I've been friends with my best friend since the second grade. It's a friendship that now feels like family, and I'm forever grateful we connected in the library that day. Unfortunately, all my friendships haven't lasted for over twenty years. Many of the people I was friends with five years ago are no longer part of life—people I thought would always be there.
At first, losing people made me feel a bit ungrounded. I spent most of my time with these friends; shared so many of my secrets. I spent a lot of time ruminating over what I could have done differently to salvage the relationships. But after years of reflection, I realized the only thing that could have saved the relationship was for me to stay the same. Those relationships ended because I changed. I wasn't the same person I used to be and it caused a lot of friction in my relationships.
As we age, many of us lose friends because we evolve—our needs and priorities are different. Sometimes our friendships can withstand the strain of growing into different versions of ourselves, but most times, they won't. And, that's okay.
Finding people that will walk with you through life is rare. So, if you've found yourself navigating a few friendship breakups or experiencing unsteadying moments in your friendships lately, try to keep the following in mind:
1.All friendships won't last forever.
Friendship breakups are difficult because it's hard to imagine yourself parting ways with a friend the same way you see yourself splitting up with a romantic partner—you may not even think it would hurt just as much or even more. People grow apart. People will come into our lives for a season and leave once our time together ends. Some of these endings will feel natural and some may be a bit more traumatic. The ending of a friendship doesn't mean either of you were "bad" people. Nor does it mean you all were never "real" friends to begin with (endings have a way of clouding judgment). The truth is, even good friendships have expiration dates, and that's okay.
2.Your needs in friendship change as you get to know yourself better.
The things you needed from your friends when you were a teenager or in your early 20s are different than what you need as you get closer to 30. When you're younger, you're likely still figuring things out and deciding how you want to show up in the world. As you become more grounded in who you are, liking someone is no longer a good enough reason to continue being friends, especially when your values and beliefs about friendships begin to clash. It can be hard to admit, but sometimes your friends evolve into people you don't like. Being dishonest about how you feel and forcing yourself to be around someone can create resentment in the friendship.
3.Emotional safety matters.
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Feeling emotionally safe with my friends is important to me. Do they respect boundaries? Do we assume the other is operating with good intent? Are they kind to me in public and private? Do they talk about me behind my back? Some of us are accustomed to drama being at the center of our friendships because we used to be ineffective communicators, or we witnessed adults have drama-filled relationships as a child. If we're going to have healthy friendships, we must unlearn unhealthy relationship patterns. We also have to be responsible for the harmful things we've done in the past and commit to doing things differently in the future to establish safety. We may also need to raise our friendship standards.
4.Life is too short for one-sided friendships.
Sometimes we hurt our own feelings by holding on to things that are no longer holding on to us. In a one-sided friendship, the other person has stopped participating, but we keep fighting to maintain our position in their lives. For whatever reason, this person has decided they no longer want to keep investing in a friendship with us, and we have to accept that boundary and move on. Easier said than done, especially if they haven't directly stated they want out. They may stop returning your calls and start canceling plans at the last minute. Magically they're always busy. Sometimes it isn't personal. Your friend may be going through a challenging time and doesn't have the energy to be around people. They may also be finding it hard to communicate what's going on. Either way, you have to decide how you want to be treated and what you're willing to tolerate in the name of friendship.
5.Different stages of your life require different levels of understanding.
As we age, we may get partnered, get married, or become a parent. These new relationships require a substantial amount of time—especially in the beginning. Some of us may have chosen careers that require us to work outside of the standard 9 to 5. At some points, you'll have fewer things binding you together than you do pulling you apart, and sometimes life ushers in a 'quiet season' in your friendship. If you've been missing your friends, tell them you'd like to see them. Sometimes people need a gentle nudge.
6.As you age, quality becomes more important than quantity.
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It's easier to make friends and maintain friendships when you're younger because most of the people you connect to are in your hometown or go to school with you. As you get older, you prioritize certain friendships over others. Studies show that on average, most adult Americans have four close friends. Sometimes you gradually realize that you're spending a lot of time trying to maintain superficial relationships and decide to spend the little time you have pouring into friendships that have the chance to stand the test of time.
