August is the time to remain hopeful about what is on the horizon for you. With the Sun officially in Leo and the light shining on what makes you truly happy, August is about connecting to your inner power. You have the power to co-create your reality, and this is the month to claim that. Ground yourself in the present moment with gratitude, and get excited about what you are creating for yourself and the path you are walking on right now. With Mercury entering Virgo as the month begins on August 4 through August 25, the clarity is there to make some significant improvements, and insights, and to find order in what’s felt out of place.
Venus enters Leo and there is a Full Moon in Aquarius on the same day, August 11. With these two signs opposing each other on the zodiac wheel, balance comes into play right now and La Luna is reminding you how to balance the heart, with the mind. Leo wants to feel love, and Aquarius seeks to understand it. Venus in Leo is about taking center stage in your life and showing up for love. Venus will be in Leo until September 5, and love gets an extra spice right now. The Full Moon in Aquarius is the Full Sturgeon Moon of the year, and it’s about finding your flow rather than force. During this Full Moon focus on what you wish to release, and what you want to grow closer to and make more connections from.
Mars makes a significant transit in August, as it enters Gemini for a lengthy seven months. Every few years Mars goes retrograde, making its transit in one particular sign significantly longer than its usual few-month transit. Mars will be moving into Gemini on August 20, 2022, until March 25, 2023, and will be retrograded from October 30, 2022, until January 12, 2023. Mars in Gemini is active, unpredictable, and insightful. Mars in Gemini is curious about everything, and it’s best to think things through before jumping in right away during this time. Mars in Gemini energy can get impulsive, but with the right flow and intentions, this can be a time of great progress, development, connection, and communication.
On August 22, Virgo Season begins, and the Sun moves into the earthy goddess of the zodiac. While the Sun is in Virgo we renew, improve, and give because we can. There is unwavering strength about Virgo that takes us far and makes health, well-being, and self-value the priority. Uranus goes retrograde in Taurus on August 24, and it’s about expecting the unexpected, and grounding yourself in the faith that you can handle whatever life may throw at you. There is a New Moon in Virgo on August 27 before the month ends, and this is when those moments of hope and clarity will be coming through, and when following your inner guidance system is rewarded.
August is the month to trust, take note of your progress, and do the things that are making you happy now, but also in the long run.
Aries Monthly Horoscope for August 2022AriesKyra Jay for xoNecole
August is a month of clarity for you, Aries. You are seeing the vision clearly, and paths are opening up for you to move into these new opportunities you see on the horizon. The spark has been lit, and you have the universe supporting you every step of the way. With Venus moving through your 5th house of romance and happiness for most of August, you are connecting with the things that bring you the most joy in life. August is all about making your happiness the priority and allowing all else to align with this sense of magic.
The Full Moon on August 11 is in your 11th house of friendships, community, and hopes and dreams in life and this is a good time for seeing your manifestations bloom. Intentions you have been setting over the past month will be coming full circle during this time. Before the month ends your ruling planet Mars moves into your 3rd house of communication for the next seven months, and you are driven by connection, self-expression, and inspiration.
Taurus Monthly Horoscope for August 2022TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecole
This is a month of new opportunities for you, Taurus. You are bringing forth new intentions and creations in your life, and seeing the reality of things coming together for you. With the Full Moon on August 11 occurring in your 5th house of romance, you are seeing new opportunities develop in love this month, and are also getting clearer on what your heart wants. This is a month of rebirth, and intentions coming to fruition.
Moving into August, Uranus goes retrograde in your sign, shaking things up a bit. With Uranus moving retrograde in your 1st house of self for the rest of 2022, you are being guided towards self-reflection, and discovering the way you see the world around you. It’s all about being the leader of your destiny right now and choosing the way you want things to go for you. You have the power, Taurus.
