If you're like a lot of women, probably the most thought you give to your breasts is when you're putting your bra on (or when you're taking it off), when you're trying to make the soreness stop while you're PMS'ing, when you're trying to get your partner to give them just the right amount of "attention" during sex and/or when it's time to get a mammogram (by the way, they now say that you should be 45 instead of 40 when it comes to getting them on an annual basis).
But the reality is the more attention we give to our girls, the better our mammary glands—ones that are made up of lobules that produce milk, lymphatic vessels that drain unnecessary fluid and breast tissue—will not only feel but look as well.
If you're wondering about what you can do to get your breasts sundress-, swimsuit- and little black dress-ready, these 10 tips will make you—and them—very happy!
Rinse Your Breasts in Cold Water
I don't know one woman on the planet who doesn't want perky breasts. If this is a personal goal of yours, first it's a good idea to keep in mind what causes breast tissue to sag in the first place—mostly it's genetics, cigarette smoking, drastic weight gain or loss, multiple pregnancies and poor posture.
If you have lost some of your breasts' elasticity, something that you can do is apply some hydrotherapy to them. If you soak them in warm water for about 15 minutes (basically if you take a bath), it will increase blood flow to them. Then, if you rinse them in cold water (basically if you rinse off in a cold shower), that is what will stimulate collagen production so that your breasts look and feel firmer.
Massage Your Breasts with Clove Oil and Olive Oil
Speaking of making your breasts firmer, it can never hurt to massage them for about 10 minutes a couple of times a week. If you do it with a blend of clove oil and olive oil, it can help to (slightly) increase their size and "round out" their shape over time. That's because the warmth of the clove oil also stimulates blood circulation while the properties in olive oil moisturizes the tissues of your breasts, making them supple and soft.
Make sure to warm up the oil combo in your microwave for five seconds or so and massage each breast for 10-15 minutes in a circular motion in order to get the best results.
Soothe Your Nipples with Shea Butter
Unless you're currently breastfeeding, you probably don't give your nipples much thought. But you should. They are a part of your breasts and deserve their fair share of TLC. If lately, you've been noticing that your nipples or your areolas (the ring of skin that surrounds your nipples) are itchy, it could be that they are irritated due to a skin condition like eczema or because your laundry detergent is too strong.
Whether your nipples itch or they are slightly cracked, soothe them by rubbing them down with some shea butter. It's moisturizing, it's healing and it contains anti-inflammatory and antimicrobial properties too. Also, thanks to the emollient and humectant properties that shea butter contains, it can lock in moisture on your nipples so that they stay hydrated for hours at a time.
Just as a heads up, your best bet would be to get the kind of shea butter that is unrefined. That way, you can get it in its purest form; one that has the most concentrated amounts of vitamins and minerals in it.
Keep Your Weight Stabilized
If your breast size is in direct correlation to your breast tissue, losing and gaining weight won't change it very much. So, if you recently lost 25 pounds and you went down a few cups, that usually means your breasts were made up of fat more than anything else. And since maintaining a healthy weight can reduce your chances of having breast cancer post-menopause, this is a good thing to know.
What can happen with a spike in weight gain or loss is it can alter the shape of your breasts and/or cause them to sag. That's because the change in weight directly affects the collagen and elastin in our bodies (breasts included).
Aside from doing your best to keep your weight off of the up and down roller coaster, from a cosmetic standpoint, the non-cosmetic remedy is to invest in bras that have padding in the lower part of the cup so that your breasts will appear plumper and fuller. Something else that can help (although it has a more subtle effect) is to consume foods that are high in collagen. Some of those include garlic, berries, bone broth, quinoa and white tea.
Something else that can perk your breasts up a bit is to apply a collagen mask on them. Combine a kiwi, a peach, three tablespoons of plain Greek yogurt, two teaspoons of lemon juice and a teaspoon of sweet almond oil. Rub the mixture on your breasts, let it sit for 15 minutes and rinse with warm, then cool water. It's one of the most delicious ways to give your breasts an immediate collagen boost!
Eat Some Sweet Potatoes, Salmon and Red Grapes
We are what we eat. There is certainly a lot of truth to that. The next time you head out to the grocery store, do your breasts a favor and pick up a couple of foods that they will totally thank you for.
For instance, if you have a history of breast cancer in your family, it can't hurt to eat foods that are high in carotenoids. They're the kinds of foods that are loaded with carotene. This is great because studies reveal that the more carotenes that are in our system, the lower risk we have of being diagnosed with breast cancer. Sweet potatoes are one food that fits the bill.
