Exclusive: Our MCM Trevor Jackson Says His Biggest Lessons Come From Heartbreak
Most heartbreakers would be banished to the "Do Not Disturb" abyss, but Trevor Jackson has broken a heart (or two) for good reason.
It's no surprise the 21-year-old Grown-ish star has a few love lessons under his belt. Similar to his on-screen character, he's attractive, smart, and can crack a joke with the best of 'em—a catch by any millennial's standards. Still, like the rest of us, it's not easy navigating the uncertain waters of situationships and swiping right. But what the multi-hyphenate artist (singer/actor/dancer) does know about the emotion, he puts it on wax.
Jackson recently released Rough Drafts Pt. 1, a colorful 15-track LP, on which he sings, raps and displays his self-taught guitar skills about lust, loving the girl who tolerates his faults, and dealing with the ultra-exposed world of fame. Inspired in part by Prince, the project, housed under his Born Art/Empire imprint, explores Jackson's rock, country, trap, and Caribbean influences; a mesh of sounds that doesn't exactly follow a specific concept like other LPs, which Trevor prefers. "There's not one song that everyone likes," he says. "People are really gravitating toward the entire project. It goes to show that every song has its own kinda feel."
Despite being jet-lagged from traipsing the country for Justine Skye's ULTRAVIOLET tour, a press tour, and readying the release of Director X-helmed remake, Superfly, the triple threat is alert and candid about his heartbreak, how God's love steers his life path, and most importantly what's next for his career.
xoNecole: The finale and second to last episode of Grown-ish was a big deal. We got to see Zoey (Yara Shahidi) choose between Aaron and Luca, and these are two guys with very different approaches to a relationship with her. How similar are you to Aaron and how he pulled up on Zoey?
Trevor Jackson: I'd say the communication is similar. You can never really act as if you're with someone until you have that conversation. It has to be verbal so that there's no guessing. Communication is key. And the way that Aaron does it, I definitely agree with. If there's ever a moment in my life where I feel that way about someone, I have to tell them, especially if I want to be with them.
"Communication is key... If there's ever a moment in my life where I feel that way about someone, I have to tell them."
Right. Just be upfront about it. What were your thoughts about the season as a whole and the reception you all got?
I was overwhelmed in a great way. Obviously shooting it, I knew it would be amazing but just being able to see the response and the relatability that the show has, the concepts, the stories that we're telling are very poignant and on-the-nose for this day and age, and that's crazy to be a part of.
It definitely seems like a show in 10 or 15 years that people will look back and acknowledge that this was a great snapshot of life as a young 20-something or late teen in America.
Yeah, and I feel that's needed. People want to feel not alone, and this show definitely brings people together like, 'Oh, we all go through the same stuff.'
What are you personal thoughts on dating in this generation?
I don't know, man. I don't think there's any rule to doing it, 'cause people, especially two people and the way they interact, are so specific. One way you go about it with one person can be completely different [than with someone else]. One person can wait two months before they kiss a person — there's just no way to know. I just go off my feelings and instincts.
Do you think our generation is expecting too much from dating, as far as wanting that long-term forever love?
Anything's possible. Honestly. If you actually want to do it, it's possible.
On "Apocalypse", you reference God. Do you feel your religious beliefs inform the way you love in romantic relationships?
I guess you can say that. My relationship with God bleeds into anything I do, which is what I prefer. I never want to go into anything alone. God always knows more than me, so I tend to have Him surrounding whatever I'm doing.
Sidebar, what is your religious background? Did you grow up in the church?
I didn't grow up in church, but I started my relationship with God with I was about 14. I go to One Church now, and I love Jesus. I don't know the Bible backwards and forwards, but I've felt God before and that feeling is like no other.
OK, dope. So, on "Broken Hearted", you talk about being damaged emotionally in some ways. How have you healed from heartbreak?
I write music. I actually have a whole album called Unlovable that I already have done, and it's about that. About breaking up and not being with the person that you were with every day and you feel like a part of you is just gone.
How do you deal with breaking someone else's heart?
Well, that's the only way that my heart has been damaged is because I've broken someone else's heart. And that is not the best feeling. The reason that I did is because I felt like I had a lot of growing up to do. I didn't want to drag anybody I was with through that. It just was not the right time. I don't regret it though because it would be worse if I didn't do it.
Do you feel like heartbreak has changed you?
Oh yeah. All the way. It's just a maturity thing. Nothing's for certain. Everything that you think is for you may not be and sometimes you have to step outside of yourself and look at it from a different perspective. Once you're in love and in something, you're so in it that it seems like it's the end all be all and there's nothing else. So I kinda had to go through that, and be like, 'Wow you'll be OK.'
Sounds like it's the good kind of heartbreak. You're saving that person from some bullshit down the line.
Right. It's just hard to see that bit of it though when you're not with someone.
How would you define love?
At this point in my life, love is someone you can't live without. But you have to look at yourself and be like, "Why do I love this person?" I think you have to grow into love, there are different stages and the older you get, the more experiences you get, love can mean different things.
If you could describe your perfect relationship using a song title from Rough Drafts Pt. 1, which song would it be?
"Broken Hearted" because it's a non-judgemental love. I'm very different because I've been through a lot of life very quickly, so I'm just a little bit crazy, and that's a song about someone who loves me past all of that. They understand me. Like, 'Although you're crazy, you're wounded and you're bruised, I'm still here to love you.' So that's the love I hope to receive and the love I hope to give.
What kind of man do you hope to become, outside of your art?
I always want to be who God wants me to be, so that's first. Also, I just hope to be the best at whatever I decide to do. I want to become more patient in my life. I always try to be and do good, and my intent is always a loving spirit. And you can never become someone you're not proud of if you live like that.
Within your work, what do you hope for the future?
I want to direct an Oscar award-winning movie. Yeah, I want to start directing that's why I've been doing all my own videos recently. It's painting my picture, my brush, the way I see it. It's coming from head to the screen, which is pretty amazing. So I want to keep sharpening that tool.
"It's painting my picture, my brush, the way I see it."
For more Trevor Jackson, follow him on Instagram. Be sure to catch him in this summer's Superfly, in theaters June 15. And if you haven't already, listen to Rough Drafts, Pt. 1.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Niki McGloster is a Maryland-based writer and co-founder of her sweat. She has written for ESSENCE, Genius, Billboard, VIBE and Teen Vogue. Follow her on Twitter at @missjournalism.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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