Gemini Monthly Horoscope for August 2022GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecole
Connect with the heart space this month, Gemini. August is a time of emotional renewal for you, and removing any clutter you have been feeling in your life. This is the month to get honest about how you have been feeling and to choose love. As you take the time for your healing and health this month, you develop a solid foundation for your dreams to grow. With a Full Moon in Aquarius mid-month August is a time of making new discoveries, gaining clarity, and defining the path forward that you are looking to see through right now.
Mars makes a very important transit into your sign this month on August 20 and will be in Gemini until early 2023. If there was any time to take action, honor your passions, and renew your spirit, it is now. By the end of the month, there is a New Moon occurring in your 4th house and this New Moon is a time of seeing new opportunities sprout in the home, family, and within your foundations and support systems in life.
Cancer Monthly Horoscope for August 2022CancerKyra Jay for xoNecole
This is a strong month for communication, Cancer. The focus is there for you to make real progress and experience the breakthroughs that you have been looking for, and it’s all about tapping into the guidance within. As you communicate freely from the heart, you align with divine receptivity, allowing miracles to unfold in your life. With Venus in your sign until August 11, you are entering August with love on your side, and an open heart.
As you move more into the month, there is a Full Moon in your house of commitments, and a New Moon in your house of communication before the month ends. August is all about finding the balance between the emotional ties and past experiences that you are letting go of right now and moving forward with your clear intentions today. This is a month to regroup and use your voice, Cancer.
Leo Monthly Horoscope for August 2022
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecole
Your season is here, and you do well in the spotlight, Leo. August is about rewriting your story and seeing yourself as the divine co-creator of your reality. Notice where in your life you have been giving over your power, and make the effort to call back your power this month. Focus on perspectives that make you feel confident and nourished, and release any feelings of lack that keep you stuck in place. This is the month to stand in your courage and live your truths.
Venus, the planet of love, moves into your sign from August 11 until September 5, and you are entering one of the best times of the year for love. Remain hopeful when it comes to your intentions here, and focus on what you do have rather than what you don’t. The Sun moves out of your sign and into Virgo on August 22, giving you some breathing room to take in what you have learned over the past month and release anything keeping you away from peace.
Virgo Monthly Horoscope for August 2022VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecole
August is a time of honoring the cycles of your life and preparing for a transformation. This isn’t the month to look back and ponder on the past, it’s a time to move forward now, Virgo. You are ready to dive into some new experiences, and in August you are clearing the way, making space, and creating new plans so that you can move forward more effortlessly and with fewer roadblocks. You are being guided this month to have some more fun with the journey that you are on and to make time to just dance, be, and live your dreams.
Virgo Season begins on August 22, and it’s your time to shine and experience the blessings of a new day, Virgo. Virgo Season this year is all about remaining patient, but also about owning your value and how far you have come, knowing that it’s only going to get better for you. The New Moon of the month is occurring in Virgo on August 27 as well, and you are leaving August feeling renewed, supported, and in tune with all that is.
Libra Monthly Horoscope for August 2022LibraKyra Jay for xoNecole
You are building your world, Libra. August is about taking as much time as you need for your peace and your growth, and about protecting your energy. Remember that your inner guidance system is always available to you, and many of the answers you have been seeking without can be found within right now. By releasing what hasn’t been working for you, you can strengthen the bonds and experiences that have, creating more solid foundations for your intentions to manifest.
The Full Moon in your fellow air sign happening mid-month is bringing the focus to your heart, and you are ready to let go of relationships that have gone past their expiration date. With Mars moving into your 9th house for the next six months, you are entering a wild adventure this month, and this is an adventure that’s going to take you to new places and introduce you to new faces. You are free, Libra.
Scorpio Monthly Horoscope for August 2022ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecole
Scorpio, you are entering the garden of your dreams this month. August is your time of connecting to what paradise, happiness, and fulfillment feel like for you, and making this the dominant energy in your life. You have been working on letting go and allowing in more love, and your transformations are evident. Keep creating from the heart and broadening your perspective, and on the New Moon on August 27, make sure to write down your intentions and focus on what you wish to manifest at this time.
