Whenever I sit down to pen something on relationships, it typically comes from a personal place. Truth is, if I haven't personally experienced it, a friend has or I've counseled some clients on the issue. And y'all, when it comes to the term known as "emotionally available" (and unavailable)—bae-bay…I could write 10 books on the topic. At least. The thing that I've personally always found to be so fascinating about emotionally unavailable men is a lot of them are actually pretty nice guys. They're smart. They're fun to be around. When they're actually with you (meaning physically in your presence), they tend to treat you really well too. I think that's how so many of us get caught up—we think that because they aren't abusive, arrogant, or jackasses that they aren't problematic.
That is until we find ourselves super mentally and emotionally (and sometimes sexually) invested in them while coming to the realization that things aren't exactly mutual. Then we see that we've been spending (or is it wasting?) weeks, months, sometimes even years dealing with an individual who had absolutely no intention of getting only but so deep—sometimes only kiddie pool deep, at that. They planned on becoming only but so available. They planned on deciding to commit only but so far. One day, I'll dive deep into why a lot of people—not just men, chile—are opting to be emotionally unavailable (because in many ways, it is indeed a choice), no matter how much a good person may be staring them right in the face.
For now, I just want to make sure that you value your time, effort, and energy by showing some clear indications of what an emotionally available man is like, along with a few signs of how an emotionally unavailable man gets down too.
The Signs Of An Emotionally Available Man
1. An Emotionally Available Man Is Open to Having REAL Conversations
One of my favorite heads-up Scriptures in the Bible is, "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." (Proverbs 31:30—NKJV) Not only is it a reminder to not be so caught up in how you look that you don't make sure that your character (and relationship with God) is on point, it also tells us that charm can play real tricks on the mind—and y'all, there are A LOT of charming men out here. To charm is literally to have the ability to attract and to deceive in order to mislead and falsely persuade. And one way a charming guy will do this is by avoiding real conversations.
What I mean by "real" is the article, "The 'Pre-Commitment Interview' Every Dating Couple Should Have" that I wrote a couple of years ago. Yeah, a charming guy is going to do all that he can to avoid engaging in that. So, if you're seeing someone who has no problem sharing his emotions, talking about what he desires in a relationship, the mistakes he's made in the past, where he sees himself, relationally in the future and—this is a big one—what he desires to experience with you, in real time, this is a good sign that he's emotionally available—because he is, quite literally, available to share his emotions with you (more on this in a bit).
2. His Life Is “Relationship Conducive”
A part of what it takes to be in a mature relationship is being willing to own up to your own ish. When I reflect on the missteps that I took in many of my past relationships, one of them was being drawn to men who weren't ready and/or interested (because those aren't always or necessarily one and the same) in the kind of dynamic that I desired. That's actually why I penned, "One Overlooked Yet Obvious Indicator That A Man Is Husband Material" and "Why You're Always The One Who Prepares A Man For His Wife" for the site. When a man is emotionally available, he tends to have a lifestyle that makes being in a non-casual relationship possible.
Now, I'm not necessarily saying that he's ready to get married tomorrow. What I am saying is he's open to meeting "the one" and if that happens, it won't take a billion years for progress to be made because he's in a "husband potential" space in the sense of things like knowing what his purpose is; being financially stable and responsible (that doesn't mean "rich"; just stable); having closure and clarity about his past relationships; being spiritually mature; being a healthy communicator—you know, things that would make for a solid relationship.
There is a guy that I know who is awesome. He really is. Yet whenever I go to his house, off the rip, I can tell that he's not, what I call, "relationship conducive". You walk in and it screams, "I am absolutely in no rush to bring a woman into this space." That's fine. It's his right. Yet I'll know that when it becomes more warm, less cluttered and a lot less "80s bachelor pad" like up in there, his heart will have opened up a bit more. (I brought this point up to him, by the way. He totally agreed.)
