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8 Black Boss Besties We All Love & Admire
Best friends are a gift from God. For many of us, they are the mirrors that keep us empowered and get us together when we need it. Misty Copeland said, "Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you." When you add Black women to the mix, you better believe whimsical things are to come. There's no doubt in our minds that best friends are also our soulmates. Some of our favorite Black boss besties believe that to be true. The love they have for one another can be felt through any medium.
Keep scrolling for some of the friendships we absolutely adore.
1.The Pretty Hustlers - Karen Civil & Ming Lee
Karen Civil and Ming Lee exude authentic Black Girl Magic. The way they both show up as their full selves has not only opened doors for them, but it has also made them super-relatable. The marketing guru and beauty maven are building their own empires and have recently teamed up for their unapologetic podcast, Girl I Guess to talk all things business and sisterhood. From letting go of the victim mindset to normalizing Black women living in luxury to $50K giveaways, this podcast is set to break chains and truly advance Black women in the podcast space.
2.The OGs - Gayle King & Oprah Winfrey
Gayle King and Oprah Winfrey are what a 40+ year friendship looks like. Respect and regard have been the pillars of their friendship which has supported longevity. Oprah told O, The Oprah Magazine:
"For years, people have marveled at our friendship—and sometimes misunderstood it. But anyone who has a soulful bond with a friend, a friend who would do anything for you, who revels in your happiness and is there to comfort you in your sadness, gets it exactly."
That's what we all want – someone who gets it and sees us for us. Gayle continues to kill it on CBS This Morning with stirring interviews much like her bestie, Oprah, recently did with her sit down with Meghan Markle. If you need boss interviewers, these are your girls!
Oprah still holds the record as the richest Black woman in America with over five businesses raking in nearly $3 billion. And Gayle, three-time Emmy winner, is booked and busy too with ventures like leading her show, Gayle King In the House on SiriusXM.
3.Destiny’s Children - Kelly Rowland & Beyonce
Beyonce doesn't play about a few things: her fifty-leven children, her husband, Mama Tina, Sis Solange and her forever bestie, Kelly Rowland. And the same can be said about Kelly and her devotion to Beyonce. The way they love and support each other proves why women say you're the Kelly to my Beyonce. Kelly's new collaboration with JustFAB is everything your closet needs, and in true Kelendria fashion, it was inspired by confident women.
This was Kelly's first fashion collaboration and her 11-shoe collection gave what it needed to give because we want to get dolled up for no reason. Meanwhile, Kelly's bestie is out here constantly adding to her net alleged $500 million worth with her coveted Ivy Park clothing line that is known to sell out in 48 hours or less. There's a reason why she's known as the diva aka the female version of a hustler.
4.The Founders Of Mented Cosmetics Created A Makeup Brand For All Of Us
These Mented Cosmetics founders also happen to be best friends. They created their non-toxic, vegan beauty kingdom after Amanda and KJ discussed their issues with beauty. Myths say that you shouldn't go into business with your friends but KJ and Amanda negate those fables every day. In a podcast episode of The Partnership, KJ said, "At the end of the day, I want Amanda to be happy. Amanda wants me to be happy. Even when we fundamentally disagree, I really, genuinely believe we'll be at the end of it." Rooting for your friend and partner's happiness no matter what is such a high vibration.
5.The Mommy Moguls - LaLa & Ciara
During TV One's Uncensored, La La spilled the tea on her friendship with Ciara. The actress said, "Me and Ciara have been really close for as long as I can remember. We have a lot of the same values, we believe in family, we believe in God, we just bond over so many different things and we're just fun together! I can't think about my life without her."
Ciara's newest addition to her star-studded resume is the launch of House of Love Respect & Care which she co-founded with her hubby, Russell Wilson, and ex-Lululemon CEO, Christine Day. House of LR&C is not only sustainable but also gives 3 percent of each purchase to Russell Wilson's Why Not You Foundation, which promotes children's health, education access, and poverty reduction.
When you don't see Ciara's gal pal, La La, on Lena Waithe's hit series, The Chi, the mogul mommy is showcasing the stories of Black women on their entrepreneurial journey on her new show, "Funded in America." According to Forbes, this six-part web series was the brainchild of digital media company SoulPancake. It was produced in partnership with crowdfunding website Indiegogo and T-Mobile for Business.
6.Set It Off Sisters - Queen Latifah & Jada Pinkett-Smith
We have been stanning these two boss besties since Set It Off. Over the decades, they have continued to lift each other up behind the scenes. Through all of life's ups and downs, they still remain true friends. Queen Latifah told People, "Jada and I can have whole conversations where we haven't really said anything, but we've said a lot." And that is the personification of friendship. While Queen Latifah is kicking ass in The Equalizer in a prime-time spot on CBS, Jada is continuing to have riveting conversations around the coveted red table.
Fun fact: Jada and her hubby, Will, created Westbrook Inc., a studio and holding company in 2018 to serve as a studio for subsidiary companies like Overbrook Entertainment and Red Table Talk Enterprises. Then there's the Queen, whose Flavor Unit Entertainment was the first partner on The Essence Creators and Makers Fund dedicated to creating and financing film, television, digital, and documentary-style content that reflects the lives and experiences of women of color, according to Deadline.
7.The Creative Duo - Melina Matsoukas & Shiona Turini
If you follow either of these creative geniuses on Instagram, you know they can't get enough of each other in the best ways. This friendship is full of fashion, fun and so much love. The thing that is enviable (the mentally healthy envy) is the way they empower one another. From putting each other on to new projects to singing along to musicals together, they aren't the buzzword type of women empowerment, they really mean it. Melina and Shiona are the poster women for holding the door open for other women. For example, in her role as director, Melina made sure to include Shiona in two of her major projects, Queen & Slim and Insecure, as the costume designer. Not just because they are soul sisters but because she knows that Shiona is going to slay any job put in front of her.
8.The Glow Up Gals - Tania Cascilla & Shay Ingleton Smith
For Tania and Shay, it's about changing the stereotypes that haunt Black women. The two mega-influencers authenticate the truth that we can have a sisterhood and we can share the wealth so that we all win. When creating The Glow Up, that was the goal. And that is now the reality. These women have nurtured a genuine tribe of women who root for each other like never before. In the private FaceBook group, you'll find Tania and Shay giving advice around negotiating rates, offering paid opportunities, and how to increase engagement.
Since birthing The Glow Up, Shay has taken on more stock in the influencer realm with her boutique agency, Kensington Grey, which is rooted in diversity. The brand bio says, "We specialize in influencer marketing, casting, talent, strategy and campaign management." This agency garners big-name brands from American Express to Sephora. Tania is also racking in major deals with Vaseline and eBay proving what she told us back in 2019, "This is still a new profession, a lot of people don't realize this is work for me, it's not all about taking pretty pics...we grind!"
Featured image by Jess Baumung, courtesy of Tania and Shay
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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