

Back in the day, there was a wife who, when it came to the subject of marriage, she used to talk to me like I was in junior high school. What I mean by that is, after she got married, she suddenly started acting like she had to either speak slower (like I wouldn't "get it" otherwise) or walk on eggshells when it came to topics like romantic relationships, sex and the day to day demands of her life, as if my being single somehow meant that I couldn't even begin to comprehend such matters. Lawd, that was draining. It's literally like when some people's tax forms switch over from "single" to "married" (no tax form says "dating" by the way; some of y'all will catch that later), they start acting like they should automatically be elected to the role of mentors — sometimes even "second parents" — to single folks…whether we asked them to do that or not seems to be completely irrelevant.
I've had this conversation far too often with other single people to know that this is actually an issue that should be addressed on an en masse level. Because while I know that a lot of single people will agree with me and say that marriage is a beautiful thing, that doesn't mean that there aren't times when we don't feel like we should be given more respect than we are oftentimes granted, by the married folks in our lives, while we in our single state. And so, if you're a married person reading this and you're not quite sure what I mean when I say this, I've got seven examples of where I am coming from.
1. ASK Us What We Need
I'm pretty sure that much of this particular point stems from Black church culture because, in spite of the fact that two of the biggest influencers of the Bible (Christ and Paul) are single, for some reason, a lot of Christians seem to think that marriage is an elevated relational status. Listen, I am a marriage life coach and a HUGE fan of marital covenant relationships. At the same time, I know that singleness is also a huge blessing and so, there is no hierarchy when it comes to who deserves more respect.
With that being said, is it just me or does it seem like some married people can't help but speak with a patronizing and condescending tone? It's like they automatically think they know more or better and therefore, many tend to tell us what we need (or need to do) rather than ask.
Look, I've dealt with a lot of husbands and wives who rank really low on the self-awareness tip. At the same time, I know many singles who thrive in this lane. Besides, a key component to any healthy dynamic is asking more than assuming. So, when it comes to what we need — emotionally, relationally, personally, or otherwise — ask us. We know more than a lot of y'all tend to give us credit for. Especially about ourselves. Geez.
2. Don’t Assume That We Have More “Free” Time than You Do
I've shared before that, while I don't tend to attend a whole lot of weddings (because I see them as sacred events; not just "something to do" on the weekends), when I do go and if it's a really close friend of mine, I have absolutely no problems with sobbing like a baby. A part of the reason is because I am thrilled that they are in their new season. Another reason is because I know that a part of our relationship is going to shift (check out "Your Bestie Just Got Married. Here's What You Should Expect From Your Friendship.") and while I'm happy for my friend, that is still something that I need to grieve. That said, though, just because my friend will need more time to focus on her marriage, that doesn't mean that I'm a single person who's just sitting around and twiddling my thumbs.
Lawd, if there's one thing that drives, just about every single person up the entire wall (just ask them), it's when there's an assumption that if we're not married (and/or have kids) that somehow the demands of our own lives aren't just as pressing. The only difference is your priorities and ours are different; however, our world can still be just as full. So, to assume that we can talk when you can or that we're available on a dime because you are— that is not only delusional but pretty presumptuous and arrogant as well.
3. On the Flip Side, Make Time for Us (Like We Make Time for You)
On the flip side to the point I just made, there's this one. A while back, I wrote "Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'" for the platform because…it's the truth. For example, I try not to call my married friends at night or on the weekends (even if it's so much easier for me) because I want to be sensitive to them using that as an opportunity to spend time with their family. I also get that sometimes I have to be a little bit "on-call" when it comes to us making dates because when someone is accountable to another human being, sometimes their schedule can't be as "firm" as mine is.
At the same time, though, my married friends know that sometimes, they need to be open to being a little bit inconvenienced too because, just because I'm single, that doesn't mean I've just got a wide-open schedule where I can just show up on a whim whenever they happen to have some free minutes because their spouse suddenly has something else to do. Just like I have to accommodate their time, they need to make time for me. That's how relationships work and marriage isn't the only kind of dynamic that requires compromise along with some old-fashioned give and take.
