

Vaginas Age Just Like Everything Else. You Can Slow It Down, Though.
There is one milestone in a woman’s life that may not get talked about a lot, but it remains firm in our memory — it’s the first time that we notice that we’ve got a gray pubic hair. When I tell you that there’s nothing like it — Lawd, have mercy! I mean, even more than seeing the first gray hair on our head, there is something that is far more “What TF is going on?” about a gray pubic hair that…I’ll just say that if it hasn’t happened to you, just wait until it does.
I think it’s because, if anything is a true sign that time is marching on and we are getting older, it’s that. It’s also proof that, just like every other part of our body, vulvas (the outer part of our vagina) and vaginas do indeed age.
Is there anything that can be done to stop it? I’m gonna shoot it straight — absolutely not. That’s the “bad” news. The good news is there are all-natural tips that you can do to help slow down the signs of aging down below as well as things that can make that perfectly natural season of life so much easier to, not only deal with but actually embrace as well.
That said, let’s look at some top signs of vaginal aging along with some things that you can do about it, shall we?
1.Your top vulva area won’t seem as plump and full.
If you consider yourself to have a fat vagina (or someone has told you that you do), all that really means is your mons pubis (the top part of your labia, that part of your vulva where most of your pubic hair grows) is “meatier.” For the record, this can be due to genetics, weight gain, pregnancy, or hormone fluctuations.
Anyway, if this is the way it’s always been and it doesn’t seem to be as plump and full as it used to be, aging can definitely play a role and sagging can start to set in.
Solution:
Two things that you can do (outside of a cosmetic procedure) that can reduce some of the sagging include doing exercises like leg lifts, crunches, and cardio and consuming more protein, citrus fruits, and dark leafy greens. By the way, two carrier oils that are great for saggy skin are grapeseed oil (thanks to its high amount of vitamin E and fatty acids) and tamanu oil (it contains properties that help to plump and tone the skin). Massage either or both onto your mons pubis after getting out of the shower on a daily basis to receive notice results within a few weeks.
2.Your pubic hair turns gray.
The rule that applies to the hair that’s on your head is the rule that applies to pubic hair too. Long story short, as you age, the pigment cells in your hair follicles start to die and that’s what prevents color (from the melanin) from running through them. Also, just like the hair on your head, when this happens has a lot to do with your genetics; however, overall, your late 30s is the average age for when those bad boys decide to make their official debut.
Solution:
Gray hair is a fact of life and, for now, not much can be done about it. You can slow down the process of premature graying by reducing your stress levels; eating more copper-based foods (like dark chocolate, sesame seeds, and shiitake mushrooms); upping your doses of zinc, iron, and vitamin D; massaging the carrier oils sweet almond and/or rosemary onto it your pubic hair, and not using harsh chemicals on it.
If you read all of that and you were like, “Uh-huh, but how do I cover it up…NOW?”, there is a hair dye product that’s specifically designed for pubic hair. It’s called Betty and you can learn more about it here.
3.Your pubic hair also thins out.
As you get closer to menopause and certainly after you get past it, you may notice that the hair on your head as well as your pubic hair may start to thin out. Heredity, hormonal shifts, and even certain medications can play a role in this.
You can’t do much about what’s in your gene pool and, if it is a prescription that’s causing the thinning or hair loss, you should see your doctor. But, as far as your hormones go, there are some all-natural approaches that you can take.
Solution:
Reducing stress levels. Taking care of your gut health. Reducing your sugar intake. Consuming some evening primrose oil (I am a huge fan!). Keeping your body at a healthy weight. Getting no less than 6-8 hours of sleep (not sometimes; consistently). Eating more anti-inflammatory foods like tomatoes, collards, almonds, olive oil, and black pepper. And having more sex (to get rid of some of that pent-up stress; make sure it’s protected if a baby will only cause more stress in this season of your life, though).
4.Your labia starts to sag.
Two things that we naturally produce less of as we get older are collagen and elastin. That’s why it’s common to notice that as people get older, their skin doesn’t appear to be quite as firm. The reality is that your skin doesn’t discriminate when it comes to your labia (your lips — inner and outer), so it can start to sag over time too.
Solution:
Something that I’ve been doing lately, for the sake of my skin all over, is taking a collagen supplement. I can see a difference too because it helps my skin to keep that noticeable firmness whenever I pull on one of my cheeks and my skin still immediately “pops” back into place. Foods that are high in collagen include bone broth, fish, egg whites, chicken, and gelatin. You might want to massage your vulva (outside not inside) with some carrot seed oil because it helps to stimulate the production of collagen as well.
As far as elastin production goes, believe it or not, witch hazel has a pretty good reputation for helping out in that department. Just make sure that it’s also something that you apply externally not internally so that you don’t irritate the sensitive skin that’s within your inner lips and inside of your vagina.
5.Your vagina may get smaller.