7.Every relationship isn't a friendship.
We're taught to make friends as kids in ways that don't benefit us as adults. Being friendly and being friends is not the same thing. You just met someone, and now they're your friend. You just ended a relationship with someone, and now you're friends. Your dating situation didn't work, and now you're friends. Friendship is built. Sometimes we rush into friendships with people to maintain connections, but it isn't always the healthiest decision. Nor is it the most genuine response. A friendship is a mutual agreement and investment from both people. It's important to vet people for friendship, just as you would vet someone for romance. You may know many people, but you don't have many friends.
8.A friend doesn't have to tell you everything to be your friend.
"There's a difference between being in someone's business and being in someone's corner." I don't know who said that quote, but it's one of my favs. Some people associate friendship with how much they know about someone. But, knowing everything about someone doesn't make you all friends. I've seen people get mad at a friend for being what they deemed "secretive." Try not to take someone's non-disclosure personally. A friend may feel stressed out, overwhelmed, or ashamed and not rush to tell you because they're still processing their situation. People are allowed to tell you things when they're ready. They also don't have to share at all.
9.Communication is key.
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It can be easy to think people should just understand and get you, especially if you all have known each other for a long time. But just like a romantic relationship, friendships benefit from communication too. Continue getting to know your friends and be open to seeing their different sides as they evolve. One of the best books I've read on friendship is Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness by Shasta Nelson. This book helped me make sense of my experiences when I started losing friends. I could go back to all my friendships that ended and point out exactly where things went wrong. According to Shasta, "frientimacy" is intimacy experienced in friendships based on positivity, consistency, and vulnerability.
All healthy friendships require a strong foundation built on positive experiences. Consistency is vital because even if we like someone, we will begin to question where we stand with them if they can't make time for us, ultimately making us feel unsafe in the relationship. Without vulnerability, the relationship doesn't have the chance to deepen, which means there will always be a feeling of distance between the two of you. All three things need to work together to make a friendship last. If one of these things becomes unbalanced, the friendship can still last if you all can communicate effectively to get the relationship back on track.
As we get older, our friendships evolve. And while it can be scary to part ways with people, it allows us to connect with people who fit with who we are and who we're becoming. And for that, we can be both excited and grateful.
Remember, friends, are the family you choose, so choose wisely.
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
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So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Apparently, there was a Thanksgiving episode that featured all of the friends having dinner together. And y’all, there was simply no way that I was going to mention the latter without shouting out the original (amen?).
Okay, so with that out of the way — Friendsgiving. Something that I appreciate about twists to holidays like this is that it’s a reminder that there is no one way to celebrate special occasions. And so, if, for whatever the reason, you will not or cannot be with family during the holiday season, there are certainly other alternatives at your disposal.
That being said, if the thought of spending time with friends this Thanksgiving is something that you’d like to do, yet you’re not sure how to host it in a way that will make Friendsgiving a fan favorite for your entire circle — I’ve got 10 suggestions that can make the planning process easy as pumpkin (or sweet potato) pie.
1. Position Chrysanthemums or Orchids for Your Table Décor
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Let’s start with décor first. Listen, aside from cleaning up your place, you don’t have to be over the top. If you put together a really nice centerpiece or put a flower at each table setting, honestly, you’re all good. And if you’re someone who is big on details and symbolism, my recommendation would be to go with some chrysanthemums and/or orchids.
When it comes to chrysanthemums, not only are they a peak fall flower, they represent things like friendship and happiness. And orchids? They tend to bloom during the fall and spring seasons and, not only are they about luxury, certain orchid colors also symbolize friendship (for the record, yellow roses symbolize friendship too). Perfect.
2. Incorporate Scents That Cultivate Gratitude
Speaking of cultivating a warm and inviting space, you can never go wrong with scented soy candles — or at least having an essential oil diffuser in a few spots. Some scents that actually help to bring in the spirit of gratitude include vanilla, jasmine, ginger, cedarwood and frankincense.