Something else that our breasts need is omega-3 oils. They are responsible for keeping inflammation in the body low; the more omega-3s, the less disease (cancer included). Salmon has plenty of it.
And finally, red grapes. They're the kind of fruit that contains a natural phenol known as resveratrol. What's so good about that is not only does resveratrol have the ability to lower your blood pressure and protect your brain, it also neutralizes free radicals in your system, keeping cancer cells at bay.
Fun fact: Resveratrol is also found in red wine too (woo-hoo)!
Take a Sulforaphane Supplement
GiphyIf you've never heard of sulforaphane, don't feel bad. I'd venture to say that most people haven't. Basically, it's a compound that's found in foods like broccoli, cauliflower, kale, cabbage and collards that not only reverses the signs of aging, but also decreases the progression of cancer cells in the body too. As a bonus, something else that sulforaphane does is decrease how carcinogens impact our system.
If you don't like to eat a ton of veggies, you can also take sulforaphane in supplement form. Speaking of supplements, if you want to take something that will make your breasts appear fuller (or can help your breastmilk to come in easier if you are a new mommy), fenugreek is pretty awesome too.
Do Breast-Firming Exercises
GiphyIf you can't remember the last time you even attempted to do a push-up, maybe your breasts will motivate you to take another crack at it. Truth is, a lot of us have saggy breast tissue simply because the muscles underneath our breasts could stand to get bigger. The remedy? Do the kind of exercises that will expand the mass of your chest muscles.
Push-ups are just one example. If you want more, click here for a way to get your chest (back) into shape.
Wear a Bra That Actually Fits
Breast tissue needs support; that's why we wear bras. You've probably heard somewhere that a whopping 80 percent of women wear the wrong bra size, but what you might secretly wonder is how can you know for sure that your bra fits well. For starters, your bra's band needs to comfortably fit around your torso. The part of your bra that attaches the cups together should lay flat on your body. If you're wearing an underwire bra, the wire should fit right underneath each breast. Also, each of your bra straps should fit comfortably on your shoulders.
If it's been a couple of years since you've been professionally fitted for a bra, I know from personal experience that you should get fitted ASAP. The last time I went (last year), I thought I was a DDD. Nope. Sistah girl is an H. (Chiiiiile.)
Make a DIY Bronzer
If you're planning on wearing something low cut and you want your cleavage to look extra sexy, one of the easiest ways to make that happen is to apply a little bronzer to your breasts. I've done it before and it gives your skin a youthful glow that is, incomparable, really.
You can buy some, but I prefer to make my own. All you need to do is mix a little cocoa powder, ground cinnamon and mica powder if you want a hint of shimmer added in. Use a large make-up brush to dust it onto each breast and, I promise, even you won't get enough of looking at 'em!
Sleep on Your Back
Final one. While sleeping on your back definitely increases the chances of you snoring (more), it's one of the best positions for your breasts. The reason being, whenever you sleep on your side or stomach, it causes your breasts to droop all throughout the night and that can ultimately lead to sagging and wrinkly breast skin.
So, if you wanna know how to improve the appearance of your breasts even while you're asleep, spending more time on your back is the way to do it. Sweet dreams.
Featured image by Getty Images
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A Goddard College graduate, who earned an MFA from Pratt Institute and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Marymount Manhattan College, Mahogany offers unapologetic realness with a side of grace and empowerment. "I started touring locally. I started creating chat books so that those poems will go in the hands of the people who were sitting in the rooms," she shared.
"And then I started facilitating poetry workshops, so I used my chat books as curriculum. And that, in turn, allowed me to further invest in my art and show the community and people who were hiring me that it wasn't just a one-off, that it's not just, you know, a fly by night—that I am invested in this art as much as I am invested in your community, in your children's learning, in our growth."
Mahogany has a special way of moving audiences, and her superpower sparks shifts in perspective, post-performance introspection, and strengthening of community bonds, especially among Black women. (One can undeniably recognize her gift for arousal of the spirit and mind merely from her listening to her insights from the other side of a Google Hangout call. I can only imagine the soul-stirring, top-tier sensory encounter when watching her perform in person.)
In this chat with xoNecole, Mahogany reflects on sustaining a creative career, the aftermath of writing a banned book, and using poetry for both healing, community-building, and activism.
Anthony Artis
xoNecole: What are three key things that have laid the foundation for a sustainable creative career for you?
