

xoNecole's I Read It So You Don't Have To is a recurring series of self-discovery that breaks down self-help books into a toolkit of takeaways and tips that are meant to assist you in finding the best life you can live. Take what works for you, and leave everything else where it is.
When I first embarked on this journey of self-compassion, self-care, and self-love, I was told to readAtomic Habits by James Clear. Admittedly, this book recommendation did not make me want to jump up for joy and read this novel the first chance I got. For one, I didn't think that I had any 'bad' habits. Well, at least any that were detrimental to my health and/or worth changing. Or, at least, so I thought.
If anything, I believed my habits were well beyond what anyone would consider 'good.' Hell, they were great. I woke up on time. Made it to work on time. I completed school work and errands with fidelity. I paid my bills long before the collector thought to knock on my door. I scheduled times to talk to friends and family. I was committed to whatever task I said I would, and managed to also feed myself at the end of the day. I had systems that were so well placed, it would be ludicrous for me to change them. So, why add a book about 'atomic' habits to my reading list when I had my habits in order?
When I posed this question, I was given a follow-up; one that shut me up and sat me down. If my habits were so great--if everything had been going so well...why was I still so unhappy?
Yes, I woke up on time, but I laid in bed for 45 minutes before I would start the day. Yes, I made it to work on time, but it was often with watery eyes and unshed tears. Yes, I completed school work and errands with fidelity, but this was after I panicked about all the time squandered before the inevitable deadline arrived. Yes, I committed to whatever task, but this did not go without resentment to have made the commitment in the first place. And yes, I managed to feed myself at the end of the day, but this meal was often my only. I got through the day, but that didn't mean I did so without taking hits at every turn.
After minutes of being unable to come up with a decent response, I was told again to read Atomic Habits. And this time, I managed to listen. With the assistance of this truly exceptional, easy-to-read, and helpful-as-hell novel, I realized that though I had great habits, the bad ones were the ones that ruled my life.
This book gives readers strategies for maintaining modest routines that gradually add up to have the impact they desire for the life they want. Remember, this is meant to be a collection of suggestions on how to live a happy, wholehearted, purposeful, and intentional life, though it is by no means a “how-to guide” on how to live life. Take what works for you, and leave everything else where it is.
Here's how to form better habits for the life you aspire to obtain.
First Law of Building Better Habits: Make It Obvious
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Creating awareness of your habits is the first rule of developing healthy habits. Unless someone points out our habitual behaviors, we frequently miss our cues (or the actions that trigger the habits we perform), since we are not aware of them. We must, therefore, become more self-aware if we are to fulfill the first law.
To make your habits obvious, list your everyday routine for a moment to become conscious of your behaviors. What occurs when you first open your eyes? Then what? Then what? Make a list of your routines and activities, from every day, without exception. After that, evaluate each activity and ask yourself whether it is a 'good,' 'bad,' or 'neutral' habit.
It is crucial that you prioritize self-compassion above shame while you make this list. This is not the time to punish yourself for the bad habits you may or may not have. Instead, this is the time to just acknowledge the good and bad habits that you possess.
Implementation Plan:
Once your behaviors are clear, it's time to design an implementation strategy. A strategy for implementation is crucial because this is the point where most habits fall by the wayside. Those plans we have are just that—plans—without a proper implementation system. Making an implementation plan is straightforward; you simply list the new habit you want to develop, the location where you want to establish it, and the time of day you would implement it.
For example, "I will [insert new habit] at [insert time] in [insert location]." This formula will ensure you are making space for your habit in your daily activities, while consciously becoming aware of when it has to be completed.
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Habit stacking is another technique for implementing your new habit throughout the day. Pairing a new habit with an existing one is known as habit stacking. By using your old, inescapable habit as a cue to start the new habit, you will guarantee the new habit is completed. Therefore, combine your new habit with a positive or neutral behavior from your list using your implementation formula.
The Motivation Myth:
Keep in mind that motivation is not a factor as you go about putting your new habit into practice. We won't always be motivated to do something, and waiting around till we are motivated won't result in anything getting done. Your environment, not your motivation, plays a role in the development of your new behaviors. For instance, depending on the environment we are in, we act in habitual ways.
