Do you want to be a part of the xoNecole tribe? Well, come join the squad! We are currently looking for new writers, contributors, and freelancers to add to our growing team. The perfect fit are storytellers who aren't afraid to breathe new life into old ideas, are bold, transparent and willing to add color to social commentary on the latest in news, culture, entertainment, style, and beauty.
Who is xoNecole?
I'm glad you asked.
xoNecole is a digital mecca and lifestyle platform for the modern-day liberated millennial woman of color. With a bevy of original content that covers high heels in high places, making money moves, what's popping in beauty, politics and pop culture, vacays and baecays, and our own special brand of sexucation, xoNecole is the conversation starter that encourages women to lead more inspired and empowered lives.
What are we looking for?
Daily Writer
Who is our ideal match?
You have a firm understanding and grasp of the xoNecole voice and can inform and/or present your opinion to readers in an engaging and resonating manner. No copy and paste writers please.
You are in the know with important pop culture topics, current events, timely news stories, what's trending, and the like.
You can pitch and conceptualize article ideas with clear angles to contribute 1-2 well-thought out articles per day.
You work well under pressure and have the ability to stick to deadlines, as well as adhere to quick turnaround times when necessary.
You have excellent writing and grammar skills – yasss!
Here are some samples of what we're looking for from a daily writer:
Email us at gigs@xonecole.com with a brief introduction about who you are as a writer and the kind of writing that you do.
Include 3-5 pitch ideas with a sample title and a brief synopsis of the angle that you'd approach the proposed article with.
Full draft submissions are more than welcome. In fact, they tend to give us a better idea of if you're a fit for us as a writer. And if you have writing samples, that'd be dope to include too.
Will Packer’s series Ready To Love is back and this time it’s getting muy caliente. The sixth season of Ready To Love headed down to Miami for some sun, sand, and romance. Twenty melanated singles, 10 women and 10 men come together to fall in love and find their soulmates in this social experiment. With host Tommy Miles as their guide, the cast members have to step out of their comfort zones and build connections with others in order to truly find their perfect match or weed out the ones that aren’t committed to the process. In the premiere episode, the cast comes together to mix and mingle at a pool party in a luxurious mansion. While people start trickling into the party, the connections began forming.
However, when Tommy joined them, he reminded everyone that while they are enjoying the process, two people are going home at the end of the night.
Ready To Love/OWN
There were some one-on-one connections that looked promising and then there was Justice. The 42-year-old event planner was a crowd favorite at the party. Many of the ladies such as April, Tranika, Lunie, and more were all trying to get his attention during the mixer and so he is sure to keep fans on their toes this season.
Here are some one-on-one connections to watch (light spoilers are ahead):
Sampson and Lunie
This budding couple was all smiles during their conversation. And during her confessional, Lunie, 36, shared that Sampson, 48, had been consistent and put in the effort in trying to get to know her, which is what she liked.
Jamala and Randall
Jamala, 33, described her connection with Randall, 36, as “magnetic.” Randall also gushed over Jamala calling her “gorgeous” and he admitted he had his eye on her as soon as she walked in the door.
LJ and Shakyra
LJ and Shakyra seemed to connect on a variety of levels. They both have kids and they both have been single for three years. LJ is a 33-year-old singer from the U.S. Virgin Islands and Shakyra is a 37-year-old media host/ model from Brooklyn, NY. And while they looked chummy with one another, Shakyra did mention that she typically doesn't date men younger than her.
At the end of the party, Sean was eliminated after failing to make genuine connections with the ladies. Sheresse and Dominka were also on the chopping block but were both spared.
So far, this season looks to be an entertaining one. Let’s hope there are some true love connections.
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There are undoubtedly two things in life that we’re always chasing – our next bag and our next orgasm. But, as you might’ve heard a handful of times by now, orgasms during partnered sex for vulva-having folks can prove to be difficult for various reasons, all of which can be chalked up to time management. For a clitoral orgasm, our partners must spend more time warming up the clitoris before we can reach an orgasm. And even still, in solo sex, it can prove occasionally difficult for us to get ourselves exactly where we want to be.
Nevertheless, there’s a cheat code for orgasms! This tried and true trick (plus hoisting my hips up with a pillow) tends to get me to the destination before I can even finish the countdown. So, what trick might I be talking about? Admittedly, it is less of a 'trick' and more of a 'pressure point.' In fact, it’s been suggested by experts that applying pressure below or on the bladder will ignite your orgasm.
Apply Pressure to Your Lower Belly for Better Orgasms
Even if you’ve never heard this pressure point, you may have likely experienced it if you’re someone who explores physical touch, especially while engaging in solo sex. But how? Why? And, do our partners know about this pressure point for better orgasms? This external pressure point is so incredible and effective because of the size of the g-spot/clitoris. Perhaps you’ve heard the comparison of a clitoris to an iceberg? This is because only a small percentage of the clitoris is accounted for externally when, in actuality, there’s more than meets the eye!