Mahogany L Browne: What has helped me is that I'm willing to go in being an expert at knowing poetry and knowing the way in which art can change the landscape of our lives, not just as a poet, but also as a poetry facilitator. How you move through classes, those things are mastered, right? So when I go into another space that's maybe tech-heavy, I don't mind learning and being, you know, a student of the wonder of how we can make this magic, work together.
Two, you’ve got to know how to pivot. Sometimes we say, ‘Alright, this is what my life is going to be. I'm going to be a New York Times best-selling author. I'm going to, you know, have an album that's Grammy-nominated. And then, say you get dropped from your record label. That doesn't mean you can't make an album anymore. You can also still create an album that can be submitted to the Grammys. So, what does a pivot look like as an artist who doesn't have an institution behind them? Pivot being a student of the wonder.
Relationships also really help. How do I serve the community? And in turn, that tells me how the community can show up. For me, I have long-standing ties with a community that will outlast my one life. So, what does it mean to create space where these relationships can develop, can be nurtured, can be rooted, can be cultivated? Creating space—it happens through relationships.
xoN: With today’s economic challenges, what does your current creative process look like, and what are you working on?
MB: I’m always thinking five years ahead. I just reviewed the pages for two children’s books and recently released a YA novel. I’m drafting an adult fiction manuscript now.
Anything I create is founded with the root of poetry, but it can exist in captions. It can exist in commercials. It can exist as a musical. So that's where I’m at now.
xoN: You started performing "Black Girl Magic" in 2013, had an acclaimed performance of it via PBS and the work went on to viral success shortly after. Talk more about the inspiration. And what do you think about the continued relevance more than a decade later?
MB: I wrote it as a rally cry for the mothers who had been keeping themselves truly in harm's way by, you know, being a part of the community right after the death of their child or their loved one. They are usually mothers of victims of police brutality—and just seeing how they showed up in these community spaces, they are devout to the cause but obviously still grieving.
"I wanted this poem to be just a space of reclamation, of joy and of you, of your light, of your shine, of your brilliance, in any which way in which you fashion. Every room you enter is the room you deserve to be in. What does it mean to have a poem like that that exists?"
And the first time I did the poem, the Weeping that occurred, right? It was like this blood-letting of sorts. The next time I performed it, I'm moved to tears because I'm seeing how it's affecting other women who have just been waiting to hear, ‘You belong. You deserve. You are good. We see you. Thank you, despite everything that they said to make you regret being born in this beautiful brown, dark-skinned, light-skinned, but Black body.’
Black women are the backbone—period. Point blank. And so, that that poem became a necessity, not just to the fortitude of Black women in the community, but like you know, in service of healing the Black women.
xoN: One of your books was banned at a school in Boston, and it was later reinstated due to parental and activist support. What was that experience like?
MB: Well, I think it happened because they were racist. That's it. Point blank. The reversal of it was empowering, right? I realized, oh, I thought we just had to sit here and be on a banned book list. But no, parents are actually the leaders of this charge.
So to see that, the parents said, ‘Nah, we're not gonna let you take this book out of my baby’s school just because it's a Black kid on the front saying, ‘Woke’ and they're talking about being a global citizen. They're talking about accountability. They're talking about accessibility. They're talking about allyship, and you don't want them to have compassion or empathy or have even an understanding, right? So no, we rebuke that, and we want this book here anyway.’ To see that happen in that way. I was, like, reaffirmed. Absolutely.
xoN: You recently organized the Black Girl Magic Ball at the Lincoln Center in New York. Honorees included author and entrepreneur Rachel Cargle and National Black Theater CEO Sade Lythcott. What impact did it have and what expanded legacy do you hope to leave with your creative works?
MB: I was really interested in not celebrating just the book, but celebrating the community that made the book possible. And so I gave out five awards to women doing that thing, like, what does it mean to be a Black girl in this world?
I just thought it was gonna be an amazing time. Everybody's gonna dress up—we're gonna celebrate each other. And boom, I then realized that it responded to like a gaping hole. There was a missing thing for Black girls of all walks of life, all ages, right?
"It's very intergenerational. That was intentional to come together and celebrate just being us."
You have all these instances where just being you is either the butt of a joke or it's diminished and not worthy of a specific title in these larger institutions. So what does it mean to just to be loved up on and celebrated?
It felt like a self-care project at first. You know, for the first couple of years, folks were coming and they were getting that sisterhood. They were getting that tribe work that they were missing in their everyday lives.
I love the Black Girl Magic Ball because we got us. If I go out with a bang, they'll remember that Mahogany worked her a** off to make sure all the Black girls everywhere knew that she was the light. We are the blueprint.