We know to hush when we enter a library. We know to keep quiet when we go to the movies. Habits will be encouraged by the environment to become associated with their surroundings, therefore do your best to connect habits to a location. You may need to select fresh locations on occasion to prevent negative habits from persisting.
Second Law of Building Better Habits: Make It Attractive
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"Make it attractive" is the second step in habit building. Most of the time, when we create a new habit, we do so resentfully, as though our new ambition suddenly transformed into a new challenge. Make your habit irreversible, rather than thinking of it as something you must do. You'll find yourself enacting the new habit more frequently if you pair a habit you want with something you already enjoy doing. For example, if you want to read more, but you can't find the time between long drives to work and home, start listening to audiobooks on the long drives to work.
Utilizing our inherent herd-like mentality is another way to make habits more appealing. Be among people who already practice the behaviors you want. You are more influenced by others around you than you may realize. Spend more time with people who are already practicing the behaviors you desire, you'll be more likely to stick with them. It will be simpler to develop the habit because your desired conduct will be considered "normal behavior" by the group.
Third Law of Building Better Habits: Make It Easy
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The third law is to make your new habit easy. Finding strategies to make our good habits less frictional while making our bad habits more frictional is a big part of the effort to develop better habits. For example, if you want to exercise more and watch television less, place a pair of exercise clothes on the couch, the bed, or wherever else you find yourself watching television. You can start forming good habits where exercising is possible by keeping your workout attire in an accessible place.
Also, starting as small as possible is another strategy for making it simpler to form new habits. This is referred to as the "Minimum Viable Effort." For example, if you want to practice meditating more, instead of focusing on the goal of 30 minutes a day, start off with one. Then gradually increase this number over time. If you start small, the new habit you're cultivating doesn't seem so daunting and you are much more likely to stick with it.
Fourth Law of Building Better Habits: Make it Satisfying
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The fourth law is to make your new habit satisfying. This can easily be done by giving yourself a reward upon the completion of your new habit. You need a motivating factor at first to keep on course. Because of this, quick rewards are crucial. They maintain your excitement as the delayed benefits build up in the background. What we're actually discussing here is the cessation of a behavior. Any experience's end is crucial because it's the part we tend to remember the most.
Your new habit should stop in a gratifying way for you. Reinforcement, which is the process of utilizing an immediate incentive to raise the rate of behavior, is the best strategy. Therefore, at the end of your new habit, give yourself a reward that will keep you coming back. For example, if you're creating the habit of exercising, reward yourself by grabbing your favorite smoothie or favorite food spot to go to, seeing a movie, enjoying a massage, or something else incentivizing upon completing your time at the gym.
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Taysha Robinson is a writer and high school English teacher, based in metro-Atlanta. A self described philomath, you can find her reading books and articles of every genre, attending educational conferences, and hiking wherever the terrain will allow.
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Patricia "Ms. Pat" Williams has always marched to the beat of her own brutally honest drum — and that’s exactly what makes her so magnetic to watch. Whether she’s making us laugh until we cry on The Ms. Pat Show or now laying down the law on her courtroom series Ms. Pat Settles It, the comedian-turned-judge proves time and again that there’s nobody quite like her. Unfiltered, hilarious, and real to the core, she’s made a name for herself by turning her life’s journey — including the pain — into purpose.
Now in her second season of Ms. Pat Settles It, airing on BET and BET+, she’s not only delivering verdicts — she’s dishing out life lessons in between the laughs. The show feels less like your typical courtroom drama and more like your outspoken auntie running a court session at the family cookout, complete with celebrity jurors, petty disputes, and a whole lot of real talk. xoNecole sat down with Ms. Pat to talk about her wildest cases, balancing motherhood and fame, and why sleeping in separate bedrooms might just be the key to joy.
CASE CLOSED, BUT MAKE IT CHAOS
If you’ve ever tuned in to Ms. Pat Settles It, you already know the episode titles alone deserve awards. But when we asked Ms. Pat which case stood out most, she didn’t even have to think twice. “There was this one woman — Shay — who got out of federal prison and was working for her old bunkmate. But the bunkmate didn’t want to pay her!” she says, chuckling. “That girl came in the courtroom like a firecracker.”
