

Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images
Dubbed one of the "21 Black Women Wellness Influencers You Should Follow" by Black + Well, Yasmine Jameelah continues to leave her digital footprint across platforms ranging from Forever 21 Plus, Vaseline, and R29 Unbothered discussing all things healing and body positivity. As a journalist, her writing can be found on sites such as Blavity, Blacklove.com, and xoNecole. Jameelah is also known for her work shattering unconventional stigmas surrounding wellness through her various mediums, including her company Transparent Black Girl. Find Yasmine @YasmineJameelah across all platforms.
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
Can You Really Make Your Hair Grow Faster? Depends On How You Look At It.
Four years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Let's Gain An Inch A Month Of Hair Growth 'Til December, Shall We?” The main reason why I did it was because, I feel like almost every week, I will see someone on social media (male and female alike) say that Black women aren’t able to grow long hair — and boy, does it truly piss me off.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a trillion times before: So long as your hair is growing, you can grow long hair. It might take longer than other people, yes — and I will get to win why in just a moment. However, more than anything, what affects length is length retention, and what impacts that is if you’re doing things that result in you losing the ends of your hair at about the same speed as the roots of your hair are growing in.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? If I really want some serious inches and/or I want my hair to grow faster, there are ways to do it? Believe it or not, the short answer to that is “yes.” Adding to that initial yes, YES, you will need to be methodical. YES, you will need to be consistent. YES, you will need to be patient. Yet if you’re willing to make that type of commitment and then apply at least 3-4 of the following 10 suggestions, you really could end up reaching hair goals that you’ve never been able to reach before.Inches upon inches…and even a bit faster than what you’ve been accustomed to experiencing.
I’ll Be Real With You: Genetics Dictates Speed, Texture, Color and Length — to an Extent
Okay, so let’s first get into something that can’t be helped via any tip or hack: genetics. When it comes to things like texture, color, density, and, to a certain extent, length — yes, that is predetermined by your DNA. This means that the reality is, the reason why some people can get hair down to their butt while others can’t seem to get past their bra strap is because hair has a growth cycle and some people’s anagen phase (the phase that literally determines how long your hair will grow) is simply longer than others.
When it comes to this, in particular, it’s also important to keep in mind that diet, age, and the condition of your health can also play a role in lengthening or shortening your anagen phase; however, so long as your hair is growing 1/4”-1/2” a month and you are able to retain length, you should be able to at least get a very nice lob (long bob) going.
Also, while we’re here, please don’t fall for the STRAIGHT UP LIE that only other ethnicities have longer anagen phases. Aside from the video that you just watched, examples like these here, here, here, here, here, here and here and here are living proof that regardless of ethnicity or texture, some women have hella long anagen phases — including many Black women.
And what about speed (which is the main focus of today’s piece)? Well, although there are some things that you can do to stimulate your hair follicles, which could get them to grow a bit faster, the main thing that you should be concerned with is taking such good care of your hair that you don’t end up breaking it off or causing it to weaken — because strong hair that can retain length is going to give the impression that your hair is growing faster because you aren’t losing any more of it than you actually should (which shouldn’t be more than 50-100 strands on a daily basis, by the way).
So, with all of the science stuff out of the way, here are 10 things that you can do that will either stimulate hair growth or help you maintain the locks that you’ve already got.
10 Proven Ways To Grow Your Hair Faster
1. Take a Multivitamin
When it comes to the gaslighting of health-related issues in this country — geeze, where do we start? For instance, how wild is it that “some folks” believe that taking a multivitamin is pointless? Meanwhile, pharma will push commercials down our throats — meds that come with side effects that are oftentimes worse than the health problem that it’s supposed to treat, to begin with. Not to mention the fact that research shows that over 90 percent of us don’t get enough vitamin D, almost 90 percent of us could use more vitamin E, 50 percent of us need more magnesium and around 40 percent of us are deficient as it relates to calcium as well as vitamins A and C.
So yes, while maintaining a healthy diet is the best way to get your system what it needs, if you want to “fill in some gaps,” a multivitamin can certainly be beneficial.
As far as your hair goes, your tresses need: zinc for healthy hair follicles; vitamin A to keep your scalp well-moisturized; vitamin C to boost collagen (and give your hair more elasticity); biotin to prevent hair thinning and hair loss; iron to provide your hair follicles with oxygen, and vitamin E to keep your scalp healthy and your hair moisturized — goodness! Instead of taking a lot of different supplements, decide instead to knock all of these nutrients out by taking one multivitamin on a daily basis. A list of some highly recommended brands can be found here.
2. Consume More Protein
Your hair is made up of mostly protein (keratin, to be exact), so it definitely needs some of that in order to thrive. In fact, some health experts say that if your hair isn’t growing at the rate that it should, it could be because you don’t have enough protein in your system. That said, if you’re a meat eater, steak, lamb, chicken, and turkey can all do your hair a lot of good. If you’re not, I actually penned an article with you in mind a while back. Check out “Vegetarian Or Vegan? Check Out These High Protein Foods.” when you get a chance.
