How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Ladies, we all know the saying, "Actions speak louder than words." We can all agree that if a man says sweet nothings in your ear, we are prone to be smitten. But when you come across a man who talks the talk and walks the walk, that is a whole other ball game that we all want to play. Such is the case with Gary and Jamilah's love story. Six years ago, the then 20-year-old Jamilah Shabazz was just attending a birthday BBQ with a friend. Without realizing it, this BBQ would act as a turning point in her life. Yes, you guessed it: her future partner, Gary Mitchell, was the birthday boy in question. However, it wasn't until the universe had them cross paths again six years later for them to really give love a shot.
Courtesy of Jamilah Shabazz
When there is a real attraction between two people, it is important to seize the opportunity and not let it pass you by. Jamilah and Gary, now together for almost two years, felt something with each other they had never experienced before. This couple both valued adventure and having fun, but what made things click was the intent. Gary knew what he wanted when he saw Jamilah after all those years and made sure he put his best foot forward in showing Jamilah he was the right man for her. From supporting her dreams to flying her out for a vacation as their first date, Gary's plan to sweep Jamilah off her feet was a successful one. No gesture is too big or too small when it comes to true love.
In this installment of xoNecole's How We Met, these two entrepreneurs share the details on how they started, how it's going, and how they found true love in each other.
How They Met
Jamilah: We initially met six years ago. One of my childhood friends invited me to this BBQ. Come to find out it was Gary's birthday BBQ. Nothing really happened at the BBQ, but we did become Facebook friends. When we met, he was turning 23 or 24. So we weren't thinking about dating at that time.
Gary: Yeah, after the BBQ, we became Facebook friends and I asked for her number. We talked a little bit here and there, but it wasn't until six years later [and] we bumped into each other again when she was visiting LA [that things started]. We kept more in touch after that.
First Impressions
Gary: When I first saw her, I thought she was a bubbly type of person. I was thinking she was really nice and she was pretty chill. She was talking to a good friend of mine, so I walked over there to introduce myself. I will admit I initially thought she was a "good girl". But after talking to her, I realized she wasn't. She was friendly and had a nice voice when we were talking. I thought to myself, Maybe this could go somewhere.
Jamilah: I was so young, so I wasn't really thinking anything of him. I thought he was cute and sweet, but that's about it. It wasn't until years later, when we had the chance to hang out, that I started to learn more about his personality. We would have a really good time with each other and so I knew he was a good person overall.
First Date
Jamilah: It all started when I posted a meme on social media. The meme said, "I hate texting. Let's go on vacation next week." He responded and asked me where I wanted to go. I thought he was joking, so I just said, "I don't know," and he suggested that we could go to New York or Thailand. I couldn't even believe he said that. But he did all the planning. He had a Word document of all the activities we were going to do. I was like, "Wow, this dude is really about that action!" We actually went on a vacation together and that technically was our first date. We had so much fun. It was so magical.
Gary: I love to travel and I still love to travel, even with the pandemic. When I saw her meme, I thought it would be cool to have a travel buddy because it seemed that she liked to travel too. I was already trying to plan something for Labor Day weekend, so when she asked if I was serious, I really was (laughs). We settled on going to New York and we hung out there for an entire weekend. The first day we went to Central Park and this jazz boat ride. We also went to the Rose Mansion, Times Square, a bunch of restaurants, and had our first kiss on the Brooklyn Bridge.
Courtesy of Jamilah Shabazz
"I thought it would be cool to have a travel buddy because it seemed that she liked to travel too. I was already trying to plan something for Labor Day weekend, so when she asked if I was serious, I really was (laughs). We settled on going to New York and we hung out there for an entire weekend."
Making It Official
Gary: I believe I was the initiator in making us official. We continued to talk after our date and I was really into her. I had been out of a relationship for about a year and I was ready to get back into a committed relationship. Randomly, before all this happened, she mentioned that she wanted to move to LA. I already lived here [in LA], so I mentioned that if she was thinking about moving out here, that she could stay with me until she got off her feet. It wasn't until after our date that she asked about my offer again.
Jamilah: Right, I agree, I think Gary was the initiator. He offered for me to move in with him and his three male roommates and I accepted. When I moved in, it happened to be a week before this trip to St. Maarten his family was planning on taking. He invited me and I just thought that was so nice.
The One
Jamilah: I would say that I have never felt like this with anyone else. I have never received this kind of support and so after everything I just knew it was love. [With] his consistency and always encouraging me to stay positive, I told myself I would love to have someone like him as a partner.
Gary: For me, it was the way she cared for me. I have never had anyone outside my family care for me the way she did. I just felt like we connect on so many different levels. We had a lot of similarities and, for me, when I am dating someone, I always want to date my best friend. She gave me that vibe and I thought she would make a great partner. She is like a ray of sunshine in my life.