3. An Emotionally Available Man Is Reliable and Consistent
I've said it before and I'm pretty sure I'll say it a billion more times before I close my eyes for the final time. In my 20s, I wanted a man who looked good. In my 30s, I wanted a man who treated me right. In my 40s, I want a man who can fix my car. That last point is as symbolic as it is literal because, something that maturity teaches you is to desire someone who can meet your literal needs and is consistent in doing so. A man who is emotionally available can do just that. What he says he will do—or not do—is what you can depend on. He's not one way with you on Monday and then someone different by Thursday.
Matter of fact, he's so self-aware that oftentimes a woman who isn't emotionally available her damn self thinks that he's being inflexible because he doesn't switch up much when, the reality is, he simply values his character, his word and his reputation so much that he would rather stick to what he said than be convinced to do otherwise. If you know a man who you can pretty much set your watch by, he's a gem. He's usually pretty emotionally available too.
4. An Emotionally Available Man's Relational Track Record Is Sensical, Stable and Mature
Speaking of reputation, you know something that I used to have a problem with? Giving someone too much of the benefit of the doubt. What I mean by that is, while it's one thing for two people to side-eye someone, when all of your homies are like, "Girl, that one right there is a trip", you really should take heed. For instance, there is one guy I know who, when it comes to being a fun date and a cool person to hang out with, everyone can pretty much agree that he's that guy. But when it comes to his dating life? I honestly don't know one individual who doesn't either snicker at the mere mention of his name or find themselves triggered because of how he has BS'd them in some way.
No one is perfect. A lot of us can stand to remember that when it comes to the dating scene. Yet being a flawed human vs. being a colossal wreck are two totally different things. An emotionally available man may have some missteps in his past relationships—again, most of us do—yet he's not going to be out here with tons of drama and trauma left in his wake. For the record, this can include him being someone who hasn't had a lot of serious relationships before or someone who has rarely said "I love you" (I don't know why some women think that a man is only ready for a real relationship if he's had his heart torn to shreds a million times over). His moves are calculated and intentional. His name ain't out here in these streets for being a womanizer more than just about anything else.
5. Emotionally Available Men Express Emotion
Wanna know if a man is emotionally available? HE WILL BE ABLE TO CLEARLY EXPRESS HIS EMOTIONS WITHOUT HESITATION—and yes, I am yelling that. While I wholeheartedly believe that God created men and women to have certain differences in how they see and approach life (argue amongst yourselves on that), at the same time, I also think that some things make us all human, period. And conveying emotions shouldn't be a "masculine" or "feminine" thing—it should be a humanity thing.
This doesn't mean that I expect men to express themselves in the same way that we do but damn—if he's happy, he should be able to say that. If his feelings are hurt, he should be able to say that. If he is disappointed or confused about something, he should be able to say that. If he needs you in his life, he should be able to say that. If he loves you and wants things to go to another level, he should be able to say that—and you should be able to be the safe space for him to say these kinds of things (that's another article for another time, though).
Sometimes, we're out here trying to make things more complicated than they actually are.
To be emotional is to be in a conscious state of awareness that you know what your emotions are, at any given time. To be available is to be ready and willing to do something. If a man is emotionally available, he is literally going to be aware of his emotions and then ready and willing to express them.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
The Signs Of An Emotionally Unavailable Man
1. Emotionally Unavailable Men Have Sex Easily but Suck at Intimacy
When it comes to this particular point, please make the time to check out, "Don't Mistake A Great Sex Partner For A Great Life Partner". Because society, as a whole, doesn't spend nearly enough time talking about how sex goes way beyond the physical, a lot of us continue to think that just because a man will have sex with us, many times over, and enjoy it, it must mean that he desires us on a deeper level. Unfortunately, that is not always or necessarily the case.
A couple of years ago, I heard R&B singer Tank talk about how he has (hopefully used to have since he's married now) a habit of having sex with women he barely knows like he is totally in love with him. He laughed when he said it. He's not an anomaly in this way. A lot of folks—men and women—are just like this (where do you think the phrase, "F—k smart, not hard" came from?). And when you give yourself to this kind of person, it can have you believing that there is some sort of intimacy that is being established when it could literally be a "mirage movie" that you've created in your own mind.
