An almost 30-year-old, soon to be divorced mom of two, going on an unpaid internship would be laughable to most. And most of my peers did (and still do) laugh at me when I tell them about what I'm doing. I realized that what anyone else thought or deemed acceptable by society's standards did not concern me. It would only stand in the way of me walking confidently in my path. So I ignored the nagging voice telling me to "get real" and give up my dreams, like so many times before, and pushed ahead to pursue a social media internship for the Curly Girl Collective, more specifically, for CurlFest, the world's largest natural beauty festival!
I first heard about CurlFest in the summer of 2016. As a new natural hair blogger eagerly doing research, I found several photos that women were posting on the 'gram under the hashtag #CURLFEST. All I remember was seeing big curly hair and bold festival style outfits on gorgeous black women of all shades with a lush green backdrop that I later would discover was Prospect Park in Brooklyn, NY. I was obsessed! I knew it was an event I wanted to attend, but I had no idea that two years later, I would be a part of it!
My original goal was to attend the festival in the summer of 2017, but life got in the way and I didn't even think to plan for it. Later in the year, life happened again but in a way that made me decide to take control and stop allowing life to keep happening to me and start allowing to happen for me. So when the Curly Girl Collective posted about needing social media interns, it felt like a no-brainer to put my name in the hat. I was not going to struggle or miss out on any more opportunities because of self-sabotage. I was going to bet on myself at every chance I got, and my first chance turned out to be a winner!
When I found out I got selected to be an intern, I was elated, but then the financial reality set in. How the hell was I going to pay for this? Or justify taking a trip to NY when I was barely covering my bills each month? I would have to secure my plane ticket, housing, and anything else I would need in NY.
On the surface, it felt irrational. But I knew that I had to do it in order to push myself to the next level.
So, I coordinated things with a friend of mine who was also going to CurlFest and was able to get an amazing deal on a plane ticket. She also found an Airbnb for a reasonable price. I knew things would be tight, but I was going to make it! At this point on my journey to CurlFest, I was confident and felt unshakable. I was determined to suppress that little nagging voice in my head telling me all the reasons why this was not going to work out, and I kept pushing ahead towards Brooklyn.
My entire CurlFest experience was a blur of excitement, stress, and lots and lots of walking. Our social media team jumped in and helped volunteers with preparing goodie bags and excitedly reflected on how our hard work was paying off! Our campaigns were creating buzz and one of the girls (shoutout to Amber) cracked the infamous IG algorithm, which played a huge part in us hitting goals we had to grow the social media presence of the Curly Girl Collective over the weekend.
The biggest hurdles I had to overcome in my time working with the CGC were self-doubt and a serious case of Impostor Syndrome. I've always questioned my abilities, despite countless examples of why I should not. As I've forced myself to reflect on this during meditation and writing, I realized that it wasn't so much that I am afraid of my abilities, but I am afraid of winning. I am afraid of walking in my greatness because it's so much easier to be small.
I remember hanging out with a girlfriend and repeating how much I could not believe that I was selected to work for the CGC. She laughed the first time, but the next time I said it, she called me out. She told me to quit questioning the opportunity that I was given and focus on showing and proving that they made the right choice. In that moment, it was clear that I was the only thing preventing me from moving to the next level in my career, regardless of the industry.
From then on, I did self-checks every time I gushed about how much I could not believe that I had gotten an opportunity. I appreciated the fact that I worked hard for the opportunities that I landed, they were not handouts. When I did this, my ideas began to flow more freely. I submitted work to the rest of the team and the CGC founder we primarily correspond with, and consistently got positive feedback.
I made the decision to embrace my gifts and blessings instead of questioning them and everything blossomed from there.
For years, I allowed negative self-talk and fear of failure to hold me back; so much so that self-doubt almost stopped me from pursuing the opportunity to work with CGC. This time though, I forced myself to focus on positive self-talk and anticipating success! It was scary, but I finally decided that I was going to start taking more chances on me. Period. I never saw myself actually making a living as a content creator, but now I do. Since returning from CurlFest, I have been sending out pitches, doing photoshoots, asking for help when I need it so that I can focus on my work, etc.
I finally started taking myself and my dreams seriously and in turn, I see God blessing my efforts. My road to Curlfest served as a catalyst to me walking in God's purpose for my life. It helped me to learn to trust myself, my decision-making process, and to quit doubting my gifts.
Most importantly, I finally gave myself permission to affirm my dopeness while still showing gratitude to the source.
After spending the last 28 years operating from a space of timidity, my decision to go to NY for the Curly Girl Collective/CurlFest internship was a bold move that provided the exact confidence boost I needed.
