Brace Yourself: There Are Potential Cons of Using a Vibrator
Recently, I watched a YouTube video that was so ridiculous (to me, anyway) that I'm not gonna even link y'all to it. The gist was it featured a woman who was going on and on about us not needing men anymore because we've got technology. When another woman refuted her point by bringing up the fact that it takes both men and women to keep humanity going, I thought about a woman in my own world who is currently so fed up with guys that she's now named her vibrator, claiming that is the only "man" she needs. Chile.
True confession here — I have never used a vibrator before. Even when I used to be a big-time masturbator, there was no electronic device that helped me along my merry way. Still, it's not like I don't get that there aren't some pluses when it comes to those who choose to have one — or seven or 10 of them. I mean, anything that can give you an orgasm can help to relieve stress. With a vibrator, you don't have to worry about getting an STI/STD (unless you're sharing it with them) or pregnant from one. And if you struggle with climaxing during intercourse, a vibrator can help you to figure out why, and/or it can deliver to you what you can't seem to (at least currently get) any other way. Check. Check. And check.
The Potential Cons Of Using a Vibrator
Still, if you read enough of my content, you already know that I'm all about balance and also making sure that you are clear on the motives behind why you do what you do. So, if you happen to be like the woman that I know who thinks that vibrators don't have a potential "downside" like just about everything else in life, I just want to take a couple of minutes to offer you some things to think about.
It Could Lead to Clitoral Discomfort
According to one study that I checked out, around 53 percent of women admitted to using a vibrator (personally, I think it's significantly higher than that). Many of them said that they used theirs at least four times a month with 71 percent of them saying that they didn't experience any side effects. Glad to hear it. Still, something to keep in mind is, that if you're using your vibrator constantly, it could lead to some level of clitoral discomfort over time. How in the world can that happen? If you're continually giving your clitoris direct stimulation, the discomfort could come from the vibration stimuli that never really lets up.
Is there a "hack" for this? One of the main things to keep in mind is that you should use lube with your vibrator (that will significantly decrease the chances of any minor "rub burns" from happening) and that you try and avoid always applying direct pressure to your clitoris with your vibrator as much as possible.
It Could Give/Spread an Infection
If you're the only one who is using your vibrator, how in the world can it give you or spread an infection throughout your body? Well, bodily fluids are just that, and if you're using your vibrator without thoroughly cleaning it after each and every use, that could cause bad bacteria to "double up" and give you some sort of infection. Or, say that you like to penetrate your vagina and your anus. Remember how we were instructed to wipe from front to back while growing up? If you're not applying this similar take on the sexual tip, you could give or spread an infection throughout your system that way too.
This is why it's so important to use a vibrator that's made of nonporous materials such as silicone or glass; that you use a washcloth, an antibacterial soap, and warm water to clean your vibrator, and that you store it in a box or pouch, so that dust and debris doesn't get onto it.
It Could Cost You a Couple of “Orgasm Phases”
You've probably heard that there are several phases/stages to having an orgasm before. Well, while some sex and wellness experts believe that there are eight of them (climax, resolution, restoration, turn-on, peaking, excitement, plateau, and stillness) most say that there are only four — desire, arousal/plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Desire is what happens when you're in the process of getting excited about getting turned on. Arousal/plateau is your body's response to sexual stimulation that helps to bring you to an orgasmic state (such as foreplay, oral sex, and intercourse). Orgasm is your climax. Resolution is what happens when your orgasm is completed, you start to come down from your "high" and satisfaction (and oftentimes fatigue) transpire.
Well, here's the thing about a vibrator. Once you get a handle on how to make it work for you, oftentimes you jump right to the orgasm while basically bypassing desire and arousal. While you might be reading this and thinking "OK…and?", the point here is you deserve to experience all stages including being turned on and the true pleasure that comes from foreplay, oral sex, etc. Besides, there are things that happen during those phases that oftentimes don't get talked about, nearly enough. This brings me to the next point.