The g-spot and the clitoris are truly one large structure with different operating systems based on their location. The g-spot cannot be seen externally, as it wraps around the urethra, making the bladder an extremely sensitive and erotic place to touch for both penis-having and clitoris-having people. Think of a partner that’s gone down on you while holding your lower tummy and then think about the great sense of pleasure that you may have felt. If you really give it some thought I assure you that you’re having an NSFW, bone-chilling sex flashback as we speak.
And if you’ve yet to experience this superb sensation, I invite you to try it out… immediately! I would also encourage you to try exploring this sensation alone. As much as I myself enjoy it, it may not be a sensation that others enjoy (just like I’ve come across people who don’t allow themselves to squirt or generally ejaculate because they don’t like the mess that it leaves behind).
But I’d also like to add, that if and when you decide to try this posturing with a partner (or hell, even without), it’s an excellent pressure point to hit for those of you that are into edging.
Whatever, whenever, and however you choose to give this external pressure point a go, don't ever say I didn’t do anything for you.
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Relationships can be complicated, this is for certain! But, they get even more complicated when we keep trying to go with the flow of societal norms rather than doing what feels good to both ourselves and our partner(s). Yes, this is easier said than done and it also requires us to acknowledge limiting beliefs that we may hold about ourselves and our relationships. Fortunately, more and more people push the boundaries and norms in order to create a relationship that is tailored to the couple in it rather than greater society. We hear of more couples opening their relationships to polyamory (not to be confused with polygamy) and actively choosing not to have children and so much more.
Personally the more I know, the more inspired I become to live my truth and extend that truth into my relationship. Living and loving outside the lines really forces us to unpack what we once knew to be true in an effort to unearth what actually holds true for ourselves. For our relationships. But maybe you’re someone who doesn’t know the ways in which your relationship might look different, you simply know something is missing. For those of you feeling that way, here’s a list that hopefully serves as a catalyst – 5 things to normalize in your romantic relationship.
I encourage you to take meat and leave the bones – meaning take what works and leave what doesn't agree with you. However, whatever you do, don’t write it off without giving it some thought.
1.Prioritizing Partnership Over Marriage
I am paraphrasing but I once read something that said: we must learn to love people for as long as we have them or for as long as it feels good for both of us. Though this may sound finite and morbid, I’ve also come to understand that we must stop forcing relationships. Marriage, like death, can be very final and the vows don’t allow much space for a change of mind. Modern marriage is led by affairs of the heart, in my opinion. Thus it doesn't speak to those who choose to be around people for as long as it feels good rather than sticking it out through thick and thin, which has come to be interpreted as sticking around through some bullshit in relationships.
I want us to realize that relationships can be recognized in so many formats and the importance of doing what works for you. Depending on circumstances, marriage may feel necessary but there are also many people who opt out of marriage and those relationships also deserve to be acknowledged and respected in their own right.
2.Keeping Friends on a Need to Know Basis
You’ve likely heard this since you were younger, but I’m going to say it again: do not tell your friends all the dirty details of your relationship. Dirty good or dirty bad! It’s far less about not trusting your friends, and more so to do with trusting your partner and maintaining both privacy and intimacy. Additionally, we’ve all had to learn the hard way how to recover from diarrhea of the mouth in our relationship. You run and tell your friend everything in a fit of drama, only to work things out with your partner – now your friends are side-eying him while you’ve got heart eyes.
If you do choose to talk to your friends about your relationships, try not to seek them out for validation regarding the way your relationship operates. For instance, if you’re in an open relationship it’s likely that many of your friends won’t be in agreement with that. However, if you’re aware that this is an enjoyable aspect of your relationship, don’t allow them to make you feel shameful for deciding to try something out of the heteronormative…norm (?).
3.Being Together While Living Separately
Though it’s generally important to take space and have a life outside of your partner – people still get ostracized and judged for making space in living arrangements. For many reasons, many couples have either stopped cohabitating altogether or in some relationships even sleep in separate rooms. Those reasons might have to do with differences in household cleanliness, sleeping habits/hours, or even attachment styles. Personally, the sharing of a bed makes separate rooms super appealing because I have a difficult time sleeping with someone else in my space. And, I’m certain sleep isn’t the type of thing you’re meant to be sacrificing in relationships.
Don’t be afraid to speak up about what it is you feel you need or try new things that could actually enhance your relationship. Admittedly, this living arrangement requires you to be intentional about initiating sex – particularly maintaining separate places of residence, but that’s a bonus if you ask me. Keeps things fresh!