Courtesy of Jamilah Shabazz
"For me, it was the way she cared for me. I have never had anyone outside my family care for me the way she did. We had a lot of similarities and, for me, when I am dating someone, I always want to date my best friend. She gave me that vibe and I thought she would make a great partner. She is like a ray of sunshine in my life."
Baggage Claim
Jamilah: For me, [my baggage] was self-sabotage. Thinking that something is too good to be true and there were times where I would look for problems. I just had [never] seen anything like this [relationship]. I would look for things that may tell me that something is going wrong. After a while, I had to realize that, with Gary, he showed me exactly who he said he was and it's not too good to be true.
Gary: I am a really busy person and used to being on my own. Time management and remembering that I have to make time for her was a challenge in the beginning. You have to continue to nurture your relationship and make sure she stays happy. Yes, she can make herself happy, but still being considerate in including her in my busy schedule [is something] I had to learn.
Love Lessons
Jamilah: I think the most important lesson is to be happy with yourself first, before being happy in a relationship. Because in the beginning, when I moved out here [to LA], I didn't have a job or anything. I was struggling and I was thinking, How can I be a good girlfriend if I'm not happy with where I am right now? As time went on, the sooner I became happier with myself, the better the relationship was between us.
Gary: An important lesson I've learned about love is, even though it sounds cliche, love conquers all. In any kind of relationship, you are going to have your ups and downs. But as long as you remember the amount of love you have for that person, you can get through anything together. I think that is what I've learned most about love and how to know if it is real, true love.
Featured image courtesy of Jamilah Shabazz
RELATED
One new fun fact we learned was that Nicole was married and Boris was also in a relationship. That didn’t bother Boris though because when you know, you know.
“It started getting tricky when the second year, second season [of Soul Food], I think, when the whole entire crew was over us. The whole crew was like, ‘Y’all mfs, you better get that together because we know. Are you guys blind?’”
He went on to say, “Then one day I walked in a trailer and I said to her, ‘By the way, we are gonna be married with two kids one day.’ And I just walked out. That didn’t go over very well. She was mad. She was mad for three weeks. But think about it—why was she mad though? Why was she mad? Because she was right. If it was just a joke to her, she would’ve just laughed and moved on.”
They decided to take a break from each other over the summer after Soul Food wrapped. But the universe had other plans, just two weeks later, they found themselves working together again on the set of Brown Sugar in New York.
Together, they’ve navigated parenthood, launched business ventures, and become advocates for health and wellness, all while keeping their connection strong. Their journey is a beautiful reminder that true love thrives on teamwork, trust, and a shared vision for the future.
The 'Soul Food' cast members in 2000: Darrin Henson, Rockmond Dunbar, (back row) Boris Kodjoe, Nicole Ari Parker, Vanessa Williams, (middle row) Malinda Williams and Aaron Meeks (foreground)
Ken Hively/Los Angeles Times via Getty Images
2000:
First Meeting: Nicole Ari Parker and Boris Kodjoe met on the set of the Showtime series Soul Food, where they played on-screen love interests. Their chemistry both on- and off-screen sparked a real-life romance. During his interview with Jemele Hill, he said, “When I first got there, I was the newbie. It was my first job. Super excited, super nervous. And she was unbelievable—actress on stage, movies, TV, everything. But she really embraced me. She was super nice to me. I remember that—super heartwarming and nice.”
He continued, “She really helped me a lot—breaking down the scripts, explaining to me what was going on. I had a million questions. When I read the script, half the stuff I didn’t understand, right? Because there were colloquialisms, there were references to old TV shows that I’d never seen in my life. So I would always come to her and ask her about certain things that I was supposed to say, and I didn’t know what it meant.”
2005:
Engagement: Boris proposed to Nicole, marking a significant step in their relationship.
Marriage: The couple tied the knot on May 21, 2005, in an intimate ceremony in Gundelfingen, Germany, Boris's homeland. Kodjoe and Parker exchanged vows in his hometown of Gundelfingen, Germany, in 2005 at a 900-year-old venue. They told People, “We walked from the church to his Oma's house, and it was literally like we were Hansel and Gretel. I thought I was in a storybook.” The newlyweds arrived at the church in a horse and carriage donning traditional German garb.
First Child: The couple welcomed their first child, Sophie Tei-Naaki Lee Kodjoe, who was born with spina bifida. Her condition inspired their advocacy for health awareness.
2006:
Advocacy Work: Boris and Nicole became active in raising awareness about spina bifida and supporting families with children who have special needs. “We have gone through so many different emotional levels with Sophie,” Boris told PEOPLE. “We had the fear of her dying to paralysis. All kinds of different monsters attacked us.” The couple's personal journey led them to establish the Sophie's Voice Foundation.
The organization's mission is to increase awareness about spina bifida and generate financial support for a groundbreaking new surgical procedure trial.
2007:
Second Child: Their son, Nicolas Neruda Kodjoe, was born, completing their family. In 2015, Boris celebrated his baby boy on Instagram saying, “You brighten up the sky for us every single day. When God sought me out to be your dad he blessed me with so much love and light. I'm honored and excited to be in your presence and to witness the evolution of Nico.”
2010s:
Power Couple Status: Nicole and Boris became known as a Hollywood power couple, balancing their thriving careers with family life and public appearances. They often shared insights into their marriage and parenting on social media and in interviews. The Real House Husbands of Hollywood alum shared this advice, “[Treat] your wife like she's still your girlfriend. You have to water the plant every day, not just once a week. [Give her] surprises, little gifts, notes, texts, flowers. Just little things, but do them consistently."
Nicole Ari Parker and Boris Kodjoe in 2010.
Jean Baptiste Lacroix/WireImage
2015:
10th Wedding Anniversary: The couple celebrated a decade of marriage, frequently sharing their gratitude for each other in public forums.
To celebrate, Nicole shared a love letter in German (that we have translated in English) to her forever love:
You are EVERYTHING
Corinthians said it would be.
Patient
Kind
Free of envy
Does not boast
Humble
Not easily angered
Keeping no record of wrongs.
You protect, trust and persevere.
You are EVERYTHING your fans think you are.
Ridiculously fine.
With clothes.
Without.
Takes care of his kids.
Good to his wife.
Respects his Mama.
Handles his business.
You are EVERYTHNG I ever hoped for
Strong.
Deep.
Kind.
Connected to his Spirit.
Funny.
Smells good. (heyy)
Travel companion
Focused on what matters.
Provider.
Good father.
King.
Together we have filled a decade with
Laughter and adventure,
Tears and trials,
Kids and chaos,
Deep connections and communication breakdowns,
Fried Chicken and schnitzel…
Holding each other up and having each other’s back all along the way.
I am so blessed to call you my husband for these past 10 years
and I am so ready for 10 more.
Truly, Madly, Deeply, Your Nicole.
2018:
Fitness Venture: Nicole and Boris launched KOFIT, a wellness app focused on fitness and healthy living, showcasing their shared passion for holistic health. Nicole and Boris Kodjoe's fitness app aims to help families prioritize health and wellness without sacrificing precious time. The app offers quick and easy exercises and meditations that can be completed in as little as five minutes per day, making it accessible for busy families.
The app features instructional videos led by the fit couple themselves, along with contributions from Boris' brother Pat, a certified personal trainer, and his wife, a seasoned yoga practitioner. The Kodjoe-Parker children also make appearances in the app, adding a fun and engaging element for families to enjoy together.
2019:
In a 2019 interview with PEOPLE, Nicole Ari Parker and Boris Kodjoe expressed their admiration for each other. “He's exactly who his persona is, kind, loves being a husband and father. An incredible human being who thinks of others. He's just authentically good.” Boris added, "She's drop-dead, smashingly gorgeous and sexy. She's intelligent. She's confident. The fact that she's so comfortable with who she is, that to me is everything."
Nicole Ari Parker, Boris Kodjoe, and family in 2019.
Rachel Murray/Getty Images for City Year Los Angeles
2020:
Lockdown Life: During the COVID-19 pandemic, the couple’s humorous social media posts about their relationship resonated with fans. Nicole jokingly complained about Boris not flirting with her, sparking a viral discussion about romance in long-term marriages.
2022:
Marriage Wisdom: They shared their secrets with Ebonyto keeping the spark alive in their relationship after nearly two decades, emphasizing communication, mutual respect, and adaptability. The couple attributes “kissing for no reason, surprise daycations, and spiritual check-ins” as tried-and-true tips for keeping the fire alive in your relationship throughout all of the chaos.
2023:
In February 2023, the couple revitalized Gymwrap, Parker's athleisure brand. Originally conceived by the actress years prior as a solution for workout headbands, the brand has since expanded under Parker and Kodjoe's leadership to include a wider range of accessories, jackets, tops, and leggings.
"I admire her and her brain for how creative she is and the ideas that she comes up with. I'm in awe when I just watch her navigate these kinds of environments," Boris shared with PEOPLE. The family collaborated to relaunch the brand, with Sophie contributing her production and photography skills.
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Featured image by Kevin Tachman/amfAR/Getty Images for amfAR