Venus will be moving through your 10th house of career for most of August, signaling a time of feeling the love, connection, and possibly some weak spots on the work front. Public life and reputation are being highlighted this month, but overall with Venus in the mix here, you are being received especially favorably right now. Remember that you are worthy and deserving of great things, Scorpio.
Sagittarius Monthly Horoscope for August 2022SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecole
August is a fun month for you, Sagittarius, and this is the month to have some fun! Plans are following through, friends are connecting, and you are feeling a good social buzz in your life in August. You are making some new discoveries and honoring what is lighting you up inside, and it’s attracting happy experiences and opportunities into your life. The Full Moon on August 11 is when you are going to be seeing a journey complete, and new clarity on where you are headed unfold.
Mars makes an important transit into your 7th house of love and relationships this month, where it will remain until 2023. You are entering a seven-month-long journey of love, and things are going to be emotionally heightened for you for the time being. New connections are entering your life and you are deciding what paths you want to embark on, and who you want to take with you. August is your time to play, unite, and celebrate your life.
Capricorn Monthly Horoscope for August 2022CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecole
Support is coming in for you this month, Capricorn. August is about divine intervention and allowing the universe to support your dreams. Sometimes you have to get out of your own way and out of your head, to see the real miracles and gifts that are right in front of you. This month you are getting those moments of clarity and you are receiving the messages. Divine guidance is here to support you right now, and your angels are with you, Capricorn.
The New Moon this month is occurring in an earth sign such as yourself, and you are flowing well with the energies that are flowing through the world as the month ends. You are moving into new territory at the end of August and creating some travel plans and future journeys that you feel inspired to take right now. Remember that the more you release, the more you allow; and the more you trust, the less you have time to doubt. You are safe.
Aquarius Monthly Horoscope for August 2022AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecole
August is a healing month for you, and you are finding your balance right now, Aquarius. There has been loss and there has been gain, and you are finding your balance between this sense of transformation you are experiencing at this time. Remember to give yourself a break from overthinking this month, to look at things from the perspective that they happened for a reason, and not punish yourself for not seeing something clearly sooner. You are everywhere you are supposed to be, and nowhere you are not, Aquarius.
The Full Moon this month is occurring in your sign on August 11, and you are seeing some powerful culminations appear in your life in mid-August. You are being ushered into light and away from any density you have been feeling in your life, and sometimes this means letting go of something you once thought was supportive of your journey. Give yourself the space and freedom to trust your path, and not judge yourself in this process. All is well.
Pisces Monthly Horoscope for August 2022PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecole
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Pisces. August is a month of aligning with your strength and taking intentional action toward your goals. Ask yourself this month, “What would I do if I knew I was supported?” Then allow yourself the freedom to do just that, aligning with the love and empowerment of your heart. You are breaking new ground this month and overcoming previous challenges and obstacles, Pisces.
Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family where it will remain from August 2022 to March 2023, and you are putting the extra effort into your safe spaces and close loved ones during this time. You are entering a new journey where there is more energy and activity in the home, and your passion is flowing towards what feels safe and secure to you. With a New Moon in your opposite sign of Virgo before the month ends on August 27, the people who nurture and support your heart are coming in to make it known to you in August.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Tayler Barakat is a Mystic who has studied Astrology for over a decade. She does intuitive astrology and tarot readings for people all over the world, and her work focuses on healing and empowering individuals. Follow her on Instagram @taylerbarakat_ and check out her website www.listentothevirgo.com.
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Me? I will be the first person to say, at least once a day, that I don’t live by the motto “follow your heart.” For one thing, Scripture advises that we do the exact opposite (Jeremiah 17:9-10). Secondly, I’ve shared before that one definition of heart is “the center of our emotions.” Anyone who thinks that it’s wise to always and/or automatically follow their feelings? Lawd, they are in for a pretty shaky life ride. Why? Because feelings change, so if you’re relying on them to show you the way…bless your (pardon the pun) heart.
