To get the deets on winter nail trends, I went to an expert: Maia Alejandro, founder of FOR TMRW, a non-toxic nail polish brand. Keep reading for more on this season's go-to nail colors.
1. The Milk Bath
White after Labor Day no longer applies to our wardrobes. So it certainly doesn't apply to white nail polish. However, Alejandro says there's a trending upgrade. "A truly chic look I love for cozy season are milk bath nails," she tells xoNecole. "Creamy, white nails that mimic just fallen snow are the perfect addition to your winter nail look."
2. The Chocolate Glazed Mani
Here's the thing: We know the glazed mani has been around forever. OK, maybe not forever, but certainly since the '90s. However, like most things in beauty and fashion, trends make their way back around. And because of that, the glazed mani is one that's here to stay. To bring it into the cooler months, Alejandro recommends a warmer take. Think: browns and skin tone-matching nudes before adding a layer of glaze polish.
3. Red Nails
Whether you think red nails are for more seasoned women or not, the fiery hue is undoubtedly on trend (cc: the "red nail theory"). Red is this season's version of the neons and bright shades we often see as the weather heats up. "I think bright reds are a perfect way to enjoy this season with a bit of spice," Alejandro says with excitement. "They offer a pop of color for our winter wardrobes."
4. Grounding Greens and Browns
"Unconventional greens are so hot for cozy season," Alejandro shares. And she notes that you can do more with it than go solid. "This shade works perfectly as a modern French mani, plus it's so calming during this extra busy season." Additionally, she notes earthy browns are at the top of this season's nail color wishlist. "I love earthy browns for this cozy season as well. Nothing keeps you warmer than a grounding color that reminds us to slow down and enjoy the simpler things in life."
5. Chrome, Chrome, And More Chrome
Going chrome is more than just on trend this season. Chrome hues instantly say holiday and will match any outfit you curate this season. With chrome nails, you can go silver or gold (or mix them) to give your nails a metallic pop. For good measure, don't be afraid to add some extra bling.
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Now, at 33, she's a basketball analyst, reporter, and host for ESPN and MSG Networks, and co-hosts the SALA Series podcast. Below, she talks more about how she manages her career while flourishing in love, the power of taking out time to do absolutely nothing, and why she's always going to offer a dose of PG County, Maryland charm wherever she goes.
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xoNecole: What motivates you to come into the studio every day?
Monica McNutt: I love my job. Basketball has opened so many doors for me and brought me so many great opportunities. The opportunity to have conversations about the best players in the world with some of the best sports broadcasters in the world---my feet hit the ground in terms of gratitude. Pursuing a passion as a full-time career? How dare I walk into the office with an attitude?
What inspired you to get into broadcast journalism?
When I finished playing ball at Georgetown, I was like, 'Okay, I'm probably not going into the WNBA.' So how can I stay connected to sports and basketball, which meant so much to me? At that time, I remember thinking, 'The media has no idea about all that goes into it.' So, I wanted to continue to tell the stories of athletes like myself. As I started to make my way through my career, I realized that it was particularly important to me to keep a foot in women's basketball, to celebrate that aspect of the game, and to fight for equality in that space.
I thought a bit more and was like, 'Wait, the only time I see women is as hosts and reporters. I don't see them giving opinions so much, which is why Jemele Hill was so huge in terms of me trying to find my footing and what I wanted to do in the space. I've got something to say. I want to say it, too and set an example for the women coming behind me and the people of color coming behind me.
I don't know that I would have been comfortable in the opinion space when I came out of school. In fact, I remember thinking, 'I want to be a reporter. I want to do the work and I want to tell the stories.' But, I think, as our climate has changed and the way we consume media, I see the importance of having a voice and the power in setting an example.
Bryan Bedder / Getty Images
What's an average day look like for you?
There's no typical, average, or consistent day! Ha! It doesn't exist. It's just very hit-or-miss depending on what I'm up to on any given day. I could be traveling to an NBA game as a reporter or heading to the Knicks game as an analyst. I could be doing a full day of studio shows. There's not really a ton of rhyme or reason when it comes to my day-to-day [schedule.] The only [routine] thing I try to be mindful to create for myself is at least one day off a week--- completely off.
I'm very mindful of that self-care time, which is a dope bath, with Epsom salts, candles, music. The nature of the beast is keeping up---whether it's a game broadcast or a studio broadcast or the podcast. It's important to take that time to recharge.
