A Very 'Insecure' Critic Gets A Lesson In Toxic Masculinity After Coming For Issa Rae
Black women are burdened by what I call a triple consciousness. Prose written by W.E.B. Dubois defined double consciousness as the veil under which citizens of color in the U.S. live, due to the contrast of their separate identities. He explained that his identity as an American was separate and individual from his identity as a black man, simply because the two facets of himself had different needs and faced different injustices.
For years, women of color didn't have the option to be feminists because their needs as African American citizens were more prevalent at the time. In 2018, as we stare into the eyes of a black girl revolution, it is clear that things have changed. Though my rights as a black American are constantly trampled on, I, unlike my ancestors, have been given the option to also fight for my rights as a woman. But time and time again, the world reminds me that this fight for the rights of my triple consciousness will not come without some war wounds.
Issa Rae recently shared some new details about the upcoming season of Insecure, and mentioned that the show would tackle a subject that is rarely discussed in mainstream media. Issa told the Hollywood Reporter:
"I don't want to give anything away! But I love black masculinity as it relates to black women. I think that's something interesting that we haven't gotten a chance to explore yet — and specifically toxic male black masculinity as it relates to black women. I'm trying to find a way to explore that and get a rounded storyline that isn't preachy."
She also shared that the characters in the show would reveal show some dynamic growth on their path to true adulthood. Though we all go through periods of 'insecurity', this season will focus on each character discovering accountability for their actions. She continued:
"This season is about adulting in a new way. I think we've watched our characters really fumble and fuck up — and in some ways in your 20s you are allowed that — but this season is about not acting like you're naive anymore or that you don't know better. So it is about, what does it look like to know better and to do better?"
When I first heard the news, I thought like most of you did: That's f*cking lit. Toxic masculinity is a major issue among women of color, which in my hometown has led to the destruction of lives and a number of deaths of young black women. I was relieved to hear that Issa and the other writers of Insecure had read my mind and would spark a conversation that's been needed for a long time.
But wait, let's not forget. It's our place as women of color to be black first, and women second. At least according to the internet. One user wrote in a thread:
"Issa Rae teases Season 3 "Insecure" will be about black masculinity. A topic I bet she thinks she's an expert on. My guess is she'll follow the trend of other prominent black women producers/directors/writers in filmmaking and promote some sort of fuckery about black men."
He goes on to talk cash money sh*t about prominent black women like Shonda Rhimes and included some homophobic and misogynistic commentary which further iterated that the toxic masculinity that women of color experience is extremely real.
Little did he know, he was in for the clapback of a lifetime, because Reagan Gomez and Jay Ellis had the time. The former Parent 'Hood actress mentioned that not only is Insecure's showrunner a black man, but the show also has black men as a part of their team of writers. In a series of tweets, Reagan tweeted:
"I thought ya'll were team Lawrence? Loved that he had options. Ya'll loved that season 1 finale but now that they might discuss toxic masculinity, ya'll think it's about the Black woman agenda?? Which is it?"
"Nothing about the show suggests that the men are horrible. They really aren't. From Lawrence to Daniel to the banger (always with his daughter, teaching her her ABB's). Well, Lawrence's lightskinned honie is kinda horrible but…they're all tryna figure it out. So why…"
"…would toxic masculinity be off limits? Take Lawrence, he immediately went from Issa, to Tasha, to Aparna. Takes all of his baggage with him in each relationship. When he has that threesome with those random white women who I SWORE were gonna rob him & was OPENLY…"
"…fetishized, he felt like shit but had to lie to his homie (the light skinned one😂) about how dope it was…while sitting outside of Issa's house. We can see him fuckin & cussin Issa out but can't go into toxic masculinity? Please."
"Larry Wilmore is one of the friggin producers. All of this info is out there but sure. Black women/FeminisT agenda. K."
Jay Ellis followed suit, tweeting:
"As a black man who was a part of the first two seasons of @IssaRae and the very diverse writing staff of "Insecure's" work, I'd have to say STFU! …btw pick your pants up, your toxicity is showing."
And, it's hella unimpressive.
Featured image by Giphy
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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7 Black Men On TikTok Making Everyday Living Look ThirstTrappy
You know how many of us, ladies, keep wondering why men don’t have the same sexy, handsome looks of yesteryear? That look from the ‘60s to the ‘90s? I FOUND THEM. And guess what? They’re doing what “real” men do best…simply making themselves handy (and not just in the traditional, gendered sense of the word). These fellas make it easy to fantasize about the reality that there are still good men out there – men who come into the lives of women and make it easier and softer by contributing every day but meaningful ways.
No, I don’t know them in real life because I found them via TikTok, but that’s the fun of fantasizing. You get to take one piece of the pie and make up the rest of it as you go alone. It’s like a game of MASH–choose your fighter and then go from there.
When I was watching their videos, I was totally unaware that my libido had been laying so low OR how attractive a useful man was until I tuned in to these guys (it started with Cam, and you’ll see why shortly). And I don’t mean to make it sound like men are only as good as what they can do for you, but I think it’s safe to say that far too many men are weaponizing their incompetence and enjoy being cared for but aren’t as quick to pour back into the women keeping their day-to-day afloat. Not even in minimal ways.
That said, these men seem to be a breath of fresh air on a sunshiny day. And, allow me to be wholesome and candid for a minute but they made me optimistic that there is hope for us after all. That we can find husbands and fathers who allow us to exist in this world with less harm and hope.