That's why I'm big on encouraging people to look for signs of true intimacy rather than merely falling for great sex.
Someone who is intimate with you wants to know about your thoughts and feelings. Someone who is intimate with you wants to spend time with you whether sex—which means any form of sexual activity—happens or not. Someone who wants to be intimate with you can have serious conversations; it's not always about just hanging out and having fun. Someone who wants to be intimate with you has no problem coming deeper into your world than just over to your house when no one else is there. Someone who wants to be intimate with you is open to a relationship—not just a situationship.
If whoever you're currently having sex with is only good at the sex itself, that is someone who sounds hella emotionally unavailable to me. Try and look past your libido to see if, deep down, you see red flags and can't deny that, deep down, you feel the same way as I do.
2. Emotionally Unavailable Men Don't Value Your Time and Feelings
The intro quote, I've shared before that it's one of my all-time favorite relational ones. When the late and great Bob Marley once said, "The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman's love without the intention of loving her"—won't it preach? A coward is someone who is easily intimidated. A coward is someone who lacks courage. A coward is someone who is fearful. And you know what? Emotionally unavailable men tend to be all of these things. And when someone operates from a cowardly space, they have absolutely no problem with wasting other people's time and feelings. The reason why I say that is because, when someone is afraid of something (or someone), it tends to make them stagnant and when you're stagnant, how can you ever make any progress? Within yourself or with anyone else?
There's a guy I know who's been dating the same woman for at least eight years now; a woman who would marry him in a heartbeat. He is one of the most marriage-phobic people I have ever met. When I say to him, "Don't you fear that you are wasting her time?", he usually says something along the lines of, "We're having a good time right now and, to me, that's all that really matters." To him, that's all that matters. While she definitely has to own the fact that she's staying in this kind of dynamic, I still believe that when a man respects the woman who he's with, he's going to care about not dwindling her days away or getting her more attached if he knows that he can support those feelings in the way that she would like him to. An emotionally available man would (probably) never. An emotionally unavailable one? This is basically a signature trait.
3. For Emotionally Unavailable Men, Commitment Is Not a Priority. Pretty Much Ever.
I've penned articles on the site like "5 Reasons Why You KEEP Attracting Commitment-Phobes", "Here's How You Know He Won't Commit To You. Like, EVER." and "He Loves You. He's Just Never Gonna Marry You. Now What?". Now to be fair, there are some men out here who, just because they don't want to get married, that doesn't mean that they run away from commitment. Some folks are content being in an exclusive relationship without a marriage license and a stroll down the aisle. When it comes to this particular point that I'm closing this out with, it doesn't really matter though; not if you're someone who does want to get married. If you're seeing a guy and he knows that jumping the broom is important to you and nothing ever changes in your relational dynamic, uh-uh…it's time for a shift.
You know, I'm someone who has absolutely no problem with regrets because they are all about remorse. Well, one thing that I regret is literally wasting my time with certain guys in my past. It was a waste because when you put more into something than you get back, that is a textbook definition of the word. And when it comes to emotionally unavailable men, they can spend all kinds of time with you, never ever take things beyond where they are, know that you desire to, and sleep like a baby at night. Every night.
A man who is emotionally available isn't interested in sharing his deep emotions with someone who is here today and gone tomorrow. An emotionally unavailable guy couldn't care less because he's so emotionally shallow in his dealings with other people that he doesn't really feel losing them as much of a loss.
Clearly, I could go on and on about this. For now, I'm hoping this has at least given you a bit of insight. At the end of the day, an emotionally available man is well…available. An emotionally unavailable one is pretty much any and everything…but.
Featured image by Hispanolistic/Getty Images
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Everything Jodie Turner-Smith Has Said About Life & Love After Divorce
Jodie Turner-Smith is very much everything. And we don’t say that lightly.