What other things do you do to maintain physical and mental wellness?
I go to the gym regularly. I travel with gym clothes, and even if I [only] have 20 minutes, I'm going to get that 20 minutes to get some sweat in. As I've gotten older, I start to feel wired and almost anxious. Working out is hugely important to me. I'm into my nails and I paint them at home and it's a thing I used to do with my grandmother. It's a small thing but it's my thing.
My intimate circle is hugely important to me. I kind of argue with them sometimes as to whether I'm an introvert. I don't know! I just draw a lot of energy from solo time. The nature of my career path is to have on the 'on' switch. I don't know if people realize the energy that requires, so when I get to spend time with my man or my friends and do nothing, I relish the opportunity to do nothing. When my time is free, I'm doing nothing, on purpose.
Courtesy of Monica McNutt
You mentioned your man. How do you balance your busy schedule with making time for love?
The beauty for us, and, honestly a big part of why we work, is that he's also in sports. His schedule might be nuttier than mine because once the season starts, he's full go. I think the symmetry in our paths really helps us.
Communication is a huge part of our relationship. We both have these demanding sports jobs but at the same time, our foundation is important to us. So, if you're feeling a way, we need to be able to communicate that and address it. I've gotten really lucky in that department and I'm very happy.
When you're going through uncertainty, a challenge, or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
Girl, talk about timing on this question! Ha! I've gotten to the place where my first question is, 'Okay God, what am I supposed to be learning?' This is fresh and relevant and still pressing. I am very much a believer in two things: I don't believe things just happen. I also genuinely believe that things work out. I think it's between that understanding, we have the opportunity to grow and learn. Sometimes that means I have to crack open a journal, call a mentor, or vent to a loved one. Sometimes it means me thinking through the process of how we got here.
Currently, a lot of my career in getting to ESPN, I was a freelancer. So that meant I was like a butterfly. I'd stay long enough to do the work but not long enough to get the drama. Now that I'm settling into different roles, I'm around a little longer and I'm seeing a little drama and what that feels like, and I ask myself, 'What can I control?' A lot of that has to do with my output at work, my attitude, and it has to do with being an advocate for myself in a respectful way, understanding my workplace dynamics, and relying on my team.
After I get through all those things, I just get back to the work. The bottom line for me is, the work got me here, the work will keep me here, and there's always room to grow and improve in the work.
For more of Monica, follow her on Instagram @mcnuttmonica.
Featured image courtesy of ESPN Images
As a recovering fixer, I’m guilty of trying to fix many men I've dated in the past, thinking if I'd "encourage" him to work on XYZ, he'd be a better partner for me. And to be honest, it wasn't healthy for me to find my worth in making him better versus accepting his character at face value. Instead, I should have been asking myself, can I see myself in alignment with him or is it better to just be friends? These are hard questions, I know, but essential ones you need to ask yourself in the earlier stages if you are looking to date intentionally based on your values and morals.
The author of Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships, Jayson Gaddis adds, “If I do all the work in our relationship, including paddling for both of us, and you sit on your ass, we will go in circles and never reach our destination.” What's more, instead of doing the work for two, focus on the things you need to work on for yourself and stop doing work that isn’t yours to do.
If you are finding yourself constantly trying to change your partner, here are a few things to keep in mind.
1.Ask yourself, 'Why do I want to change my partner?'
Eddie Murphy Ngapa GIFGiphyAs a recovering fixer, I have immense empathy for my fellow fixers reading this article because at most fixers’ core is the mindset to be of service in their romantic relationships. They often lead with acts of service being their primary love language, not realizing it’s causing more harm than helping anything.
As psychologist Kristin Davin, PsyD, states, “We often create an image of what we want our partner to be and focus on those traits that reinforce that image. However, over time, that lens shifts to one of wanting to change their partner."
Davin notes that some of the reasons for this include: "(1) By and large, women have an overly idealistic view of relationships. They want to change their partner to fit this idea. Men, on the other hand, think there is no need to change. (2) People have lofty expectations of both the relationship and their partner. So they start wanting their partner to change to meet those ideals. It rarely, if ever, works.”
She continues, “They may want to change their partner because there are things they don't like about them - that they often ignored in the beginning - but now have become problematic for them. As a result, relationship problems will evolve. And always trying to change your partner creates resentment. It is a relationship killer. They would rather focus on the other person meeting their needs, instead of looking inward and focus on how they can show up differently for their partner.”