And, on a less wholesome note… never mind. I choose to keep it cute, but you’ll soon know exactly why this feels like a helluva task in just a moment. The other refreshing thing about many of these videos is the ASMR vibes – very cathartic to watch; really brings a sense of peace and calm over you. And, not to gas it, but if watching a man in action in that way via TikTok does that, JUST imagine what having the real thing would be like. My God.
Here are seven Black men on TikTok making everyday living look thirstrappy AF.
Cam
@renaissancecam subsist ⚙️ #vlog #dailyvlog #sundayvlog #peace #adayinthelife #gardening #handyman #rotties #bbq #pitmaster #juicing #health #healthy #fruit #fyp #explore #foryou #viral #menshealth #farming #country #outdoors #dogs #landscaping #food #vibes
Not only does Cam (28 and single) understand the assignment when it comes to carefully selecting Sunday’s cleaning playlist but he also was handcrafted by God himself, giving us #TradMan in only the best ways possible. Based on my lurking/Inspector Gadget deep dive through his content, he chops wood, gardens, fishes, and cooks–it’s no mistake that his handle is Renaissance Cam. And, ladies, I was able to get a few other little details about him because we all know curiosity kills the cat. No need to stay curious when we can just know. Yes, he’s single. He’s a Leo. And his ideal first date is a picnic at his favorite sunset island near one of the spots where he likes to fish.
Derwynn
@lifeofdwho Look how dirty my washing machine was 🤢🤮 . . #sundayreset #sundayroutine #cleaninghacks #cleaningmotivation #homefragrance #fyp #explorepage
Next up is Derwynn, who is more of a modern man. His content centers on his Sunday resets which entail deep cleaning his home–and, if you know, you know–Black household law is that this type of cleaning must occur on Sundays. And, man, ol’ man, does he make cleaning look good. It’s no wonder more men don’t do this willingly. Most have speculated that he’s a Virgo, but he’s actually a Cancer (but maybe he has other Virgo placements throughout?)
Deon
@chakmahtheking Brcome someone you woukd be proud of‼️ Don’t settle, you’re a KING! Follw me on IG @chakmahtheking #fyp #diy #motivation #jackofalltrades #king
Mister DIY himself, in living color! Admittedly, I did have to mute that Rocky music, but all the fix-it action 100 percent makes up for that. I don’t know him, but it’s giving “my man, my man, my man” type of delusion the minute I saw him handle that power tool (like my little pun). Unlike the first two, Deon isn’t quite as subtle in his understanding that he is indeed a prize (not to be confused with thee prize, y’all). But, he is, in fact, a man that adds value in many ways. And, this is what we mean when we say bring back these men – the good with their hands, easy on the eyes type men – and we’ll bust out the apron and the table settings.
Oklahoma Cowboys
@oklahomacowboys0 🤠 #oklahomacowboys #rodeo #blackcowboys #fyp #explorepage #cowboy #blacktiktok #fypシ #losangeles #countryboy #billpickettrodeo #race
When Destiny’s Child said, “they always be talkin’ that country slang,” I imagine these are the type of men they had in mind. Cause the video alone gone bring out my Southern ancestors in my spirit, and I was born and raised in Michigan. Babbbby, this is a retro type of man, and I’m here for it. It’s also a personal belief of mine that it speaks volumes about a man’s ability to nurture in the way that they care for animals and, in turn, the way animals respond to them. What’s that they say about animals and children being the best judges of character? Unfortunately, we don’t have a name for this cowboy, but fortunately, this page is action-packed with other cowboys.
John Doe
@atvmvp #honda #hondaaccord #carsoftiktok #cars #bodywork #painting #spraypaint #restoration #accidentrepair #southcarolina #blackmen #cartok #cartiktok #7thgenaccord #blackentrepreneur #blackdudes #budgetfriendly #voiceover #countryboy
While it’s always safest to have a bald-headed daddy to handle all your car issues, it definitely doesn’t hurt to have a car-fixing zaddy on call, too. Well, here you go! Out in the garage, in the hoop shorts and the slides – now him coming inside smelling like outside, car parts, and fading cologne. We also stan a frugal, problem-solving king! Peep how he purchased a used car and a five-dollar can of spray paint and got to work. The definition of getting it out the mud, if you ask me.
Stephen
@styleunrivaled #fyp #trending #viral #atx #car #ignitioncoil
Impressive, I must say. This gentleman, Stephen, walks us through replacing his ignition coils, but he also makes himself useful in other ways. That’s word to his other TikTok, where he offers the young fellas who want to argue about why women aren’t submissive instead of giving them something worth submitting to advice.
Lee
@leeshomeimprovement Deck for the chicken coop #fyp #foryou #dmv #blacktiktok #watchthis #explore #HousestoHomes #HomeImprovement #BuildingstoCompanies #blackmenbuilds #building #constructing #StayFocused #menwithdreads #follow #share #baltimore #HGTV
While this video doesn’t quite show Lee’s face, it does show his craftsmanship. I mean, it looks secure enough–I don’t know too much about building decks, but I do know this looks about right.. As for the rest, I scoped out the facecard on his other videos, and he is worthy of this list.
These men were difficult to come by, and I’m not sure if it has to do with the ratio of podcast mics to rakes/power drills/etc. Or because they’re simply not documenting themselves. But you should know that we’re looking for some more of these men folk to lust after while they check off the one honey-do list item within their reach through the internet … the one with my Rosé. Send more over! Tag them. I might even start a Make Men Great Again campaign on behalf of these brothas.
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Feature image by @renaissancecam/ Instagram, @steviie_j/ Instagram, @derwynnwho/ Instagram