Now when I say that your vagina might get smaller, what I’m referring to is your literal vaginal canal. As we age, our estrogen levels decrease and that can result in our vagina getting smaller in width and length. Here’s the thing about that, though — a lot of women don’t know that the average size of their vaginal canal is somewhere between 2.75 inches and 3.25 inches and that it goes up to 4.25 inches to 4.75 inches whenever they are sexually aroused.
That’s why the whole “I need a big D” really needs to be put to rest (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”). The average size of a penis when it’s erect is 5.5 inches and yes, when your partner is into you and intentional about pleasing you, that actually is enough to get the job done; especially as you age.
Solution:
For this one, there isn’t really a solution per se. What I will say is that with labiaplasty becoming more popular than ever, this is one side of vaginal aging that you might actually look forward to being that you won’t need to worry about making your vagina tighter…I mean, if time is already doing it for you.
6.Your vagina gets dry.
Outside of gray hairs, probably the most telling sign of vaginal aging is not being able to get as “wet” as you’re used to being (*le sigh*). You can “thank” your friend estrogen again for causing this because a lack of it can kick your vagina into vaginal atrophy (more on that in a bit)— a part of what comes with that is less natural lubrication.
Solution:
We’ve all heard the saying, “If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it,” and that couldn’t be more true when it comes to keeping your vagina lubricated. In other words, increasing sexual stimulation can help to make vaginal dryness less of an issue. So does doing things like consuming more fluids; eating foods that are high in omega-3 fatty acids (including salmon, flaxseeds, chia seeds, egg yolks, and broccoli); taking a multivitamin (you need more vitamins A, B, D, and E in your system); ramping up your exercise regimen and doing Kegels specifically. Kegels are good because they help to increase blood flow to your pelvic region and that can help with improving your lubrication levels.
Applying a vaginal moisturizer every night and using a vaginal lubricant during sex can help tremendously in this area too. If you’d prefer to make your own lube, check out mindbodygreen’s article “How To Make Your Own All-Natural Vaginal Lubricant.”
7.Your vulva may turn lighter.
This particular aging sign may be one that you would never notice unless you’re someone who does vaginal self-exams on a consistent basis (which is always a wise thing, by the way). Still, they’re a good thing to put on record too. That said, it’s not uncommon for your vulva to turn a shade or two lighter as it gets older. The backstory here is that, as your estrogen levels shift, it can also decrease the amount of blood flow that your vulva and vagina receive which can cause them both to appear a bit paler.
Solution:
Any place where your body is lacking blood flow, it’s going to need some sort of stimulation. Massages are what’s usually applied to other parts; however, when it comes to your vagina, basically a “coochie massage” would be some form of masturbation.
Other options include exercising, consuming foods that increase blood flow (including berries, onions, dark leafy greens, citrus fruits, and cinnamon); consuming black and/or green tea; easing up on the stress, and being intentional about monitoring your blood pressure levels.
8.Your vaginal walls will get thinner.
Remember how I said that we’d come back to vaginal atrophy? It’s kind of a long story but the bottom line is, the technical name for it is atrophic vaginitis, it typically occurs during menopause (although things like breastfeeding, birth control, and a hysterectomy can trigger it too) and it can cause your vaginal walls to get thinner, drier and inflamed.
Solution:
Believe it or not, something that can help to bring relief to this particular issue is to increase sexual activity because it will bring more blood flow to your vagina. And even though your doctor might recommend some sort of estrogen therapy, there are some natural ways to get more estrogen into your system. Some of those things include eating more phytoestrogens (plant-based compounds that mimic estrogen) like sunflower seeds, walnuts, apples, grapes, and yams; taking an herbal supplement that contains phytoestrogens like dong quai, black cohosh, or chasteberry (you might want to run this by your physician first; especially if you’re on some sort of medication), and putting your body on a sleep schedule so that your rest habits are consistent.
9.You will be more vulnerable to STDs and UTIs.
Unfortunately, the natural loss of estrogen could also put you at risk for more STDs and UTIs (urinary tract infections). Why? Well, remember how I said earlier that your vaginal walls get thinner as you age? This means that they are more vulnerable to infection and, as far as UTIs go specifically, they are also more vulnerable to the growth of bad bacteria.
Solution:
This is why it’s such a ridiculous myth that once you’re past menopause, you shouldn’t worry about using condoms because if you can’t get pregnant anymore, what’s to worry about? Listen, someone in their 70s can get an STD just as much as someone in their 20s can — some might say easier and quicker. As far as UTIs go, adding PURE cranberry juice (not the cocktail stuff) more into your diet; being intentional about peeing right after sex; avoiding the use of feminine hygiene products that contain harsh chemicals; consuming foods that are high in vitamin C (like red berries, cauliflower, tomatoes, papaya, and garlic); and wiping from front to back will all help to keep the risk of contracting one down.
10.Sex might be uncomfortable.
