Hollywood Director Nzingha Stewart Shares Why It’s Important To Stand Tall In Your Vision
Nzingha Stewart has never been one to back down from a challenge. At the start of her career, the challenge was getting behind the camera back when female directors were an anomaly, where she shot over a hundred music videos such as Common's "The Light," Sunshine Anderson's "Heard It All Before," and Nivea's "Don't Mess With My Man". She then transitioned into the television world, adding shows like Grey's Anatomy and Scandal to her carefully crafted resume. And when Hollywood hesitated to open up their doors, she burst through them by writing and directing her own TV films With This Ring (Regina Hall, Jill Scott and Eve) and Love By the 10th Date ( Meagan Good, Andra Fuller, and Keri Hilson).
For Nzingha, being a black woman isn't a limitation; it's an opportunity.
While the entertainment industry may try to put directors of color in a box, women like Nzingha think outside of them—leaving a noteworthy trail of creative clips for future filmmakers to follow. Though the ethnic name that she adopted while on a trip to Senegal may sometimes cause the industry to turn a blind eye to her talents, Nzingha refuses to play Stevie Wonder along with them. Instead, she continues to prove that black women can tell narratives beyond that of their own. Her latest feature film, Tall Girl (Netflix), tells the story of a teenage girl who overcomes her insecurities and stands tall in who she is, a theme that all people can relate to.
In this xoChat, the director shares how she overcame feeling uncomfortable in her own skin, why she'd rather do good work than try to change people's minds, and the importance of standing firm in your vision, even in the midst of opposition.
xoNecole: What drew you to the script for Netflix’s ‘Tall Girl’?
Nzingha Stewart: There's a kind of sweetness and pain of adolescence. When I was the age of watching John Hughes movies, I felt like they spoke to me because they were so honest and allowed kids to have this real feel of vulnerability. I wanted to make that movie for this generation. I wanted to be able to talk to them like your feelings at this age and your insecurities, all of that is valid and it's beautiful.
Courtesy of Netflix
Was there ever a moment where you felt uncomfortable in your own skin?
Oh my God, every single day (laughs). I'm a pretty shy person; even small talk is so uncomfortable. I get painfully shy sometimes and have to stay in my head and continually have a running dialogue like, "It's okay; it's just a person. Just say, 'How are you?' back." I completely relate to that. Jodi doesn't necessarily have painful shyness, but she does have insecurities, and there's a beautiful scene in the movie where she says, "Sometimes you just don't want to be seen." For me, it might be a part of why I'm so shy, because I'm afraid that I'll say something crazy or embarrass myself, and I think that character has a similar thing. She just doesn't want to be seen.
Where did you grow up, and how did it influence your style of writing and directing?
I'm from Brooklyn, New York originally, and then moved to Atlanta for all of my high school years. When I was in New York I went to the United Nations International School (UNIS). At UNIS, every kind of person on earth was represented there. It was like you're a minority if you're American. So, I do feel like I grew up at an early age just learning all people have an interesting story, and they don't have to look like you; they don't have to have the same story as yours, but there are things that we can all relate to. Like with Tall Girl, maybe I'm not 6'2'', but I do relate to the insecurity, and it really is just lovely when you can connect over just having a shared experience.
You started your career creating music videos for artists such as Common, Eve, Jay-Z, and 50 Cent, and then transitioned into commercials and television and film. What made you focus on music videos at the beginning of your career?
I loved music videos (laughs). I was one of those kids who came home super early after school, and writing felt like something where if you didn't have any money and you were a black girl, you could do that without anything else. I wasn't from one of those families where we had a film camera and a projector. If you get this McDonald's meal on Sunday, feel blessed. It felt like writing was something I could at least control; I didn't have an excuse that I didn't have this or that.
So I could write, but I always felt like my heart was in the visual image. When I got to New York, it would be somebody who wanted to rap who had some money—probably not from legal sources—but wanted to rap, so I got to build a reel of just local rappers. Building that kind of reel got me other work and got me the video with Common, which became a hit, and then led to everything else.
At that time in your career, what was it like for black women music video directors?