That’s not to say that our emotions don’t play a very valid role in, well, almost everything; it’s just that they need to be balanced out with truth, facts, logic, common sense, timing, and some level of mental and emotional stability. When this happens, you’re in the “sweet spot” of being able to take your feelings more seriously and literally — because you’re able to see them more like the thermometer in your home (something that monitors your environment) rather than your house’s entire foundation (something to solely base everything on).
And boy, does keeping all of this in mind come in mighty handy when you’re in a relationship that looks like it’s headed towards somebody’s altar, backyard, or courthouse, and yet — something just doesn’t “feel” quite right. Yes, you love him. You know that he loves you too. Still, there are some not-so-ecstatic, yes, feelings that you have about actually marrying him that you’re not exactly able to shake.
If this is you, I’m going to share eight different scenarios with you where the sweet spot that I just talked about comes into play — and if it does, the last thing that you need to do is say “yes” to an engagement. Instead, pump the brakes a bit until you can get to the root of why, again, something doesn’t feel…quite…right.
1. FEELING LIKE You’re Convincing YourselfGiphy
Several years ago, I wrote an article, in part, about the last boyfriend that I will ever have in this lifetime (check out “Why I'll Never Call Someone A 'Boyfriend' Again”). As I oftentimes say, “I’m too old for a ‘boy’ anything,” plus, it really is time out for acting married before I actually am (that’s why many people don’t respect marriage once they actually are a husband or a wife; they’ve been doing pseudo “test runs” for years now). Then there’s the fact that I basically wasted six years of my life because I literally convinced myself to be with him. He didn’t deserve that. I didn’t either. Unfortunately, many people roll in their relationships this exact same way.
Why? Well, I’ll speak for my own situation. For the most part, he was a really good person. Still, I wasn’t attracted to him, he had a mountain of issues to work through, and I didn’t really feel anything profound for him beyond friendship (we were very close friends first). Plus, there were members of his family who were controlling and messy. Yet because he was smart, funny, and so interested in me, I convinced myself that I should give it a shot. *le sigh*
Personally, I’m not a fan of writer Maureen Dowd, although there is something she once said that fits this particular point exquisitely: “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” Right now, I’m working with a married couple who are basically on life support, and it’s because, when the wife was dating her now-husband, she was so into how much he was into her that she — yep, you guessed it — convinced herself that her love for him would grow. And although she deeply cares for him, over a decade later, she can’t stop wondering what she’s missing out on anymore, and she’s basically ready to leave. *le sigh again*
Convincing yourself to do something is basically talking yourself into it. And when it comes to something as serious as marriage, you shouldn’t have to push yourself into it. Sure, you need to do some bona fide contemplating, yet if you’re out here on some, “I mean, I could grow to love him more” or “Maybe I’m being ‘extra’ about the issues that concern me” — you shouldn’t ignore those thoughts. See a reputable marriage counselor or life coach to talk it through. Marriage is gonna already test you enough with someone you’re all in with — let alone someone you had to damn near persuade yourself to say “I do” to.
2. FEELING LIKE “Orange Flags” Are Oftentimes Red OnesGiphy
Kind of on the heels of what I was just talking about, there is someone I know who said that a regret that they had when it came to marrying their second husband is, while they didn’t seem to see any immediate red flags (although I’ll be honest, once I heard the entire story, I saw TONS of ‘em, including the fact that they left their first husband and married the second man within the same year), something that felt more unsettling than comforting was when they claimed to have told their fiancé the week of the wedding that they were unsure and he said, “I have enough love for the both of us.”
Listen, a man doesn’t have enough love to compensate for the lack of love you may have for him, and you don’t have enough love to compensate for the lack of love that he might have for you, either. Although, on the surface, that might sound like a beautiful sentiment to put into a blank greeting card, it’s actually dysfunctional as all get out. In fact, it’s part of the reason why I definitely rock with the saying, “You will never be good enough for a man who isn’t ready.” (Someone really needed to hear that right now.) No one can be responsible for how someone else feels; that is an inside job. So yeah, hearing something that sounds beautiful, yet you know, deep down, you don’t feel the same way? Although that might not be a red flag, it is definitely a yellow one…quite possibly even an orange one.
