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There’s a lot of discourse around single motherhood. To keep it brief, people will let you know all the ways you could’ve chosen better for you and your child. I’m not here to argue that down…today.

But. There’s this hatred that single moms have been getting lately for having the audacity to choose better in finding the right one after having a baby with the wrong one. And there’s something about the online hate that just feels so misplaced to me. Almost as if the men spewing it never intended to treat any women worth a damn.

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Everybody wants a baecation, and we get it! What’s better than knocking boots in the beach cabanas in the Bahamas? Or, better yet, bent over, dangling off the balcony the way Big Red had Flash in Five Heartbeats. But, pleasurably so! It’s a one-of-one sensation – vacation sex. If we’re being honest, you probably don’t have to do all of that to have your senses heightened by vacation sex; as we’d imagine, so much of it is better because it has a lot to do with our mental state being so relaxed.

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Single woman here! So, I spend a lot of time thinking about dating. And these days, I mean that quite literally. But I will say that I’ve been thinking about it and thinking about strategy for when I’m back out there. Hello! Because the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. And I’m tired of throwing Stouffer’s spaghetti at the wall when I’m trying to make some shit straight out of Italy.

So, of course, the TikTok algorithm did what it does best and put me in the way of TikToker, Marshana Spavento, and the concept of an “upcycled” husband. She met (on Bumble, for the modern girlies) her husband at 37 and married him when she was 38, which some might look at as moving too fast, but it is also what people mean when they say “when men know – they know.”

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As little people – as children – we tend to grow up idolizing our parents. And, for better or worse, we tend to emulate them in so many ways. But the truth is, we cannot be sure which point of view is steeped in our parents' belief system and those that are our own until we do some living. Soul searching, if you will. Arguably, many children (especially teens) have an innate curiosity about the world and may begin to slowly realize they’re not interested in sharing their parents’ P.O.V. on topics such as … let’s say…parenting. But I’m not entirely sure you can fully self-actualize until you’re an adult.

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By no means are doulas new, but the way we’ve come to view them is for sure evolving on the regular. And what I mean to say is that for so long we’ve viewed them through this narrow scope as birth workers only. However, as the world progresses there has become an expansion in the types of doulas readily available to serve the community.

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If you frequent TikTok, you’re well aware of its many different sectors–whatever it is that you’re looking for can be found on the social media platform, from beauty tips and style advice to morning and evening routines. TikTok is also a great resource for relationship advice! It goes without saying that you should take what you find on TikTok with a grain of salt or double-check with your own provider depending on what advice you’re seeking out.

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