3. Use Upscale Paper Products to Dine With
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Let’s be real — a lot more of us would probably host events in our home if it wasn’t for the mess that is left behind in our kitchen once the festivities are over. Wanna avoid that? Use paper plates. No, I don’t mean the cheap Styrofoam ones. SMDH. These days, there are paper (and plastic) plate brands that will low-key blow your mind when it comes to how bougie they look. Some that are worth considering are located here, here and here.
4. Handwrite Thank-You Notes (Use Them As Place Settings)
If you’re like Tiffany (from the HBO series Insecure — what a time) was at that memorable dinner party when all hell broke loose between Lawrence and Issa and you’re pretty anal — I mean, particular — LOL — about place settings, it’s a nice touch to pick up some blank thank-you cards that you can write a personalized “I’m thankful for you because…” message in. Place each one where you’d like each friend to sit. They won’t see it coming and it’s a really nice touch.
5. Have Everyone Bring Their Favorite Homemade Dish
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Okay, and what if what has you on the fence about hosting is you don’t feel like doing a ton of cooking? Chile, this is where the concept of having a potluck comes in. Get everyone to bring the dish that they claim they cook the best and make sure to let them know how many individuals you plan on coming (so that they will make enough). You can even make a game out of it by having everyone anonymously vote for the first, second and third best dishes out of the bunch. Take it up a notch by having a prize for each winner.
6. Take a Warm Drink and Dessert Poll Beforehand
You know what isn’t discussed enough about dinner parties? Folks bringing desserts that other people don’t even like. SMDH. You can avoid this from becoming an issue at your Friendsgiving by sending an email (most people prefer that to group chats; let’s be real — and make sure to BCC everyone as well) asking everyone to share what their top three favorite desserts and warm drinks are. Then pick the top 2-3 out of the bunch. That way, you won’t have a ton of (for instance) coffee cake or apple cider lying around that no one even wanted in the first place.
7. Create a Signature Friendsgiving Mocktail and Cocktail
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Speaking of drinks, another way to make your Friendsgiving memorable is to come up with a signature mocktail (for those who don’t consume alcohol) and cocktail. For the mocktail, you can also poll your friends about their favorite mocktail or fruits and come up with a mixture of your own. For the cocktail — although National Friendship Day is actually in August, I did peep that there are certain drinks that have been created in its honor. Some of them are located here for you to do a bit of tweaking on (if you’d like).
8. Ask Everyone to Share Their “Favorite Friend Quality” of Another
You know how it’s customary for everyone to go around and share what they are truly thankful for before having dinner? Well, to continue along with the Friendsgiving theme, have each person share what their favorite friend quality is about the person to their right. If folks are just meeting each other for the first time, instead they can share what they value the most in friendship overall, along with a story of how it was displayed to them personally over the past 12 months.
9. Send Each of Your Guests Home with a Fresh Gratitude Journal
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Wanna send folks home with a nice parting gift? It would be so on-trend to give each of them a gratitude journal. Listen, we are in some crazy times right through here (at least in the States) and so, encouraging your friends to set some time aside, regularly, to think about and then outwardly express what they are grateful for? That helps to keep stress down, keep things in perspective and it reminds us all to maintain a positive mindset as much as possible.
10. Watch a Nostalgic Movie
While everyone is enjoying dessert and drinks, how about watching a movie that brings back fond memories? A list of some of the most popular movies to come out previous Thanksgiving weekends is located here and a list of some favorite Black holiday-themed films can be found here. It’s a way to wind down and share some laughs before everyone heads home.
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Friendsgiving. What a wonderful way to celebrate your friends while also observing Thanksgiving in a way that is totally on your terms. And now that you know how to put it together, what are you waiting for? Hit your friends up and let them know that, whether it’s on actual Thanksgiving Day or a few days before or after, you’ve got a special dinner in mind.
One that has a good time with amazing friends written ALL over it.
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