiate, how to set boundaries with family members and friends (bookmark that one), and how to compartmentalize your wedding with the rest of your relationship — you shouldn’t ignore that; it’s actually showing you something about your dynamic that you should address prior to jumping any broom.
Anyway, the main moral to the story when it comes to this one is if your wedding is small(er), there is less to plan…and if there is less stress, then your relationship won’t end up having to endure so much pressure. #justsaying
4. Less Folks? Less People to Please.
GiphyAh yes, the bookmark. Listen, if you are a bona fide people-pleaser (check out “How To Stop Being A People-Pleaser & Start Doing You”), the wedding planning process is going to test you in ways that you’ve never been tested before! This will especially be the case if you have some pretty poor boundaries with your loved ones (and/or perhaps his) to begin with. It’s another message for another time that you really need to involve people in the planning process who know that it’s you and your fiancé’s day (NOT JUST YOURS), that they should just be supportive and encouraging (not demanding and entitled) and it only needs to consist of who will make it be about your needs over their wishes.
For now, I’ll just say that when your wedding and guest list are smaller, there are far less people to, well, please. And again, if you are a people-pleaser (or a people-pleaser in recovery) that can really take a load off.
5. Cheaper Weddings Lead to Happier Marriages. Science Says So.
GiphySo, about a decade ago, CNN published the article, “Want a happy marriage? Have a big, cheap wedding.” The gist of it simply stated that “a new study found that couples who spend less on their wedding tend to have longer-lasting marriages than those who splurge.” The first thing that comes to my mind on this one is simply, that some people marry people and others “marry” weddings. Now does this mean that every couple who has an opulent wedding day is shallow and superficial or that they are getting married for the wrong reasons? Of course not. For one thing, some folks can afford to have an expensive wedding (meaning, it won’t put them into debt to have one).
Plus, having extravagant taste doesn’t mean that someone’s love isn’t real. AT THE SAME TIME, THOUGH, having a big wedding thinking that it proves something? It really proves nothing as far as the foundation of a healthy marriage is concerned. Yeah, my biggest takeaway from this point is when you just want to start the “becoming one” process with the man who you love, the price tag really doesn’t matter. They way it should be.
6. Finances Can Go Elsewhere
GiphyLast year, CNBC published the article, “Gen Z, millennial couples say it’s too expensive to get married in this economy.” Boy, and if this doesn’t prove the ultimate point that I’ve been trying to make this entire time, nothing will. Y’all, when you really want to be with your “one”, who cares about how beaded a dress is, how expensive a venue should be or how tall a cake looks — and so, why should you wait damn near forever until you can pay for all of those things? A party is nothing compared to a lifetime partner. That said, STAY FOCUSED.
Besides, all of those thousands that you saved by not having a big wedding can go to things like a downpayment on a house, a really long international honeymoon, a new car, a savings account for your future children, a retirement account — the possibilities really are endless and all of them can help your marriage to have a more solid footing.
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So, if you initially read the title of this and low-key got cynical, maybe now you get just how “onto something” Shanola and her husband — again of almost 25 years — actually were. Smaller, less expensive weddings can be absolutely priceless. For all sorts of reasons. As you just read.
Again, salute to them and, if you are (currently) engaged, wise wedding planning wishes to you.
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Featured image by Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images