Thin vaginal walls and a dry va-jay-jay are not exactly ideal for some mind-blowing sex — that’s for sure. So, if you’ve not really noticed any of what I’ve said but all of a sudden sex feels less comfortable than it used to, this could also be a sign that an aging vagina is upon you.
Solution:
The good news is applying some of the things that you’ve already read can help to make it more pleasant. So can changing positions, so that you are more in control of penetration. Ones that make this possible include the cowgirl position (you know, being on top), the lotus position (where you and your partner face each other while becoming a human pretzel), and the spoon position (where you each are on your side and he enters you from behind).
Aging — including vulva and vaginal aging — is a part of life. Once you accept it, you can get ahead of the process by putting these tips into practice.
Either way, don’t be too hard on the aging process that “she’s” either experiencing or going to experience. She’s been good to you. Give her time of “seasoning” some respect. She’s earned it.
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Featured image by Christopher Pedraza/Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Is Once Ever Enough To See Beyoncé's "Renaissance World Tour?"
Many have wondered if one time is ever enough to see Queen Bey. Some argue yes. However, many of us on the opposite end of the spectrum, including myself, would disagree. Beyoncé's "Renaissance World Tour" is a universal yet varying experience for everyone who attends. In the words of Oprah Winfrey, the concert is "transcendent." For millennials, we have over two decades of her catalog that has served as the soundtrack for many of our lives and painted a personal portrait of our most coveted thoughts. Her music provides mental clarity and self-expression by serving as a universal language that has united fans from all walks of life through community, fashion, self-acceptance, and healing.
With a multi-layered approach to her artistry, just as she did on that winter day in December 2013 with the infamous digital drop of her self-titled album, she changed the game again on February 1, 2023, when she announced her world tour in support of Renaissance, her seventh studio album. Her cultural impact set the internet ablaze, with everyone trying to gather their coins, barter for presale codes, and figure out which cities to attend. The group chats were lit, and the Beyhive was stressed trying to get their hands on tickets.
Photo courtesy of Dontaira Terrell
Unfortunately, I was in that number. As the concert dates passed by and the one in my city drawing near all roads led to disappointment. With time ticking on the day of the Miami show and less than two hours to spare, my wallet bit the bullet, and I purchased three last-minute tickets, costing roughly $700.00 a piece (including fees) for me, my 9-year-old and 16-year-old nieces in Section 121 at the Hard Rock Stadium. With 10 minutes before showtime, we eagerly awaited the Queen to take the stage. A sea of metallic fringes, cowboy hats, disco fans, and western boots were in full effect and filled the entire stadium.
As the lights dimmed, a flood of emotions instantly overtook my body. It continued with each note she belted, along with nearly 50,000 roaring fans. The reverberating sound of the music through the stadium transported me from one era of my life to the next. As a teen girl in her bedroom daydreaming about her first love to blossoming into an unapologetic Black woman who is still on a road of self-discovery while learning to lean into the power anthem of "You won't break my soul." For over two hours, and with each set, I felt joy, love, peace, and a commanderie with fellow concertgoers. It was therapeutic as I danced like no one was watching and sang as if I were alone in my bathroom mirror.
There were no bars held, and I realized at that moment, "Nobody can judge me but me." The "Renaissance World Tour" proved to be so vast, and my Black girl joy was re-invigorated. It was magnetic and liberating, and I had to attend again, but this time, I needed to be up close and personal; I needed to be on the floor. In the days that passed, I watched more social media clips in different cities and asked myself if I would really splurge again to attend another Renaissance show.
Photo courtesy of Dontaira Terrell
After all, this would be my thirteenth time (maybe more because I lost count) seeing Beyoncé live, whether she was on tour with Destiny's Child, as a solo artist, or doing a live appearance. I contemplated for a while, but it worked itself out on its own. I was gifted two tickets and the next thing I knew, I was off to LA to attend another Renaissance show with floor seats at SoFi Stadium during Beyonce's 42nd birthday weekend! This time, things were different: no kids were allowed. It was adults only this go round.
Although the energy at the Miami and Los Angeles shows was empowering, infectious, and a celebration of life, happiness, and identity, they each provided their own unique experience. However, both concerts were what I needed for my well-being, leaving me with sore feet from dancing the night away, on vocal rest for the next few days from screaming at the top of my lungs, and on an indefinite high on life.
My introduction and love for Beyoncé began in 1996, while my older sister lived in Houston, TX, right before Bey hit the scene in 1998 with "No, No, No" as a budding R&B member. Her evolution twenty-seven years later as an international superstar and into womanhood has been an incredible journey to witness. As Mrs. Carter reminds each of us in the audience every night before the curtain closes, "I want you to remember this moment, where you're standing, who you came with, and take it with you. I hope you feel inspired."
I truly felt inspired, so thank you, Queen Bey. You awakened my inner child, and I will definitely remember these moments and take them with me.
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Feature image by Kevin Mazur/WireImage for Parkwood