I Was A Victim Of Sexual Harassment By My Professor
Back when I was 19 and a sophomore in college, I had a professor who was noticeably older but pretty cool. He was a White man, divorced with kids older than most of the class and so forth. He held his classroom very "community" style, with the students and professor all conversing and debating quite often.
I recall once after the semester had ended, my professor emailed me inviting me for a dinner at an Italian restaurant. He said that because I'd expressed so much interest in a book he'd written, he wanted to give me the official raw-manuscript (that's the version of a book before editors, publishers and publicist's get involved). And me being a nerd, I had some interest in retrieving this copy and comparing it to the original. Not to mention at the time, I also didn't know how to say "no" to a seemingly affluential adult.
Long story short, we met for said dinner and off rip, my professor extended the option of ordering my 19-year-old self alcohol on our date. I politely declined. He called me "baby" during dinner. He told me about a bizarre, fetishized bedroom story with him and a young woman from a foreign country. And in the end, he asked if I wanted to go home with him. Of course I said no. By the end of dinner, I couldn't have been anymore happy to hop in my car, drive home and avoid signing up for any of his courses ever again.
[easy-tweet tweet="I didn't know how to say "no" to a seemingly affluential adult."]
When I shared this story a couple years later with my senior class during a conversation on harassment and boundaries, a girl came up to me and asked if the professor I was referring was Professor John Doe. I hesitated before telling her yes, and she told me the same thing happened to her. Except only, he invited her directly to his home, offering her just drinks--no dinner--and his intentions being a little more clearer. When another professor at the time overheard me and my peer recapping the events, he encouraged that we go to the University's Dean and report this man.
However, I reported nothing.
And neither did she. This young woman and myself both felt that since we never actually slept with our professor, we couldn't figure out if what he'd done was actually legally wrong or just plain creepy.
My story is similar to an episode of Scandal from last season that was ripped right from the headlines and was a not-so-subtle portrayal of Hollywood's biggest real-life scandal of 2015: the Bill Cosby rape allegations. No stranger to incorporating news-trending topics that impact our community into her episodes, Shonda and the writers of the primetime drama mimicked the case against Bill Cosby and the 40+ women who claim that Cosby drugged and raped them over the last few decades.
At that point in the show, Olivia Pope & Co are hired by a woman and student of esteemed academic author and professor Frank Holland, who accuses Holland of drugging and raping her.
(Note: The actor who played "Frank Holland," is actually William Russ, who for years portrayed TV-dad "Alan Matthews" on Boys Meets World, a throwback family-programming classic. Casting coincidence? I think not.)
Either way, upon further investigation, it's discovered by Liv that Holland, a recent recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, has in fact actually raped dozens of women in his longstanding academic career; some of which who recall being drugged and raped by the professor as far back as two to three decades ago. The drug and method of choice for Holland is his use of prescription Oxycodone that he crushes up and places into an assortment of teas and wines that he offers up as refreshments to students. The medicine is specifically prescribed for his wife, who indirectly accomplices her husband in these rape crimes since Mrs. Holland is fully in the know of what her husband is doing. With what some may feel was a representation of Camille Cosby's firm stance in support of Bill, Mrs. Holland tells Olivia:
"I'm sorry Ms. Pope, but my husband is a legend and it is my job to protect his legacy."
With Olivia being aware that Holland's longstanding influence in society would make it easy for her one rape case to get swept under the rug, and due to the statute of limitations for the other women, she encourages the women to stage a quiet protest at Holland's next speaking engagement instead. The stand-in eerily resembled Cosby's accusers' New York Magazine Cover:
Upon watching the episode, I remember thinking that I hadn't seen that much of a headline-rip from Shonda since the chilling Ferguson episode.
As I share my own "Professor Holland" story I wonder how many other girls did my Professor John Doe invite to have drinks with him? And had he ever forced himself on anyone of them? I'll probably never know. But one thing is for sure, these things happen more often than many of us care to report. I knew better than to accept my professor's invitation to his house and so did my fellow peer. And although at the end of the day no victim is in the wrong for anything she did not consent to, until we live in a perfect world, us women must take precaution for the one we actually live in.
[easy-tweet tweet="As women we must take precaution for the world we live in."]
Have you ever been a victim of harassment in a academic setting or even a work space?
