As I approach 30 next year, it’s safe to say I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs in the dating world, especially as a Black woman. Like many of you, I spent my 20s navigating a sea of advice that, in a lot of ways, contradicted each other. Some of the words of wisdom I stumbled across were empowering, while other advice seemed one-sided, but the majority of the “relationship takes” I received left me feeling more confused than ever.
From books such as Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man, the infamous relationship quizzes, analyzing zodiac signs, contradicting articles, and removal prayers to trusted friends and family members, I have tried it all, and some of you can probably say the same.
We have all been told to play the cool girl role, waiting for the right man to pursue you, or following tips about “never texting first.” On the other hand, some of you were taught to approach dating, like Gabrielle Union in Deliver Us From Eva.
Unfortunately, some of us have even crashed out over a man, possibly more than once, often left with feeling misunderstood, disrespected, and humiliated. Then the cycle continues of going to the internet search bar to see where everything went wrong.
With YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, X, and Chat GPT available at the touch of a button, it’s easy to get a million different viewpoints about navigating love as a Black woman. Unfortunately, a lot of this advice can come from narrow-minded viewpoints that come with a “one size fits all” approach.
On one hand an "online dating expert" can say act mysterious, while another says to be upfront about what you want. Some may say, “wait for the right person to come along,” while others urge me to take charge and “make things happen.”
In other words, there was no consistency, and worse, the advice didn’t feel tailored to me as a Black woman. Not just while navigating dating but everything that comes with it, from societal expectations to stereotypes. It all left me feeling stuck until now.
What I’ve learned in my 29 years of life so far is it’s not about a set of rules. It’s about finding guidance that speaks to you specifically as a Black woman. This is what led me to write this article because, after all the trial and error, I’ve finally found online dating coaches who truly get it.
They understand the unique experiences, challenges, and strengths that come with being a Black woman in the dating world. These three coaches don’t offer generic advice; they offer insights that help you build healthy relationships on your own terms without compromising your identity.
In this post, we are sharing some of the top dating coaches in the game I’ve come across who focus on empowering Black women and women of color. Each one tackles the unique challenges we face as Black women from different angles, offering guidance that goes beyond the surface level. Whether it’s unpacking societal pressures, navigating confidence and body image, healing from childhood wounds, or walking away from toxic patterns, these coaches bring clarity to the confusion. Here’s who made the cut.
Second Runner-Up: Kindall D. (Mindset & Intuitive Coach)
Whether you’re in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or beyond, you have to heal from within before trying to date anyone. This is why the “Top 3” spot goes to Coach Kindall D., who is all about walking away from toxic patterns and building confidence.
With a following of 136K, Kindall D. is a mindset and intuitive coach with a community called “I've Been That Girl Too.” She focuses on helping women heal from past relationships, how to recognize toxic patterns, and uses her own personal relationship stories to relate to her community.
With a calm demeanor and non-judgmental space, she shares short-form videos and quotes about knowing when to walk away, navigating dating with an anxious attachment style, avoiding “projects in love,” and beyond.
I think one of her best videos is ‘How to Know He’s Safe.’ Too many times, as Black women, we see videos that are always painting men in a negative light. Such as knowing how to spot the red flags. This isn’t necessarily bad, but it leaves you more guarded and less open to healthy relationships in the future. This could possibly lead to resentment and becoming overly independent.
Ladies, here is how to spot a safe man, according to Kindall D. “If you are able to assert a boundary in the beginning while talking to them and they don’t treat you differently or their interest in you doesn't dissipate, then you know that means they’re safe. Also, it means they’re emotionally mature.
Another way to know he’s safe is when he does what he says he’s going to do, no matter how small. Lastly, if he’s interested in getting to know you [beyond the physical]. In other words, he gives you compliments about who you are [at the core] rather than just your appearance.”
First Runner-Up: Tisia Xiare Vere (Confidence & Relationship Coach)
Sometimes, with relationship advice, sugarcoating the truth is not going to cut it. This is why the “Top 2” spot goes to Coach Tisia, who is all about confidence and clarity in dating.
Her content consistently goes viral, and she is known for her no-nonsense, satirical approach to relationships. She basically uses humor to uplift her community while also reminding them to set boundaries.
Earlier content as a creator consisted of Tisia using clips of the animal kingdom during mating season. The video clips would show the male animals chasing the female animals and relate it back to real-life dating scenarios.
Later on, Tisia started posting more videos about relationships and asking a series of questions that would have you think twice if you were being delusional or logical in the dating world.
One of her best videos consisted of her pulling out some questions from a live Q+A about “How to Get A Man to Like You Again.”
As a Black woman, we may often feel the need to prove ourselves or overly exert ourselves in relationships. This could possibly stem from childhood, but this video shuts down that relationship approach swiftly. Her clown-filtered thumbnail sets up the video perfectly, with a plot twist at the end.
Now, if you aren’t here for a reality check, Tisia also has a group chat and personal 1-on-1 coaching if you are looking for a softer approach to the truth.
The Winner: Anwar White (Dating and Relationship Coach)
If you are ready to take things a step further in your relationship journey and truly look within, then your fairy godbrother, Coach Anwar, is here to save the day.
Anwar takes the No. 1 spot because he tackles topics about childhood wounds, image, who to date based on your personality type, how to date Black men, how to date outside of your race, and more. The best part is he coaches you on how to maintain your dignity and stay true to yourself.
He provides somewhat of a cheat code that actually works in real life. No mind games, no empty advice, but he truly looks at things from a qualitative and quantitative approach to assist you along your dating journey.
His series of videos touch on very specific topics rather than vague innuendos that make you feel more confident in dating. A personal favorite of mine would be his video on “Dating Complements.” In a nutshell, the type of man that would complement you best based on your personality type.
According to Anwar, “Type A boss babes need the optimistic golden retriever guy. This is the engineer or the federal employee. Very much black cat, golden retriever vibes. The nice girl needs the tradesmen, such as the plumbers and construction men. They will be the physical, and you will be the heart and spirit. Anxious girls need the quiet introverted guy that is in tech or even veterinarians. Their quiet confidence will calm you.
If you are the momma bear, you need the needy guy. The musician, the artist, the entrepreneur, and the politician. If you are a social butterfly, you need the non-social gamer guy such as IT guys or accountants. If you are a party girl, you might attract an overprotective guy such as a banker, lawyer, or consultant.
Lastly, if you are the romantic girl, the complement that works is more athletic. That’s why the English teachers always have a crush on the PE teachers. This would be the coaches, athletes, military men, police, and firefighters.
For me personally, Coach Anwar helps take away the stress from dating and stops you from dating with a scarcity mindset. He helps you narrow down the search and empowers you in the process.
After reaching out directly to see why he decided to become a dating coach, he sent this video back as his reason “why”:
Now, whether you’re just beginning to heal, looking for a wake-up call, or diving deep into unpacking societal pressures, these coaches are here to guide you with clarity and compassion.
Each coach has weekly content to assist you, but your love story starts with the work you’re willing to do within. With the right guidance and a little patience with yourself, you're bound to attract the love you deserve with ease.
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'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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