

'Tis the season for girls' trips, retreats, and summer vacations. However, some of us have learned an unfortunate and hard truth (and vice versa) -- you can't travel with everybody. Just because they're a good friend doesn't mean they'll be a good travel companion.
Through some of my adventures and experiences, I've learned that it's not a matter of who's right or wrong; rather, it's a matter of preference. As with most anything in life, people like what they like and they enjoy what they enjoy. However, a lot of conflicts or disagreements that surface during trips can easily be prevented or resolved beforehand by having an open and honest discussion.
So, before you book your next trip, use these questions as a guide to help you decide who will be your travel buddy.
1.Do you prefer an airplane, train ride, road trip, or cruise?
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The answer to this question will directly impact the type of trip that you'll plan. For example, as much as I love to travel and fly, I have no desire, whatsoever, to go on a cruise. I would rather fly and go as I please, instead of boarding a ship and spending the majority of my time on it. Hence, it's no surprise that when some of my friends plan their cruises, I am not invited…nor am I offended because that's not my preference.
2.What types of things do you like to do when you go on vacation?
This can vary depending on the trip (e.g., vacation, retreat, girls' trip, couple's trip, etc.). There are people who like to do as much as possible while vacationing, and there are others who like to use that time to stay in or relax no matter where they are. Then, there are those who enjoy a mixture – rest one day, explore another day, party another day. When traveling with other people, it's best to know upfront so you can plan the itinerary accordingly.
3.Do you prefer to stay at an Airbnb, a hotel, or a resort?
Additionally, you may need to ask: Inclusive or non-inclusive? Room service or self-serve? How many people are you willing to share a room or a space with?
Some people only need enough space to rest their heads at night whether that's a bed, a couch, or even a roll-out bed. So, for them, it doesn't matter as much where they'll stay. On the other hand, people like me, who can be a bit of a "hotel or location snob," will research thoroughly online before booking a place to stay.
Keep in mind the budget and the destination can impact your choice, and knowing it upfront can help narrow your search.
4.Do you have a passport?
If you're planning to travel internationally, but you or your travel buddies don't have a passport, then you'll need to allow enough time to order one.
5.How long is too long to be on a trip?
This can vary depending on: 1) the type of lodging that's chosen, 2) the total number of people, 3) as well as the people you decide to travel with. For some people, two to three days may be more than enough time to spend with a certain group of people, while five to seven days could be just enough before your patience starts to run out.
6.What is your budget for the trip – before and during the trip?
Although this shouldn't be considered an opportunity to meddle and find out how much money someone makes, it is important to determine if everyone has budgeted adequately for the trip. Make sure they've allotted enough for lodging, food/beverages (if non-inclusive), as well as possible extracurricular activities (e.g., shopping, excursions, tours, parties, etc.). While you may be willing to pay extra for a once-in-a-lifetime adventure or an excursion, someone else may be more interested in splurging on a spa day.
7.If flying, what airline do you prefer?
Depending on everyone's home base and departure location, you may not have as much flexibility when it comes to choosing a specific airline. Nevertheless, understand that some people won't mind choosing a cheaper airline for a shorter flight. Then, there are certain people who will pay more for their airfare to allow for more leg space, priority boarding, on-flight entertainment, Wi-Fi, or better snacks.
8.Planned itinerary or just wing it?
There are people who like to plan for everything, and there are those who prefer to play it by ear. Depending on the size of the group and everyone's preferences, a formalized agenda may make the most sense.
I remember when I created this elaborate agenda during a bachelorette trip to Vegas for at least 14 ladies. Although I may have included one too many activities and everyone was worn out by the end of it, the good thing about it was that the agenda helped keep us on track and on time, and everyone ended up doing a lot of things they had never done before.
9.Do you prefer to use rideshare, local transportation, or rent a car?
Depending on the destination, you'll need to determine if it makes sense to rent a car, or if certain rideshare services will even be available. If you decide to rent a car or use a ridesharing service, find out if the group is willing to pitch in and help, or if you'll need to consider another option to cover the expenses.
10.Is there anything that is completely off limits or anything that you absolutely must do while you’re on the trip?
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When someone ends up unhappy on a group trip, it's likely because they didn't get to do the one thing they wanted to do. Conversely, it could've been that they were forced to do something they never wanted to do in the first place.
So, when traveling with other people, it's important to be mindful of their desires and interests…not just yours. Of course, you can't please everyone, but by prioritizing what's most important, you can accommodate and adjust the itinerary accordingly especially if you're on a limited schedule.
For your next trip, I want #PositiveVibesOnly and positive energy for you and whoever you decide to travel with. So, depending on the outcome of the discussion, you may have to: 1) find a happy medium or a resolution that will cater to most of the group, 2) be willing to split up and do things in separate groups, or 3) exclude certain people from the trip.
Featured image by Getty Images
Originally published on July 16, 2019
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Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
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Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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These 5 Simple Words Changed My Dating Life & Made It Easier To Let Go Of The Wrong Men
Dating in 2025 often feels like meandering through an obscure tropical jungle: It can be beautiful, exciting, and daunting, yet nebulous when you’re in the thick of it. When we can’t see the forest for the trees, we often turn to our closest friends, doting family, and even nosy co-workers for advice. While others can undoubtedly imbue a much-needed fresh perspective, some of the best advice you’re searching for already lies within you.
My dating life has been a whirlwind to put it mildly, and each time I’d heard a questionable response or witnessed an eyebrow-raising action from a potential beau, I’d overanalyze for hours despite the illuminating tug in my spirit or pit of my stomach churning. And then I’d hold a conference call with my trusted friends just to convince myself of an alternative scenario, even though I’d already been supernaturally tipped off that he was not in alignment with me.
Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
As the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Ouch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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