4. Be HONEST with Us About What Marriage Entails
A couple of weeks ago, two different wives commented about how they wished I would get married soon. Because both conversations transpired over the phone, they couldn't see me rolling my eyes. However, they did both hear me say, "Girl, for what? Do you hear what you say about your own marriages on this call? I'm in no rush" — and I'm not. It might seem weird to say that one way that married folks can respect singles more is by being honest about their own marriage yet here's where I'm going with that — some of y'all paint marriage like it's some sort of real-life version of a fairy tale or rom-com. And because you don't tell the REAL STUFF, you get some of your single friends all hyped for the good side of marriage without them being mentally and emotionally prepared for the challenges that come with it too.
Personally, I appreciate the married people in my life who are more in the lane of "Look, I love my spouse; I still have moments when I really miss my single days, though" because they are being upfront about the fact that there are pros and cons to both relational statuses. At the end of the day, you are honest with the people you respect. Be more honest with us, so that we know exactly what we are getting ourselves into when it comes to marriage — that way, we can make a far more responsible decision…if/when the time comes.
5. Honor Our Special Days…Like We Honor Yours
Hands down, one of my favorite episodes of Sex and the City is when Carrie lost a pair of her shoes at a married friend's baby shower. When her friend initially refused to pay for them (citing that they were a frivolous expense; see, there goes that "cocky" thing that I was talking about), Carrie said that she was throwing a party for herself and registered the shoes. Her friends got the point and made the purchase. Checkmate.
Have mercy. There is one married person, in particular, who I can't tell you how much money I've spent on all of their special occasions that have centered around their marriage and their kids. And yet, over that same time, I can't think of one present I've received from them. Ever. Talk about a hustle above all hustles. Birthdays matter to some of us. Promotions matter to some of us. Reaching certain goals matter to some of us. As a married person, your job isn't to decide if a day or situation is worthy of celebration in your eyes. As our friend, if we say that it's to be honored, you should follow suit…just like we do for y'all…just ask our bank account.
6. Acknowledge Our Accomplishments Outside of Our Relational Status
If there's one thing that a lot of us church-going (or used to be church-going) singles can agree on is that many churches could stand to do A LOT better when it comes to singles ministries. I once wrote an article for the site entitled, "10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single'" and so I'm well-aware of the fact that with words like original, exclusive, and special to describe what it means to be single, we've got it going on, on a few levels. That's why it's beyond shallow (and a little condescending) to think that the only thing that we should be praised for or you should get super excited about is the guy we're seeing or if/when he decides to propose.
Ask us about our job or career path. Ask us about what our plans are over the next several months. Ask us about what makes us tick outside of our hearts and libidos. Just like I'm pretty sure that you don't want anyone to treat you as if your only identity is being someone's spouse, at the same time, we don't want to feel like the only accomplishment you will ever fully and enthusiastically acknowledge is if we're "officially" with someone.
7. Don’t “Demote” Us
Listen, we're not stupid. We get that as you get deeper into this thing called "marriage", you are going to accumulate some more/new people in your life who can relate to what you are going through. All good. Still, just like I tell the cynics who somehow think that just because I'm single, I have no insight into how to make a marriage work, "50 percent of marriages fail, so don't assume that a lot of married people know what to do either." Wisdom is wisdom, regardless of the source. And so, if you saw value in us prior to you jumping the broom, why in the world would that change, just because you are married?
We're still smart. We can still provide some pretty profound ah-ha moments. We can still offer up some support and encouragement. You being married and us being single doesn't change any of that. Respect what we still bring to the table and watch how it continues to only enhance your life — like it always has. Right? Exactly.
Featured image by Getty Images
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'Black Girl Magic' Poet Mahogany L. Browne Talks Banned Books And The Power Of The Creative Pivot
You know you’re dealing with a truly talented and profound voice of a generation when the powers that be attempt to silence it. As a poet, educator, and cultural curator, Mahogany L. Browne has carved out a powerful space in the world of literature and beyond.