Be aware of those deflectors; that’s a red flag when the other person is consistently focused on what you need to work on and not focusing on their growth or minimizing it, acting as if it’s minor compared to what you need to work on. Everyone’s battle is different, and that isn’t a healthy form of comparison as it shows a lack of accountability.
2.Are you dating their potential or who they are at face value?
I’m sure most people have dated a person or two based on “their potential.” But dating someone’s potential to some extent is a bit of a Russian roulette game based on the type of potential you're betting on. Some people aren’t even assessing a dating situation based on the other person's actions to make that potential a reality. The other person could be making no real progress, and then they are like, 'They’ll get there eventually.' That’s a bit unrealistic, but it happens more often than you can imagine.
As Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Kevin Mimms states, “There is a tendency to point toward potential (real or imagined) as a contrast to other, more damaging behavior. It may be that the potential they see is a projection of their hopes or ideals onto this person. To interpret thoughtless words or actions as demonstrative of childhood dreams is naive but understandable.”
It's important to be aware of the fact that the potential you see for a person might not be the potential they see for themselves. This form of projection is something we can sometimes subconsciously do. Instead, learn to lead by listening to understand and discerning a person’s motives by their actions.
“There is a thin line between seeing potential in someone and living your dream out through them. They may have potential, even one very similar to your dreams, but it isn’t about them when you make their growth about fulfilling your dreams.”
3.Is building a partner by trying to change them beneficial in the long run?
Fix It Fox Tv GIF by Lethal WeaponGiphyThe next time the idea of building a partner pops up, ask yourself why you want to take up that responsibility. Is there a part of you settling because you think your needs can’t be met, so you’re just trying to make this work? Are you subconsciously married to the timing you have for yourself for a relationship, marriage, kids, or all the above, making you force something that may not be for you in the long run?
As Licensed Mental Health Counselor Nicole Kleiman-Reck, LMHC, mentions, “I don’t think building a partner is beneficial since every person is unique and beautiful in his/her own way (and already fully built).” Let’s emphasize the “already fully built” part, which means there is no need for your tweaking for your personal self-gain that may not serve the person in the long run and could brew areas of resentment.
“Building a relationship with two partners is helpful, and this entails agreeing to disagree, choosing to tolerate, learning to compromise, and aiming to come to what feels like a 'win-win' outcome. It all boils down to learning to appreciate and value the different aspects that each person has to offer in the relationship, which is what makes a strong partnership based on interdependency (which is not the same as co-dependency or dependency).”
4.Introspection is key to stop trying to change a partner.
Turn inward. Building your self-awareness is essential for unlearning fixing in relationships. You may think it’s helpful in the moment, but in a long-term relationship, it will become mentally and emotionally depleting for both parties. As Davin states, “Work on yourself. The fixers are focused outside themselves and want to change and 'fix' another person rather than looking inward. Taking the time to be more introspective allows that person to question their 'fixing behavior' and what motivates them to continually engage in that behavior. It's very off-putting for the person they are trying to change."
"When we are focused on changing others, we aren't focused on what we need in a person and relationship and being honest about that but rather using our energy to change others. When we are focused on the other person, we turn our energy outwards.”
5.Understand the importance of dating people based on face value.
Dont Ever Change Season 2 GIF by Living SingleGiphyLet me explain, acceptance = peace.
As Kleiman-Reck suggests, “I think it is of the utmost importance to take people at face value and accept them based on where they are now. The thing is, you can ask someone to change, and you can inspire someone to change, but you cannot make them change. The better question is, what are YOU going to change to feel happier in your relationship (or in any aspect of life, for that matter)?” This is a tough question to ask oneself, but an essential one to train your mind back to working on the only person you can change, YOU!
“Life is too short to distract yourself from changing others. Changing your belief system on what makes a fulfilling relationship will help with acceptance and joy that is usually there for the taking.”
A healthy bond’s foundation starts and ends with acceptance. To my fixers, I know it’s not an easy fix, but it is a worthy one. Imagine a world of you just being responsible for how you show up in the relationship and not ignoring the red flags that he or she doesn’t have what you need but they have “potential.” Develop a new mindset of, "I’m not forcing anything, and I’m only aligning with people who are in a similar place as me."
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