4.Loving From an Authentic Place Instead of Ego
Not all relationships are meant to go the distance. Some relationships are here with a quick turnaround time and lifelong lessons. With that said, it’s important that we normalize letting go once the season has come to an end. I truly believe we all know when it’s time to let go of a relationship but we’re so ego-driven that we try to hold on. It’s ego, rather than love because love alone would allow us to realize that authentic love for both ourselves and our person means letting go and making space for something that is far more compatible than what is currently present.
5.Talking About Sex Outside of the Bedroom
Make it a habit to talk to your partner about sex! Not in the dirty talk way, but in a way that allows you to communicate what you like and don't like during sex, as well as what you did and didn’t like with past partners. What would you like to try in the future? What would you absolutely not like to try? What are some things that are necessary in order for you to feel turned on? Too many people go on to marry or commit to a relationship thinking that sexual compatibility isn’t important, when in reality it can cause quite the jolt in relationships when one partner comes out of the blue and shares they’ve been cheating because all of their needs haven’t been met – needs that had never been expressed, usually due to fear and shame.
Creating a safe space to discuss these things is a must and having deeper discussions around the type of sex you want to have needs to be normalized in relationships.
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In less than 24 hours, Beyoncé will drop her highly-anticipated studio album Renaissance after six years. The Beyhive has been on pins and needles waiting for new music from Queen Bey and the closer July 29 comes, the more details come out about the album. With the release of its first single “BREAK MY SOUL,” fans have been trying to decipher what would ultimately be the soundtrack of the summer will sound like. Because the lead single is a dance song, many fans have been debating online about whether or not Renaissance will be a dance album in what is said to be a three-act series.
In typical Bey fashion, the singer has not said much about it but she did send out a special message for her fans.
Here is a special message from Beyoncé. #RENAISSANCE
Dedicated to her children, her husband, her family, her Godmother Uncle Johnny, and to the LGBTQ+ community and all of the pioneers who originated the culture and the fallen angels whose contributions have gone unrecognized. pic.twitter.com/hm6Om9fi52
“THIS THREE ACT PROJECT WAS RECORDED OVER THREE YEARS DURING THE PANDEMIC. A TIME TO BE STILL, BUT ALSO A TIME I FOUND TO BE THE MOST CREATIVE,” she wrote.
“THIS ALBUM ALLOWED ME A PLACE TO DREAM AND TO FIND ESCAPE DURING A SCARY TIME FOR THE WORLD. IT ALLOWED ME TO FEEL FREE AND ADVENTUROUS IN A TIME WHEN LITTLE ELSE WAS MOVING. MY INTENTION WAS TO CREATE A SAFE PLACE. A PLACE WITHOUT JUDGMENT. A PLACE TO BE FREE OF PERFECTIONISM AND OVERTHINKING. A PLACE TO SCREAM, RELEASE, FEEL FREEDOM. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL JOURNEY OF EXPLORATION.”
Along with the message are photos attached of Beyoncé with her three children, Blue Ivy, Rumi, and Sir as well as a photo of her “Godmother” Uncle Jonny. She continued the note by acknowledging them.
“I WANT TO GIVE A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO RUMI, SIR, AND BLUE FOR ALLOWING ME THE SPACE, CREATIVITY, AND INSPIRATION. AND A SPECIAL THANKS TO MY BEAUTIFUL HUSBAND AND MUSE, WHO HELD ME DOWN DURING THOSE LATE NIGHTS IN THE STUDIO. A BIG THANK YOU TO MY UNCLE JONNY. HE WAS MY GODMOTHER AND THE FIRST PERSON TO EXPOSE ME TO A LOT OF THE MUSIC AND CULTURE THAT SERVE AS INSPIRATION FOR THIS ALBUM.”
“THANK YOU TO ALL OF THE PIONEERS WHO ORIGINATE CULTURE, TO ALL OF THE FALLEN ANGELS WHOSE CONTRIBUTIONS HAVE GONE UNRECOGNIZED FOR FAR TOO LONG. THIS IS A CELEBRATION FOR YOU. THANK YOU TO MY PARKWOOD CREW, MY SLAB, DREAM, AND ALL OF THE TALENTED PRODUCERS INVOLVED. MAMA, I LUHHHH YOU. TO MY FATHER, MY O.G., MY FIRST TEACHER: YOU INSPIRE ME IN EVERY MOVE THAT I MAKE. I LOVE YOU.
Last but not least, she thanked her beloved beyhive. “TO ALL MY FANS: I HOPE YOU FIND JOY IN THIS MUSIC. I HOPE IT INSPIRES YOU TO RELEASE THE WIGGLE. HA! AND TO FEEL AS UNIQUE, STRONG, AND SEXY AS YOU ARE.”