It Could Cause You to Miss Out on Hits of Nitric Oxide and Oxytocin
A colorless gas and essential molecule that your body needs is nitric oxide. A natural hormone and chemical messenger that's in your system is oxytocin. Nitric oxide is essential because it can improve your blood pressure, decrease muscle soreness, strengthen your heart, help to manage type 2 diabetes, and keep your blood vessels nice and healthy. Oxytocin gets discussed quite a bit over this way because, not only does it help partners to bond during sex, but it also reduces stress, promotes physical healing, cultivates emotion-related memories, increases sexual arousal, and encourages sound sleep.
Thing is, when you constantly opt for a vibrator over a human being, it could cause you to skip right over the arousal phase which is how both of these things are substantially triggered. So, you could be missing out on some of the chemical and hormonal benefits that sex with an actual person is able to provide you that sex with a vibrator does not.
It Could Negatively Affect Your Communication with Your Partner
One of the challenges that I have with some of the clients that I work with is when they are mad at their husband, they decide to "take it out on their vibrator". Since all they seem to be concerned with is spiting their man (by not giving him any) and getting the stress out from being pissed, they can end up, oftentimes without even noticing it, becoming addicted to this approach. This prevents them from fully talking things through with their partner so that a healthy sexual (and emotional) connection can resume. Another challenge is when a newly-married woman has been so used to relying on her vibrator (and/or faking orgasms with her partner) gets married and realizes the responsibility that comes with marital sex (meaning, it's not just something that you should do randomly; it needs to be seen as a staple in the union), she doesn't really know how to effectively communicate with her partner what she needs in order to be (or remain) sexually fulfilled.
Yep. That's another challenge that comes to totally relying on a vibrator for sexual satisfaction — it can have you internalizing your needs while taking on the mindset, "Screw him. Where's my vibrator at?" and when you're in a serious long-term relationship…yeah, that's not good.
Patterns are patterns and vibrators can put you into one like anything else. That said, if all you're really concerned with is getting off and nothing else, once you do have sex with a human being, you could find yourself so caught up in immediate gratification that you don't know how to enjoy everything that leads up to climaxing or even all of the pleasure that can come after it (check out "Sure, Your Foreplay Game Is On Point. Now What About The 'Afterplay'?"). It can have you so self-consumed and even selfish that you end up being impatient with and perhaps unrealistic about what it means to engage another individual.
As you can see, everything has a flip side to its coin. A vibrator has pros and potential cons if you're not careful. So, before you push play on Whitney Houston's "All the Man That I Need" as you get your vibrator out of its box, reflect on what I just said. A vibrator can be a source of pleasure yet it shouldn't be treated like a replacement for sex with an actual person. Because let's be real — there isn't one.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next October (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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What To Know About The Love Compatibility Of A Virgo Woman And A Pisces Man
A Virgo woman and a Pisces man in a relationship is what occurs when opposites attract. It’s often a rarity, but when developed properly, this couple can run off into the sunset together. They both bring a very different energy to the table, but love works in mysterious ways, and this is a connection designed in the stars.
Virgo Woman And Pisces Man Love Compatibility
The Virgo woman lives in reality, and the Pisces man lives in fantasy, but what happens when the Virgo woman wants to indulge in a little romanticism and let her mind take a break for once? She meets a Pisces man.
What attracts a Virgo woman and a Pisces man to each other?
The Virgo woman is instantly attracted to the Pisces man’s sweet, attentive, and stylish character. The Pisces man is instantly attracted to the Virgo woman's confidence, kindness, and intuitive energy. These are two people that get along right away and form an immediate bond, or it’s a slow burn that takes time to develop if it does at all.
The Virgo woman is attracted to the person she knows could benefit from her being in their life. She sees the Pisces man as someone who can learn a lot from her and whom she can learn a lot in return.
The Virgo woman is sophisticated, sure of herself, and grounded, and the Pisces man is more emotional and timid than Virgo. However, their complexities complement each other well because they show each other another perspective and way of being that they both often need to see.
What is the relationship like between a Virgo woman and a Pisces man?
