So, here’s the deal: if you’re over the age of 35, perimenopause can last anywhere from a few months to an entire freakin’ decade. And so, if you’re wondering why I’m talking about menopause more often these days…now you know.
Okay and just what does perimenopause and especially menopause have to do with your skin? Chile, where do I even start? SMDH. Probably the easiest way to explain it is that when your estrogen and progesterone levels drop (which is what automatically happens during that time of life), it can directly impact how your skin both looks and feels. Your skin may feel drier, thinner, or appear less “full” (meaning plump) — and all of that can make it look older than you want it to.
Honestly, that’s why a lot of skincare products are marketed as being “anti-aging”; it’s their gentle way of saying skin that is perimenopausal or menopausal. In fact, I actually read that during the first five years of menopause, it’s pretty common to lose as much as 30 percent of the collagen that’s in your system (check out “We Lose Collagen As We Age. 10 Ways To Naturally Boost It.”). And since collagen plays such a significant role in your skin retaining moisture, having elasticity, and avoiding the fine lines and wrinkles that most of us would prefer to put off for as long as we possibly can, it’s important to do what can be done, even now, to keep a youthful and radiant glow.
So, let’s get into it. Because there is indeed such a thing as menopause skincare (the anti-aging industry brings in literally billions of dollars every year because of it), I want to share 12 things that you can proactively do to care for your own skin: whether you’re in perimenopause, menopause, post-menopause or just…curious.
1. Eat More Phytoestrogens
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Okay, so since you lose quite a bit of estrogen during menopause, if you don’t want your skin to look like you did, you should consider consuming some phytoestrogens. Those are foods like dried fruits, garlic, plums, pears, apples, onions, and collards that come from plant-based estrogen. Since phytoestrogens are able to do everything from bring more hydration into your skin to boost your collagen levels, if you want to “push pause” on the aging process of your skin from the inside out, eating phytoestrogens is certainly one way to do it.
2. Also, Consume More Collagen-Enriched Foods
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We already touched on what collagen is able to do, which is why it’s a good idea to eat foods that are rich in this particular structural protein as well. Chicken, broccoli, bone broth, berries, cashews, egg whites, and citrus fruit can get you right in this department. Know what else can? Green tea.
3. Enjoy Some Dark Chocolate
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Women who are postmenopausal should consume dark chocolate on a consistent basis because it helps with their heart health. Something else that research reveals is dark chocolate is great when it comes to boosting cognitive function (which can also decline during menopause when it comes to your memory). Your skin could use dark chocolate because it increases blood circulation to it. Also, dark chocolate can protect your skin from damaging UV rays. And since dark chocolate helps to reduce stress, that is just one more reason to snack on it — and perhaps why you should consider applying a dark chocolate face mask a couple of times a month, too (you can check out some more info via StyleCraze on all of that here).
By the way, it should go on record that the key is not to pick up a Hershey’s bar on your way home. You need to eat the kind of dark chocolate that contains no less than 65-70 percent cocoa. Yep, the less sweet and more chalk-like it tastes, the better (just sayin’).
4. Put Aloe Vera Juice in Your Drinks
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The antibacterial, antioxidant, and anti-inflammatory properties in (pure) aloe vera juice can do wonders for your system. Not only is it full of antioxidants and vitamin C, but aloe vera juice can also help to improve digestion, regulate your blood sugar levels, improve your oral health, soothe heartburn, and keep your vision healthy and strong. As far as your skin goes, aloe vera juice will definitely help it to maintain a proper level of moisture. As a bonus, it can also help to increase collagen production and improve elasticity in your skin.
Oh, if the thought of drinking aloe vera juice straight makes you slightly want to throw up in your mouth, take it from me that if you put a tablespoon in your juice or smoothie, you will hardly even notice that it’s there.
5. Up Your Water Intake
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Our bodies are made up of mostly water; so, of course, we need it. How much? For regular maintenance purposes, many health experts say that we, as women, can benefit from nine cups a day. If you want to shed a few pounds, 1-2 liters are recommended. And when it comes to dealing with menopause, in general, and avoiding dry skin that comes from it, at least do the bare minimum (although adding a couple of glasses of water to that would be ideal). The bottom line here is hydrate, hydrate, HYDRATE. If you want to get a leg up on menopausal skin, that’s gonna be how you do it best.
6. Take a Probiotic
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You’re gonna be hard-pressed to read something on gut health and not see a probiotic mentioned (check out “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.”). That’s because there is plenty of data out here to support that taking a probiotic can do wonders for keeping your intestinal health in great condition. Your skin will thrive off of a probiotic because, not only is it proven to decrease the amount of water that your skin loses, but it also helps to improve the quality of your skin too.
