Mariah The Scientist's "From A Woman," Ice Spice's "Pretty Girl," & Other Singles To Have In Rotation Now
The music of this week has continued the trend of artists harmonizing about love and the various stages of their respective relationships. Songs like Jamila Woods' "Practice" and "Closer to God" depict the divine and human love growing together. While "What Now" and Offset's "WORTH IT," depict romantic partnerships navigating difficult terrain.
Some songs, like "SAY MY GRACE" and "Capable of Love," express a yearning for the past, while others, like "From A Woman" and "From A Man," were written with love in mind. This week's music proves that stunning innovation will always be inspired by human connection, regardless of whether those relationships are beneficial or not.
"What Now" - Brittany Howard
It's been eight years since the Alabama Shakes came out with an album. And in those eight years, I understand why their hiatus may be indefinite, though, it doesn't mean I have to like it. What I do have to like, or better yet, what I can't help but like, is the very thing that made Alabama Shakes so damn good: Brittany Howard.
Howard sings about a succession of relationship problems and a reluctance to apologize in her newest single as a solo artist, which also serves as an announcement for her upcoming album. These tremors might be the beginning of an irreversible split.
She doesn't intend to argue with her boyfriend, but she has grown weary of speculating about what greater fulfillment could be waiting on the other side. In the end, she isn't sorry and doesn't know where the relationship will end up now. Howard delivers a strong, soulful vocal performance over a tight, funky beat. With some blues, it sounds like a tune from the late 1980s or early 1990s and is perfect for the chill autumn vibe.
"From A Woman" - Mariah the Scientist
Atlanta singer-songwriter Mariah the Scientist's 2023 track "From A Woman" is thought to be a "female" rendition of her partner Young Thug's song "From A Man." In the song, Mariah sings about finding someone she can depend on and have complete faith in. At times addressing Young Thug directly, Mariah the Scientist fluidly changes her vocal range from a light timbre to a clean falsetto to showcase the winding route that love has led her down and the ecstatic joy that someone has when they realize they have found love after never having believed in its existence.
This fall, "From A Woman" is a sweet ballad that belongs on every playlist. And it is another reason to wonder why more listeners haven't already flocked to the R&B singer.
"From A Man" - Young Thug
Young Thug has been releasing music steadily since May 2022 while being detained in Atlanta on a number of RICO-related allegations. His most recent song, "From A Man," which was posted online about a year ago, discusses Thug's accomplishments and many awards while he demands the respect he feels he is due. Despite what his detractors may think, he concludes the song by saying that his financial success has only given him advantageous circumstances and doesn't seem to be ending soon. This song is characteristic of Young Thug in that it offers both praise and criticism. If you're a huge fan of Young Thug, you'll like listening to it. He continues to employ the same auto-tuned falsetto, ATL trap rhythms, and mumbled words as before.
Although the song is named after and romantically associated with Mariah the Scientist's track "For A Man," there is no obvious connection between the two songs. The only reason these tracks make sense as a pair is so that Mariah the Scientist may promote both singles while Young Thug is still awaiting trial and perhaps to draw in more listeners to the R&B artist. Sadly, it appears that this single will receive more accolades than the one that is actually deserving of it.
"WORTH IT" - Offset & Don Toliver
Offset doesn't have the biggest fan in me, but over the past few months, I'm beginning to change my mind. Since its announcement, many fans have been anticipating the release of the brand-new album Set It Off, especially after all Offset has experienced in the past several months, from his conflict with former group member, Quavo, to the passing of the beloved Takeoff. On September 30, 2023, Offset's SET IT OFF album listening party in Paris, France, featured a live performance of this suave Offset and Don Toliver duet.
Now, with the depiction of the suffering that comes with love, over some gentle guitar chords, it is clear why this has become a popular song since the album's release. As Don sings about a special woman who is aggressively shattering his heart, listeners receive subdued notes that Toliver glides on with strong, crisp vocals. Meanwhile, Offset flows over the verses in a concentrated and purposeful manner that isn't always associated with the rapper. With this unexpected duo, this will be the ideal song to add to your autumn playlist.
"Closer To God" - Diddy ft. Teyana Taylor
With their most recent song, Teyana Taylor and Diddy bring us "Closer to God" as she briefly comes out of retirement. Displaying unbelievable vocal skills, Taylor sings about how being with her love makes her feel closer to God. Taylor, who calls the song a "message of love," also directs the music video, which illustrates the spiritual trip she underwent in the process of collaborating with Diddy on the track. The video conveys the profound emotion of feeling divinely linked while in the midst of real love.