What she didn’t address is the album leak. Unfortunately, the album was leaked earlier this week. However, her fans wouldn’t stand for it and instead encouraged others to wait to listen to the album when it officially drops on Friday, July 29.
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Featured image by BET Awards 2020/Getty Images via Getty Images
The four-time NAACP-nominated docuseries was created by husband-and-wife filmmakers Codie and Tommy Oliver, and offers a nice respite from shows like Marriage Bootcamp or the Love and Marriage series, featuring conversations on relationship topics and a refreshing glimpse into the love lives of some of our favorite Black couples who are business leaders, hosts, entertainers, and influencers.
xoNecole caught up with the Olivers, as well as the Norrises about the show and their own journeys in love:
On what to expect for the final season:
Codie Oliver: The overarching theme is what I titled ‘The Finale,’ which is ‘relationship goals.’ And I called it that ironically because ‘relationship goals’ is one of those terms that suggests perfection. We throw that on people who we like. The reality is that, to me, in my experience of doing all these interviews and putting this together, [the] real relationship goal is authenticity and alignment in your partnership.
The title is meant to be ironic. They talk about it explicitly—several of the couples—and what that title means to them, how they feel about having that placed on them, and hopefully our series has shown, again, that the real goal is to be in alignment with your partner and nothing else really matters.
"The reality is that, to me, in my experience of doing all these interviews and putting this together, [the] real relationship goal is authenticity and alignment in your partnership."
By Elton Anderson
The Olivers on authentic connection in their relationship:
Codie: To me, that alignment, that checking in with self and with [a] partner about, like, what do we really want and what do each decision mean for us, whether that is the amount of travel that we are doing or not doing, [or] the amount of time spent working versus with our kids. So, it’s that checking with self and checking in with my partner about what’s making us happy in various phases of life. [It's] recognizing that with every season comes something new, whether it’s ‘newlywed’ or ‘new parent’ or ‘parent of three,’ and that constant conversation around, ‘Are we working to achieve the same goals, small or large?’ ‘Are we happy with how this relationship is progressing and how can we change that or make adjustments to it to make it more fulfilling for both of us?’ I think that’s important for all relationships.
Tommy: During [the pandemic] I really enjoyed being around [Codie] all the time, being around my kids all the time. I also knew it wouldn’t be the case forever, so I made sure to appreciate it for what it was at that point. And so, hopefully, it would be something different. Marriages, relationships, and partnerships—these things have seasons, and you’re in a different one. In a long marriage, you’re going to go through a lot of different seasons and a lot of different experiences and for me, it’s about figuring out how to adapt to where we are because I plan for us to be together for more than the next 20 years. I’m going to do my part to make sure that you want to be with me for more than the next 20 years.
"Marriages, relationships, and partnerships—these things have seasons, and you’re in a different one. In a long marriage, you’re going to go through a lot of different seasons and a lot of different experiences and for me, it’s about figuring out how to adapt to where we are because I plan for us to be together for more than the next 20 years."
Rodney Norris: We were fans of the show from the very beginning. Never thought we’d be on it, but when the opportunity presented itself, we felt like we had a story to tell as well. Our relationship has been very positive and that’s what Black Love represents. So, from that perspective, we felt like our story could be an addition to it.
Adrienne Banfield-Norris: I agree. We love Black Love and actually tried to manifest being on the show because we were shouting out Black Love on IG and on my podcast Positively Gam, and it came to be. We’re excited to be part of it.
On reconnecting and the thread that keeps them together:
Adrienne: The most important thing is friendship. Besides the love, do you like him? Do you have fun together? Do you enjoy being in each other’s company? To me, that is the most important thing because, I think, a lot of times friendship is what is going to seal the relationship—just really seal the bond.
Rodney: I agree. And at some point, you have to communicate. You can only have sex but for so much during the course of the day, and then after that, there’s 23 hours left. What are you going to do? You have to talk about something. Do you get along? I think the friendship is very important.
On navigating differences in a relationship:
Adrienne: One of the most important things about Rodney is that he does not believe in [raising] his voice. Communication is of the utmost importance. When I get angry, I immediately go to the ra-ra. I’m going to cuss you out, I’m going to do all of that. Yell. Scream. And I had to be willing to do the work on me, because that was not something he was going to tolerate in the relationship.
So you have to be able to communicate and be able to talk things out rationally and hear one another. That was one of the things. He said, ‘If you’re screaming and hollering, I can’t even hear you.’ So you have to be able to communicate in a way that both of you are able to hear one another’s perspective and hope that you will be able to come to a compromise.
The final season of Black Love is currently airing on OWN.
OFFICIAL TRAILER: The 6th & Final Season of Black Love | Black Love | OWN
Ready To Love/OWN