Here's what's interesting. Most people weren't used to seeing black women on set as a director. However, because I was in music videos, it was a different experience than being in Hollywood and feature films because I was working with rappers, so I was working with black men. They had grown up a lot of the time with single moms—where their mom may have only had $5, but you were going to eat, clothes were going to be clean, and stuff was going to be in order. So, there was a difference when I would work with them because they believed that I could do it. There wasn't a doubt. The fights weren't patronizing; they were just fights. There was a respect there. But when I started taking meetings in Hollywood, there wasn't that belief that I could do it in the way that there was in a Jay-Z, 50 Cent and Kanye who saw their mom put things together.
Courtesy of Netflix
"When I started taking meetings in Hollywood, there wasn't that belief that I could do it in the way that there was in a Jay-Z, 50 Cent and Kanye who saw their mom put things together."
How did you overcome those doubts from people?
I don't think you can change their mind; I think you have to change your mind. There's something very real [about] just staring down the universe and being like I'm going to stand here and get my way. I don't care what it looks like right now; I'm going to do this. I don't care how many times I get knocked down, I'm just going to stay here until the universe is finally just like, 'Fine,' and you start to see things happen.
But it's very hard to change people's mind. There's no incentive for them to change their minds because what if you do mess up? What if they're right? What proof do you have that you're any different than anybody else? So, you have to change your mind and say, "I know I'm this good and I'm not moving until everything else falls in line."
"You have to change your mind and say, 'I know I'm this good and I'm not moving until everything else falls in line.'"
In an interview you said you haven’t always protected your vision, especially very early in your episodic career. Can you speak to how you learned to stay true to your vision without coming across as the “difficult black woman”? Is that even something that comes up in the TV/Film world?
It definitely does. I mean, it came up in Tall Girl. You have to know the material so well from the inside-out that you know when it's right to fight for something. You almost have to remind yourself, 'If I fight for this I might be seen as difficult, if I don't I might be seen as not good, because I know later on in the edit, I'm going to need that.' So I would rather fight and be seen as difficult, than to not fight and to be seen as a hack.
Was there something in particular that you had to fight for in ‘Tall Girl’?
In Tall Girl, there was a scene at the end where I just went home feeling like we didn't get it, and I know no one is going to want to spend the money to do this again, but I know in my gut that we didn't get it. So, I went to the producers and I went to Netflix. Luckily, they were like if you really feel that way we trust you and we can reshoot the scene, and they gave me everything I needed to make it happen again. Which, you never want to reshoot something, but I'm so happy seeing the finished result that I listened to that inner voice.
Television is different because then you really cannot be difficult, black or otherwise. You have to realize that in TV, the writer is the boss, and they're not hiring you so much for your vision as for your eye. They want you to protect their vision, so you have to go into it differently.
Courtesy of Netflix
"I would rather fight and be seen as difficult, than to not fight and to be seen as a hack."
Where do you get your creative inspiration?
Keep the tank full in terms of making time when you're busy to watch as much as you can watch, go to exhibits—just be around creativity. Even a trip to the gallery can spark something. Understand that part of your work is creatively refilling. Going to a concert, going to a museum, checking out a photography show, all of those things are part of the work.
For more of Nzingha, follow her on Instagram.Tall Girl is now streaming on Netflix.
Featured image by Getty Images
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There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
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Thread Goals
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Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
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Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
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HBCU Love FUBU
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Drip Check
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54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
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Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Should You Start Off As Friends? Science Says Absolutely.
Whenever people in my space take cracks at Tubi (remember it’s free, y’all), although there is some content that warrants it (Lord knows), what I will oftentimes say is there are also some gems featured on there that can make the sifting process totally worth your while.
Take the movieSocial, for example. It’s about a Black guy who is dealing with social anxiety. The man who has the lead role’s name is Gary Champion, and without even expecting that I was going to find his choices in roles fascinating, I do. It’s mostly because I recently saw him in another movie (yep, on the same platform) entitled Flew'd Out. It’s quirky and even flat-out bizarre on a lot of levels, yet that seems to be his thing: picking unexpected indie projects.
So, what does that have to do with anything (as it relates to today’s topic)? Well, as you can just about guess, Flew’d Out is about a woman who has men fly her out, then she tapes them and posts them on her socials in order to humiliate them and gain her some online clout whenever the transactions don’t go the way that she wants them to. Anyway, the ultimate fallout comes from her pulling that on the wrong — or right, depending on how you choose to ultimately look at it, I guess — guy.
The entire time that I watched it, mostly what I did was double-down on the points that I made in an article that I wrote last year for the site, “Guess What? Dating Was Never Supposed To Be Transactional.” Ugh. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it over a billion times before that when you don’t know the purpose of something, it is almost guaranteed that you will misuse or abuse it.