I'm starting my life over as a single mother of two, pursuing a creative career, and killing it! Naysayers had me convinced that I couldn't hold things down on my own and that my dreams would have to be put on hold. But I know that motherhood gave me a reason to go harder for my dreams, not an excuse to forget them. CurlFest confirmed that for me and I was both humbled and emboldened by the experience.
Featured image by Shutterstock
RELATED
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
Over the years, things started shifting for me. The way I viewed this coveted series of events began affecting my mental health. While I thought I had a strong sense of self, fashion week had me wondering who I was and if I was worthy.
The hardest truth: it’s draining. Schedules are packed from dawn to dusk with endless engagements—you’re constantly stressing over what to wear, how you’ll come across in photos and on social media, and whether you’ll even make it into the shows.
The Dream vs Reality
Courtesy
In 2018, I penned an essay sharinghow New York Fashion Week made me doubt myself. Then, I was living in Denver, traveling to the Big Apple to partake in the fashion week festivities. I had been excited about becoming one of the street style icons photographers captured, but when I arrived at my first show of the season at Industria, I noticed a disheartening trend. Photographers mostly focused on white and Asian women, often overlooking Black women. As I entered the show, I felt even more intimidated, questioning my worth and wondering if I wasn’t good enough for the front row.
While I was still trying to figure out my place in the space, there was still a beauty behind the chaos. B.C., before COVID-19, the atmosphere was real and somewhat inclusive. Within the dynamic landscape of social media, TikTok content creators have become highly valued assets, triggering a ripple effect of significant changes and transformations.
Since I am such a huge empath, I feel all the things and intensely. A year ago, I wrote, “This fashion week definitely hit different for me. It felt heavier and not as fun as it used to be. One day, once I’ve processed everything with my therapist, I’ll be able to talk about the psychological Olympics that overwhelm me, from what to wear to not being accepted by certain groups — it’s just so much. And we don’t talk about what it does to your mental. I’m definitely living in the BOTH/AND space — it felt grueling, and I felt blessed.”
I’m ready to talk about it now. In reality, the fashion industry is not for the faint of heart. Although I cherish the sense of community and sisterhood I have built, there are moments when loneliness creeps in. From panic attacks to feeling like you’re having a perpetual hangover, it’s just so stressful.
Someone gets to decide whether you’re worthy of partaking in a show or party without actually knowing you. That kind of judgment does damage to your self-esteem. As time passes, I find myself with limited patience for individuals who harbor uncertainties about my identity and contributions.
In the realm of fashion week, an exclusive atmosphere exists, reminiscent of the "mean girls" clique. Some individuals derive pleasure from denying others the opportunity to join their circle, both metaphorically and physically. And now, this thing that used to bring me joy has become a reminder of what I haven’t achieved even though my friends and family look at me, and it appears that I am living my best life.
Then, there’s the absence of inclusivity, particularly in terms of body diversity, has left a lasting impression on me as the reflection of women who look like me, a size 14, dwindle every season.. The 2020 of it all had the brands wanting to check the boxes and “do it for the culture.” But now, four years later, the promises of inclusion have worn off, and the runways and presentations are back to their white-washed-size-4 ways.
A New Perspective
Courtesy
Now, as a resident of Brooklyn, I've made a conscious decision this season to experience New York Fashion Week on my terms. This means prioritizing events and shows that genuinely resonate with me and align with my values. No more going to events to be seen — I am more concerned about how my life feels than what it looks like to others. NYFW can often be overwhelming with its fast-paced schedule and plethora of options, but I'm choosing to approach it mindfully.
No more 12-hour days where I don’t eat and spend $300 on Ubers.Rather than feeling pressured to attend every event or show, I'm focusing on curating a personalized experience. I'm taking the time to research designers and brands whose ethos and aesthetics align with my own. This allows me to connect with the creative vision behind the collections and appreciate the artistry and craftsmanship that goes into each design.
By attending shows that speak to me, I'm not only supporting the designers I admire but also immersing myself in a creative environment that inspires and invigorates me. I'm able to engage with like-minded individuals, exchange ideas, and gain fresh perspectives on fashion as the amazing art form I have always loved it to be.
For me, NYFW is about more than just seeing the latest trends. It's an opportunity to immerse myself in a vibrant community of creatives and celebrate the transformative power of fashion. By attending events that fill me up, I'm not only experiencing the spectacle of NYFW but also enriching my creative journey.
See how I take care of my mental health — very cute, very demure, very mindful.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy