OK, I don't know about y'all, but as someone who personally likes to rock an Afro, more than just a lil' bit, I've had a hard time finding articles that are specifically dedicated to styling that powerful natural hairstyle. It's like there are plenty of pieces of how to handle Afro-textured hair yet not ones on how to just let your Afro glow in all of its Blackness and glory.
A wise person once said that if you don't see a solution to a problem, maybe you should be the one to create it. Indeed. INDEED. That's what I'm about to be on today. For the record, in order for your hair to qualify as a bona fide Afro, you need a good 3-5 inches of natural hair on your head to start (shorter than that is a TWA which stands for a "Teeny Weeny Afro"). But if you've got that and you're ready to wear your hair out more often than you currently do, I've got some tips on how to care for and style your Afro, so that you will be the focal point of everyone you come into contact with (because we all know that Afros tend to have that effect on folks!).
1. Definitely Do Some Pre-Pooing
There are a few reasons why I'm such a fan of the pre-pooing process. For one thing, it helps to bring some additional moisture to my hair so that the shampooing process doesn't result in my tresses becoming drier than I want/need them to be. Another thing I like about pre-pooing is it helps to add some "slip" to my locks so that there's less detangling that I need to do, both before and after washing and conditioning my hair. One more thing that's cool about pre-pooing is it can actually make my conditioner even more effective which is really important since I want my hair to be as shiny, soft and manageable as possible.
If you've never pre-pooed before, all you're basically doing is applying an oil, butter or both to your hair before you actually wash it. Simply separate your hair into 4-8 sections (depending on how long and thick your hair is). Then apply a generous amount of an oil like olive oil (which is loaded with antioxidants), jojoba (it deeply moisturizes and soothes dandruff) or sweet almond oil (it helps to seal your hair's cuticles) or a butter like shea butter (it contains vitamins A and E) or mango butter (it helps to reduce breakage) and allow it to sit on your hair for 30-45 minutes. Then shampoo and condition your hair as usual, making sure to thoroughly rinse your hair with lukewarm water before beginning the shampooing process. I can assure you that you'll notice a difference if you do this.
2. Shampoo Your Hair with Some Black Soap
An Afro just ain't right if it's not super soft. That's why it's so important to avoid using any shampoos that have sulfates in them. The reason why is because sulfates have a tendency to really dry your hair out. So, unless you're looking to remove a lot of "gunk" from your hair, steer clear of that kind of shampoo and go with something that is sulfate-free. As far as brands go, one that I've recently come to like is a Black-owned hair and skin care brand called Alaffia. They've got an all-in-one African black soap line that's pretty dope. One, because you can use it all over your hair and body. Two, because it comes with different additions to it like tea tree and mint, honey and lavender (to start).
Anyway, black soap is great for your hair because it's high in vitamins A and E, antioxidants, potassium and magnesium. As a result, it's the kind of soap that is able to feed your hair's follicles, help to define your hair's natural curl pattern, soften your hair and also deeply cleanse your scalp without drying your hair out in the process.
A lot of us are always looking for some high-end shampoo brand to treat our hair when something as simple as black soap can be all that our hair really and truly needs.
3. Deep Condition It
Back when I was only semi-serious about growing my hair out, I would slap some conditioner on my hair, let it sit for five minutes tops, rinse it out and go on about my styling way. Yeah, that was definitely working against me because, since most of us have a much tighter curl pattern than women of other ethnicities, it's difficult for the natural sebum from our scalp to get all the way down our hair shaft. Deep conditioning helps to compensate for this fact. Not only that but it helps to restore our hair's natural pH balance, can make our hair way more manageable, it strengthens our hair and it makes our hair more elastic too (which makes it so much easier to style).
As far as the deep conditioning process goes, it's a good idea to apply the product of your choice to your hair right after shampooing it. Make sure to leave it on for no less than 30 minutes (honestly, a couple of hours is pretty ideal). Then rinse with cool water to seal your cuticles back. And what deep conditioners should you use? I personally go with about any brand and then add some Chebe powder to it (you can read more about what makes Chebe so awesome by checking out "Uncommon (But Totally Natural) Things That Are Great For Hair Growth"). Sometimes I leave the conditioner on for two hours; sometimes I wrap my hair up and leave it on overnight. As far as specific conditioners that can do wonders for your locks, our site has the articles "8 Hair Masks & Deep Conditioners That Revitalize Dry, Damaged Hair" and "5 Deep Conditioners Your Curls Deserve" that can help to point you into the right direction.