It’s moments like those that remind viewers Ms. Pat isn’t just bringing the laughs — she’s giving people a platform, even if it’s a little messy. And if her court ever gets turned into a real-life franchise, we need Shay on the promo posters immediately.
WHEN THE CELEBS SHOW OUT
It’s already hard enough to get a word in with Ms. Pat running the show, but throw in a celebrity jury featuring Tamar Braxton, Ray J, TS Madison, and Karlous Miller? Whew. “I don’t even try to control them,” she laughs. “Thank God we have something called editing.” According to her, behind the scenes, things get wild — but that chaos is part of the magic. “People only see the cut-down version. What you don’t see is all of us losing it in real time.”
Still, Ms. Pat makes it work. The courtroom becomes a stage, but also a safe space for guests and jurors to show up as their full, unfiltered selves. “It was a wild season,” she explains. Let’s be honest — if your jury looks like a BET Awards afterparty, you might as well let it rock.
IF FAMILY COURT WAS REALLY A THING
Ms. Pat might wear the robe on screen, but at home, she’s still managing her own wild bunch. When asked what kind of case her kids would bring into her courtroom, she burst into laughter. “Oh, they’d be suing my oldest son for eating their food,” she says. “You know how you have that one roommate that eats up everybody’s food? I can see my oldest son getting sued for that..”
And let’s face it, we’ve all either been that sibling or have one. Ms. Pat says moments like that — the everyday family squabbles and real-life irritations — are what make her courtroom show so relatable.
THE VERDICT SHE WISHES SHE COULD REWRITE
Ms. Pat is known for keeping it real, even when the conversation turns serious. When asked if there was one “verdict” in her real life she’d change, she pauses for a second before answering. “I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
“I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
It’s a rite of passage in most Black households — your diploma doesn’t really belong to you, it lives at your mama or grandma’s house like a family heirloom.
HOW SHE STAYS GROUNDED
Between filming TV shows, headlining comedy tours, and running a household, Ms. Pat makes it very clear: she will find time to rest. “People swear I don’t sleep, but I do — I just knock out early and wake up early,” she shares. “And sometimes, I’ll just sit in my car.” She’s also a big fan of solo naps and mini getaways when things get overwhelming.
But one of her favorite forms of self-care? Separate bedrooms. “Me and my husband don’t sleep in the same room. That way, when I don’t feel like being bothered, I go to my space,” she laughs. She’s also found a new love for facials. “They’re addicting! I don’t need a lot — just sleep, a facial, and a little quiet.” Honestly? That’s a self-care routine we can get behind.
FROM PAIN TO PURPOSE
Ms. Pat’s story is one that’s deeply rooted in resilience — and she’s always been transparent about how her journey shaped her. Her advice to other Black women trying to turn their pain into purpose? Speak up. “You have to tell your story,” she says. “Because once you tell your story, you realize you’re not the only person that’s been through that situation.”
She adds that sharing your truth can be one of the most powerful things you do. “When you give a voice to pain so many other people who have that pain gravitate to you,” she says. “To heal, you have to speak out loud about it. What you keep inside is what eats you up.” Coming from someone who built an entire brand on truth-telling? We believe her.
WHAT’S NEXT FOR MS. PAT?
While Ms. Pat’s got her hands full with Ms. Pat Settles It and her comedy show, she hints there’s much more to come. “I got some stuff poppin’ that I can’t even talk about yet,” she teases. “But just know, like Kendrick [Lamar] said, we about to step out and show ‘em something.” That multi-genre deal with BET and Paramount is clearly working in her favor — and she’s not slowing down anytime soon.
She says one of her proudest moments in this chapter of her career is seeing things she once dreamed of finally come to life. “In this business, you never know what’s gonna work or what’s gonna stick. But now I’m working with a network that really understands me — and that’s special,” she says. “I feel seen. And I’m just getting started.”
Whether she’s in the courtroom cracking jokes or catching up on rest in her own sanctuary, Ms. Pat is living proof that success doesn’t have to come at the cost of authenticity. She’s rewriting the rules in real time — on her terms, in her voice, and for her people. As she continues to turn pain into purpose, laughter into legacy, and everyday mess into must-see TV, one thing’s clear: Ms. Pat is in her prime. And we’re lucky enough to watch it unfold.
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