Another example: no one in your world is thrilled about either him or the two of you being together. Y’all, I have a friend right now who is going through this. While word is spreading that she and her husband are separated and heading towards divorce, she keeps hearing responses like, “I never really liked him anyway” and/or “We only tolerated him out of respect for you.” She wasn’t tricked. Some “Girl, you might want to slow down” conversations were had with her before their wedding. She says that she moved forward with the nuptials, in spite of, because she didn’t think the potential issues were serious enough to turn into huge problems. Boy, was she wrong. BIG TIME.
No relationship is perfect; that’s because no two people are without flaws. At the same time, marriage is too much of a life investment to see yellow or orange flags and not at least do some real pondering about why they exist. Yeah, red flags are blatant; don’t ignore them. Orange and yellow flags are “iffy;” don’t ignore them either.
3. FEELING LIKE Family Issues Are Quite ValidGiphy
Definitely, one of the most ridiculous things that someone can think before going into a marriage is, “I’m not marrying your family. I’m marrying you.” Whew, chile. First of all, that depends on the kind of boundaries that your partner has with their relatives, and, unfortunately, many individuals have extremely poor ones. Secondly, some people are way into their families, which means they may not mind folks calling all of the time, popping up unannounced, or them knowing all of y’all’s personal business. Oh, and don’t get me started on the people who have totally dysfunctional relationships with their family members.
Case in point. I know a wife right now who is about to file for divorce, and a big part of the reason is her mother-in-law. Words cannot express how unhealthy her husband’s attachment to his mother is — let’s just say that the one who is actually his “queen” ain’t his wife. Even though his mother is still fairly young (certainly old enough to work), she has never held down a job their entire marriage (of over 12 years), he has bought her a large house and luxury car, and he doesn’t give his mom consequences for when she says slick ish about his wife. Here's the thing, though — his wife wasn’t blindsided by any of this. His mom was living with him while she dated him, and he was constantly justifying the complete and utter dysfunction during that time.
Another example is a wife I know whose husband’s family was not a fan of hers, really from day one. Although her marriage has gone the distance, she spends a lot of time emotionally drained because they are constantly coming up with manipulative tactics to get her to do what they want or gaslighting ways to pressure their son into seeing things their way, even if it’s over his wife’s better judgment. Yeah, don’t even get me started on how you really need to look into your potential spouse’s childhood stuff before marrying them because if they have some wounded or codependent areas that require personal therapy — it’s probably best that they go through some before you decide to marry them too.
Family boundaries within a marriage deserve their own article. I’ll just say that the Good Book was wise and brilliant to advise that husbands and wives should leave the family they were born into and cleave to their spouse (Genesis 2:24-25) if they want to keep the DNA drama down to a minimum in their marital union. That said, if who you’re with is already struggling with this concept…don’t ignore that quiet voice that tells you that you are about to take on more than you might be able to handle if you don’t clearly address those issues beforehand. Many people have divorced due to family drama alone. Trust me.
4. FEELING LIKE You Shouldn't Wait to Work Complex Stuff Out Later OnGiphy
Some stuff, you’re not gonna (fully) find out to figure out until after marriage; that’s just how life is. Oh, but you are doing yourself a super disservice of monumental proportions if you are aware of the fact that there are some complexities that you and your partner have going on while thinking that you should wait until after the honeymoon to figure out what to do about them. Real soon, I’ll be writing an article about how love is grand yet, it’s not enough, on its own, to go the distance.
Indeed, there are certain things that either you and your partner need to be on the same page about — or that you both are fully willing to compromise on and accept that it’s gonna be…what it’s going to be.
Things like what?
