Once upon a time, while I was on the internet looking for ways to inspire some of my couple clients to keep things both stimulating and exciting in their relationship, I stumbled upon an article on vision boards for couples. After reading through it, I found it to be so fresh and fun that I recommended it to a few people; it seemed to work like a charm.
Then, as I reflected on the countless amount of Instagram and TikTok posts that I’ve seen from single women who basically say that dating is trash and they are starting to lose all hope, I thought about what would happen if they decided to put a twist on the whole couples vision board thing and started vision board dating instead.
And just how in the heck do you “vision board date”? I’m so happy that you would ask. The method to the madness is this: since it’s been reported that a little over 80 percent of small business owners who create vision boards are able to achieve at least half of their own goals, and a little over 75 percent of those same business owners say that vision boards have helped them get to exactly where they envisioned — who says that the same practice can’t bring similar results to one’s dating life? Your dating life?
So, if you’re teetering on becoming hella cynical and not going on any dates in the foreseeable future, humor me and at least read through this first. It could be the “map” that ultimately gets you to where you want to go — as far as dating is concerned.
What Is a Vision Board?
Vision boards are proof that manifesting isn't passive, it's quite active.
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Okay, I’m not starting from this place to come off as patronizing or condescending; meaning, I get that most of you probably know what a vision board is. However, I do think that I should cover the bases, just so that we’re all on the same page about what you can expect from making one for yourself — because contrary to popular belief, there’s no so-called magic in it. Vision boards are all about manifestation, yes — but honestly, manifestation isn’t exactly “magical” either.
Vision boards aren’t based on that passive kind of manifesting that I’ve heard far too many people speak on — you know what I mean, “I’m not going to actively date anymore. I’m going to sit in my bedroom and ‘manifest’ a husband.” Chile, manifesting isn’t passive; it’s quite active. The word speaks to “perceiving something (or one) with a clarity of understanding” and then “proving beyond a shadow of a doubt” that what you saw was indeed the truth. Some synonyms for "manifesting" include "bold," "demonstrate," "reveal," "unmistakable," and "materialize."
So, when it comes to vision boards, they are a tangible tool that helps you do all of the things that I just said. You literally get a collection of images and/or objects together and arrange them in such a way that you are able to better focus on what it is that you want to, well, manifest. The things on your vision board help you to get clarity on what you want and then help you to put a plan into motion, so that you can prove, mostly to yourself, that what you desire is indeed possible.
Traditionally, vision boards are made by clipping out pictures or words and putting them on something like a corkboard or foam board; however, thanks to technology, you can also create a digital vision board, whether it’s through something like Canva (here) or an app (here).
If you want to learn more about how to create a vision board from scratch, check out our article, “Here's How To Take Your Vision Board To The Next Level.”
How Can You Apply Vision Boards to Your Dating Journey?
Before you get started with your vision board dating, ask yourself the important questions.
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Okay, so now that we’ve gotten vision boards, in general, out of the way, how can you apply the overall concept to your dating life? Well, in order to get started, here are some questions that you should ask yourself:
- What kind of man would you like to date?
- What types of things do you enjoy doing?
- What things would you like you and him to have in common?
- What is an ideal first date to you?
- What’s your idea of a dream date?
- What dates speak to your love language?
- Where are some places that you’ve always wanted to go?
- What are both your short as well as your long-term goals when it comes to dating?
- What are some words that you want to apply to your overall dating experience?
- What would you like to learn about yourself from dating during this season of your life?
Now, based on those 10 things/themes, find words, pictures, quotes, poetry — anything that you can either tack onto a physical board or you can copy and paste onto your digital vision board. Then, commit to spending 30 minutes a week looking at the board, adding to the board, and/or meditating on the board.
Why should meditation become a part of the process? It’s because there is scientific research that supports the fact that consistent and long-term meditation can literally “rewire your brain” by creating new neural connections. As a result, you will be able to reduce your stress levels, release negativity, and bring a greater sense of gratitude into your space.
Something else that meditation is able to do is help you to get rid of any self-doubt that you may have — and all of this can definitely help, greatly when it comes to improving your dating life.
Five Strong Benefits of Vision Board Dating
Vision board dating comes with its fair share of benefits.
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Aight, so even though I think that some surefire benefits of vision board dating have already been provided, I do want to touch on a few more points before you click off of here and create a dating vision board of your own (because that’s exactly what you’re gonna do…right?).
Some other reasons why you should vision board date as soon as possible?
1. Vision board dating can tame your “negativity bias.” It’s something we all have; it’s a natural inclination to see the negative side of things instead of the positive. This is something to take seriously because just like negativity can kill a relationship, it can also hinder you from getting one in the first place. For one thing, there’s research that says negativity can create anxiety levels; that can make it difficult to effectively communicate with others — and without communication, there is no real connection.
2. Vision board dating fuels your imagination. Albert Einstein once said, "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." You know, imagining things doesn’t get the full respect that it truly deserves. Research backs that it can help with making you a more curious person, it can help you to socially interact better with others, and it can also help you to become a better problem-solver. So, if you’re sick of lackluster dating experiences, imagine more. If you want to be more open to blind dates and hook-ups from friends, imagine more. If you want to meet your “the one” sooner than later — imagine more.
3. Vision board dating can help to “end the hamster wheel.” What I mean by that is, if you keep basically dating the same kind of man just in a different body, creating a board that isn’t just about your type or preference but is also about knowing who is good FOR you (check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?”) can help you to break that pattern. Find quotes that speak to who is holistically good for you; don’t just clip pictures of those who look good to you. Feel me? Next point.
4. Vision board dating can help you to “raise your own bar.” I don’t mean being unrealistic in your dating expectations; I mean that it can be fun for you to be like, “I really like day trips. I would love to do a couple of road trips to check out some sites with someone this year” and then you specify the sites on your board. It can also help you to clearly articulate some of your desires instead of always putting the pressure on the guy to try and read your mind in order to get you what you want.
5. Vision board dating is how you can reach your ultimate goal(s). Whether this year is all about dating better than you ever have before or ending the year with your own locked-in bae, if you take vision board dating seriously and literally, it can help you to reach those goals as you hone in on exactly what you desire and then meditate on those things. The reason why I say that is because reaching a goal consists, in part, of creating a plan — and a vision board helps you to do just that.
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You know, there’s a survey that says that back in 2022, as much as 61 percent of people found dating to be overwhelming. Overwhelmed is about feeling inundated, if not flat-out defeated. And oftentimes, overthinking, dwelling in the past, or putting too much pressure on yourself can lead to feeling overwhelmed when it comes to dating.
Calm those emotions by getting it all out on your vision board.
Because you know what they say: “If you build it, he will come.” #wink
Now get off of this thing and get to creating, sis. And definitely keep us posted!
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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