Unsplash
3. Try Some Coffee Beans on Your Scalp
In my opinion, coffee is always going to be a polarizing topic. On one hand, if you drink too much of it, it can cause a few problems with your health (check out “Your Morning Coffee May Be Causing More (Health) Issues Than You Think”). On the other, if you’re looking for ways to incorporate it into your beauty routine, it can bless you in some pretty unexpected ways (check out “Why Caffeine Is Great For You On The Beauty Regimen Tip”).
Take your scalp, for example. Using coffee as a hair rinse can help to keep the pH level of your scalp where it’s supposed to be. Also, if the beans are ground up, you can exfoliate your scalp with them in order to remove dead skin cells and product buildup so that your hair follicles are able to grow — sometimes faster since the caffeine that’s in coffee can help to stimulate hair growth.
4. Add Oil to Your Shampoo
When your hair is dry, that can lead to breakage because moisture is critical when you’re trying to keep some inches on your head. And you know what? When you shampoo your hair, although it’s cleansing your scalp and tresses (and stimulating your scalp which can help your hair to grow a bit faster), it’s also stripping your hair of its natural oils — and that isn’t a good thing.
A hack? Add a carrier oil like rosemary, olive, avocado, jojoba, or soybean, so that your shampoo won’t be able to dry your hair out so easily or much. (P.S. This is also a great tip if you don’t have a lot of time to deep condition your hair sometimes.)
Unsplash
5. Never Go Without Bond Builder
Another article that I want you to check out when you get a chance is “Everything You Need To Know About Bond-Building Your Hair.” Listen, my life (hair-wise) has totally changed ever since I added this extra step into my wash day. That’s because bond-building products are able to reduce breakage, make your locks stronger, decrease frizz, make your hair softer and more manageable, and even help to protect your cuticles — especially if your hair happens to be color-treated. I’m telling you, if you didn’t get anything else out of this read, get you some bond-builder products.
My (current) personal favorites are Marc Anthony's Repairing Hair Mask, Repair Bond + Rescuplex, and Repairing Leave-In Conditioner. Just for the record.
6. Apply an Essential/Carrier Oil Blend to Your Scalp and Ends
It can never be said enough that the ends of your hair are the oldest parts of it. And so, if you don’t take care of them, I don’t care how fast your hair grows out of your scalp, you aren’t going to see much progress because your ends will be weak, split, or snapping off left and right. Something that you can do to avoid all of this is to apply an essential oil and carrier oil blend to them. For instance, a mixture of rosemary and cedarwood will not only strengthen your ends, it’s great for your scalp in the sense that it will help to increase blood circulation to your hair follicles (which can help your hair to grow faster) as well as soothe your scalp if it happens to be itchy and/or irritated.
Unsplash
7. Use a Conditioning Spray on a Regular Basis
Something else that I would definitely do a free commercial for: Bronner Brothers's Smooth Sheen Conditioning Spray. Whew, chile! Since my hair can never seem to retain enough moisture (check out “Is Your Hair Dry No Matter What You Do? I Can Relate.”), this spray has been a real lifesaver in between wash days because, even though it “acts” like a regular oil sheen, I’ve yet to come across a spray (that isn’t wet) that keeps my hair super soft and manageable. Yeah, if your locks are on the drier side and you don’t want to add water to them, a conditioning spray is definitely the way to go.
8. Be “Drink Conscious”
A couple of years ago, I read an article that said that when men consume, even one soda on a daily basis, that could make them more susceptible to hair loss. That got me to wondering about what can be consumed that will help with hair growth. Carrot juice is like a multivitamin for your hair thanks to the vitamins A, B, C, and E that are in it to keep it strong as well as the antioxidants that help to increase blood flow; the high amount of water, as well as the potassium, iron, amino acids and vitamins C and K, help coconut water to deeply hydrate your scalp, strengthen your hair and reduce the potential for hair loss, and the properties in green tea can help to prevent hormonal hair loss.
Getty Images
9. Massage Your Scalp (at Night)
Throughout this article, I’ve mentioned a few things that you can do to stimulate blood circulation to your scalp and hair follicles. I’ve also said that when you do that, it can help to speed up hair growth to a certain extent. Well, out of all of the things that you can (and should) do to accomplish this particular mission, giving yourself a scalp massage, at least a couple of times a week (for 10-15 minutes each time), is probably the most effective.
It reduces head tension and stress, helps to strengthen your hair over time and it can even make your hair strands thicker. My two cents would be to warm up an essential oil like lavender, thyme, or peppermint, add it to a bit of grapeseed oil (which is packed with antioxidants), and then use your fingertips to gently rub your scalp. Not only does it feel amazing, the oils will deeply condition and nourish your hair in the process.
10. Reduce Your Stress Levels
If you’ve heard before that stress can lead to hair loss and even premature graying — that’s not a myth; it’s totally true. As far as hair loss (and growth) goes, that’s because, when your cortisol levels are elevated, that can extend your hair’s resting phase — which basically means that it can “stunt” your hair’s progress. And chile, from where I’m sitting, that’s just one more reason to determine that you will not allow any person, place, thing, or idea to stress you out this year! Not only is it not good for your health, but it could also totally wreck your hair goals. And nothing is worth that, right? Precisely.
Chill out. Grow hair. That’s the motto for this year, sis. Straight up.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Manu Vega/Getty Images