Take the Pressure Off. Choose to EVOLVE.

Another reason why top-of-the-year resolutions fail? It’s because, let’s be real, they are stressful as hell. All of a sudden, folks who never ate healthy want to go without ice cream for six months straight, people who’ve never had a budget before are cutting off all of their streaming services and banning Etsy, and individuals who can’t seem to shake their ex (check out “Stop Being In Relationship Purgatory With Your 'Kinda Ex'”) are out here declaring that they will never speak to them again.

Meanwhile, you know what else intel says about why resolutions tend to crash and burn? It’s because they simply aren’t a part of our lifestyle, routines, or habits. And here’s the thing: 40 percent of what we do every day are considered habits — things that we do without even thinking about them.

Resolutions on the other hand? Oh, they require almost damn near being obsessed with them because they are oftentimes so far off of the mark from our daily norm. And here’s the thing about stress and pressure — they can lead to overthinking, which can cause you to panic, which can either drain you or paralyze you completely.

Then, before you know it, you’ve quit your resolution, which leaves you feeling defeated, which means that you’re right back into your usual habits…almost as a form of comfort (even if you know that they are counterproductive as all get out). A hamster wheel, indeed.

So, what are you saying, Shellie? That we should take the “eff it” approach and do nothing during this time? Nooo…not at all. Actually, what I recommend is that you toss out the word “resolution” and replace it with “evolve” instead.

Evolve: to come forth gradually into being; develop; undergo evolution; to gradually change one's opinions or beliefs.

Synonyms: emerge; expand; mature; grow; advance; increase; open up; result; make progress; move forward; transform; unfold; adapt; adjust; release; advance; blossom; materialize; forge and play out.

Y’all, there are some cool quotes out here that speak about what comes with choosing to evolve. Japanese fashion designer Issey Miyake once said, “I love to be free to explore, research, and evolve.” Evolution is freedom.

Japanese artist Miyavi once said, “My philosophy is my learning process. Until you die, you must evolve and improve.” Evolution is a lifelong process of self-improvement.

Cinematographer Vilmos Zsigmond once said, “You can't just stick with what you know, you have to evolve.” Hmph. This makes me think of another favorite quote: “…re-examine all you have been told in school or church or in any book and dismiss whatever insults your own soul.” Walt Whitman said that.

Canadian artist Sarah McLachlan once said, “Change and growth is so painful. But it's so necessary for us to evolve.” Change and growth can be painful. You cannot evolve without discomfort.

And, even though he moves in ways that earn him side-eye much of the time, Amazon executive Jeff Bezos once said, “What's dangerous is not to evolve.” And he’s right. Stagnation? There are few things that are more hazardous than that, chile.

And you know what? The cool thing about all of these statements about evolution is they are reminders that in order to evolve as a person, you must DO SOMETHING, and some of those things aren’t going to be easy. Know what else? To evolve is not some instantaneous thing. Remember, the definition of the word uses “gradual” and gradual means “taking place, changing, moving, etc., by small degrees or little by little.”

This speaks to having the mindset that setting short-term goals is a great form of evolution, taking baby steps is a great form of evolution, and committing to the fact that even if you don’t “sprint forward,” you will definitely not turn back — that is also a great form of evolution.

And when you do these things, consistently so, in time, without pressuring yourself or stressing yourself out, you will notice maturation, growth, results, progress, and personal transformation. PRESSURE DOESN’T DO THIS…CONSISTENCY DOES.

There’s one more thing that I want you to catch before closing this out…

Do Your Best in Your Steps…Then Wait to See How It All Turns Out

A word that I’m personally applying in 2025: RELAX.

I have a sweatshirt that salutes Whitley Gilbert and the saying that she actually got from her therapist, which was played by Debbie Allen: “Relax. Relate. Release.” One of my favorite verses in Scripture is the Message Version of Jude 1:2: “Relax, everything’s going to be all right; rest, everything’s coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!”

And, in the Book of the Bible one of my favorite characters in the Bible, Ruth, there is something that her mother-in-law Naomi says that fits in really well with all of this too: “Naomi said, ‘Sit back and relax, my dear daughter, until we find out how things turn out; this man isn’t going to waste any time. Mark my words, he’s going to get everything wrapped up today.’” (Ruth 3:18 — Message) This is what Naomi said after Ruth did all that she could to protect and provide for her and Naomi — after doing her part, Naomi instructed Ruth to RELAX and let Boaz do his part. And he did.

“Relax” is such a wonderful word because it means to be less tense, to loosen up, to stop worrying, to rest more, and to be open to making some modifications from time to time. Relaxation is calming. Relaxation helps you to be in the moment. Relaxation also helps you to be flexible and to adapt — and y’all, if you’re serious about evolving, you need all of that in your psyche to make that happen as well.

As I used to say fairly often: once all of the ingredients have been put into making chocolate chip cookies and you put them into the stove, like it or not, you’ve got to let the stove do its job. And y’all, like it or not, time plays a huge role in evolution — and so, once you’ve done your part and your best, the best thing that you can then do is relax: release who or what is hindering your evolution. Chill out, so that you can receive love from a healthier place.

And, as Bruce Lee once said, “Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle, and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

Do you see how evolution and relaxation are BFFs? Taking gradual steps (evolution) is a form of self-compassion (check out “12 Ways To Be Far More Self-Compassionate Every Day”) because it teaches you to be gentle, realistic, and patient with yourself while on your life’s road. Relaxation is a form of self-love because it reminds you to pause and refuel so that you can continue on your life’s journey. And both of them work together to remind you that, after doing your part, you need to allow other people, places, things, and ideas to come into play. Beautiful.

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And that is why, instead of driving yourself, unnecessarily up the wall with resolutions, I recommend just purposing in your mind, heart, and spirit to EVOLVE this year. If you take it seriously, if you do it daily, and you add some intentional and consistent relaxing along the way, by the end of this 2025 cycle…you may be mind-blown by how much you have grown…matured…blossomed. How much progress was made, how much you released, and what ended up materializing.

How much you absolutely did, in some ways, without even noticing it…EVOLVE.

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