- Family dynamics (especially if there is some serious dysfunction going on)
- Whether or not you BOTH want children and how you want to raise them, if so
- Household chores
- Conflict resolution
- Purpose-related and professional aspirations
- Relational expectations
- Boundaries with family and friends
- Gender roles
- Sexual wants and needs
- Social media practices
- Views on finances
- Thoughts on prenups and postnups
- Marital deal-breakers
- Feelings about separation and divorce
And really, these 15 things are merely the tip of the iceberg! The main thing to keep in mind here is if you think that figuring out how to do life with someone as smoothly as possible, in a variety of different areas, can be put on the back burner because love will keep it all together — I’ve got at least 20 clients who will scream at you to go on a rom-com fast so that you can learn how to better live in reality.
Love can make you want to work through complexities with another person. Love does not absolve the issues, though. They MUST be addressed — as candidly and thoroughly as possible.
5. FEELING LIKE Sexual Incompatibility Is a Very Real IssueGiphy
One day, soon, I’m going to also pen a piece about the whole “you need to test the car before you drive it” mindset when it comes to having sex before marriage. A part of the reason why I roll my eyes whenever I hear that is because I have been working with couples for well over 17 years at this point and — call it a random coincidence if you want to, but — by far, the couples who’ve had the most issues are the ones who had sex before saying “I do” NOT the ones who waited.
I personally think a big part of that is because, when you remove the haze — and deflection and sometimes deception, especially if it’s good — of sex, you can look at things from a more practical and realistic perspective. In other words, you’re not committing to someone based on how they make you feel; instead, it’s about who they truly are at their core. Also, going without sex can help you to improve your communication skills because, instead of relying on make-up sex to seemingly fix things, you can get to the root of matters, for real, for real. (Speaking of communication, the reason why I penned articles for the site like “7 Questions You Should Ask A Man Before Giving Him Some” is because, quite frankly, there is a lot of stuff that you can — and should — discuss with someone, even about sex, BEFORE actually having it.)
With all of that out of the way, if you have talked certain things over and what they expect is very different from what you do (for instance, I know a couple who had sex about 3-4 times a week while dating, and the husband thought that even that was a compromise yet, after marriage, the wife barely wanted to even a couple of times a month…girl, what?) or you’re already sexually involved and there seems to be some sort of “disconnect” (whether it’s physically, emotionally or otherwise) that you just can’t seem to put your finger on or you’re out here faking orgasms, fantasizing about other people or feeling like something is missing — PLEASE DO NOT WRITE THESE FEELINGS OFF.
Contrary to how a lot of our culture presents it, marriage is actually designed to last for a really long time…and it can feel especially grueling, if not flat-out torturous, to be with someone whom you are basically sexually incompatible with.
By the way, whoever tries to tell you otherwise? Absolutely DO NOT listen to them. If a part of your marital plans includes monogamy and long-term sexual fidelity, sexual compatibility is essential. Full stop.
6. FEELING LIKE Financial Concerns Are Potentially ProblematicGiphy
I have a few friends who also work with couples, and something that we all agree is pretty baffling is when an engaged couple is in premarital counseling (more on that in just a sec) and one or both of them get triggered when the topic of presenting their credit score and financial history comes up. Umm, did you think that your partner wasn’t going to find out eventually anyway — or is that your end game: to spring it onto them after you jump the broom?
A lot of people don’t want to talk about the fact that a person’s financial habits and lifestyle typically reveal a lot about them: do they keep their word by paying their bills on time; are they mature enough to wait to make certain purchases instead of being an impulsive shopper; is getting and/or staying out of debt a priority to them; what is their credit because, if it’s bad, do they get that it will directly affect you on some level?
You know, I know someone who’s now ex-wife’s father said to him at their wedding, “Good luck. She’s a handful.” Her father was right. She was reckless with money. She ran up debt by getting credit cards that her husband knew nothing about. She spent thousands of dollars on basically inconsequential things. SMDH. With financial issues remaining in the top five of reasons why divorces transpire, you are absolutely doing yourself a grave disservice by not getting to know your partner intimately on a financial level. You can do this by asking questions like:
- What were you taught about money as a kid?