Her beauty, resilience, and talent are otherworldly. From her iconic role in Queen & Slim to her red carpet slays, she’s our queen. Being a celebrity is not for the faint of heart. Even if you try to keep your personal life on the down-low, the spotlight can be blinding. And even more so when it comes to love.
In 2018, Dawson Creek alum Joshua Jackson entered Jodie’s life. Rumors circulated that they first crossed paths at Usher's 40th birthday celebration, and subsequent sightings of them together at various events fueled speculation. Their relationship took a public turn in November 2018 when they attended the U.S. premiere of Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri as a couple. As time progressed, their bond became increasingly apparent through their appearances at award shows and other social gatherings.
In August 2019, the couple sparked wedding speculation when they were spotted acquiring a marriage license in Beverly Hills. Later, reports confirmed that they had tied the knot on August 18, 2019.
In 2020, they welcomed their daughter Juno into the world. In March 2023, Turner-Smith candidly shared with PEOPLE that she believes fulfillment comes from becoming the best version of herself for her child's sake. She wrote, "And I try to involve her in my life, not let work be this thing that exists outside of her, but that she also gets to be a part of. And so that she sees me being a working mother and being fulfilled and wanting to mother at the same time."
The world was astounded when Turner-Smith unexpectedly filed for divorce in September of last year, citing irreconcilable differences. Three months later, photographs surfaced showing Jackson holding hands with actress Lupita Nyong'o, raising questions about the timeline of events and the reasons behind the sudden split.
When speaking withGlamour, Jodie said, “Sometimes things we really want to work just don’t end up working and that’s okay. The most important thing is that you choose what’s healthiest for you and your family and definitely your children. There are so many different moments in our life where we look at ourselves and say, ‘Who am I and am I being true to that?”
Jodie is focusing on a new chapter in her life. Ahead, find everything Jodie has said about life and love after divorce.
Jodie on Moving Forward
Excited for the future, Turner-Smith and Jackson prioritize setting a positive example for their daughter, acknowledging when situations aren't functioning as intended.
During an interview with The Times, she shared, “The big takeaway is that this is about just as much love and joy as it has always been. This is only about taking a step forward into a better life for everybody involved.”
Jodie on Co-Parenting
Turner-Smith has said that she and Jackson are going through an "adjustment period" in terms of co-parenting, but that she's trying to get to the level of friendly exes. While the uncoupled pair is still working to smooth things out, she told Glamour, “It’s an adjustment period for anyone when they split up with someone, because you’re used to being with your child all the time.”
Jodie went on to say, “But nobody hands you a manual. Everyone’s trying to figure it out. Each parent has a different life, and especially if the reason why you’re splitting up is because you have different lives, it’s only further complicated by how you’re going to co-parent.”
Jodie on Focusing on Herself
Shortly after the announcement of her divorce, the actress took to Instagram sharing a quote, "Everything heals and grows when it is loved well. People, too."
Turner-Smith previously used quotes to convey her emotions during her divorce journey. Earlier in the month, the actress took to Instagram to share her perspective on love languages. "People don't always say, 'I love you.' Sometimes it sounds like: Be safe. Did you eat? Call me when you get home. I made you this."
Jodie on Battling the Innanets
The mommy mogul doesn’t bother responding to every single thing people say or think because it's a waste of time. Jodie told The Times, “At the end of the day I am not the only person in the world going through a divorce. There are millions of people in the world who are going through what I’m going through and that’s something that’s amazing about the internet, that sometimes it can offer you community.” And like Bishop GloRilla said, “At the end of the day, the day gotta end.”
Jodie on Dating
Like many of us, Jodie is over men. While she confessed to Glamour that she’s crushing on actor Steve Sanghyun Noh, the lead’s gorgeous husband in the Apple TV+ series Pachinko, she’s not currently dating. “Honestly, I think I love him,” she says, before quickly correcting herself, “I’m actually not dating, I’m over men.” In the meantime, she is searching for a cardboard cutout of Steve.
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Featured image by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for Victoria's Secret