According to Taylor the song is meant to depict the enchantment of meeting someone who draws you nearer to the sacred, together with genuine emotion and vulnerability. The song is goooood, and it makes us all wish Taylor was still recording music. It also makes us appreciate Diddy while he continues to produce.
"Practice" - Jamila Woods ft. Saba
Although the video is entertaining and attractive, I'm not a great fan of how the concept for the video was carried out, but it's fun, and the music deserves praise. The last lead song from Jamila Woods' album Water Made Us, "Practice," includes a verse from Chicago collaborator Saba. The message of the song, according to Woods, is that we don't have to "get everything right" or "have everything together" to just enjoy ourselves and be in the moment with someone. With her comments, Woods extols the virtues of the relationship that blossoms slowly and without undue stress.
Woods says of the song, "I was trying to shift how I often evaluate relationships based on their potential for longevity rather than how I feel in the moment." The song is endearing, sweet, and has a nice melody. It would make a lovely anthem for this season of romance and stillness.
The song's title, "Practice," interpolates the words "We're talkin' bout practice, talkin' about," which the legendary Sixer Allen Iverson repeated 22 times in a news conference in 2002, further adding to its charm.
"TK421" - Lenny Kravitz
You would be doing yourself a disservice if you listened to this song without watching the accompanying video. Lenny Kravitz makes an appearance to rip through his most recent hit, "TK421," in his customary ageless style. Even though I am unclear of the song's specific title, Star Wars is probably the best guess; it doesn't matter since it is a thirst trap unlike any other. A Prince-coded funk-rock tune, this new track is taken from his forthcoming album Blue Electric Light, which is set to release next March.
In this video, Kravitz goes through his morning routine, dancing naked throughout the house, smoking in a towel, and swaying in leather jeans as he sings in the bathtub. The song is fun and reminiscent of the time when Kravitz used to control all of our playlists.
"Capable of Love" - PinkPanthress
I was vocal in my "Why?" when PinkPanthress announced the release of another song. This isn't meant as a critique of the artist because I like her singles. I did, however, start to wonder why she had been in such a hurry. This pondering lasted for only a few minutes because PinkPanthress revealed the release date of her first album, Heaven Knows (November 10), within the same hour. She makes every second count in the record's newest single, "Capable of Love," which clocks in at just under four minutes.
In the film, PinkPanthress makes her way across a field carrying a suitcase while singing. There, she discovers a huge hole in the ground and utilizes it as a means of release, throwing an old phone, scribbled notes, and abandoned possessions into the gloom, only to later follow its destruction through a portal. The song is catchy, as all PinkPanthress songs are, and is fun and energetic as its synthetic rhythms force you to dance along.
"Pretty Girl" - Ice Spice & Rema
Today, an Afrobeats single featuring Ice Spice and Nigerian singer Rema will be released. In the Bronx drill scene, Ice Spice is a budding talent. The song, which celebrates her Nigerian background, expresses optimism that if you give someone the chance to win your heart, they won't break it. Ice Spice promises to treat Rema kindly and to make sure he remains her first priority after hearing his request.
This song is perfect since it captures both the summertime exuberance and the serene mood that allows it to be played at any time. If the song succeeds, it will be the Bronx drill rapper's sixth number-one hit on the charts. After his Selena Gomez's "Calm Down" remix rocked the summer, Rema will soon have his second smash.
"SAY MY GRACE" - Offset ft. Travis Scott
Offset returned to the top with yet another hit after the release of an album, official video, and lyric video. The trap, drill-like sound in this song gives it the same usual ATL rap vibe as before. Offset and Travis Scott, longtime friends and regular collaborators, reunite on the hotly anticipated single "SAY MY GRACE."
Offset and Travis Scott, two of Takeoff's closest friends and collaborators, are still deeply affected by his passing. Offset makes mention of Takeoff's death and that of his grandma in the opening verse.
He is seeking solutions that will probably never materialize, and knowing this, he just returns to doing what he knows, which is saying his grace. Travis Scott addresses his sorrow for Takeoff's murder in his guest verse as well. In the end, the song is a good dedication to the loss Offset has experienced in the last year and the various ways he has learned to cope with it.
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Featured image via Ice Spice/YouTube
Taysha Robinson is a writer and high school English teacher, based in metro-Atlanta. A self described philomath, you can find her reading books and articles of every genre, attending educational conferences, and hiking wherever the terrain will allow.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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