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Ladies, You're Not Going To Survive The Rest Of 2020 Without These Group Chats
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Ladies, You're Not Going To Survive The Rest Of 2020 Without These Group Chats

Lord, we are tired. We tired, Lord.

Life & Travel

Lord, we are tired. We tired, Lord. We've made it to the fall season and we don't know if we can handle anymore, Lord.

If you haven't realized, there's only three more months remaining in this year! We've almost made it through the gauntlet—2020, you're almost gone, sis!

And for my Debbie-Downers, yes, I know that doesn't mean our problems are going to magically disappear, and yes, I know that COVID is still jigging all over the place. But sometimes a girl has got to look at the positives, m'kay?

And I don't know about you, but seriously, in addition to keeping my mind healthy, if it weren't for my variety of group chats, at this point, I would be questioning 2 + 2 (because after this year, the answer damn sure isn't 4 anymore)—which got me to thinking: in a distanced society, how can we make sure we tighten up what we allow to penetrate our minds?

The best way? Solid, focused communication; no distractions. No BS. All support.

According to GroupMe research, 43% of people feel like pop culture, and/or memes, are the only topics discussed in their group chats. Um, ew. No, ma'am. There's no better time than now to tighten up what we allow to nourish us mentally. It's becoming a twilight zone out there.

So, a list of group chats that you're gonna need to finish out this year are these:

Neighborhood

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Listen, it takes a village. And this oddly seems to be a lost art. Ladies, I know that some things may not be our business, and you're right, it's not. But bottom line, you need to know what is going on in your neighborhood. And not in a "Karen" way, but more so in a "Claire Huxtable" way, especially if you have kids. Get to know your neighbors, don't frown at an invite. You can't be everywhere, so it takes a village (there goes that saying again) to protect all of your assets. Additionally, your sense of community lies here.

If you're not interested in joining a direct conversational tool for your neighborhood, seek out Facebook groups or pages. You should not solely rely on the news, join an additional form of communication. Now, stop being anti- and go ahead and wave at Judy, sis!

Finance 

Apple split its stock.

This natural resource company may be interesting to invest in.

Make sure to complete your trust.

Roth IRA vs. 401K?

I'm thinking of putting an offer in on this three-flat.

Add your child as an authorized user to your credit cards to build their credit by the time they leave the home.

Girls, we're all getting older. And the above, are the type of conversations that we need to be having sooner than not. Money is a tricky subject because so many don't understand it. And even then, to be honest, there's so much that we don't know. Link with like-minded people who understand money. And I don't mean fraud or get-rich-quick schemes, I mean those that are thoroughlydiscussing money. Mortgage rates, tax breaks, LLC formation, acquisitions, or optimizing investment funds and shareholders.

All the scary stuff. We need to know about it.

Good Reads

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Books will never go out of style. And learning the way of the world, won't either. Whether articles, or books, or audio, take the time to understand something. Order some books to escape reality. Or because of the stresses of society, seek books which allow you to suppress your anxiety. Whatever form you choose, do it. We can't champion this world alone. Book recommendations, or articles sent from friends are a love language. Indulge.

Cousins

As we age, what we've all mostly learned is that family is a tough code to break. Too many generations of not so progressive behaviors, generational curses, poor mental health practices, and so on and so forth (I could name like hundreds of different variables) run freely in everyone's family, but who else is responsible for keeping it together? It's us. Not to be confused with a family chat, but a cousin chat is necessary in those times when we need to organize what's to come. Where's Thanksgiving dinner this year? The family reunion? Do we have everything? Or our elders may need someone to reach out to for simply assistance on how the world works now. That obligation falls on our shoulders.

So, whether we want to or not, it is our job to keep the family in (somewhat) tact.

Everyone has had a turn to do so. It's ours now.

Prayer/Positivity

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Ladies, we need positivity. We need someone to speak life over us. We need celebration. We need a space where we can tell someone our good news. We need someone to stop us when we're gossiping. We need conversations where everyone was given the benefit of the doubt. We need prayer. We need spiritual guidance and protection...

