Your Bestie Just Got Married. Here's What You Should Expect From Your Friendship.
Lord, y'all. When you get to be my age (mid-40s), when it comes to your friendships, you've kinda gotta suck it up. "It" being the reality that, if a lot of your social circle isn't already married or have children, they've got the combo. This means, for every wedding (or baby shower) that you attend, you've got to adjust to the fact that no matter how much you and your sista-friend adore each other, there are some pretty major changes that are in store—even if they aren't intentional. Even if both of you say to one another that things will remain just as they've always been.
I'll speak from personal experience and say that the changes aren't always easy either. Although I consider myself to be one of the biggest advocates for my friends and their life transitions, there's nothing like wanting to call one of my married ones at midnight and realizing that, unless it's an emergency, that's basically inappropriate. Or, after spending time with their new hubby, coming to realize that he's not your absolute favorite person on the planet (see "I'm Not A Fan Of My BFF's Man - This Is How I Make Our Friendship Work"). Yeah, navigating through a single woman/married woman friendship comes with its challenges.
So, if you've got a wedding coming up and one of your closest friends is the bride-to-be, here's an emotional cheat sheet to make getting used to y'all's new normal a bit easier. On the both of you.
Her Time Is Going to Be Different
There's a Scripture in the Bible that says, "When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken." (Deuteronomy 24:5—NKJV) I dig it because it's a reminder to 1) marry a man who has his own house in order before saying "I do" so that he can give you some much-needed quality time, and 2) expect newlyweds to be all into each other because yeah, those first several months, you may not see them much. However, I'll just say that, you shouldn't assume that once the googly eyes and daily sex on the kitchen floor have subsided that your friend's time will fully go back to normal.
If she and her man are taking their relationship seriously, they become one another's top priority. This means that a lot of what was going on in their lives when they were single, it now becomes a concern of the other partner. This means that if your friend was already pressed for time as a "Ms.", things are definitely going to be more congested for her as a "Mrs." Meeting up with you at the last minute after work is going to be a lot more difficult and staying on the phone with you for hours on end is going to be pretty unrealistic. In short, time together will need to be planned. Spontaneity, for the most part, will be a thing of the past.
To a Certain Extent, Her Husband Will Be a Factor
There are a few married couples I know whose marriage blew all the way up because one of them ignorantly (and semi-arrogantly) went into the relationship thinking that each other's families weren't going to be an issue. What I mean by that is, while some of them were dating and not getting along with their partner's mom, dad or sibling, I would ask them, "So, how is that gonna translate after you get married?" Many times, their reply would be somewhere along the lines of, "I'm marrying them. Not their family." Uh-huh. While that mindset works in theory, if your spouse has a relationship with the very people you don't get along with, there are going to be some pretty major bumps along the way for you and your marriage. You'd be better off trying to smooth things over before your wedding day, not after. Family drama has caused more than a few divorces, believe you me.
Although I'm not a blood relative of any of the wives that I am close to, we are, what I call, "love family". And since their husband is their family too, I try my best to not only tolerate their spouse but cultivate my own connection with them.
That way, even if the husband doesn't see me as a "love sister", they can at least treat me like a "love second cousin". You might not think this is super important, but when you want to come over and have dinner or you need to cry over the phone about your ex at 9pm, you'll be amazed how much being cool with the hubby will make that so much easier for you to do.
Her Focus Will Shift. A LOT. At Least for a Little While.
With life transitions come new experiences—and new perspectives. As it relates to marriage, when a woman becomes a wife, it's impossible for her to be 100 percent the same person that she was when she was single. She's got to consider her husband's feelings about things. She's got to balance his needs with her own. Now, his family and friends are a part of her world. His finances become an area of concern just like her own. There are things about her marriage she can share and things she has to keep to herself. She's got to figure out how to make quality time for her hubby as well as herself. In short, being married means that she has a lot more on her plate; a lot more to focus on.
If you don't emotionally prepare yourself for this, it will be really easy for you to get your feelings hurt. I can't tell you how many times I've called a wife to tell her something ridiculous a guy said and she finds a way to bring up a disagreement between her and her husband or, I want to talk about Queen Sugar and she wants to talk about a meal she's surprising her man with. When someone is in love, they talk about the object of that love a lot. When they share a house, bed and name with that individual, prepare for that to multiply exponentially so. It's not that your girl doesn't care about what you care about; she simply has to find balance now that there are a whole lot of other things to focus on too.
Her Social Circle Will Expand
Something that makes two people friends is the commonalities that they share. They like the same things. They share similar experiences. They know some of the same people. That makes it easy for them to have plenty to talk about so that they are able to remain emotionally connected. But once your friend gets married, while the things that you share will still exist, she will now have a whole new social circle that you probably won't be a part of. Her husband's boss. Her man's college buddies. If marriage included them moving to another city, state or country, an entire network of folks who you may never meet. As those individuals become more of a part of her life, those influences will expand her world and probably her views on things as well. To a certain degree, she will change.
