

They say it takes 21 days to start a habit and 90 days to make it a lifestyle, but there’s a popular internet challenge that’s meeting us in the middle to form new habits and hit the reset button to our daily routines. It’s called the 75 Soft Challenge.
Derived from the popular 75 Hard Challenge that took off on TikTok in 2020, the 75 Soft Challenge got its gentler alternative from TikTok creator Stephen Gallagher, which still promised to change your life through improved mental toughness and self-discipline.
We all have our reasons for needing a reset. At times life can get to such a place of monotony and stagnancy that we start to realize that we’re moving on autopilot. With the 75 Soft Challenge, individuals who take part in the daily routine are encouraged to go outside the comfort of their normal routines in order to build new habits that promote physical and mental well-being. While the rules can seem strict, they require a level of discipline and consistency to be tapped into, which can be a benefit to those looking to improve their self-esteem and confidence while feeling a sense of accomplishment once it’s completed.
For Dresden Davis, creator of the Curlie Cook, starting the 75 Soft Challenge was a way to kickstart a new beginning after an 18-month season of depression. Having not been in the best mental space, Davis began to see her weight fluctuate over time, which sparked her interest in taking on the 75-day challenge. With the goal to focus on her discipline, get back to herself, and restore her mental fitness, Davis tells xoNecole, “I was looking to restart my discipline.” She continues, “75 soft, in general, is about fitness and health, but it's more about discipline: can you do something that you say you're going to do for 75 days?”
But what are the rules to the 75 Soft Challenge?
- Eat well and only drink on social occasions.
- Train for 45 minutes every day for 75 days. One day a week is to be active recovery.
- Drink three liters of water a day.
- Read 10 pages of any book a day.
- NOTE: If you miss a day, you have to start over.
From January 1 to March 16, Davis embarked on the daily challenge of mental and physical transformation, one that resulted in 11lbs lost over 10 weeks and a mental and physical shift that she can attest to. As a way to track her progress, Davis shared her 75 Soft Challenge meals on her TikTok account and even went without telling her immediate circle that she was embarking on the journey.
There, she showcased different ways to eat fruits and veggies that were in season, shared delicious dishes like broccolini pasta, spinach pasta, and roasted Brussels sprouts, and presented ways to prepare one type of protein or vegetable in different ways. “I took the time each week to write out what I wanted to eat, and over the years, I've learned that for me high protein, veggies, and complex carbs work best for me,” she shares. Because the rules of the challenge don’t specify what “eat well” means, Davis recommends that you "define what eating well means for you."
@thecurliecook week 8 of 75 soft. less than a month left + whew. ate out twice this week + instantly regretted it so there’s that☹️ going to finish out these last few weeks strong! i’m 12lbs from my goals. i know i got this. #75soft #75softchallenge #mealsoftheweek #weekofmeals #healthyliving #healthyeating #weightloss #roadto30
Before starting the challenge, Davis researched the results of the 75 Soft participants to approach the challenge with realistic expectations and avoid the hasty temptation of comparison.
“I didn't want people to come and look at mine and be like, ‘Well, she lied,’ or, ‘That's unrealistic.’ So I decided that I needed to be honest,” she recalls. While results of the challenge may vary from person to person — depending on their body type and personal goals — Davis emphasizes the importance of listening to your body. “Do what works for you and not necessarily what works for everyone else,” she says.
“If weight loss is your reason for doing the challenge, healthy and sustainable weight loss is one to two pounds a week,” Davis shared. “If you are losing more than that, you could be doing something drastic that's not sustainable.”
“Always do what's sustainable, especially if you're doing this for a healthier lifestyle. A lifestyle is not a quick fix. It should be something that you can maintain for a long time,” she says.
What makes the 75 Soft Challenge unique is its connection to building self-efficacy within oneself. First cited by Albert Bandura, self-efficacy is an individual's belief regarding their ability to shape the outcomes of their life events. Unlike self-esteem, which often revolves around notions of an individual's value or merit, self-efficacy is founded on one’s confidence in their ability to navigate future situations. So while self-esteem is largely focused on the present, self-efficacy is more oriented toward the future.
“The mental aspect of when you stick with something, and you see the results and feel good about it, and you're not tempted to go back to those old ways,” she says. The results of the challenge go far beyond the physical, as her mindset has seen an even greater improvement post the 75-day commitment.
“It's not even about eating well or working out; it's the commitment to yourself,” she says. “I know people always say, ‘All you ever have is your word,’ and they always relate it to other people. But if you tell yourself you're going to do something, are you going to do it? For me, this wasn't about anyone else. I was trying to get back to feeling better about myself.”
Davis admits that there were mental roadblocks for her to overcome throughout the challenge, like waking up at 5:30 a.m. in the freezing weather to head to the gym or finding time to reach each day. “You're not going to be motivated every day. But you said you were going to do this. And if you don't do it now, when are you going to do it?” she says.
Looking back, the greatest reward was the mental fortitude that she gained in the process and she enjoyed the experience overall. Sometimes it’s not always what we think we can do, it’s what we do to prove to ourselves what’s possible.
But the question is, would she consider doing the 75 Hard Challenge? “Looking back, I'm kind of like, maybe that was a little easy. Maybe I can do a little bit more. Maybe I’ll try 75 Hard too.”
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Originally published on April 6, 2023
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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It’s almost always “annoyingly fun” to have conversations with super churchy folks. Example? Recently, I had on an anklet that a particular woman took notice of. When she complimented it and asked what it was made of, I said, “Moonstone, which is one of my birthstones.” Oddly enough, she then turned up her nose and said that stones and crystals were tied to witchcraft, to which I casually replied, “Then I guess you hate Aaron’s breastplate, huh?” She paused and turned her nose up again — this time, though, because she just experienced a good old-fashioned “checkmate.”
This article is about crystals not Scripture, so when it comes to the latter, I’ll just briefly say that if you mosey on over to Exodus 28, you’ll see that a high priest breastplate is referenced; one that contains precious gems including topaz, sapphire, agate, onyx and jasper (and that’s just for starters!). Yeah, it really is important to not just throw judgments around like confetti — know of what you are actually speaking of first (because that’s what Matthew 7 is really all about).
I did think it was important to mention that for potential skeptics about why this article even exists. Because although there are Scriptural and evenscience-based individuals who roll their eyes at the power of what gemstones and crystals can (possibly) do, I’m pretty sure that some of you are not surprised that the holistic and Ayurveda worlds see it all very differently.In those realms, energy plays a big role in physical, emotional, and mental health, and crystals are believed to cultivate balance or intensify certain feelings or experiences through that said energy.
That said, when it comes to sex, specifically, there are certain stones (which are basically what crystals are;in fact, all gemstones are a type of crystal) that are believed to help make intimacy even more satisfying. If you’re curious about which ones are, I’ve got 10 for you below.
10 Crystals That May Enhance Your Intimate Life
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1. Garnet
Garnet is a rich shade of red that happens to be January’s gemstone. It’s considered to be one of the oldest gemstones around, one that Egyptians believed was a symbol of life and something that they oftentimes wore in their signet rings. As far as symbolism goes, garnet also represents love and vitality as well as energy, passion and even self-confidence — all of which are quite relevant when it comes to having an active and fulfilling sex life.
2. Amethyst
Queen Cleopatra and Leonardo da Vinci are just two powerful figures who were big fans of the purple gemstone amethyst. Interestingly enough, it is February’s birthstone — the month that Valentine’s Day falls under. Another interesting fact is many early Christians relied on this gem in order to increase their spirituality while many Greeks used to see it as a stone that provided protection. When it comes to intimacy, amethyst is also associated with love and devotion as well as feelings of calm and reduced anxiety — and since the less calm you feel, the easier it is to climax…well. #wink
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3. Orange Carnelian
Looking to experience more joy and happiness? Or maybe you want to strengthen your friendships. Or perhaps it’s time to increase your pleasure levels or to go into deeper levels of sensuality. For all of these things, orange carnelian is a top-tier pick. As I did a bit more research on this stone, it’s considered to be a royal one and something that can bring forth peace. One of my favorite things about orange carnelian is it comes in different hues of orange — the deeper the color, the more passion it exudes. Just an FYI.
