If Bossing Up Was A Person: Why Teyana Taylor Is A Force Every Black Creative Should Take A Nod From
Teyana Taylor is no stranger to the hustle and grind of treading through the hills and valleys of a career in entertainment. Since the early 2000s (whoa, crazy typing that) I've been a huge fan of what she's always brought to the table, especially representing Harlem, a borough I hold dear to my heart from early childhood memories of spending summers there.
With her unique style, powerful presence, and bold way of approaching anything she does, no one can deny that Taylor ain't nothing to play with.
Her recent collab with Jordan---an Air Jordan 1 Zoom CMFT 2 “A Rose From Harlem” sneaker---broke records and sold out within minutes of its June 1st release. She also directed a fairytale-inspired video, giving a nod to Bridgerton, Cinderella, and Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing for the launch, co-starring her daughters, Junie and Rue Rose, Philadelphia Eagles' Jalen Hurts, and DJ Khaled, and featuring cameos from hip-hop stars Maino, Fabolous, and Remy Ma.
Brian Ach / Contributor
She's proven her creative tenacity, talent, and wit time and time again, from her early 2000s self-affirming anthem, "Google Me," to landing deals with music labels including Pharell's Star Trak and Kanye's G.O.O.D. Music, to her iconic Internet-breaking role in Kanye West's "Fade" video, to dominating stages giving sultry, authentic, and rousing within rock, hip-hop, soul, and funk-infused experiences for fans. (You really can't just call her shows "concerts" because Ms. Teyana is truly a divine performer who offers her all from the soul and gut.)
Many of us who have been following her journey are well aware of the chart-topping albums filled with collabs with legends including Lauryn Hill and Erykah Badu, and her stand-out supporting roles in comic cult classics. I mean, let's really put some respect on her fabulous portrayal of Bopoto Izzi---a reimagining of the '80s classic Imani Izzi character played by Black Hollywood royalty Vanessa Bell Calloway---in the 2021 sequel, Coming 2 America, which came in at No. 1 in streams its opening weekend. Or how about the $25 million hitMadea's Big Happy Family that wouldn't have been the same without the unforgettable, "Byyyyyyroooonnnn!.
And let's not forget how she always un-alives the game with any fashion runway or brand collaboration she touches. From the Met Gala to global fashion weeks, she always adds a touch of glamourous urban spin to haute couture, representing all that is multifaceted and golden about being a Black woman.
Mike Coppola / Staff/Getty
Confidence And Resilience Leading To Longevity And Growth
After more than a decade, the wife and mother of two has faced her fair share of challenges, snubs, and obstacles in her music and film career. There were those infamous reports of the online feud with Rihanna and the subsequent news of Adidas dropping her from a sneaker deal back in 2013. There was also her public acknowledgement of the impact of career disappointments when, citing feelings of being "unappreciated," she announced her retirement from music in 2020.
She reemerged on stages in 2021 with "The Last Rose Petal" tour and in 2022 with "The Last Rose Petal 2" run. The shows sold out and Janet Jackson surprised her with an appearance at the London stop.
Taylor also shifted to honing her acting craft and working on other creative projects after giving music a break."When I retired, I really wanted to focus on directing and acting, so this is the first project that I did since stepping into that world, " she told Elleof her renewed focus and work with A Thousand And One.
Prince Williams / Contributor/Getty Images
She's clearly pushed through, not letting anything or anyone stop her from thriving in the journey, setting her career goals, being intentional, and making her business dreams a reality. The results of that are as clear as day: her work via The Aunties production team, the recent collab with Jordan (a brand that has reportedly earned Nike $19 billion by the way), her recent creative direction gigs with top artists including Latto, Summer Walker, and Lola Brooke, and her recent breakout role in a Sundance grand jury prize-wowing film helmed by two powerful Black women (A.V. Rockwell as writer and director, and Lena Waithe as co-producer), and the continued slaying of red carpets prove that she's in it to win it.
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Featured image by Taylor Hill / Contributor/Getty Images
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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'Love Is Blind' Star AD Smith Shows Us That The Journey To Self-Worth Is Ongoing And She Shouldn't Be Criticized For It
This season of Love Is Blind was undeniably a rollercoaster ride of emotions. From intricate love triangles to deeply rooted attachment issues, it offered viewers a compelling glimpse into the complexities of modern relationships.
Yet, amidst the drama and romance, I think it serves as a poignant reminder of how we can possess a keen awareness of our relationship patterns; we can even find ourselves in therapy for years yet find ourselves repeatedly entangled in the same destructive cycles. Without the necessary tools and strategies to dismantle old habits and embrace healthier alternatives, we are destined to remain ensnared in a cycle of repetition and stagnation.
Amber Desiree “AD” Smith was left shocked and confused at the altar when her fiancé, Clay Gravesande, ultimately decided not to go through with the wedding ceremony. His actions throughout the season consistently indicated hesitancy towards commitment despite initially expressing readiness for a long-term relationship when he and AD first connected in the pods.
Throughout the season, Clay's journey revealed layers of immaturity stemming from childhood wounds caused by generational trauma, along with a clear unpreparedness for a healthy relationship. His relationship with AD began on shaky ground when he hesitated to commit without knowing her appearance first.
@netflix.reality.clips Clay and AD in the pods #clayloveisblind #ADloveisblind #loveisblindseason6 #libs6 #dating show
Despite AD's initial surprise, she decided to give Clay a chance, continuing their relationship. However, this initial compromise led to recurring issues, such as Clay's insensitive comments about potential weight gain and his insistence that AD join a gym if she were to gain weight in the future.
