Throughout my years of dating and being in relationships with different men, I've mastered the skill that strengthens my respect and self-control when things get rough.
I know how to fall back.
No, scratch that. I know how to fall back so solid that I can fall on the ground and enjoy the leaves without missing a beat, chile!
"Falling back" is a phrase used for becoming less involved with the person you're dating in order to protect your feelings. There are much needed reasons for falling back. Things could be going great between you two and then all of a sudden he becomes emotionally distant, stays "busy", or acts like you're too pressed for him. Falling back will you give you the space to see if this relationship is something worth pursuing.
After many tried (and failed) attempts to take a break from the guy I've been dating, I thought it would be helpful to share some tips with others who are in a similar situation. If you're having a hard time creating some needed distance, here are a few tips to fall back successfully:
1.Avoid Getting Stuck On Him Being “The One”
When he is the one you think you want spend the rest of your life with, it can be harder to experience your ideal partner drifting away from you. You really like this guy because of who he once was, and you continue to stay with him in hopes that he will "snap back" to the person he was when you first met.
In order to fall back from him, you must get over the feeling of missing out on someone great. The purpose is to protect your feelings, not his. The right guy will reveal himself to you regardless of the time you give yourself to figure things out. Falling back is not the same as breaking up — you can still be involved with this person, so use this opportunity to see if he wants you just as bad as you want him.
2.Evaluate the Relationship You Have With Yourself
I've noticed that I've had the best relationships with people when I felt the best about myself. It was through self-reflection that I realized the importance of knowing who I am and determined what was and what wasn't healthy in a relationship. When you fall back, you get to evaluate your life and your happiness.
Doing this makes you accountable and in control of a situation. One of the ways you can learn more about yourself is by asking questions and answering them as honestly as possible. Here are some examples: What makes you vulnerable? What are your triggers? What are you dependent on when dating someone? Can you be alone with yourself? Do you crave attention when you're trying to get over someone? The answers to your questions will give you more insight on how you're feeling so that you aren't so quick to go back to him.
3.Practice Detachment
Learning how to detach from someone is like forming another habit. Attachment is the reason why we breakup and makeup on the same day, all along feeling guilty about the "makeup" part. The reason that detachment plays a key factor when you fall back is that it gives you the freedom to decide what is best for you objectively. Most of the time, the attachment is the only reason that we can't break away from an unhealthy relationship.
I find that creating space from a guy gives you time to think your feelings through and make good decisions. Spending all day and every waking moment with someone can make you feel as though a piece of you is missing when you do have alone time. He'll never feel like he's missing you if you don't create distance. Being away from him is important because it's a sign that you don't need to be around him and that you're complete without him. The best way to go about this is to limit contact, whether by phone or in person, as much as possible.
4.Occupy Your Mind and Time
Through focusing on myself, I was able to put myself first by doing hobbies and activities that interested me. I worked on becoming the best version of myself that I could be and this enabled me to be a much better partner in a relationship.
Going to networking/social events or occasional dates is fine as long as there's no immediate expectation that your next date will take the place of the person you're falling back from. Find some relaxing things to do (such as hanging with the girls or finding a new project) and give yourself time to be alone and heal.
Choosing to remove your emotional dependency on him will give you back the control over your feelings. Hopefully, these tips can make your fall back game stronger and make your next moves your best moves!
Featured image by Getty Images
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Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
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In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
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And we are still It.
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This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
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Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
"They asked for body products and we wanted to make sure we listened. But also layering fragrance begins with the body routine." The body wash is $33, and the body lotion is $35. Keep reading below to hear more about Tabitha and Chance's new collection, their body rituals, and what makes their partnership successful.
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Marcus Owens
xoNecole: How did you come up with the scents for the collection?
Tabitha Brown: We love warm scents that make you feel sexy and loved. [We’re] both fans of gourmand [scents], including bergamot, vanilla, tonka and chocolate.
xoN: If you could describe your working relationship in one word, what would it be and why?
Tabitha: It's our first time building a product line together and our first time working with fragrance. So having patience with the process and each other has been the best way to build.
xoN: What is your body care ritual?
Tabitha: Exfoliate with a scrub a few times a week, but using a moisturizing body wash daily. After a shower, I spray a body mist that compliments what scent I am choosing for the day. Most times vanilla mist wins because it’s a perfect base for layering. I then hydrate [my] skin with lotion. Then, once dressed, I layer my favorite fragrance, Her Business, first and then His Business on top.
Chance: [I’m] way more simple. Just body wash and lotion and then my cologne and I’m good to go.
xoN: We enjoy watching you two together online, whose idea was it to start 'Fridays with Tab & Chance'?
Tabitha: It actually happened by accident. Back in 2018, my fans had just been asking about how we met, so we did a video answering questions one Friday and people in the comments [asked], will y’all do it again next Friday? And so we did and the next thing you know Fridays with Tab & Chance was born.
xoN: In what other ways do you plan to expand Fridays? Restart the podcast? TV show?
Tabitha: We are working on a lifestyle content show vs the traditional Fridays podcast. More to come soon.
xoN: You do many things together, but what would you say is your favorite quality time activity and why?
Tabitha: We are really simple. We love watching movies or TV series together on the couch or in bed. It’s really one of our favorite things to do together.
xoN: What is your favorite thing about the other person?
Tabitha: I love that he makes me feel safe and how hard he works to be an amazing father.
Chance: I love that she is crazy enough to pursue her wildest dreams.
xoN: What is the key to a successful partnership in business and personal?
Tabitha: The key is knowing that you both are going to change, and giving each other grace, patience, and understanding during those changes.
See more on tabandchance.com.
Feature image Marcus Owens