For more information on Mahogany L. Browne, her work, and her future projects, visit her website or follow her on IG @mobrowne.
Featured image by Anthony Artis
Fast forward to today — le sigh — and while the tradition isn’t really upheld anymore, in my opinion, perhaps it should be. I say that because, did you know that, when it comes to wedding night copulation, less than 40 percent of couples make that a priority these days?
And while, on the surface, that might not seem that much of a big deal, if you sit tight, I’m going to explain to you why, as a marriage life coach for over 20 years at this point, I 1000 percent believe that it is — a much bigger deal than many people would ever imagine.
Keeping yichud in mind, let me first take a moment to break down why you should consummate your marriage as soon as possible following your wedding; then I will follow that up with providing a few hacks to make sure that you have the mind, body, and spirit to actually do so.
Remember What “Consummate” Means
GiphyLet’s start off with what the word “consummate” actually means. You know, the same way that it irritates me when people who are dating say that they are monogamous instead of exclusive (check out “Why I Use The Word 'Monogamous' In Marriage And 'Exclusive' In Dating”), it also low-key irritates me when unmarried people who have sex for the first time say that they “consummated” their relationship. Why? Because consummate has specific meanings, and that ain’t one of them.
To consummate actually means “to complete (the union of a marriage) by the first marital sexual intercourse.” Back in ancient Jewish times, this was a really big deal because, more times than not, the couple was having sex for the very first time with one another (oftentimes, it was their first time being alone together as well).
These days, it’s been reported that only 10 percent of men and seven percent of women between the ages of 22-34 are still virgins; however, even if you’re not a virgin and shoot, even if your wedding night isn’t the first time that you’re having sex with your partner, the word “consummate” still applies because it’s the first time that you will be having sex with him as your husband and you as his wife — which is still a different kind of intimacy (check out “10 Wives Tell Me What They Wish They Knew About 'Married Sex'”).
I say that because…do you know what else consummate means? It means “to complete (an arrangement, agreement, or the like) by a pledge or the signing of a contract” and “to bring to a state of perfection; fulfill.” In other words, saying your vows isn’t what fully completes your wedding day — consummating your marriage is.
Let’s keep going…
Prioritize “Completion”
GiphyOkay, so by the literal definitions of consummate, a husband and a wife complete their union of marriage by having sex. By doing that, it brings their new kind of relationship into a state of perfection and fulfillment. It also makes their formal marriage arrangement complete. That is how important consummating your marital union is — so, why in the world would you not want to prioritize that?
Especially when you stop to think about the fact that complete means things like “having all parts or elements; lacking nothing; whole; entire; full”, “finished; ended; concluded,” “having all the required or customary characteristics, skills, or the like; consummate; perfect in kind or quality.” Hmph. Looks to me like the wedding vows, the exchanging of rings, the jumping of brooms, the reception — none of this results in a marriage getting into a state of “lacking nothing” or the day being “finished” or the marital relationship “having all of the required and customary characteristics” like SEX does.
That’s how essential it’s supposed to be seen and treated in a marital relationship (sexless couples, please remember that and also check out “10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important “ and “How 10 Couples Reignited Their Sex Lives After Facing A Sexless Marriage” ). And THIS is why it’s so unfortunate that 60 percent of couples don’t see it this way.
Honestly, I’d venture to say that it’s because most haven’t even thought about how paramount the word “consummate” actually is and yet, again, as a marriage life coach (and someone who speaks on marital covenant A LOT), it’s my job to make sure to put as many engaged couples (or folks who want to be married someday) on notice — because if you can make sure that you take your wedding pictures, that you dance at your reception and that you hug the folks who you haven’t seen in years…you can certainly make time to PERFECT YOUR UNION with your spouse.
Hmph, let me tell it, if you do that on your wedding night, it will remind you to prioritize it during the rest of your marriage. It’s a foundational principle that deserves high respect and much consideration. And what if you’re like, “I hear you, Shellie, but I always hear that people are usually too tired for sex on their wedding night”? You know a saying that gets on my nerves and yet here, it does somewhat apply: “If you wanted to, you would” — and I believe that if you take the word “consummate” literally and seriously, you will make a way, no matter what. I do have a few tips to help you out, though.