And when it comes to trying to find a healthy, solid, and long-term relationship (if that is indeed your goal, that is), being out here looking for a date that comes with the highest price tag, just so you brag about it on IG or to your friends? That isn’t going to ultimately get you what you want. All you’re going to do is attract the same opportunistic energy that you are putting out — and opportunists aren’t friends. All they really do is use each other.
Hmph. So many folks say that the dating pool has pee in it; meanwhile, I can’t help but wonder if a part of the reason why it’s that way is because the foundation of relationships, overall, are super dysfunctional at this point — and a big part of the reason why is because people are overlooking what should be a core element of any romantic connection: FRIENDSHIP.
I’m not the only one who thinks this way, either. Science does, too.
Just Like I Always Suspected, Successful Relationships Have Friendship As Its Foundation
GiphyAbout a month ago, The New York Times featured a Black couple who shared their love story. The title of the piece was, “After Years of Almost-Dates, a Romance Grows Between Friends.” The gist of it all is Cory and Stephanie have known each other since high school, they used to have lockers close to one another, they would walk home with each other after school and, although Stephanie was a couple of years older than Cory (which we all know is a pretty big deal in high school) and she had a boyfriend back then, they did happen to cultivate a friendship (bookmark that).
After high school, Cory and Stephanie ended up staying in touch and then, years later, they discovered that they both worked for the same company in Manhattan. So, in order to catch up, they met up for a meal, and afterward, Stephanie invited Cory to watch The Walking Dead with her at her place. Both of them referred to that as their “second first date” because it was a date that happened after years of almost-attempts at experiencing an official one (whether they initially realized it before or not).
During the pandemic, Cory and Stephanie spent more quality time together which caused Cory to ultimately realize that he had found his “one.” After four years of returning back to the restaurant of their second first date, Cory had loved ones meet them there so that he could propose. Stephanie said “yes” and they were married this past spring. Right before their wedding, they revisited their high school and the principal gave them a banner with the name of the high school on it; they used it as a part of their wedding day decor. Precious.
FRIENDSHIP.
Did you peep how organically and (relatively) smoothly everything evolved between Cory and Stephanie? It was because they both took their time to get to know each other. Did you also notice that there was no stratagem or cryptic agenda involved or even any pressure? Very early on, Cory and Stephanie decided that they were going to be friends and, if something came of it, cool. If not, there was still going to be a friendship intact so…also cool. Beautiful.
And you know what, just like Cory and Stephanie used their ever-evolving friendship to develop a relationship that ultimately turned them into husband and wife, science recommends that all people take the same approach…because it has proven to be a successful one. In fact, a particular popular study revealed that “the percentage of friends-first romantic couples varied from 40% to 73%. Friends-first initiation was even higher among married couples and homosexual relationships.”
The study went on to say that even if things start out as a friends-with-benefits dynamic, it has a 42% success rate when it comes to ultimately/eventually turning into something more. That’s not all. Something else that I found to be interesting about the research is only 30 percent of people said that they were initially sexually attracted to their now-partner; yep, 70 percent said that their feelings shifted over time.
Another pretty relevant thing that the study revealed is almost half of the individuals who participated in it would prefer for a relationship to start from a friendship rather than meeting someone at a party or online.
So, if there is solid data that proves that starting off as friends is certainly the best route to go, why don’t more people prioritize it? Good question.
So, Why Do More People Not Prioritize Friendship Before a Relationship?
GiphyThought Catalog is a website that has some cool essays on it from time to time. One that was published, shoot, a decade ago is entitled “To The Guy I Left In The Friend Zone For Too Long.” For the most part, it’s a personal narrative that is filled with regret because the author wishes that she had never friend-zoned a guy; now, she is hoping that she will give him another chance.
Look, it’s its own article that a lot of people friend-zone folks who would be great partners, and it’s all because they were never taught to prioritize establishing a friendship with a potential significant other in the first place. Y’all, even though attraction and chemistry are absolutely essential in a relationship, ask married folks who’ve been together for longer than five years about how much friendship has gotten them through the challenging times in their dynamic (check out “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?”).
Yeah, it really is wild to me how some people seem to underestimate the importance of friendship qualities like honesty, support, and good communication until after they commit to someone, which is actually why their relationship doesn’t go the distance; they were out here mostly only caring about if someone looks good and/or is great in bed or they just wanted to be in a relationship for having one’s sake when that stuff is to be icing far more than cake.
