

These Mindsets Are Keeping You Stunted In The Workplace
When it comes to success, sometimes we can be our own worst enemies. And nowhere does this ring truer than in the workplace.
With factors like impostor syndrome and self-doubt coming into play, it's easy to feel insecure about our roles in the companies we work for. As a result, we sometimes choose stagnation and making ourselves small as a means to feel safe and secure; not realizing that growth is right outside our comfort zones.
What we believe becomes our realities, and while you're busy allowing yourself to be led by limiting beliefs, your growth and your career will remain squarely in neutral. Subconsciously limiting your potential hinders your progress. Your boss's recognition? Your promotion? They are on the other side of a toxic mindset. Here are a few mindsets keeping you stunted in the workplace and affirming mindsets to replace them with.
“But I'm doing this already.”
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I can't tell you how many times I've rolled my eyes in the past because a manager's sense of urgency somehow became my emergency. The kicker would be that I felt like it was an urgent task that gave me deja vu vibes. In one way or another, the document that he/she asked for, the assignment that needed doing, or the report that needed filing was something I had done a week or so ago and I was too prideful to oblige. It'd get done, but with a whole lot of neck-rolling, teeth smacking, and side-eyeing and under-the-breath vent sessions -- on the low, of course.
Energy is everything and even though things would get done in the end, how I went about it was negative AF. So it'd be a wonder when that energy would return to me tenfold. Whether it be the rightfully passive aggressive nature of my then-employer, being overlooked for an opportunity or an unexpected layoff during a company merger. Suffice to say, the lesson is that having a can-do attitude (even when tasks feel redundant) is the difference between securing the next-level bag and staying at a plateau.
Replace it with: "I'm ready, competent and fully capable. I'll get on that right away."
“Well, this is how I usually/always do things.”
Playing it safe is the most slept-on way to stunt your growth. Be it your personal life or your work life, relying too heavily on old ways instead of rising to the occasion of taking on new challenges is counterproductive. Maybe you have to take on a new task that wasn't initially in your job description. Maybe your boss wants you to switch up the way you tackle filing or reports. Maybe she/he wants you to approach your cold calls in a seemingly new and improved way.
You could protest that it's not the way you've typically done things. You could even say that the way you've been doing things has worked so well, so why change them now? But, you would be wrong. What you might not even realize is that your negative mindset is working against you. You know what they say, the devil's in the details and if you want to succeed in life and in your career, view change as an opportunity to adapt and level up instead of as a hindrance.
Replace it with: "I welcome the growth potential of a new challenge."
“I don’t deserve to be here.”
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Sometimes it's not even a matter of feeling above doing day-to-day operational tasks, and instead is all about feeling inadequate in your position overall. A lot of us in the workplace channel this through minimizing ourselves within our performance, not speaking up during meetings, feeling an impending sense of doom that people will realize you don't know what the fuck you're doing.
You're there but you're not there and instead of owning the fact that you've rightfully aced your interview, got the job, and/or earned the promotion, you're left feeling like it's all a facade and you're a fraud. The latter is commonly known as impostor syndrome, something that an estimated 70 percent of Americans have reported experiencing.
In a 2018 interview with NBC News, psychologist Dr. Renee Carr attributed the phenomenon to individuals feeling "psychologically uncomfortable with acknowledging their role in their success" and that the discomfort is rooted in "pressures — from self or others — to achieve great success."
Minimizing yourself and diminishing your accomplishments to feelings of luck versus achievement is all too common in the workplace. Instead of asking "why me?" to your blessings, ask the Universe, "why not me?" Do your best to stop negative self-talk in their tracks and substitute feelings of undeservedness with worthiness.
Replace it with: "I am worthy and have earned my place here."
“I can’t.”
Lowkey, this goes hand-in-hand with the previous negative mindset. You can't? Why can't you? Oftentimes, when change comes up in our lives, the default response is to resist versus submit. And resistance doesn't just look like saying "no", most of the time resistance rears its ugly head in the form of self-defeat. You're assigned a new caseload or a new project and you doubt yourself from the jump by saying to yourself you can't because new challenges mean potentially leaving the secure space you've created in your comfort zone.
Whenever I feel overwhelmed because of tasks I haven't yet checked off my to-do list coupled by emails that seem to want my attention ASAP and then topped off by my boss needing me to put a last minute rundown of our analytics together, I want to succumb to "I can't" and throw in the towel. But I remember that I am a boss by playing my favorite track from The Carters', "NICE". The hook "I can do anything" is the ultimate mood and just the mantra needed to remind you of the fact that you're only as limited as your fear.
Replace it with: "I can do anything I put my mind to."
So, what do you say? Ready to kick some ass and take names by adopting these new mindsets?
Featured image by Getty Images
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Sabrina Dhowre Elba Admits To Not Initially Knowing Who Idris Elba Was When They Met
Model and entrepreneur Sabrina Elba recently recalled the intimate moments surrounding the fateful day she first encountered her husband, Idris Elba.
The couple, who have been together since 2017, met at a jazz bar in Vancouver when Idris was working on his film Mountain Between Us. Years later, in April 2019, following a whirlwind romance, Sabrina and Idris would tie the knot in Morocco.