Despite these challenges, Clay and AD left the pods engaged with a road ahead of them of ongoing struggles in the real world. Clay and AD's relationship seemed shallow, mainly revolving around superficial interactions reminiscent of casual social media banter. Clay's fixation on physical appearance and fear of commitment clashed with AD's idealized vision of their relationship, blinding her from facing the reality of who Clay truly was.
Clay often centered conversations around himself, indicating a deep need for validation, which AD eagerly provided. From my point of view, this mutual reinforcement bolstered Clay's ego while fulfilling AD's need for validation in return.
Throughout season 6, Clay grappled with committing to a single partner, influenced by his upbringing witnessing his father's multiple relationships and extramarital affairs. The absence of healthy marriage examples shaped his perception of relationships. Despite these challenges, AD remained steadfast in her support, demonstrating a willingness to confront and overcome obstacles with Clay, given her upbringing in a household where her father was absent, an attachment wound that she has gained awareness about in therapy.
In the season finale, AD's excitement turned to confusion when Clay unexpectedly responded with "I don't" after her "I do." Clay's decision wasn't about AD's worth but stemmed from his own lack of emotional maturity and focus on superficial traits like physical appearance and achievement.
@stephmoneymonster Justice for AD #loveisblind #loveisblindseason6 #fpy #viralvideo #foryoupage #single #dating
Despite Clay's repeated expressions of self-doubt throughout the season, AD was visibly taken aback, holding onto the hope that he would change. AD's desire to be with Clay overshadowed her ability to discern if he was the right guy for her. Throughout the season, she found herself caught up in a fantasy of who she wanted Clay to be and the idea of being married to him. Clay's repeated statements about how AD made him a better man and how he wanted to change for her likely boosted her ego.
Many of us can relate to AD's struggle; grappling with feelings of unworthiness due to childhood trauma and abandonment often traps us in cycles that reinforce our deepest fears.
At the altar, AD was left devastated, questioning her worthiness and desirability. However, it’s not that AD isn’t worthy; she’s just stuck in a pattern of choosing emotionally unavailable partners, reminiscent of her father. Though she desires a different outcome, she finds herself unable to connect with a man who is emotionally present, reflecting her own emotional unavailability.
In our society, there's a common expectation for women to take on the role of nurturing and guiding men, often justified by the belief that “boys will be boys.” Like most women, AD frequently excuses Clay's behavior and does much of the emotional work in their relationship.
Deep down, AD likely felt the need to show unwavering support to Clay, hoping to secure his commitment by accommodating his flaws. For AD, love has become synonymous with earning someone's affection, a belief she reinforced by investing her heart in Clay, hoping to prove her worth to him. Yet, in doing so, she unwittingly perpetuated her own cycle of dysfunction.
AD's journey highlights the importance of being discerning in relationships, distinguishing between genuine compatibility, and settling for something less (the "right" from the "kinda sorta right"). Unfortunately, she lacked the tools to see Clay clearly, especially when dealing with her own attachment issues. Relying solely on physical attraction can be risky, as it often leads to repeating old patterns, with judgment clouded by the intensity of emotions.
Netflix Love Is Blind season 6 Clay and AD/ Screenshot
Engaging in inner work through therapy is undoubtedly a crucial step toward personal growth and healing, but it doesn’t fix us. It provides us with the opportunity to delve into our past traumas, confront deep-seated insecurities, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. However, despite the insights gained and the progress made within the therapeutic setting, applying this newfound self-awareness to real-life situations, especially in the realm of romantic relationships, can be challenging.
For someone like AD, the journey towards self-discovery is ongoing. I love the way Yung Pueblo puts it: “If the pain was deep, you will have to let it go many times.” While therapy equips her with valuable tools for introspection and self-reflection, it doesn't necessarily guarantee an immediate transformation in her dating behavior or decision-making process because she needs to grieve what she didn’t get from her father and create a new identity for herself.
One of the biggest reasons for this disparity between inner work and practical application lies in the complexity of human emotions and behavior.
Despite understanding the root causes of her attachment issues, AD found herself still drawn to partners who perpetuate these dynamics. This phenomenon often occurs because our emotional responses are deeply ingrained and may override rational thought processes, particularly when it pertains to matters of the heart.
'Love Is Blind' Season 6 Finale AD and Clay's Wedding/ Screenshot
Furthermore, the dynamics of therapy sessions differ vastly from real-life interactions and relationships. In therapy, individuals are in a controlled environment where they can explore their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. However, the unpredictability and vulnerability inherent in dating can trigger old wounds and defense mechanisms, making it challenging to maintain the same level of self-awareness and emotional regulation.
Moreover, societal expectations and cultural norms can exert significant pressure on individuals like AD, influencing their perceptions of what constitutes a successful relationship. The desire for validation, societal approval, or the fear of being alone may cloud judgment and lead to compromising on core values or overlooking red flags.
So, how can we bridge the gap between inner work and practical application in our own dating lives?
Firstly, it's essential to acknowledge that growth is a gradual process and setbacks are inevitable. Instead of expecting instant results, we can practice self-compassion and patience while holding ourselves accountable.
Additionally, we can also work on slowing down, setting boundaries, and practicing assertiveness in our interactions with potential partners. Start getting to know people from the inside out. Not just by what they say but by what they do. These two things should always walk hand in hand.
By clearly communicating our needs and values and slowing down on physical intimacy, we can better discern whether a relationship aligns with our values.
Furthermore, seeking support from wise counsel (trusted friends and family), mentors, or even continuing therapy BEFORE things get too serious can provide us with additional perspectives and guidance as we navigate the dating landscape. Having a support network can offer reassurance and validation while also providing accountability in making healthy choices.
Lastly, by staying attuned to our emotions and paying attention to what our intuition is saying, we can make more informed decisions and avoid falling into familiar traps.
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Feature image Netflix Love Is Blind Season 6/ Screenshot