From penning the viral poem, “Black Girl Magic,” to writing Woke: A Young Poet’s Call To Justice (a book once banned from a Boston school library), to becoming the 2024 Paterson Poetry Prize winner and a poet-in-residence at Lincoln Center—her path exemplifies resilience, reinvention, and unapologetic artistry. She's published more than 40 works and paid the bills with her craft, a divine dream for many creatives seeking release, autonomy, and freedom in a tough economic climate.
A Goddard College graduate, who earned an MFA from Pratt Institute and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Marymount Manhattan College, Mahogany offers unapologetic realness with a side of grace and empowerment. "I started touring locally. I started creating chat books so that those poems will go in the hands of the people who were sitting in the rooms," she shared.
"And then I started facilitating poetry workshops, so I used my chat books as curriculum. And that, in turn, allowed me to further invest in my art and show the community and people who were hiring me that it wasn't just a one-off, that it's not just, you know, a fly by night—that I am invested in this art as much as I am invested in your community, in your children's learning, in our growth."
Mahogany has a special way of moving audiences, and her superpower sparks shifts in perspective, post-performance introspection, and strengthening of community bonds, especially among Black women. (One can undeniably recognize her gift for arousal of the spirit and mind merely from her listening to her insights from the other side of a Google Hangout call. I can only imagine the soul-stirring, top-tier sensory encounter when watching her perform in person.)
In this chat with xoNecole, Mahogany reflects on sustaining a creative career, the aftermath of writing a banned book, and using poetry for both healing, community-building, and activism.
Anthony Artis
xoNecole: What are three key things that have laid the foundation for a sustainable creative career for you?
Mahogany L Browne: What has helped me is that I'm willing to go in being an expert at knowing poetry and knowing the way in which art can change the landscape of our lives, not just as a poet, but also as a poetry facilitator. How you move through classes, those things are mastered, right? So when I go into another space that's maybe tech-heavy, I don't mind learning and being, you know, a student of the wonder of how we can make this magic, work together.
Two, you’ve got to know how to pivot. Sometimes we say, ‘Alright, this is what my life is going to be. I'm going to be a New York Times best-selling author. I'm going to, you know, have an album that's Grammy-nominated. And then, say you get dropped from your record label. That doesn't mean you can't make an album anymore. You can also still create an album that can be submitted to the Grammys. So, what does a pivot look like as an artist who doesn't have an institution behind them? Pivot being a student of the wonder.
Relationships also really help. How do I serve the community? And in turn, that tells me how the community can show up. For me, I have long-standing ties with a community that will outlast my one life. So, what does it mean to create space where these relationships can develop, can be nurtured, can be rooted, can be cultivated? Creating space—it happens through relationships.
xoN: With today’s economic challenges, what does your current creative process look like, and what are you working on?
MB: I’m always thinking five years ahead. I just reviewed the pages for two children’s books and recently released a YA novel. I’m drafting an adult fiction manuscript now.
Anything I create is founded with the root of poetry, but it can exist in captions. It can exist in commercials. It can exist as a musical. So that's where I’m at now.
xoN: You started performing "Black Girl Magic" in 2013, had an acclaimed performance of it via PBS and the work went on to viral success shortly after. Talk more about the inspiration. And what do you think about the continued relevance more than a decade later?
MB: I wrote it as a rally cry for the mothers who had been keeping themselves truly in harm's way by, you know, being a part of the community right after the death of their child or their loved one. They are usually mothers of victims of police brutality—and just seeing how they showed up in these community spaces, they are devout to the cause but obviously still grieving.
"I wanted this poem to be just a space of reclamation, of joy and of you, of your light, of your shine, of your brilliance, in any which way in which you fashion. Every room you enter is the room you deserve to be in. What does it mean to have a poem like that that exists?"
And the first time I did the poem, the Weeping that occurred, right? It was like this blood-letting of sorts. The next time I performed it, I'm moved to tears because I'm seeing how it's affecting other women who have just been waiting to hear, ‘You belong. You deserve. You are good. We see you. Thank you, despite everything that they said to make you regret being born in this beautiful brown, dark-skinned, light-skinned, but Black body.’