Since then, the pair's love story has become "couple goals" among many for various reasons. The list includes the numerous times Sabrina and Idris have showcased their love on social media. Another factor contributing to the duo's likability is that Sabrina and Idris have displayed over the years that being with the right partner can elevate one's career or passion in life.
Sabrina and Idris have collaborated professionally in several businesses, including their Coupledom podcast and skincare brand S'Able Labs. In a June interview on Jemele Hill's Unbothered podcast, the 34-year-old opened up about the events leading up to when she met Idris and how she initially didn't know who he was.
Sabrina on Meeting Idris
Sabrina, who was living in Vancouver at the time, said that the same night Idris was in town, she went out to a jazz bar for an event called Slow Jam Sunday for a friend’s birthday.
Around that time, the model was getting over a breakup and claimed she wasn't interested in a relationship because of how badly her previous one ended. In a past interview, Idris revealed that he, too, just went through a breakup before meeting Sabrina.
"This is so funny. I [had] just gotten out of a really bad relationship, so I was not this person. I was like 'men are trash. They suck.' I'm literally ready to switch it on up or something because I was so over it," she said. "I come to this party with a night off at work that I prebooked because I was working literally every weekend. But it was my girlfriend's birthday party, so I was there kind of by chance."
Sabrina also revealed that, coincidently, the night she took off for her friend's birthday celebration was the same night Idris had the day off and was convinced by his stunt double to attend Slow Jam Sunday.
"Slow Jam Sundays is an amazing night in Vancouver. It's the one night I would probably go to, but you wouldn't see me out often because I was a weekend worker. I was working at restaurants and service industry, your weekends are taken up," she stated.
"Idris was filming this film in Vancouver and had one night off in Vancouver because most of it was filmed sort of up north in the mountains. His stunt double convinced him to go to Slow Jam Sundays. By chance, we were both there."
Further into the interview, Sabrina disclosed that her friend was interested in Idris at first and went to flirt with him. However, the Daddy's Little Girls star dismissed the friend's advances because Sabrina had caught his eye.
When Sabrina's friend informed her about what happened, she admitted that although she tried to put up a front for her friend's sake, the S'Able Labs CEO was happy because she thought he was also attractive. Following the discussion, Sabrina and her friend went to the section where Idris was, and the couple realized how much they had in common, from the music choices to their background.
"So I go over, and we have like one of those conversations that you just feel like you've known this person for ten years because we're singing the same songs. When a song comes on that I love, he's like, 'I love this song.' I'm like, 'what?' Like I just had this like cultural connection. He's African. I'm like,' Where are you from?'" she said.
Sabrina On Not Knowing Who Idris Was After Meeting Him
As the topic shifted to Idris' celebrity status, Sabrina explained that she didn't know who he was until after it was brought to her attention by a few people she met outside of the bar.
"When I went outside, I realized because there's a group of people there, they're like, 'Oh, you're talking to Idris Elba,'" she stated.
When asked about how well-known the actor was when they met, Sabrina shared that Idris was widely famous in America but not so much in Canada and that the one film she saw him in was the 2009 thriller Obsessed.
Sabrina would add that even after being told who Idris was, she couldn't recollect where she knew him from until her friends mentioned the movie.
"Well, so the film that I had seen was Obsessed... I feel Idris Elba now he gets recognized so much. In that moment, unless you were kind of in that zeitgeist, he was definitely a lot more popular in America," she said. "I don't think I would've known it even when they said that was him. I was trying to remember, like, my friends were like, 'yeah, he's from Obsessed.' We're like, 'Oh, yeah.'"
After figuring out who Idris was, Sabrina shared that when she re-entered the venue, she doubted a relationship would form between them given his occupation, the short timeline he would be there to shoot his movie, and the constant temptation that could flock around him due to his status. But despite Sabrina's uncertainty, they would exchange numbers before she left.
"So I went back inside, we started chatting some more, and he was like, 'Let me take your number.' I was like, 'Alright,' and then I left," she stated.
The model explained the reason why she left the event was that her friend, whose birthday she was celebrating, wanted to check out other spots. When the night was coming to an end, Sabrina hailed a taxi to go home when she received a phone call from Idris. The entrepreneur revealed that the Takers star stopped her from entering the cab and urged her to get in the car he was driving, and they spent the whole night talking until 8 a.m.
"I got in his car, and we spoke till like 8 a.m. easy. It was probably like 2 [a.m.] at that time. We just had the most intense, amazing conversation," she said. "It was the first time I ever connected with someone to the point where I was like, I went home the next day called my friends, I was like, 'I think I found my soulmate.'"
Sabrina revealed that from that fateful night, she and Idris became inseparable. The couple would be long-distance for a brief stint of their union until they acknowledged how difficult it was to maintain that type of relationship. Sabrina ultimately decided to move in with Idris although she was skeptical at first, she claimed it was one of the best decisions she's made because she found her "soulmate."
Sabrina Elba's First Night with Idris Elba Sounds Like a Romance Movie
Model and philanthropist Sabrina Elba joins Jemele to discuss her marriage to actor Idris Elba, and their heartwarming, love at first sight origin story.SUBS...Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Dave Benett/Getty Images for Space NK