Most of my close friends, our social circles don't cross much at all (I actually like it that way, but that's another article for another time). This means that a lot of the time, we're talking about people that we're not personally associated with. The way that we make that work is to try and care about each other's social lives simply out of respect for the friendship. That way, when I bring up a co-worker who has a slick mouth or my friend talks about her hubby's BFF who is still ho-ing out in these streets, we're still able to engage the topic because we've made it a point to invest in each other's lives; even the parts we're not directly a part of. Just so that we can remain connected.
If the Friendship Is Solid, She'll Relish the "Single Time" Together, Though
While recently doing an interview, someone asked me if it would freak me out if I never got married. Nope. Personally, I believe that once you learn how to embrace and enjoy your own season in life, you start to see all of the benefits that come right along with it. In other words, a lot of women who hate being single, they are typically the ones who are more concerned with what they are "missing" by not being a wife than what they already have by not being one. Unfortunately, what they don't realize is, some of the things that they've got, most wives miss. Maybe not every day but definitely some of the time.
Most of the wives in my life, they have told me, at least a dozen times, things like, "Girl, be glad that you always get to sleep on your entire bed" or "Girl, I wish I could just go out and spend money without consulting my husband first" or "Girl, do you know how lucky you are to be able to do whatever you want on the weekends?" Know what else? When a lot of these wives find themselves walking down memory lane of their singledom, guess who they want to call to go see a movie or hear me talk about what the single world is like? They say that you don't know what you had until its gone. Many wives will attest to the fact that while being married is great, single living has its benefits and privileges too.
A writer by the name of Arnold Bennett once said, "Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by discomforts." I won't lie to you—having a close friend get married can result in a little bit of sadness and even some grieving (which is why taking a girls' trip, even if it's for a day, sometime before the wedding can be helpful). Life as you knew it, it is going to shift. But if you choose to embrace and adjust to the love that she has found and she makes sure to keep you as a priority because she values your presence, your friendship can remain intact. It might not be the same anymore, but it will still be good. As time goes on, possibly even better.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
According To Aristotle, We Need 'Utility', 'Pleasure' & 'Good' Friends
You REALLY Want To Get Married. Why Is That?
10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships
How To Own The Power Of Your Single Season
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
'Love Is Blind' Stars Lauren Speed- Hamilton & Cameron Hamilton Reveal How Fertility Journey Made Them Closer
Love Is Blind's Lauren Speed-Hamilton and Cameron Hamilton instantly won our hearts after appearing on the first season of the popular Netflix dating reality show. Since marrying on the show in 2018, many of us have kept up with their lives on their respective social media platforms and their joint YouTube account, Hanging With The Hamiltons.
They recently launched their podcast, The Love Seat, and during episode two, featuring Shelah Marie and Ace Hood, the beloved couple opened up about their fertility journey.
Cameron, 34, said, "The number one question we are always asked is, ‘When are you going to have a baby?’”
Lauren, 36, follows, saying that the conversation surrounding fertility isn't easy for her. "I'll be honest, I like to share a lot of things, but this is one that's still kind of tough," she said.
"But I think it's so important to talk about it so that you can see yourself in the conversation that we're about to have."
Whilst a difficult journey, Lauren said their fertility struggles actually brought them closer. "It has made us feel more connected. I think we support each other, we’re more in tune now," she said.
“I feel like in marriage, or any type of relationship, when you go through something that’s big and heavy or weighs on your heart, it creates a bond.”
She added, "I think that it’s actually made us stronger.”
Cameron shared what it has been like watching Lauren taking fertility treatments, even though it wasn't something she initially wanted to do.
"When I saw what you were going through, terms of taking the medications, doing the daily shots, knowing that IVF and all this stuff wasn't really something that you naturally wanted to do but you did it for me," his voice began to crack. "You showed me a new level of love that I'd never seen before."
Later in the show, Cameron offered advice to other men who were experiencing a similar journey with their partners. "As men, our first instinct, it seems, is to want to fix things,” he stated.
“When we’ve been struggling to conceive, my first instinct is to dive into the research on fertility, IVF, try to consume everything I can, come up with a strategy, how are we going to improve the next time.”
The World Health Organization (WHO), reported that 1 in 6 people experience infertility globally. Infertility is defined by not being able to get pregnant naturally within 12 months of trying and it can affect the male or female reproductive system.
IVF (in vitro fertilization) is a common procedure that many people turn to to help them conceive, but it is costly. Back in April, singer and Emmy award-winning host Adrienne Bailon-Houghton shared that she easily spent over a million dollars on IVF treatments.
"I only did eight cycles of IVF, but that doesn't include the amount of IUIs I did and every other kind of imaginable treatments that you could imagine for fertility," Bailon-Houghton told PEOPLE. "So it was a pretty tough six years of trying to have my son."
In 2022, Adrienne and her husband, Israel Houghton welcomed their son, Ever James via surrogate.
Other celebrities have opened up about their fertility journeys, including Gabrielle Union, Eboni K. Williams, and Tamron Hall.
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