Black women are the backbone—period. Point blank. And so, that that poem became a necessity, not just to the fortitude of Black women in the community, but like you know, in service of healing the Black women.
xoN: One of your books was banned at a school in Boston, and it was later reinstated due to parental and activist support. What was that experience like?
MB: Well, I think it happened because they were racist. That's it. Point blank. The reversal of it was empowering, right? I realized, oh, I thought we just had to sit here and be on a banned book list. But no, parents are actually the leaders of this charge.
So to see that, the parents said, ‘Nah, we're not gonna let you take this book out of my baby’s school just because it's a Black kid on the front saying, ‘Woke’ and they're talking about being a global citizen. They're talking about accountability. They're talking about accessibility. They're talking about allyship, and you don't want them to have compassion or empathy or have even an understanding, right? So no, we rebuke that, and we want this book here anyway.’ To see that happen in that way. I was, like, reaffirmed. Absolutely.
xoN: You recently organized the Black Girl Magic Ball at the Lincoln Center in New York. Honorees included author and entrepreneur Rachel Cargle and National Black Theater CEO Sade Lythcott. What impact did it have and what expanded legacy do you hope to leave with your creative works?
MB: I was really interested in not celebrating just the book, but celebrating the community that made the book possible. And so I gave out five awards to women doing that thing, like, what does it mean to be a Black girl in this world?
I just thought it was gonna be an amazing time. Everybody's gonna dress up—we're gonna celebrate each other. And boom, I then realized that it responded to like a gaping hole. There was a missing thing for Black girls of all walks of life, all ages, right?
"It's very intergenerational. That was intentional to come together and celebrate just being us."
You have all these instances where just being you is either the butt of a joke or it's diminished and not worthy of a specific title in these larger institutions. So what does it mean to just to be loved up on and celebrated?
It felt like a self-care project at first. You know, for the first couple of years, folks were coming and they were getting that sisterhood. They were getting that tribe work that they were missing in their everyday lives.
I love the Black Girl Magic Ball because we got us. If I go out with a bang, they'll remember that Mahogany worked her a** off to make sure all the Black girls everywhere knew that she was the light. We are the blueprint.
For more information on Mahogany L. Browne, her work, and her future projects, visit her website or follow her on IG @mobrowne.
Featured image by Anthony Artis
Inside Tiera Kennedy’s BET Awards Night: Hanifa Dress, DIY Glam & ‘Blackbiird’ Nomination
This is Tiera Kennedy’s world, and we’re just living in it.
An Alabama native taking country music by storm thanks to her features on Beyoncé s Cowboy Carter and her recently released debut, Rooted, Kennedy is much more than just a woman living out her wildest dreams; she embodies the role of all-American girl with ease.
“I think for me, an all-American girl, for some reason, brings me back to when I was younger, and just like playing at my grandma’s house and just being outside,” Kennedy told xoNecole ahead of her attendance at the 2025 BET Awards.
“I just feel like when I was younger, you know, you don’t have as many responsibilities. There’s not as much weighing you down, and so I kind of go back to that mindset. Like, even now, being 27, I’m trying to get back to that younger girl.”
The 2025 BET Awards, hosted by Kevin Hart, took place in Los Angeles at the Peacock Theater on Monday night (June 9). The star-studded event was filled with tons of surprises, including a trip down memory lane with a 106 & Park reunion, coupled with performances by artists that dominated the top spots during the music video countdown show’s reign from 2000 to 2014.
Kennedy, who received her first nomination alongside Tanner Adell, Brittney Spencer, Reyna Roberts, and Beyoncè in the BET Her category for “Blackbiird,” the reimagination of the original The Beatles of the same title (minus the extra i), invited xoNecole to get ready with her as she prepared for her first-ever BET Awards.
Beauty Rituals Inherited From Her Mother.
Rather than booking her makeup artist ahead of the big night, Kennedy decided to go on a budget and do the task herself, something that isn’t too out of her norm. She noted how she incorporates some of the things she witnessed her mother do while growing up in her routine.