4. Rose Quartz
If you want to take your romantic relationship to another level, rose quartz has a solid reputation for helping to make that happen for you. In fact, this pink crystal is oftentimes referred to as being the stone of unconditional love because it encourages the wearers of it to both give as well as put themselves in the position to receive love too. Since rose quartz is also tied to things like emotional healing, restored trust and harmony, if you’re looking to make a much deeper intimate connection with your partner, this just might be the stone for you.
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5. Rhodochrosite
Rhodochrosite is a red-rose colored stone that I personally hold dear. I say that because, as a survivor of sexual abuse, it is one that helps recovering individuals to work through sexual trauma (and trauma, in general). It is associated with love, compassion and strength as it helps you to process your emotions in a positive way, so that you are able to effectively release past pain and deal with any PTSD that you might have. You know, I know a wife who sexually struggled in her marriage for years because she had been sexually assaulted in college and never told her husband.
A stone of compassion is a precious one — including when it comes to dealing with sexual trauma and intimacy challenges and learning how to face them. Salute to this stone right here.
6. Citrine
Citrine is November’s birthstone and its rich yellow color explains why it represents things like abundance, prosperity, radiance and happiness. Aside from this, whether you’re seeking clarity, you’d like to be more creative or you’re interested in becoming more sensual, citrine encourages all of this. Sensuality is a dope word because it’s all about appealing to all five senses; especially during intimacy. To learn more about how to do that, check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever.”
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7. Red Jasper
While doing my own research on what red jasper represents, what I liked the most is it’s something that encourages emotional stability which is always a wonderful thing to have. Although it is a fiery red color, it also contains grounding properties and it symbolizes strength, courage and, another word that can always make sex more pleasurable: stamina. Since stamina is what helps both men and women to last longer during sex, anything that is a “stamina hack” earns an automatic mention when it comes to sex-themed content — including this.
8. Clear Quartz
A fun fact about quartz is it’s one of the most common minerals on this planet. When it comes to clear quartz, specifically, I like the way that it looks because it’s either a cloudy white or something that you can see straight through. As far as its symbolism is concerned, if you want to reduce physical discomfort, remove distractions and focus more on heightened levels of yourself, this crystal represents all of that. Clear quartz also encourages healing, spiritual growth and balance. To me, it seems like if you want to cultivate a spiritual or meditative (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”) experience with your partner, clear quartz is a stone to try.
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9. Shiva Lingam
I ain’t got no lies to tell you — when I first happened upon this particular stone, the first thing that came to my mind was an article that I penned for the site back in the day entitled, “Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage.” That’s because it explains what a lingam massage is and, as you can see, this crystal has that word all up in it. The history of lingam is a bit layered (you can read about it here); however, because it is considered by many to be a phallic symbol and that typically represents the penis — shiva lingam is a neutral-colored crystal that represents both sexuality as well as fertility. Shocking, right? #sarcasm
10. Pyrite
It doesn’t escape me that it’s kind of funny that I’m closing this out with a crystal that has the nickname “fool’s gold.” That’s due to its appearance. That said, it’s also a stone that has some interesting symbolism to it. Since it comes from a Greek word that means fire — of course, it’s a crystal of passion. Since it also taps into things like heightened energy, self-esteem, creativity, awakened senses and the removal of toxic thoughts — if any stone should be in your “let’s get it on” crystal collection, pyrite would be the one!
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Know what’s kinda wild? While I was on Etsy’s site looking for another moonstone, a sake popped up in my feed on what the merchant calls their “libido crystal set” — and six of the 10 stones that I’ve mentioned throughout this article are featured in the collection.
Yeah, I’ll take that as a confirmation that whether you purchase a piece of jewelry that has one (or more) of these stones or you buy a piece of crystal itself to place somewhere in your bedroom — just putting your own energy into wanting a better sex life is a powerful step in the right direction to achieving it.
And what science can’t refute is the benefits of positive thoughts and actions — crystals or not.
So, if precious stones are totally your thing — enjoy, sis. Enjoy!
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