7. “Seal Your Skin” with Marula Oil
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If you want your skin to look as young as it possibly can, it’s always a good idea to look for products that contain a lot of antioxidants, essential fatty acids, and amino acids; one of those is marula oil (which is an oil that comes from marula fruit). In fact, one of the reasons why it gets a shout-out here is a lot of skincare experts recommend that you use it to “seal in moisture.” And since that is a great way to keep water in your skin (for longer) after taking a shower or bath, if you’re looking for the perfect oil to keep your skin feeling super soft and hydrated, hours after washing up, marula oil is one to keep in mind (plum oil is pretty bomb too, by the way).
8. Hyaluronic Acid Is Your Friend
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Over the past several months, something that I’ve been becoming more and more of a fan of is hyaluronic acid (check out “Why Your Skin, Hair, And Nails Need Hyaluronic Acid Like...Yesterday”). As far as menopause goes, it can actually help to naturally treat vaginal atrophy in postmenopausal women. Also, when it comes to your skin, since it actually has the ability to make it more flexible — well, that can make fine lines and wrinkles less of a visible issue.
9. Do Chemical Peels
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Last fall, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “I've Been Doing At-Home Chemical Peels. Here Are The Pros And Cons.” I did it because, ever since I started doing chemical peels, I’ve started to see a nice shift in both the appearance as well as the texture of my skin. Anyway, since fine lines and acne are two things that oftentimes come with menopausal skin (more on pimples in a bit), and that is just what chemical peels help to treat, applying them on a consistent basis could be a wise move. You can get a potent chemical peel from a skin professional, or you can do what I do and go the lighter route at home. I’ve had no regrets (other than not fully following the directions and getting a mild chemical burn on my face once in the beginning) since doing so.
10. Try CeraVe (No Joke)
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I can’t remember the last time that I watched television, and a doggone CeraVe commercial didn't come on at some point. Personally, I’ve never used any of the products before — I might consider it now, though. Apparently, “the ceramides in CeraVe” are exactly what our skin is longing for during perimenopause and menopause. Long story short, ceramides are the fats that are in our skin cells; they actually make up around 30-40 percent of the outer layers of our skin. And since you not only lose quite a bit of ceramides during menopause, their structure tends to change too — next time you’re at the store, picking up a CeraVe moisturizer certainly couldn’t hurt.
11. Do Research on “Menopausal Acne”
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It’s like it never ends. Lawd. Okay, so why in the world, would we as grown-ass women, end up with acne? The bottom line here is just like hormonal fluctuations can trigger breakouts in teenagers, pretty much the same thing can happen to us during perimenopause and menopause. From what I’ve read and researched, as far as how to treat it, you can do similar things that you did as an adolescent (if acne was an issue), including applying benzoyl peroxide and topical retinoids. Although, if you’ve never been to a dermatologist before, this may be the time to do it. They may be able to customize a skincare regimen that can make getting through this season of acne a lot easier for you.
12. Don’t Forget About Sunscreen
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Even though we’re more melanated than any other demographic (and I love that for us!), it is ridiculous to think that skin cancer cares about that. Know what else some of us need to let go of? The belief is that we only need protection from the sun during the summer months. Listen, so long as the sun is shining, rays are beaming, and they can ultimately damage our skin (even in the wintertime). And since menopause makes skin thinner, which ultimately means that it’s more vulnerable, you definitely need to make sunscreen a part of your daily skincare routine, now more than ever. You can check out a list of some of the best sunscreens for our complexion(s) here.
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Menopause skin prep. Chile, you ain’t gotta tell me — I’m right there with you, somewhere in perimenopause. Hopefully, this intel will make shifting into the transition easier to bear…so that “Black not cracking” can remain intact. Even during the seasons of (perimenopause) and menopause.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And honestly, the holiday season isn’t exempt from this. I know from personal experience because, as someone who hasn’t observed any for many years now (without one regret), you’d be amazed by all of the theories that I’ve heard as to why that is the case. SMDH.
Chile, you don’t have the time and I don’t have the space to get into all of that nonsense. For now, I just want to provide a silver lining from my having to endure other people’s yapping by letting those of you who may not be super enthusiastic about the holidays this year (or any year) either that there is nothing wrong with that — or with you.
I’ll break down why and how I’ve come to that conclusion.
Not Being “on-10” Doesn’t Make You a Grinch
GiphyHonestly, I have some pretty solid memories about Christmastime. Because my mother grew up with an alcoholic father (and supreme spiritual hypocrite), she was very emotionally tied to the holiday because it was the only time that she recalled having real peace in her home. And so, we did the Christmas thing, pretty much to the hilt — fresh Christmas trees, baking Christmas-themed desserts, watching holiday movies, going caroling, stringing popcorn…you name it.
It wasn’t until I became an adult and I started doing research on the origin stories of holidays (check out “The History of Christmas” if you don’t already know about it), in general, that I became more and more detached. Plus, as a seventh-day Sabbath observer (Exodus 20:8-11, Hebrews 4, Matthew 28:1) — every Friday sunset through Saturday sunset was like a holiday in certain ways to me, so I never really “lived” for traditional calendar ones.
