

I'll never forget the day I saw it.
It was a Thursday and I was engaging in my normal midday Instagram scroll. The post read:
"I'm somewhere between Coretta Scott King and Cardi B."
For reference, Cardi B is one in the latest of female rapper success stories, who gained her claim to fame as the star of the hit reality show Love & Hip Hop New York. She is now the 5th female rapper since Lauryn Hill to lead the Billboard Top 100 Chart.
And if you don't know who Coretta Scott King is, then you my dear might need your Black Card revoked.
I am Whitley Gilbert. I am Cardi B. I am Coretta Scott King. I am Freddie Brooks. I'm every woman, it's all in meeeee
— MOla Darling (@maurachanz) December 29, 2015
At any rate, I laughed at the now viral meme at the time and even screenshot it so I could have a good laugh for later. However, later on, I found myself in a great deal of thought about that particular concept.
Is it really possible to be Coretta Scott King and Cardi B at the same time?
For many years, Black women have had a hard time navigating between the space of both being black and being a woman. We have been clumped into one set space of existence by society and have consequently been subjected to the misconceptions, misperceptions, and misplaced stereotypes cast upon us.
Whatever ideals and values we learned growing up also only narrowed the space in which we as black girls and women can exist:
Speak up, but not too much.
Speak out, but don't stir the pot.
Embrace your culture, but not like that.
Be confident, but don't be loud with it.
Be this way in order to be accepted, be that way if you want to get rejected.
What the aforementioned tones and ideals have projected is that one particular set of behaviors are what society is willing to accept and the other is cause for ridicule, backlash, and displacement and the two CANNOT coexist.
This however is inherently false.
I have friends who had 4.0 and above average GPA's in high school and college, who aim to become activists, nurses, and engineers and really bring about change in not just their local community but the world in general. They are some of the smartest, caring, mindful, and brilliant women I've ever met. These same friends, however, are the first ones to get up and tear it up on the dance floor the minute they hear “Cash Money Records taking over for the 99's and the 2000s."
But does the fact that they love a good twerk every now and then erase their accomplishments, aspirations, and intellect?
Does the fact that Cardi B is a liberated woman who grew up on the other side of the tracks stop her from embodying the rose that grew from concrete? Does it take away or discredit the name she's built for herself as a hip-hop industry feat?
If we later found out that Coretta Scott King frequented the juke joint back in the day, is that reason enough to discredit her intelligence and influence?
Some might say their issue with women that exhibit such “ratchet behavior" is that they lack self-respect. What is interesting to note and remember is the first word of that phrase: self. The whole concept behind self-respect is that the sense of worth, pride, dignity, and respect radiate from the inside out. Meaning that they themselves are the sole determinant of their own worth and anyone who tries to infringe or demean that worth will hold no bearings.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent right, or is that line of thinking only reserved for those who fit into the mold of respectability?
Who are we to ascribe and project low self-esteem and respect to another woman just because her barometer of worth is different from that of our own? Who are we to try to box in an aspect of another woman's personality because it makes us uncomfortable? Who are we to deny others and ourselves the right to freely exist in all of our many facets, faces, and phases?
In the season 4 premiere of Black-ish, actor Anthony Anderson opens his white collared button down to expose his undershirt that reads “I am my ancestor's wildest dreams."
The sentiments behind the statement is one that we should remember and take solace in. No matter the circumstances, we ALL have the ability to be our ancestor's wildest dreams.
From the loud, ghetto woman working two jobs overcoming hiring discrimination to take care of her responsibilities and put food on the table, to the heavily degreed woman who finally makes over 6 figures in her corporate job who overcame the same. They have all overcome life obstacles and have reached a level of success that once seemed out of reach for people of color.
They all are worthy of respect and deserve the right to be embraced not just for what they achieved, but for who they are.
Every dimension of our personality is what makes us who we are and the presence of one not-so-favorable trait does not negate the essence and beauty of what we can or have accomplished.
We have become and we are becoming concurrently.
We are perfectly imperfect simultaneously.
We are both masterpieces and works in progress and that my dear is what makes us worthy.
How do you own your duality?
Shanelle Harris is a Southern-based freelance writer & fashion social media curator. Her writings have been featured on Blavity. She's currently pursuing her undergrad degree in Mass Communications/PR. When she's not in class or writing, you can catch her quoting Drake lyrics and spreading #BlackGirlMagic one outfit post at a time. You can follow her on IG: @random__nelle.
Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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I’ve gotta say that, for the most part, my friends are pretty damn chill. There is one (major) exception, though — and it’s an odd one. Even after all these years and countless times of me giving them the same answer, if there is a time when they think they are my mama, it’s when they see an email come through at an odd hour of the night. Then, all of a sudden, here they come asking me when do I get sleep if I’m emailing at (say) three in the morning.
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
If you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
There is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
Something that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
Even if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
I saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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