And how did so many find themselves in that predicament? Hmph. My older goddaughter is officially a teenager now, and while I tell her often that liking boys is completely normal, Auntie Shellie ain’t playin’ that “he cheated on me” or even “I have a boyfriend” nonsense with her. You are 13, chile — you have friends. You need to learn how to be friends with a boy, so that you can value friendship so that you can know how to properly navigate a relationship when you are actually old (and by “old”, what I mean is mature) enough to have one.
Yep — a lot of people, unfortunately, from as early as middle school on, thought, too much about the “girl” in girlfriend or the “boy” in boyfriend that they never factored in the FRIEND part. I actually recently read an article on The Jasmine Brand where Erykah Badu said that very thing about her relationship with her once-upon-a-time boyfriend and father of her firstborn, André 3000:
“When we became boyfriend and girlfriend in the ‘90s, we didn’t become friends first. We were attracted to each other first…We had stuff in common, but we didn’t learn all of that until over the years...Over these years, we’ve just become closer and closer as friends, as humans, as man, as woman…He’s one of my best friends on the planet.”
Listen, being friends is how you get to genuinely know someone. Being friends is how you can figure out if your lives truly mesh beyond the surface. Being friends is how you prioritize the qualities that make for a healthy and lasting relationship. So yes, it absolutely makes all of the sense in the world that science would say that people should start off as friends if they want their relationship to have a far greater chance at being successful.
3 Things That Can Shift Your Thinking About Guys Who Actually Have More-than-Friends Potential
GiphyOkay, but what if you’ve always been “programmed” to think that a relationship and a friendship are totally different things? What I mean by that is, what if you’ve always thought that if you are physically and emotionally into someone, that is not the same thing as being actual friends with them? In order to change your thinking, what should you do?
1. Use “just a friend” less.
I have a lot of male friends and all of them are pretty impressive in their own way, if I do say so myself. Because I am peacefully single, sometimes I get asked about why some of them aren’t more than friends to me, so I get why you may reply to a similar question with, “He’s just a friend.” At the same time, because I’ve personally learned to value friendship more than ever, I have chosen to frame that differently. Why?
Because that response low-key sounds like a friend isn’t of high value and merit. As a result, sometimes, even if a guy in our life has the potential to evolve into something more, saying that he’s “just a friend” programs us into thinking that 1) a friend is lower in value and 2) it doesn’t have the ability to change. That said, think of the guys who you say are “just a friend.” Taking into account my breakdown, why do you say that? Next sentence: Is that 100 percent accurate?
2. Understand what a relationship is about.
In The National’s article, “Is friendship the new marriage? Experts give their bestie advice,” one of the points that it makes is, “Friendships offer a unique blend of unconditional support, mutual interests, and shared experiences that differ from romantic relationships...They often lack the pressures and expectations that can accompany romantic relationships, allowing for more straightforward communication and acceptance." I totally agree and it definitely irks me that people seem to have more grace, mercy, and forgiveness in friendships than in relationships — and I think it’s because individuals better understand the purpose of friendships vs. relationships.
Honestly, a relationship should be a friendship that consists of a desire to intimately share all of the nuances of your life with another individual while being sexually connected and profoundly committed.
In other words, a relationship should be a “2.0 version” of a friendship; it definitely shouldn’t be something that is void of one. Yet…many relationships are, which is why there is very little patience, compassion, and resilience in them. Sad. Very sad.
3. Take the pressure off.
Pressure may make diamonds; however, you know what else it creates? STRESS and please tell me when a stress-filled relationship has truly benefitted anyone. You know, some of the best relationships have happened when things didn’t come with stress, ultimatums, and agendas — instead, they evolved organically, which literally means that they developed, over the course of time, without the use of force (of any kind) or pressure.
By putting a friendship first and allowing it to grow, you’ll be amazed at what you will discover — about what you need/don’t need, want/don’t want, and how much a true friendship will benefit a relationship in the long run. Know what else? Less pressure allows room and space for authenticity and trust; that way, you can know who you are truly dealing with beyond surface-level attraction or oxytocin highs (good sex).
____
Me? I’m always gonna be a huge fan of relationships that were birthed out of friendships because I like houses that are built on solid foundations.
Some of y’all will catch that later…please make sure that you do. #wink
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images