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3 Life Lessons We've Learned From 'Insecure'

Culture & Entertainment

In about a week, we'll welcome back our favorite friends for season 3 of Insecure. Dare we say this could be the best season yet? So far, we've experienced the reckoning and the rumble, now it's time for the revolution.


Our modern-day Friends live in the realm of "two steps forward, one step back, arguably the theme of your late 20's as well. We've seen these girls and Lawrence (farewell to thee!) set their worlds ablaze over the past two seasons. There was a collective online groan when Molly seductively answered the door for Dro and a universal facepalm when Issa showed up at Daniel's house. Each challenge resulted in a life lesson that we've all been faced with, or will be in the future. Insecure does an expert job of writing characters who are flawed and imperfect, yet relatable and tangible.

The third season is modeled after the classic Twitter adage, "You should know better and you should do better." But before we start to do better, let's recap some key lessons we all learned last year.

Relationships today can be more complicated than ever before.

The complexities of a singular relationship are vast. It's apparent in the first season that comfort zones aren't ideal for relationships. But in the second season, we're exposed to the exact opposite situation: a relationships with no boundaries. Dro and Molly were the most controversial topic of last season's finale and for good reason. How can you be in half of a relationship? Or in Dro's case, a relationship and a half? Boundaries can be subjective. Boundaries can be blurred. Insecure tackles those points perfectly. It will be interesting to see how those relationships play out in the long-term. When you answer your challenges with emotional responses, they can only go haywire.

Girl gang dynamics.

It happens in every girl gang. Pregnancy, marriage, or divorce (to name a few) can drastically change the dynamics of your gang. We all handle stress and change differently, which naturally bleed into our relationships. Women can withstand a myriad of emotions at once, and Insecure does a great job of portraying that. We're constantly bombarded with storylines of Molly and Issa making answering logical questions with emotional responses. Even with the fight between the two in previous seasons, we got to see how the working of their imitate lives influenced their relationship.

Before you judge, look within.

While this is present from the first episode of season one, it becomes a dominant theme in season two. The girls are constantly judging each other only to find out a deep look inside should be the first priority. Life is about learning this lesson over and over again. In the Napa Valley scenes, we watch Molly and Issa box it out over their personal choices. But once they stopped for 10 seconds, it was easy to see the parallels they share. We can all do well to internalize this more in our life.

Between misfires in your career to back-steps in your personal life, life in your late 20's is anything but perfect. You're constantly second-guessing what or who you're doing, and how you're doing it. And that's the glory in Insecure: Issa and friends are key examples of how the hottest of messes can still get it together.

Insecure Season 3 airs August 12 on HBO.

Today is Malcolm X’s birthday. As an icon of Black liberation movements, his words are often rallying cries and guideposts in struggle. In 2020, after the officers who executed Breona Taylor were not charged with her murder, my timeline was flooded with people reposting Malcolm’s famous quote: “The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the Black woman. The most neglected person in America is the Black woman.”

It was certainly an apt quote to use for the tragic situation surrounding the life and death of Taylor. Quickly, however, a cynicism began to take hold of me as I saw people with questionable politics around Black women repost Malcolm’s words. .

Malcolm delivered those words to a congregation of Black people in Los Angeles, California just days after his birthday on May 22, 1965. Using his signature authoritative oratorical skills, he declared the harm that this world has caused Black women. In this same speech he would go on to say: “Who taught you to hate the color of your skin? Who taught you to hate the texture of your hair? Who taught you to hate the shape of your nose and the shape of your lips? Who taught you to hate yourself from the top of your head to the soles of your feet?" Hating and harming Black women is akin to hating and harming yourself.

For Malcolm, to protect Black women, to respect and to love Black women was not a hypothetical position to take. Just a few years prior to giving that speech, Malcolm severed ties with his mentor Elijah Muhommad after allegations against the Nation of Islam leader of having affairs with underaged girls was revealed, an allegation that Malcolm didn’t initially want to believe until speaking directly with one of the accusers himself.

He showed us that to show up for Black women means holding the abusers within your community accountable — even the ones you admire. It means listening to Black women, but also taking principled action in response to what you’ve heard–even at the risk of your relationships and even your life.

The name and legacy of Malcolm X conjures strong feelings in many people. To some people, Malcolm was a militant hellbent on stirring racial unrest. To others, he was a messianic figure, who sacrificed himself for the good of the people. But this is how I choose to remember him: as someone whose love for Black women anchored his life. To honor Malcolm means to honor Black women, today, tomorrow, and always.

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