4. Also, Use a Leave-in Conditioner
It might seem a little redundant to follow-up deep conditioning with a recommendation to also apply a leave-in conditioner but chile, ever since I've added this extra step, my hair has not been the same—in the best way possible! Because moisture is something that our hair can always benefit from, a leave-in conditioner can help to give your hair that extra bit of "umph" that it needs to avoid becoming dry and brittle in between wash days. Something else that I really like about it is, it makes styling my hair so much easier to do, plus it reduces frizz and also helps to define my natural curls.
Although there are plenty of leave-in brands on the market, my personal go-to leave in is Aunt Jackie's Quench – Moisture Intensive Leave-In Conditioner because the slip is amazing and the moisture lasts for literally days on end. When it comes to leave-ins, another route that you can take is making your own. It's really not as hard as you might think. If you'd like to give it a shot, Kinky Curly Yaki has an article that features 14 DIY recipes. You can check it out here.
5. Try to Not Permanently Dye Your Hair
As someone who used to permanently dye my hair, almost about as often as I changed my clothes, I get how much fun it can be to switch up your hair color on a dime. You can still do that—just opt for going with a semi-permanent dye, some hair color wax or a natural hair highlight option (like a coffee rinse or cranberry juice rinse). The reason why permanent dye is bad for your hair is 1) it contains ammonia that definitely dries your hair out and 2) stripping the melanin from your hair and then adding the ammonia to it causes your hair cuticles to swell which can damage your hair over time.
The woman who currently holds the title in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the largest Afro is a woman by the name of Aevin Dugas. Her hair currently sits at a whopping 9.45 inches tall, 9.84 inches wide and 5.15 feet in circumference. I'm pretty sure she would cosign that color is cool—permanent dye is absolutely not.
I'm very much aware of the fact that some of us get frustrated with our lack of length retention and immediately chalk it up to our hair isn't growing. Listen, as long as you're alive (and you don't have some sort of hair condition like alopecia), your hair is always growing. Problem is, you might not be seeing inches because the damage is happening at the same rate as the growth, though. Color can be a culprit when it comes to that. That's why you should chill out from using it.
6. Braid Up and Air Dry
When it comes to this particular tip, I'll just put it right on out there and say that I am definitely a fan of blowing my hair dry on my wash days. Although a lot of people in the natural hair community say that heat is an absolute no-no, I personally don't agree. Stretching my hair out this way has actually helped me to gain more inches because there is less pulling, tugging and fairy knots. Now what I will say is, based on what your hair type is, sometimes blow drying can make your hair look straighter than you would like for it to be when you want to wear an Afro. This could be a good reason to leave your blow dryer alone.
If you want your Afro to have some of the texture and bounce that typically comes with having one, it's actually best to dry your hair with a T-shirt (to safely sop up excess moisture), coat your hair with a butter like shea butter (you might want to seal your ends too with the help of some Jamaican Black castor oil) and then section it all out and braid it. You can cornrow it or braid your hair down into plaits. Let it completely hair dry (this can take a day or two depending on length and volume) and then take your braids out and use your fingers or an Afro pick to style your locks (more on that in a sec). Doing it this way can help your hair to have "spring" to it which is ideal when wearing an Afro.
7. Follow the Right Afro Pick Rules
When it comes to actually styling your Afro, something that isn't brought up nearly enough is you can wear it picked out so that it's stretched and tall in all of its natural glory or you can use your fingers to give it more of a texturized look.
The benefits of the latter option is you significantly lower the risk of damaging your hair because so long as you move slowly and gently—and you add a bit of oil on your fingers to give your hair some slip—you don't have to worry about the pulling and snagging that styling tools can sometimes do. As far as Afro picks go, they're pretty awesome when it comes to making your Afro as big as possible, so long as you use them correctly.And just what does that mean? Definitely use picks on dry hair (if you need help to manage through your hair when it's wet or damp, go with a very wide-toothed comb). While holding your hair, in sections I might add, start from the ends and work your way up to the roots if you want maximum volume. If you'd prefer to keep your textured look but you still want some height, use your comb to gently lift the roots of your hair up only. For some additional tips on how to pick your Afro correctly, I really dug a how-to video by a woman by the name of Alexus Crown (who has a really dope Afro in it!). You can check it out here.
8. Trim Semi-Regularly
By far, one of my all-time favorite Afros is featured in a story that I did last year that I had no idea so many of y'all would be interested in. Any of you remember "Looking For Hair Growth? It Might Be Time To Bring 'Blue Magic' Back"? Whew-whee! Anyway, when you take a look at EfikZara's hair, you kind of get the impression that she's not following the standard "trim every 4-6 weeks" rule. Honestly, when you're trying to grow out an Afro, it's not really a necessary thing to do. So long as you follow all of the other tips mentioned in this piece, you should be able to go every 8-12 weeks; especially if you're gonna rock a textured 'fro, more times than not. The main thing you need to aim for is an Afro that isn't top-heavy, is pretty symmetrical and isn't frizz city (which can be a sign of split ends or excessive damage) all over your head.
As far as the trimming process goes, some folks prefer to plait their hair and dust their ends while others prefer to pick their Afro all the way out and run some clippers over the ends of it. By the way, you can also always go to a professional stylist too. Bottom line, there's no need to go scissor happy; especially if you wanna see real progress. Just make sure that your Afro looks tight 'n right.
9. Use Satin or Silk Hair Ties Only
If you're going to wear your hair in a protective style during the week and your Afro on the weekends, this point doesn't really apply all that much. But if you're someone who wants to wear your natural tresses out most of the time, in order to protect your hair from the weather, invest in some satin or silk hair ties. They are perfect for pulling your hair into a big 'ole Afro puff or even just keeping in your purse if you want to pull your hair back off of your face, every once in a while. The reason why the ties need to be made out of satin or silk material is because they are less prone to creating friction on your tresses or drying your hair out.
10. Braid It Up at Night
In order for your soul to glow in all of its glory, it's important that your hair remains as stretched as possible. That said, you don't want to rely on applying heat on the daily because that could lead to breakage. You also shouldn't just tie it up at night because your body temperature tends to shift as you sleep and the sweating could lead to shrinkage. The solution? Braid your hair into plaits (or cornrows if it's still kind of short) before turning in. It will keep your tresses stretched, protect your ends and give your hair a little more texture if the finger-styling route is how you prefer to go.
11. Oil the Parted Spaces Before Tying It All Up
Your hair grows from the roots. At the same time, if you want to maintain length, you've got to focus on your ends. While braiding your hair up at night can help to protect your ends from the friction that comes with tossing and turning all night long, oiling your scalp can help to feed your hair follicles. When it comes to the kind of essential oils that can increase blood circulation and stimulate your hair follicles, some of those include cedarwood, clary sage and peppermint. My two cents would be to mix these up with a carrier oil of some type.
Tropic Isle Living features oils that I like because the bottle has a nozzle that makes the oil easy to apply. You can choose from all kinds including black seed, sweet almond, sunflower, olive, argan, Cerasee and black walnut. If you heat up the oil for a couple of seconds in your microwave beforehand, it can be a super soothing and relaxing treat for your scalp.
12. Make Your Own Bonnet
Here's a true confession. I don't always like to tie my hair up at night. I just don't. What has convinced me to do it more often is that fact that just braiding my hair alone doesn't necessarily or automatically protect it from breakage because moving around at night can still cause friction, dryness and breakage to any of the strands that come loose. So yeah, while a satin pillowcase is cool, if you know that you're someone whose head isn't going to stay on it all night long, you really do need a satin scarf or bonnet to keep your tresses protected. There are dozens of bonnets on the market. Or, if you want, you can always make yourself one. I checked out some pretty easy DIY YouTube videos. Take a stab at it by going here, here, here, here or here.
Welp. There you have it. A few things that can help you to put forth your very best Afro. If you've got one, please don't hesitate to show off in the comments. There is nothing like a Black woman in all of her crowning glory. For me, an Afro hairstyle tops the list.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This post is in partnership with Ulta Beauty.
Gone are the days where we prioritize “the grind” over our own wellbeing. #Teamnosleep is canceled. Millennial women are prioritizing themselves and their rest above all else, and we love to see it. We’re seeing proof of this powerful shift everywhere we look, but especially in the #softlife hashtag that’s been trending all over social media. The soft life movement is all about pursuing the path of least resistance, choosing ease over struggle, and relaxing in your vulnerability.
xoNecole and Ulta Beauty have identified six beauty influencers who are fully embracing the “soft life.” They’re rejecting the notion that their worth is measured by their professional output, how many followers they have, or how hard they’re hustling. Each of these creative powerhouses has learned to make self-care a non-negotiable in their lives while walking into the fullness of their most authentic selves. There will always be a demand for more content amidst the ever-changing algorithms, but as influencers like Tiffany Renee, Caitlyn Davis, and Alanna Doherty know all too well, you can’t properly show up for others until you fully show up for yourself first.
Read all about how these six beauty influencers are approaching the soft life on their own terms.
Hometown: Atlanta, GA
As a full-time content creator and founder of the college clothing label HBCU Yearbook, Caitlyn Davis is no stranger to hard work. She started gaining followers while attending undergrad at FAMU, filming natural hair tutorials for YouTube in her dorm room. From there, she steadily picked up ambassador gigs for popular online fashion and beauty brands. “[They were] paying us around $300 a month,” she remembers. “I thought I was doing something with my money. I was like, ‘What? I'm getting paid to do something that I love?’ It became a snowball effect.”
After linking up with a cousin who had just become a makeup artist, Caitlyn fell in love with the idea of creating beauty content. “Beauty just elevates your personality,” she tells xoNecole. “And because it does that, you just feel better about yourself. And when you do that and show other people and they start learning and getting better at makeup and beauty, their personality and confidence starts to elevate as well.”
Caitlyn admits that maintaining a healthy work-life balance doesn’t come easy for her. She’s a self-proclaimed workaholic who takes pride in her business. “[I’ve learned] the soft life is working hard for what you want but knowing we're deserving of the best life has to offer, including rest.” When life gets overwhelming, she turns to the great outdoors. “I go on hikes,” she says. “There’s something about being in nature, being grounded, hearing birds, the trees moving, and water [flowing] that immediately de-stresses me."
Hometown: Knoxville, TN
Tiffany Renee grew up on a farm in Tennessee, where her first introduction to the world of beauty and fashion came via Tyra Banks. The smizing supermodel’s competition series “America’s Next Top Model” drew this southern girl in. “Beauty wasn't really a thing [in the environment I grew up in],” she says. “So I've got to give it to Tyra. A lot of my posing and wearing my makeup a certain way had a lot to do with Tyra and how she coached those models. As I got older and started experimenting more with makeup, I just grew to love it more and more.” Tiffany says she sharpened her makeup skills by learning one thing at a time, starting with winged eyeliner. Next brows, and then lashes. Along the way, she made it a point to develop the techniques that worked for her face rather than copying and pasting from YouTube tutorials.
After moving to Atlanta in 2012, Tiffany began to rack up followers on Instagram with her beauty, hair, and fashion content. She even created an online community called “Curl Gang,” which celebrates the beauty and versatility of natural hair. With all she’s accomplished, Tiffany says she’s most proud of shedding her tough exterior and learning to be vulnerable. “My life has been pretty tough, so that made me a tough woman,” she tells xoNecole. “In my relationships, I've always had this tough persona on the outside, but really, I'm internally very much a soft person.
“For me, taking on the soft life was doing the work to break that mold, and accept that it's okay to be vulnerable,” she continues. “It's okay to be expressive. It's okay to love people. It's not just about the tasks of my life, but more so about my well-being. I’m actively deciding not to hold onto things that make me [have to] be tough.”
Hometown: Napa, California
They say if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life. Kinya Claiborne is living proof. This lifestyle influencer has a professional resume that would make any recruiter salivate. She’s worked in print, television, and radio, and has even overseen public relations for billion-dollar projects. But like all creatives at heart, there came a point in her career where she felt a calling elsewhere. “My job wasn't sexy,” she admits. “I still loved my job and I loved working in corporate America, but there was a void. There were other things that I also loved that my job wasn't fulfilling.”
Inspired by the DailyCandy newsletters she used to read in college, Kinya launched her own lifestyle magazine called Style & Society which covers fashion, beauty, health, wellness, entertainment, travel - all the things Kinya loves. What started as a creative outlet turned into a booming business. Her readers wanted to know more about her, which led her to posting photos of herself inside her stories. “I started Style & Society back in 2013. The term influencer didn't exist back then. Brands started contacting me and wanting me to do product placements and campaigns. That's how my social media following started growing. Then eventually, the term influencer came about, and at that point, I had already been doing it.”
As you can tell from her Instagram, Kinya is always well put together. Her early beauty memories include getting her hair done at the salon with her mom and wearing different lipstick colors to school. Kinya says she’s always been a girly girl. but she’s as resilient as they come. The Northern Californian survived the Route 91 festival shooting in 2017. She also lost her brother to suicide. From her perspective, being soft isn’t just about pampering yourself, but showing up for those around you. “You can't just look at someone and know how they're feeling,” she says. “It’s so important to check in, because even a phone call, text message, or just saying hello to a stranger could really change their path.”