“I remember being younger and seeing all the makeup laid out on my mom’s counter,” the “I Look Good In That Truck” singer recalled. “I don’t even think she knows this, but there were moments where I would like to go and steal her makeup. She would have Mac. I think it was some kind of foundation powder, and I would go in there and I would put it on, and I’m like I hope she doesn’t see.”
She added, “My mom is very natural with her makeup, so even though I’ve got these big lashes on, I always gravitate towards just neutral looks… I don’t do anything too fancy.”
Tiera Kennedy’s Holy Grail of Products.
Kennedy took it upon herself to take a class to ensure that she’s prepared for nights like these, where she’s the one responsible for bringing her glam look to life.
“We are independent,” she said, reminding us that she is no longer tied to a big machine when it comes to her work as an artist. “We ball on a budget. I have to do my makeup for award shows, events, all the things, and so my makeup artist that taught me how to do all of this, Hailee Clark, she put me on to Nars, the foundation. I don’t know exactly what the name of it is, but I love it.”
“I don’t know all the fancy technicals, but I know that it makes me just look kind of airbrushed, and so I love it. Then, I always use this Laura Mercier [setting] powder because I get real shiny, so I’ve gotta reapply that quite often.”
“We are independent. We ball on a budget. I have to do my makeup for award shows, events, all the things, and so my makeup artist that taught me how to do all of this, Hailee Clark, she put me on."
Her Decision To Wear Hanifa For The Big Night.
Intentionality is essential for Kennedy, which is why she jumped at the opportunity to support Black designer Anifa Mvuemba with a dress from her fashion brand, Hanifa.
“Takirra on my team helped me pick out the dress. I really like to represent in country music, and being in Nashville, I like to represent Black culture through the things that I wear, and I was excited to get to wear a Black brand to the BET Awards,” said Kennedy.
“She was telling me about this brand, Hanifa, and we were on FaceTime just scrolling through the website, and she was like this looks like you. This feels very rooted, like fits those natural tones, and so she bought the dress and was like, ‘This is what you’re wearing.’”
The look was a Raven Knit Dress in Eggplant/Dark Brown Mesh from Hanifa.
Tiera Kennedy in her younger years.
Courtesy
Kennedy also nurtured her inner child for the look, taking it back to her roots with one small detail in her hair that she had her mother carry out before she hopped on the flight to LA.
“I had this vision of wearing beads in my hair because when I was younger, my mom would always do that, and I didn’t love it, but now I’m like, it would be really beautiful to tie all of that together, and the Hanifa dress just fit perfectly.”
“Just even in the past couple of days, I’ve had to take a second, and just look back at all of the awesome things we’ve gotten to do,” said Kennedy when asked what baby Tiera is feeling in this moment.
“I had this vision of wearing beads in my hair, because when I was younger, my mom would always do that, and I didn’t love it, but now I’m like, it would be really beautiful to tie all of that together, and the Hanifa dress just fit perfectly.”
“I dreamed of having a record and having this team that was doing all of these things for me, and now, being an independent artist, and being in control of my career, I’ve gotten to build an awesome team behind me that helps me get to where I am. It’s been a lot of hard work, and I think when I was younger, I would have never imagined that I could do all of these things, and so, yeah, to be here, I don’t even think I would believe it.”
Although “Blackbiird” didn’t win in the BET Her category during Monday night’s show, Kennedy’s future is brighter than ever, which she attests to her faith playing a huge role in guiding her next steps as she continues to rise to stardom.
“Thinking about the next thing, I think that can be really daunting when you’re an independent artist. It’s like you have to be thinking of what’s coming next, to prepare for that, but I think the way that I like to walk through life in general is letting the Lord lead,” Kennedy said.
“I know that a lot of time when I have a vision of what I want things to look like in my head, He always exceed my expectations. So, I think the plan is to continue to release music, and continue to show up as my authentic self. Getting to have these moments like the BET Awards is so awesome, but also, at the same time, that’s not what I do this for. I do it for the humans that are listening to my music, that are [having] fun and healing through my music, so I hope that I can just continue to do that.”
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Feature image by Rob Latour/Shutterstock