When you level up and finally achieve the boss status you've been working relentlessly to reach, burnout can easily become your best friend. Buying into the idea that sleep is for the rich will leave you mentally fatigued AF, and Will Smith says that at only 9 years old, his daughter taught him a vital lesson about the power of investing in your mental wellness.
In a recent episode of HBO's The Shop, the 53-year-old father-of-three explained that while he was proud that his daughter had a Top 10 single before she turned 10, his pride caused him to miss the emotional struggle that Willow was experiencing at the time.
"Willow hit me hard. We went on the 'Whip My Hair' tour and like she's 9 years old with a Top 10 single. And before that, only Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder had done it at that age. She's in Dublin, she's on the Justin Bieber tour. She comes off stage ,and I'm like, 'Hey baby. That was great.' And she was like, 'Oh daddy, I'm ready to go home.' And I was like, 'Well, no baby. You can't go home. You got to finish the tour.' She's like, 'Yeah, daddy, I'm finished.' And I said, 'Well you can't be finished, babe. You promised Mr. Jay-Z that you were going to do the 30 days.' And she was like, 'No, daddy, you promised Mr. Jay-Z.'"
Although Will was used to having the last word when it came to his family, the next morning, Willow made a statement that couldn't go unnoticed. We can all take a lesson from Willow when it comes to making a point, because… go hard or go home, right? And that's exactly what she and her family did after her bold decision to shave her head bald in the middle of her tour.
"She went to her room that night. I went to my room, she comes down that morning. She shaved her head bald in the middle of her 'Whip My Hair' tour. She taught me such a valuable lesson. I was like, 'Baby, I got it. Yup, we can go home.' "
While some parents would have seen Willow's decision as an offense warranting punishment, Will saw the experience as a teachable moment. In 2017, Will said that the experience taught him the importance of mental stability, especially when it comes to children.
"For me, it was that soldier that was pushing and wasn't paying any attention whatsoever to what was going on emotionally with this beautiful little creature in front of me."
Willow said "no" to a commitment that compromised her mental stability. When she felt herself on the edge of burnout, she decided to clock TF out. Willow didn't let the hustle mentality hustle her out of her peace of mind. We should all be more like her.
To watch the full clip, click below!
The Shop: Uninterrupted | Will Smith Shares Why Willow Smith Shaved her Head (Clip) | HBOwww.youtube.com
Featured image by Instagram/@WillowSmith.
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Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
valentinrussanov/Getty Images
How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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