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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If you’re like many other people who are prioritizing wellness these days, then attending a wellness retreat might be something to consider. Wellness retreats are a cool way to get the relaxation you’ve been missing in a space with like-minded people who share a common goal. I descended upon my first wellness retreat, the Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat, a couple of weeks ago at the Zoëtry Agua Punta Cana Resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
Zoëtry Agua is part of the Inclusive Collection for the World of Hyatt. It is nestled on a secluded part of Uvero Alto beach, which has crystal blue waters. The resort itself is picturesque, with its thatched roofs and lazy rivers that make you feel like you’re in a cute little village.
Mindy, Body, + Sol Retreat was hosted by Koya Webb, holistic health and wellness coach and yoga instructor, and it also featured other wellness practitioners who combined provided the ultimate gift of relaxation and getting back to oneself.
The first night was a Welcome Dinner that featured a five-course meal and an opportunity to meet our companions for the next three days. The food was impeccable and the only downside was that I wasn’t able to finish it all. The next day, however, was the official start of the classes, and I was ready to dive in.
Aura and Chakra Reading
Aura and chakra reading
Photo courtesy
My first class was an aura and chakra reading led by Laura McCann and James Levinson, an Asheville, NC couple. I’ve had chakra readings before, but never like this. There was a computer, a camera, and a scanner, which I placed my hand on for the reading. After two minutes, I received a 15-page report explaining my aura and chakra reading.
It breaks down what the colors of your aura are and what your chakras say. My main colors were green and yellow, which were defined by a variety of things. The top of my aura was green, meaning I have a social mental state and I’m a natural healer. My aura on my left side was yellow meaning my energy flowing is optimistic and light and so on.
After James discussed the findings with me, I then met with Laura, who gave me aromatherapy oils from their ADORAtherapy line that represented each chakra. She further explained the results of my chakra reading and shared how each oil can assist. Chakras are the energy centers in our body, and there is a total of seven: root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and crown. All of my chakras were high except for my heart chakra, which I have since been working on. I may follow up about that in another article.
Sound Bath
Sound bath class
Photo courtesy
Next was the sound bath class. It was located in the spa, which was indoor/ outdoor and the perfect setting for this kind of experience. Andrew Francis and Carrie Bailey of Zenden Meditation were the co-pilots in transporting attendees into a place of tranquility. I laid down, closed my eyes, and allowed the sounds around me to bring me into a relaxing state. From the singing bowls to the wind chimes, I was in heaven. I even fell asleep and got some of the best rest I’ve had in a while. It was a beautiful experience. However, remember when I noted it was an indoor/ outdoor venue? I forgot to put on bug spray and woke up pretty itchy. But it didn’t stop me from enjoying the moment.
Tea Party
Art of Tea Ritual Tea Party
Photo courtesy
The last event of the day was the Art of Tea Ritual located in the resort’s tea garden. It was everything you could want in a tea party. Delectable treats such as cookies, cakes, and white chocolate-covered strawberries, which are my fave. And, of course, tea. While I got to sip tea, I also got to make my own tea blend. There were many different teas to choose from, like hibiscus to your regular black tea. I decided to mix rose and mint and I called it RoseMint. I didn’t get to try my tea blend until I got home, and I’ll be honest, it’s probably the best tea I ever had. The tea herbs taste so fresh, and I love how fragrant it smells.
Breathwork
Breathwork Class
Photo Courtesy
The next morning was all about breathwork. If you exercise regularly, then you probably know the importance of breathing. But there’s more to it besides remembering to breathe during your workout. Margaret Townsend is a breathwork facilitator who helps people achieve wellness by consciously changing their breathing patterns. In her class, I learned to change my breathing pattern for energy as well as for relaxation. While I know that breathing is a relaxation tool, I was blown away to learn that it can also energize you. Because it was a different breathing pattern, I was also able to stay present and keep a steady pace.
Yoga
Koya Webb's yoga class
Photo courtesy
The final class of the retreat was evening yoga with Koya Webb, who, as I mentioned earlier, was the host. Her class was held beside the beautiful Uvero Alto beach, which made for a stunning backdrop and the perfect way to end the retreat. It was important for me to get back into my body after not doing yoga for a few weeks, so I was really focused on nailing the moves. However, Koya kept the energy light and fun, evening cracking a few jokes throughout, which made it easy for me to relax and enjoy the moment. She ended the class with a dance break and hugs from our classmates.
The Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat reminded me how important it is to take time to love on myself. Each class was an opportunity to be present and get reacquainted with oneself in the most loving way. Being surrounded by individuals who encouraged my journey was what I needed, and I am so honored to have had this experience.
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