Hometown: Jacksonville, Florida
For Taylor Winbush, presentation is everything. Embracing that belief has gotten her far. “My mom would always say ‘dress how you want to be treated,’” she says. “She would always dress up to go to the grocery store, making sure her hair was always done, and she was fresh-faced. She taught me that when you look better, you feel better.”
As a dancer and theater performer, Taylor got to hone in on her makeup skills early. “I remember even from a young age, when I used to take ballet classes, they would make you do your makeup way in the back of the mirror to make sure you'd be able to see it [far from the stage].” After moving to Atlanta in 2019 to pursue a career in acting and commercial modeling, Taylor discovered she could book more gigs if she added “content creator” to her resume. As a beauty lover, it came naturally to her, and it’s paid off tenfold.
At the start of the year, Taylor stepped out on faith and decided to work for herself full-time. She acknowledges that it’s a risk, but nothing a little discipline can’t manage. “As long as I'm doing my part, then I truly and firmly believe that God will handle the rest.”
Aside from constantly developing her self-discipline, Taylor says she’s embracing the soft life by taking care of her physical and spiritual temple. “I'm a super giving person, so I would give a lot of my time to friends and family, making sure everyone else is taken care of before me,” she says. “There's a saying that if you help someone build their sandcastle first, then what will you have left to build? I’m learning you have to take care of yourself first in order for you to help someone else.”
Hometown: Jacksonville, FL
Fashion and beauty haven’t always been a welcoming world for curvy women, but that hasn’t stopped influencer Thamarr Guerrier from accepting her rightful seat at the table. This bubbly and effervescent content creator started her lifestyle blog, Musings of a Curvy Lady, back in 2012 on her lunch break working as a nurse. “I started [my blog] as a way to promote personal style and beauty in this body of mine,” Thamarr shared on her site. “Visibility matters and you’re going to see me. I’m going to take up all the space and bring my own chair to the table.”
Thamarr’s beauty memories stem all the way back to childhood. “I was obsessed with watching my mother do her hair and makeup in the mirror,” she says. “I played dress-up in her clothes and would sneak and put on her mascara. I just couldn’t wait to be old enough to wear lipstick.”
If you peep her IG feed, you’ll notice Thamarr documents her globetrotting in head-turning looks that will make you want to book a one-way ticket to your nearest island. But it’s actually not her extravagant travel experiences that bring her the most peace. It’s the little things, like sipping a glass of wine during her skincare routine as Kacey Musgraves plays in the background. “After a shower, I always feel a little better, especially after a crummy day,” she tells xoNecole. “It’s also my favorite place to shed a tear or two. After my literal and sometimes emotional cleanse, I feel renewed. I talk positively to myself as I pamper myself with my favorite products. Taking the time and being purposeful as I go.”
Thamarr’s interpretation of “the soft life” is to live and love in a way that makes her inner being the happiest. “If it brings me peace, it’s the soft life for me.”
Hometown: Bridgetown, Barbados
It’s hard not to feel a spark of joy when you browse through Alanna Doherty’s IG page. It’s chock-full of Alanna dressed to the nines in bright psychedelic patterns. Her lush ‘fro bounces back and forth in all its glory as Alanna jams to her favorite tunes. Alanna is happiness personified, but her initial introduction to beauty was quite the opposite. “I started loving makeup and beauty products because I felt they were necessary in order to cover up my insecurities,” she tells xoNecole. “I’m finally starting to truly fall in love with them this year. I no longer need a full face of makeup to make me feel good. I’m perfectly happy going without any at all now, but love that I have the option to play with makeup. It’s more of a creative process now and I LOVE that!”
Alanna’s bold and colorful aesthetic is brave and inspiring. And when it comes to the soft life, she’s honest enough to admit that she’s figuring it out along the way. “For years I’ve been putting my own self-care behind work and I’m now starting to realize its importance in my life,” she says. “I’ve still got a long way to go but ‘the soft life’ to me would be creating the space to focus on myself and taking the time to enjoy it. I see long walks along the beach, spas, more hot yoga, and relaxing on the balcony.”
Featured image courtesy of Tiffany Renee
There are two words that Rachel Lindsay keeps returning to over and over again: Rest and renew.
The ambitious, self-described “type A” media personality just left one of her more prominent roles after three years, and instead of being anxious about the downtime, she’s finally learning to take a few moments for herself.
When we talk via Zoom in late August, Lindsay, 38, has just returned from a lunch date with a friend, the type of midday social outing she’d never had time for previously. In a week, she’ll be heading to Europe for an Eat, Pray, Love trip. It’s the first time she’s had time to go to Europe in five years.
