

“You’ll lose a lot of money chasing women, but you’ll never lose women chasing money,” goes a famous quote featured in the Chris Rock movie I Think I Love My Wife. Ironically, this quote is geared towards men, but it’s a lesson my mother has been teaching me since I was a little girl.
When I was younger I fantasized way more about climbing the career ladder than I ever did about my dream wedding. Even as an adult my career continues to be something that I work hard investing in. It’s not that I’m using the fact that I’m an independent career woman to excuse any pitfalls I may have had in the past on romance, it’s just always been important to me to be able to hold my own and not have to be at a man’s mercy to have the things that I want. I believe that it’s possible for all women to thrive both professionally and personally, even if society sometimes makes it seem like we have to choose. Let’s be real, Oprah may not be saying yes to the dress anytime soon, but even one of the richest women in the world has Stedman by her side.
In addition to remembering her working hard at a hospital for almost all of my life, I remember my mom always pulling a stash of rolled up twenties from under a cat figurine on her nightstand or dipping into a separate savings account set aside in case of a family emergency. It wasn’t because she was hashing some secret “leave her husband” plan, it’s because she believed in being able to contribute equally to the household. It was important to her that in the event that if someone lost a job or some other unfortunate life surprise, one person shouldn’t hold all the weight, financially or otherwise, when it came to supporting a family. She taught me being independent isn’t about just being able to get your nails done without waiting for your man’s payday, it’s about being in love but not letting your life fall apart if for whatever reason the love ends or looks a little different over time.
When I heard the story of Barvetta Singleton, the White House staffer arrested for first and second degree assault when she fired her lover’s service weapon after a dispute, I couldn’t help but wonder about the chronic problem many women face where they momentarily lose their minds over a man and end up forfeiting their own personal success because of it. Not too soon after lottery winner Marie Holmes’ name was in the headlines for spending $9 million of her $188M windfall to bail her boyfriend out of jail not just once, but twice.
I try my best not to pass judgment on other women. The truth is we’ve all made mistakes and had moments we’re not proud of, but I must say time and time again I’ve witnessed our nurturing spirits taken advantage of by men who would never pass an opportunity to do business over being in love. And I’m beginning to think it’s our own fault.
When I first started seeing my husband as an undergrad, I remember being so sprung over that man that I would dip out early on Friday classes just to beat the traffic and make the two-hour drive to see him because he had the night off. Do you think he ever turned down some overtime to see me? Of course not, at least not in the initial dating phase. It got to a point where I had to literally cut myself off from him when I realized my grades were suffering and I was completely about to blow my plan of getting my bachelor’s degree in four years and nothing more.
Don’t get it twisted. I’m not saying you can’t lose your mind a little every now in then when all you want to do is be laid up with an Idris Elba clone you’ve just started seeing. Love can make you do crazy things. What you shouldn’t do is allow a man to come hijack plans you have for yourself that were made when you had common sense and not drunk in love. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen Facebook friends disappear for a few weeks after getting their #RelationshipGoals on with their new guy, and then after a messy break up renew their commitment to going to school or getting a promotion. Losing your mind in love is why there will always be plaintiffs on Judge Judy suing ex-boyfriends over ruined credit because of the bedroom set they bought that he’s now laid up on with the next chick. Why do some women think they can only invest into one area of their life at a time?
[Tweet "Love doesn't ruin your credit score, result in a criminal record or overall disturb your well-being."]
It shouldn’t take you to a point where you’re willing to sacrifice your career or personal goals to pursue it. And any man you have to jeopardize your own personal success for probably isn’t worth having.
Have you ever did some crazy things in the name of love?
'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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As an official member of the itty bitty titty committee, I learned over time how to wear swimsuits that not only look good, but are complementary to my body and shape. As a woman with a smaller bust, there's been a lot of trial and error when it comes to finding the perfect swimsuits. I remember how uncomfortable I felt being self-conscious of my body at the pool. Now that I work within the fashion industry, I've learned that dressing for my body type is most important when shopping. Being comfortable and confident is key.
There's a common misconception that women with smaller breasts can wear anything we want but we have needs just like every other cup size. When on the lookout for swimwear there are important factors to keep in mind as a suit needs to ensure maximum comfort and style.
There are two body types commonly known to have smaller busts, the pear shape and rectangle. The pear shaped woman usually has a smaller bust, waist and overall top half of the body with wider hips; a woman with a rectangle shape also has a smaller bust with a vertical silhouette hip and shoulders.
Knowing your body type is extremely important when shopping, especially when it comes to enhancing areas we are self-consciously aware of.
Image Courtesy of Goddessbra.com
No matter the bust, all women need support and comfort when it comes to swimwear. Styles complimentary to a smaller bust offer fuller coverage, creating less space by minimizing overly exposed skin while accentuating a woman's natural shape, enhancing the neck, chest and waist. Material also matters when it comes to providing support and a natural lift.
Keep scrolling to find the on-trend swim styles for small breasts that are heating up your hot girl summer.
1. The Criss Cross Halter Bikini Top
The criss cross halter is one of the chicest styles this season. This design feature allows for extra coverage, gracing the neck, stopping just above the collar bones. My favorite aspect of this particular style is the alternative ways one can adjust the straps for a variety of styles depending on the widths and cup size.
Shop Halter Swim Tops:
Fox Top in Canary by Riot Swim
2. The Triangle Bikini Top
A notable classic, the triangle top is one of the most popular swimsuit styles. For women with a smaller bust, the objective is to minimize the amount of exposed skin, accentuating the bust area. As cute as they are, a normal triangle bra doesn't provide the overall coverage we need. Luckily, this summer we've seen the rise of two creatively chic triangle style alternatives. Both a wrap around strappy style, as well as upside down/inverted triangle, are perfect for those with the body types named as such.
Shop Triangle Tops:
3. The Asymmetrical Bikini Top
One of my favorite trends of the season, the modernly sleek asymmetrical design is here to stay. From swim to ready-to-wear, there are plenty of ways to experiment this summer. No matter how it's done, a graceful pop of skin is always a look.
Shop Asymmetrical:
4. The One Piece Cut Out
An electric remix to the classic one piece suit, cut outs instantly elevate this style making it risque yet stylish while remaining flattering. The all-inclusive style not only works for women with smaller busts, but any body size or breast type can rock this look. Classy yet chic, this is a must have look for summer.
Shop One Pieces:
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Featured image by Shahirah Ahmed/xoNecole
Originally published on July 8, 2021