

"You go, girl."
"That's all you, boo!"
"Damnnn, Gina!"
You've probably heard that before in the comment section of your best Instagram photo or as a follow-up text to the news of your recent job promotion. It's something often expressed outwardly to those we love and care about, but why does it seem like we never congratulate ourselves? Often times we're the last ones to pat ourselves on the back or buy ourselves a congratulatory drink.
It's a simple enough idea: celebrating your wins. There is so much done in life that others aren't aware of that need to be appreciated too. After all, goals are for you; why shouldn't you be the one to celebrate? It only makes sense. Yet, it seems like nobody is truly congratulating themselves. We're all hiding behind our humble brags and slight slays, waiting for someone else to acknowledge our hard work and sacrifice. And, how unfair is that?
Social media is known for its highlight reel atmosphere. For many, it is singular in the catalyst cases of FOMO, peer pressure, and in more serious cases, depression and anxiety. Imposter syndrome, a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments, has been around for decades. The fear of judgement, rejection, criticism; all existed before but have been exacerbated by social media. This destructive, recurring pattern of thought happens all too often and to so many of us. As life goes on and our lives become ever more reliant on social media, it becomes more imperative that we become our own cheerleaders before anyone else.
If you don't celebrate yourself, why would anyone else?
It is honest to celebrate yourself. Goals are for you. We set goals because they make us happy; they are what we want. If you want to compliment yourself because you feel and/or look good, you should! Being secure in your achievements, failures, and obstacles gives you the peace to cheer for others. Celebrations don't have to be big. Small wins matter, too. It can be beauty treatments, buying ice cream, or something as simple as downtime. There's so much that is done that others aren't aware of. Those need to be appreciated too. Celebrating yourself makes you more positive, keeps you less bitter, and more confident. You, in turn, celebrate others more. Security is a hell of a thing.
When you sleep on your success, you're only hurting yourself.
Success is not a slight or a punishment. We shouldn't be ashamed of the choices we've made that led to success. We're allowed to love ourselves and the things that we have. More importantly, we're allowed to love the things that we've worked for. It's not for everyone else, it's for you. You and you alone. To understand that and to live in that means you can confidently empower yourself without marginalizing someone else.
Confidence is not arrogance. Don't confuse the two.
Confident people are beautiful people. Head held high, shoulder back, and eyes forward. The success of others doesn't diminish anything in your life - and vice versa. There's a fine line, but we shouldn't apologize for congratulating ourselves. Confidence is built in small victories. We should not be ashamed to share our victories with a supportive, encouraging community. We should feel no guilt in being proud of ourselves. While confidence and arrogance share a thin line, it's possible to be one without the other.
You're allowed to love your life and the things in it. You deserve it.
Featured image by Getty Images
Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
I Tried It: 3 Low-Maintenance Wigs That Will Elevate Your Look This Season
There's nothing like the feeling you get when your hair is done. It can instantly boost your confidence and put you in a great mood. I've never been a stranger to hair trends and I often experiment with the latest braided styles and colors.
But there are moments when I just don't feel like doing my hair. I'm natural and a lot of times I will braid or twist my hair up and cover it with a scarf or turban. However, when I crave a different look without the hassle of styling, I reach for a wig.
I've always had a love-hate relationship with wigs. Sometimes, I struggle to get them to lay flat and don't get me started with the bonding glue process. So when it comes to wearing wigs, I like to keep it nice and breezy around this b--- (word to Katt Williams), especially in the summertime.
That's why I jumped at the chance to try these three versatile wigs from Luvme Hair. Each one offers a unique look and is surprisingly low maintenance, which aligns perfectly with my philosophy that wearing wigs should make life easier. Let’s dive into the three styles below.
Headband Wig
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This was the first wig I tried on, and I instantly fell in love with it. So much so that it took me weeks to even consider trying the other two. I’m partial to colored hair, especially blonds, browns, and reds, so I was skeptical about the jet black hair. However, I think the color, combined with the curl pattern, worked surprisingly well for me.
One of the things I really liked about this wig was that I didn’t have to braid my hair down first. I could simply throw it over a low ponytail, which is the epitome of a low-maintenance style. The headband has combs inside and velcro on the ends, ensuring a secure fit.
Half Wig
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I had never worn a half wig before, so I faced some challenges. I cornrowed the bottom half of my hair where the wig would sit, but I believe this made it more difficult to use the combs. It might just be me though. I straightened the top part of my hair to blend it with the wig, which looked cute for about five minutes.
Firstly, I have a brown/blonde color mix on the ends of my hair, and the half wig is black. So, I had to hide some of the color (I didn’t have time to dye the wig). Secondly, straightening my hair myself is always a hassle because it never lasts long. Add to that the summer humidity, and you get a hot mess. Despite all this, I managed to get some cute pictures before things got out of control, and that’s all that matters, right?
Would I consider this a low-maintenance hair style? Yes and no. I think it’s unrealistic for me during the summer, especially since I enjoy summer activities. However, when the weather cools down, I’ll definitely rock it, dyed, of course.
Bob
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Now, this is the wig I was nervous about. I never had a bob and I didn't think I would like it. But once I put bobiana on, my mind instantly changed. I finally understood why the gworls rave about the bob so much. It was giving boss. It was giving grown woman. It was giving the bob means business. Iykyk. It was the ultimate statement.
I will say when I first put it on, one side of my wig just would not lay flat. It took some trial and error, but I finally managed to get it to look good. With the bob, I highly recommend braiding your hair down first as small as you can so it can lay as flat as possible. I really liked the ash blonde color, which is perfect for summer. The length also makes it a great low-maintenance style for the season, so you don't have to worry about the hair making your neck sweaty.
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