The relationship between a Virgo woman and a Pisces man is either harmonious and compatible or disruptive and incompatible. Because these two signs oppose each other, this is a relationship of extremes. It’s either a great and beautiful relationship or a disharmonious and challenging one for individuals. Virgo is the halfway point of the zodiac and Pisces is the last sign of the zodiac, and they both function and need very different things in life.
Virgo wants to plan, and Pisces wants to dream. It can be difficult to even do the everyday mundane things together because they will both want to go about it in very different ways. They almost see the world in two completely different realities.
For the Virgo woman and Pisces man who make this relationship work and don’t experience the discord that some can here, it’s because they have faced their own shadows and reflection in the mirror. The Pisces man will reflect any insecurities the Virgo woman feels within and vice versa.
This is a couple that can trigger each other intentionally and unintentionally, and when this relationship works, it’s because they have both done the work and aren’t projecting onto each other. The compatibility between these two when they are on the same page is similar to best friends and lovers, and they have a fun, loyal, and thoughtful relationship. This is a couple you see spending a lot of time together, laughing, doing creative things, and enjoying their life with one another.
Are a Virgo woman and a Pisces man sexually compatible?
The sexual compatibility between a Virgo woman and a Pisces man is one of the better ones. The miscommunication problems they can have in their relationship don’t necessarily apply to the bedroom, and they understand each other’s language better here. This is also a part of life. Virgo brings out her more fun and wild side, and the Pisces man likes to see the Virgo woman in all her multitudes.
This is an area of life where the Virgo woman doesn’t have to think so much, and the Pisces man appreciates her attentiveness and presence here. The sex between the two is more romantic than anything, and this is a memorable connection for the both of them.
What makes a relationship between a Virgo woman and a Pisces man work?
What makes this relationship work is their respect and love for each other. There is a genuine fondness and admiration that these two have for one another and that connection and respect for each other is often unbreakable. There is a bit of magic that should be noted when these two fall in love. Fairytales can be made based on the Virgo woman and Pisces man love pairing. This is a man who will go out of his way to sweep Virgo off her feet and make her feel special, and she feels seen in this relationship. These two are also both mutable signs, so they can be flexible, communicative, and attentive in the relationship, which will be appreciated.
Another gift for the relationship between a Virgo woman and a Pisces man is that they are both good listeners. They both want to hear what each other has to say, and there is an undeniable compatibility between the two when they get to know each other. They complement each other well and are the type of couple who will always try to uplift and support one another, always. They often put each other, and the relationship on a pedestal and deeply admire the connection they form with one another. They say your opposite sign is your soulmate because this is the sign that resides in your 7th house of love, and this applies to Virgo and Pisces.
What may cause a Virgo woman and a Pisces man to break up?
The Virgo woman and Pisces man pairing can come to a head when they feel like they don’t have anything else to learn or experience together than they already have. A strength in the relationship is that they are both mutable signs, but this can also be their downfall. They both have an energy that fluctuates, and you can never really guess what the other person is going to do, say, or feel next, and that can be disruptive for a relationship in the long term. The Virgo woman will get tired of having to guess where the Pisces man stands, and the Pisces man will get tired of trying to live up to the Virgo woman's expectations.
Challenges also may begin to arise when it comes to daily habits and rituals. The Virgo woman is a doer, and the Pisces is a dreamer. She can become frustrated by the Pisces man's lack of urgency when he needs more time to feel things through and determine his next steps. The Pisces man can also become disheartened with the Virgo woman overanalyzing him when she tries to understand his emotions better and will begin to doubt his own voice or feelings within the relationship.
If they are not hearing each other out and considering each other's perspectives, then this relationship can end as quickly as it began.
Summary: What is a Virgo woman and Pisces man's love compatibility?
This is a relationship of extremes, however, if they can both work on being less critical of one another then this can be a relationship that goes extremely well. They have a lot to learn from each other and this is a more karmic pairing, as they are often destined to meet. The Virgo woman finds a partner in this relationship that she can adore, be inspired by, and build a life with, and the Pisces man finds a partner in this relationship he can appreciate, respect, and enjoy his time with.
Overall, this is a relationship that when it works, it really works, and when it doesn’t, it really doesn't.
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