The world is negative, society is negative. And that's only because we've allowed negative spirits and cynicism to take over. Be intentional in your thinking. Be intentional in conversation. And there's no time to just discuss it. Live it.

Active/Fitness & Health

Health is wealth, ladies. So, we have to prioritize our time to learn about ways to sustain our health. Vitamin recommendations, or weekly yoga classes. Workout classes or city fitness events. We have to find ways to stay on top of this. Or maybe you just need accountability without the nag. These type of group chats allow you to maintain activity in some form.

Plus, that blood pressure and cholesterol number is nothing to play with.

I recently joined a black bike club that rides regularly, which is all they look to do. They ask where you are if you miss a trip. They follow-up and follow-through. They challenge themselves, and they'll challenge you. A friend of mine runs a black women's hiking chapter. These are just two examples, there's a plethora of other ways to engage about fitness.

General Girlfriend Chat

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Now, you know the homies get a chat before anyone. Why? Because it's damn near necessary. We all have one, we all need one. The comfort, the comedy, the accountability. Crucial.

I cannot tell you how many times I have had bad days, or I've been enraged about something, and I ran to my friend chat to discuss. And instantly, everything had become OK. As women, we are always in our heads. Sometimes, we deserve moments where we can step outside of ourselves and hear, "Yeah, you're trippin', girl" or "Well, how did you feel about that?" Or hell, maybe you just want to tell a funny story. Whatever the case, your girlfriends' chat should always be there to catch whatever you're throwing.

And the best thing about your general girlfriend chat, is that you should easily—and fundamentally—be able to discuss all of the above too.

Join us in the xoTribe community and gain access to Mentor Mondays, bi-weekly workshops from our dating and career coaches, an archive of digital fireside chats, and virtual happy hours. Plus, connect with Necole, the xoNecole squad and a community of empowering women committed to being their best selves. Find your tribe today!

Featured image by Shutterstock

The Mamie 'Till' Movie Wants To Empower Us

Sitting in the theater getting ready to watch Nopefor the third time, I was excited, like a good film nerd, to see my friend's first-time reactions to the fun UFO horror-comedy. My heart sank immediately when a trailer for the film Till, which follows the life and legacy of Emmett Till's mother, Mamie, started playing first.

My knee-jerk reaction, of course, comes from years of watching film and TV that have exploited Black trauma onscreen and were created with little (if any) consideration for what could emotionally trigger the Black audience. The 1955 murder of Emmett Till is so heartbreaking and inherently violent; would this film make us live through that violence on screen?

Fortunately, no!

This week, before watching Gina Prince-Bythewood's incredible The Woman King, a featurette for Till played in place of a trailer and it soothed my fears.

"There will be no physical violence against Black people on screen," the film's award-winning director and co-writer Chinonye Chukwu says in the featurette. "I'm not interested in relishing in that kind of physical trauma. We're going to begin and end in a place of joy," she says.

Starring Danielle Deadwyler (whose heartfelt performance on HBO's Station Eleven stole the show) as Mamie, Till is a celebration of Mamie's tireless activism which sparked the civil rights movement that continues today and ultimately culminated in President Biden signing the Emmett Till Anti-Lynching Act into law just a few months ago in March 2022. "Mamie Till Mobley is a hero," says Alana Mayo, president of Orion Pictures, the production company behind the film. "I'm really, really committed to making movies not just by us, but for us," Mayo says in the featurette.

After a private screening of Till, this week, Trayvon Martin's mother, Sybrina Fulton, tweeted that the film was "#Powerful" and "a must see."

Mamie's story of courage in the face of unspeakable tragedy deserves to be told--especially as we continue the fight for civil rights today. Knowing that the Black filmmakers behind the film are centering Black joy and aiming for our empowerment through the film makes a world of difference.

TILLis in theaters October 14.

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