Get Rest the Night Before
GiphyHands down, the two top reasons for why couples don’t have sex on their wedding night are either because they were too tired or they were too drunk. I’ll hit the drunk thing in a moment; however, when it comes to the tired thing — listen, I get it. Fewer days are going to be longer and take more out of you than your wedding day will. I will say this, though: the couples I know who waited until their wedding night, they somehow found the energy (because they had something new to look forward to) which means that, again, what is important to us, we certainly will make time for — and it’s important to see sex, in marriage, as not just a fun activity but a supernatural mental, emotional and spiritual bond:
"There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, 'The two become one.'" (I Corinthians 6:16 — Message)
That’s why it’s so important to, instead of staying up all night giggling and cackling with your friends the night before your nuptials, that you actually get some rest. Also, even though I know you want to avoid any bulge and bloat that you can, make sure that you at least snack on some fruit while getting ready the next day. Both of these things will help to give you fuel in order to get through the day — and night. So will one more thing…but let me tackle being drunkety-drunk-drunk matter first.
Toast. Don’t Get Drunk, Though.
GiphyA wedding reception is one big party that is being thrown in your and your beloved’s honor, and you should take in every moment of it. That doesn’t mean that you need to toss back multiple tequila shots and participate in every toast at every table, though. Listen, it’s no secret that having too much alcohol in one’s system can affect a man’s stamina (and not in a good way) and can have your sex drive on a roller coaster ride (also not in a good way), not to mention that it could cause you to pass right on out.
So, in the spirit of completing your marriage (again, literally) — how about sipping on champagne during the formal toasts and leaving it at that? After all, you’ve got bigger matters to celebrate…later on.
Don’t Be the Last One to Leave Your Reception
GiphyThere are two weddings that I remember attending in my lifetime where the husband and wife honestly couldn’t care less about their reception. LOL. During one wedding, the couple basically ate the cake and did the bouquet and garter toss all at once; hell, I don’t even remember them eating anything. I was actually in the wedding party and didn’t get to say “goodbye” either. They were outta there. Another couple? They didn’t show up to the reception at all! They actually recorded a video that ran during it where the husband said, “I know what salmon tastes like. I’m trying to figure some other things out.”
Meanwhile, another wedding that I went to where the couple lived together prior to their wedding day? Since the wedding and reception were at a plush hotel, many of their guests were staying at the same spot. So, after the couple shut down the reception, they then went hotel room hopping until wee hours of the morning. When I asked them what in the world they were doing, the bride literally said, “Girl, we’ve lived together for years. We can have sex any time.”
See what I mean? See what happens when you don’t fully grasp how important consummating your marriage is? It’s not “just sex” anymore — it’s perfecting some things. So yeah, definitely don’t be the last two people to leave your wedding reception, especially if you sense that you are starting to run on fumes. You need to do something more important than being the last people on the dance floor — and you already know what that thing is.
Book Your Honeymoon Flight for Later in the Day (or the Following One)
GiphyAnother reason why many couples don’t consummate their marriage on their wedding night is because they are rushing to go to bed so that they can catch their honeymoon flight. For this, honestly, it’s wiser to wait until the evening of the following day, if not the day after that. Not only will that give you time to “complete” your union, but afterwards, you can get a lot of the rest that you crave.
I’m telling you — if there is one thing that far too many couples do when it comes to their after-the-ceremony plans, it’s put unnecessary pressure on themselves by putting together a super strict schedule that they really don’t need. You’re married now, and whatever location you’re going to isn’t going anywhere. RELAX. HAVE SOME SEX. RINSE. REPEAT. THEN LEAVE.
Keep Your Expectations Realistic
GiphyOkay, one more thing about the whole “it’s important to consummate” point, and then I’ll be out of y’all’s hair. It actually circles back to the yichud tradition that I mentioned in the intro. Remember how I said that Jewish couples were left alone for 18 minutes? Well, in some of my other sex-themed content, I’ve shared that many couples are more than fine with intercourse lasting somewhere between 7 and 13 minutes.
My point? Listen, nowhere in this article did I say that y’all had to have 90s R&B sex the first time that the two of you come together as husband and wife. I simply said that you need to consummate the relationship, and I’m pretty sure that you both can muster up at least 10 minutes to make that happen. All of the “all night long” stuff — yeah, do that on your honeymoon. However, making sure that “oneness” transpires, so that the perfection of your union is established? That needs to happen as soon as possible.
____
An author by the name of Abhijit Naskar once said, “Sex is not just about going in or letting in, it is really about welcoming your dearly beloved into the deepest regions of your psyche, which are inaccessible to anybody else.” Truer words could not have been said than when it comes to a husband and wife.
Sex ain’t “just sex” in a marriage, y’all. It’s far more than that.
Consummate that thing. Down the pike, you’ll be oh so glad that you did.
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Featured image by Giphy