“You ask me what I have time to do? Take care of me,” she says, beaming.
In the past six years, Lindsay has made a lot of changes. After becoming the first Black woman to lead ABC’s Bachelorette dating series in 2017, she fell in love with Bryan Abasolo, the man she chose on the show, and married him. Enamored with the world of entertainment but also accustomed to the stability that being an attorney provided her, she returned to practicing law in her native Dallas, Texas, while pursuing media opportunities on the side.
For a time, Lindsay would fly herself to Connecticut to co-host ESPN’s Football Frenzy radio show. The role was perfect for the Dallas Cowboys fan and sports fanatic who majored in sports management and once dreamed of becoming an agent. In 2019, when she finally felt she’d saved enough money and made enough connections, she made the leap and left the legal profession behind, determined to bet on her entertainment dreams.
Working as an on-air correspondent for Extra was one of Lindsay’s first big roles as a full-time media personality. In this job, she interviewed celebrities such as Halle Bailey and Anthony Anderson. She also notably conducted the controversial interview with Bachelor host Chris Harrison that subsequently led to his departure from the franchise. After Harrison told Lindsay he felt people needed to have “grace” for a contestant who had attended an “Old South” party, Lindsay publicly announced her plans to distance herself from the series.
Today, she cites changes in Extra’s leadership and her responsibilities as the reason for her recent departure after three years. “I just didn’t fit within the new regime,” she reveals to xoNecole.
Lindsay is currently focusing her energy work-wise on her two podcasts with The Ringer Podcast Network, the Higher Learningshow with Van Lathan, and Morally Corrupt. Despite the extremely different subjects – Higher Learning touches on race and politics while Morally Corrupt finds Lindsay commenting on her favorite Bravo reality shows – she gushes when speaking about both, calling podcasting “the most liberating thing you can do.”
On Higher Learning, she’s challenged by her co-host, Lathan, to think in new ways. She’s regularly in conversation with prominent figures such as Tracee Ellis Ross and Billy Porter.
Lindsay, a “Bravoholic” whose favorite Real Housewives franchise is Potomac and whose favorite Housewife is Nene Leakes, is no less passionate about Morally Corrupt, even if the subject matter is much lighter. “I’ve always loved reality TV because it was such an escape from my real world. Part of me admired people who could put themselves out there in a way that I believed I never could, until I went on reality TV,” Lindsay says.
Courtesy of Rachel Lindsay
The podcast host says she never intended to find love when she went on The Bachelor, and she was surprised when she was asked to lead season 13 of The Bachelorette. Going from viewer to reality TV star quickly opened her eyes to the demands of being a public figure. After receiving initial criticism from viewers about choosing and marrying Bryan Abasolo, she realized she wanted to become more protective of certain aspects of her personal life.
“I quickly learned that we had to protect what we had, and stop trying to prove it to other people and convince people to know what we knew to be true,” she says. “I wish I could share more of my relationship. But the moment you do that, you have to continue to provide more and you have to continue to answer.”
In many ways, Lindsay benefited from being on a show like The Bachelorette, where the contestants are confined to a limited environment over a temporary amount of time. She says she doesn’t think she could ever be on a reality show where she’s expected to reveal all aspects of her life constantly. In fact, she says if she ever had pregnancy news or updates about her relationship with Abasolo, she wouldn’t make a big public announcement.
Since walking away from The Bachelor franchise, the former Bachelor Happy Hour host says she’s been approached to participate in recent seasons, specifically this year’s season with Black lead, Charity Lawson. Lindsay says she ultimately declined to participate. “I just started thinking I can have a relationship with Charity – whose number I do have and I have talked to – outside of the show. I don’t need to come on television to put that out there for other people,” she says.
Reflecting on her life today, Lindsay is trying to learn the benefits of being still. She’s not planning to do any on-air correspondent booked for the time being, and she’s not planning to release another book, the followup to the collection of essays Miss Me with That or the fictional Real Love.
As her 40th birthday approaches in a couple of years, she’s been thinking a lot about the popular quote, “You are, right now, as young as you'll ever be again” from the FX drama Fleishman Is in Trouble. If she does start on a new creative project, it might delve into this notion, she says. “I think I could do something in that space about adulthood and getting older and maybe questioning things in life because I think we all do it,” she tells xoNecole.
Lindsay is not rushing the process, though. For now, she’s remembering to rest and renew.
“We'll see what comes out of this state that I'm in.”
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Featured image courtesy of Rachel Lindsay