That doesn’t mean that I am all "Bah humbug" to folks who are totally into the holiday, though. For instance, my godchildren’s father acts like Christmas is a drug for him and so anything Christmas-like that he can think of is his fix. And although the girls (6 and 14) know that I don’t observe, I am good for getting them a “cold weather present” usually around the time the temps drop (in October) instead of an actual Christmas gift. And although I usually pass on hanging out with folks on Christmas Day, I’ll help bake a cookie or two in the days leading up to it.
So yeah, the first thing that folks who are pretty “meh” about Christmas need to be reminded of is that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make you a Grinch. If you recall the Grinch’s story, he did have some trauma and so he took it out on Christmas. Meanwhile, most of us who can take or leave the holidays, we aren’t “mad”…we’re just…for the most part…disinterested. The rest of y’all “do you,” though. And we mean that sincerely.
Not Being Thrilled Doesn’t Mean That You’re Depressed Either
GiphyI’ve shared before that there is someone in my world who gets so excited about Christmas that I almost want to see if there is a disorder linked to it. LOL. I mean from the start of October on, you are going to hear about her Christmas plans, plus, you are going to start seeing holiday décor up in her house — and she’s always been that way.
Because she knows that “I’m good” on Christmas, there have been times when she’s asked me if it’s because my parents divorced when I was young or if it’s because my family lives overseas or if it’s because I am not married and never had children. Shellie, you’re way too excited for your birthday for you to just…not care about Christmas. I think you might be suppressing something.
Good lord, girl. LOL. I’m excited for birthdays because another year of life in my right mind is a blessing. Christmas, personally, doesn’t make a ton of sense to me (especially to be spending a lot of cents) and so, I’ll pass. It’s really not any deeper than that. Besides, it’s not like I’m sitting in the dark somewhere on Christmas Day rocking back and forth in a corner. If anything, I really appreciate how quiet the world seems to be (both online and off) while everyone else is doing their thing. THANK YOU.
So yeah, if Christmas — or the holiday season, period — doesn’t have you jumping up and down, don’t let other people’s enthusiasm gaslight you into thinking that you should see a therapist. That said, for the record, if someone has mentioned depression to you, here are some signs that mental health professionals say are associated with holiday-related depression:
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Trouble sleeping
- Anxiety
- Tension
- Internalized frustration
- Feeling lonely and isolated
- Not doing any of the things that you typically enjoy
Do you see not wanting to go to a holiday party, opting out of Christmas shopping with a bunch of friends or preferring to not have any Christmas decorations up in your house on the list? Yeah, me neither. Moral to the story: Please don’t let people get you down by trying to manipulate you into thinking that if you aren’t like them, something must be wrong with you. During the holiday seasons or otherwise, chile.
Use This Time (Unapologetically) for Yourself
GiphyRemember how I just said that one of the things I damn near adore about Christmas is, since everyone is focused on their own families, I can get some real quality time to myself? Although a lot of things are closed on Christmas Day, you can still order a favorite meal the day before, turn off your phone and sleep in on Christmas Day and, if you want to get out and about — I don’t know about y’all but one of my favorite things is to go to the movies alone and movie theaters are always open on Christmas.
You know, I’ve shared before that I once interviewed a Jewish woman who was married to a Christian man. Together, they observe Chrismukkah and there is something that she said about it that has always stayed with me (paraphrased): “I don’t believe in Christmas but anything that can bring peace, joy and goodwill to humanity, even for a day, that is something that I can get behind.” I agree. And sometimes, what we need to remind ourselves is we need to set aside time to bring peace, joy and goodwill to ourselves. Use the holiday season to do that, if nothing else. You won’t regret it.
Do Private Things More than Public Ones
GiphyEven beyond Christmas, specifically, what if the entire holiday season is something that you’re pretty ho-hum about because things like mall traffic, stressed out relatives and the busyness of it all aren’t your favorite things? My two cents would be to not put your head under the covers and just wait for January 2 to arrive. Instead, opt out of big celebrations and do “calmer and quieter” things with some of your favorite people.
Since pretty much from a couple of days before Christmas until kids go back to school, folks are not on their “usual schedule,” go to brunch with your favorite aunt (or uncle), host a sleepover with a couple of girlfriends and/or Zoom one of your buddies to create vision boards for the new year.
Listen, just because you may not be in the traditional holiday spirit, that doesn’t mean that you can’t take advantage of the time that it offers for you to do some quality things with people you care about. Just you and them. No one else.
Create Your Own Traditions
GiphyNot into the 12 Days of Christmas? Pamper yourself for the week leading into the New Year. Don’t want a Christmas tree? Have some roses or poinsettias sent to your house. Couldn’t care less about a ball dropping on New Year’s Eve? Rent out a huge Airbnb New Year’s Eve and enjoy a change of scenery.
Y’all, just because the holiday season comes with its own traditions, there is no written rule which says that you have to follow them — or that you can’t come up with some of your own. Hell, if you put enough thought into this tip, you might look up and realize that you absolutely adore this time of year — just for a totally different set of reasons than most. Beautiful.
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