- What are your spending habits like?
- Do you have a financial plan for your future?
- How much is currently in your savings account?
- What is your tax situation like (lawd!)?
- How do you prioritize your bills?
- How much debt do you currently have?
- How do you feel about prenups?
- Do you think we should have joint accounts?
- Have you considered retirement yet?
If this seems like “a lot” or invasive, that’s already a problem because this doesn’t even really scratch the service of the type of inquiries that you should make. For instance, I know a wife who has two jobs right now because her husband, although he made pretty good money when they first got married, he is more interested in pursuing dreams than covering the bills. She didn’t know that about him before marriage, and so now…here she is — financially frustrated, which ultimately takes its toll on the relationship at one point or another. Consider yourself warned.
7. FEELING LIKE Premarital Counseling Should Be Highly PrioritizedGiphy
One of the best ways to describe the benefits of any type of therapy is to say that, while clients tend to see things from the “inside out,” therapists/counselors/life coaches choose to look at matters from the “outside in.” In fact, they are trained to do so. This can be highly beneficial when it comes to participating in premarital counseling because you need someone who is not emotionally invested in the way that you and your partner are to raise some questions, issues, or concerns that you may not have thought about or considered otherwise.
Hey, just because I am a marriage life coach, you don’t have to take my word for it. Various studies reveal that not only can premarital counseling help to decrease a couple’s chances of divorce by as much as 50 percent (others say that the percentile is more like 30, which is still pretty good odds), other research cites that marriages are 80 percent better off when premarital counseling transpired.
I’ll say this: There’s a guy I know who is what I call a “nice guy narcissist.” I’ve known him for years, and to say that he has A LOT of issues is a major understatement. When I mentioned to him that he should definitely get into premarital counseling right after he announced that he was engaged, he first said that it was on his to-do list. Then he said that he and his fiancée had spoken with a few people, yet no one was a good fit. Then he said that they resorted to reading books instead.
Uh-huh. Red flags all over the place because if you can come up with thousands of dollars for an engagement ring and wedding, you can come up with 1-2 percent of that total cost (literally) to invest in some premarital counseling. My discernment says that he didn’t want a counselor to pick up on some stuff that could either delay the nuptials or make his soon-to-be bride want to call off the wedding altogether — and that’s pretty much my point: it is so much better to end an engagement than to end a marriage.
On the flip side, if you want to move forward with your partner, you will feel so much better if you get some objective insights and tips to make your relationship last than if you try and wing something as multi-layered as marriage all by yourself.
8. FEELING LIKE You Should Wait a Little Bit LongerGiphy
At one point or another, most of us have heard the saying, “When in doubt, don’t” — and you know what? There is a lot of truth in that, especially when it comes to making relationship-related decisions. One of the reasons why I say that is, it’s almost countless at this point, the amount of people who told me that the week (sometimes even the night) before their wedding, they wanted to call things off yet they didn’t because they already spent a lot of money, they didn’t want to disappoint other people, or they told themselves that it was “cold feet.”
I’ve already taken up a lot of your time, and this could honestly be its own article. I’ll just try and simplify this point by saying: If you feel like you need to rush into anything, that’s typically rooted in pressure or fear — and it’s honestly never a good idea to make any serious decision in those types of headspaces.
To be ready to do something means that you are “completely prepared or in fit condition for immediate action or use” and “duly equipped, completed, adjusted, or arranged, as for an occasion or purpose.” If you don’t think that you are, he is, and/or the relationship is ready for marriage, you are actually loving yourself and your partner by slowing things down rather than speeding things up. So, if you feel like you should wait to get married, you absolutely should.
This was a lot. MARRIAGE IS A LOT. Yet I hope that this either gives you the confidence that you need to move forward or the support that you need to speak up. Because again, if something doesn’t feel quite right, there’s usually a solid reason (or set of reasons) why. Love you and him enough to not ignore what it may be. You both deserve, at least, that much, sis. Straight up.
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