

I'll be honest: I am not one who loves conferences. As a media professional who has not only had to cover but host and assist in the planning of a few major ones, I've experienced a bit of burnout. Well God, as He usually does, sent a little piece of heaven in the form of the Black Women Talk Tech: Roadmap to Billions conference to reignite a fire in me to connect with awesome black female professionals and entrepreneurs and step up my own game, both professionally and personally.
Here are 10 things I learned at the BWTT conference, held over three days in New York City, that should do the same for my fellow go-getting sistas looking to make 2020 one of their best years yet:
1. Self-care and fun are necessary, not optional.
BWTT was created by three amazing entrepreneurs: Lauren Washington, co-founder of Fundr, Esosa Ighodaro, co-founder of Nexstar, and Regina Gwynn, co-founder of TresseNoire. It's a collective of more than 500 entrepreneurs in 10 U.S. and international chapters. The conference, in its fourth year, brings women of color to network, share ideas, learn from and rub elbows with top-tier entrepreneurs who are multi-million-dollar success stories in their own right.
A common theme at the event was the importance of self-care and having fun. Not only was this part of the actual conference---via a beauty bar, a Nike dance therapy class, and sessions about dating and mental health---but it was part of panelists' formulas for growth and longevity:
"I love dancing--salsa, house, swing. I find the things that bring me joy and commit to doing them," said Maisha Walker, founder of Message Medium who has worked with brands including Mars Chocolate, Columbia and Unilever (the company behind some of your favorite beauty, home care, and food brands).
Fun is a must for Rakia Reynolds, CEO of Skai Blue Media, a company that has clients including HSN and Dell. "I have to do fun things. See a movie, walk around, see something green, eat something green. Watch something that might be super-mindless."
2. Silence is indeed golden.
For Courtney Adeleye, CEO of The Mane Choice--a multi-million-dollar beauty brand that has products in Target and Sally Beauty to name a few--self-care is related to something many of us might struggle with. "My sweet spot is silence. When I travel, I haven't turned on a TV in years. I allow myself time to just think. That's normally when the most amazing ideas come."
3. Your online presence means more than just posting frivolously---even if you're not an entrepreneur.
Walker said it's important to utilize sites many of us might overlook or even neglect such as LinkedIn: "Build the audience on LinkedIn and make sure it's full of people you actually want to do business or connect with. Learn the technology and then learn how to leverage it effectively."
And ladies, it's OK if getting a handle on your social media platforms seems overwhelming or is just not your thing. "Learn as much as you can, read articles, or hire a consultant. Focus your efforts," Walker added.
4. You can use tech to hustle smart, not hard.
Another common suggestion among panelists included using automation, whether through apps (a good one I use is Crowdfire) or through added tools that you can buy for Websites, to post updates to your social accounts, provide calendar reminders for upcoming events, or even for celebrating birthdays and other key milestones among your network. You can pretty much automate many aspects of your life in order to make things simpler and focus on more important daily tasks.
Automation has also helped me relieve anxiety and get more organized.
For all my women hustlers out there with products to sell, Walker suggests, "When doing a traffic campaign, you want to think about those basic demographics of who your audience is." She also added that using tools like retargeting campaigns---which repeat exposure to your ads to targeted populations on social as well as other Websites----to get the most out of your advertising.
5. Others in your industry are potential partners, not competition.
Partnerships are a key way to work smart as well. The founders of BWTT pooled their resources, expertise, and networks together to bring powerhouse sponsors including Walmart, Shea Moisture (which awarded prizes worth more than $10,000 in this year's pitch competition), Microsoft, Ketel One Vodka, Target and several more.
Many of the panelists, no matter what the subject, talked about how important teaming up can be. "Stop thinking that every woman in your industry is competition," said Adeleye, who has featured many of the awesome women in her network in her own event, the Bawse Conference.
6. Rejection makes a boss bigger and better.
It was great to see the fellas in the room supporting all this black girl magic, and Ron Johnson, founder and CEO of Triton Consulting, was one of them. The panelist had some key, eye-opening things to say about rejection and failure: "It's part of the grooming and pruning process," he said. "I went through journeys of rejection. You can take it as an empowering experience where those are just spaces you weren't supposed to be in the first place. One of the things I try not to get distracted by is the why and how things did not work out for me the way I thought they should have because that can really distract you from where your destination is."
7. Sometimes saying 'no' is better than saying 'yes.'
"One of the No. 1 things I had to learn is the power of 'no'---giving and receiving," Adeleye said. "You can't spread yourself so thin. Be OK with your decision and not feeling the need to explain it.."
Walker agrees: "We only have a certain number of hours in a day and certain number of resources. I had to be really adamant with myself about not going beyond that. This year is my year of saying 'no'. It doesn't have to be 'no' forever but it's 'no' for right now."
8. What you thought impossible might actually be possible.
Andrea Evans, a BWTT speaker, patent attorney, and author of All About Inventing, knows how important it is to act on something you feel led to produce. "I've grown with my clients. I've seen them start with an idea on a napkin and [then get products into] Target or on Shark Tank," Evans said. "It's about that confidence---believing in yourself and taking action. The only thing that separates a billionaire inventor and you in your garage is that they took the steps to protect their invention."
9. Where there's a will, there's a way.
When it comes to making your dreams come true, the resources are out there. Several panelists were living proof of this including Mandela Schumacher-Hodge Dixon, CEO of Founder Gym, an online resource that has helped underrepresented founders raise more than $40 million in startup capital; Crystal Etienne, founder of Ruby Love who launched her business on her own and grew it to a worth of more than $10 million; Jasmine Lawrence, who simultaneously runs beauty brand Eden BodyWorks while working full-time for a major social network; and Chris-Tia Donaldson, a cancer survivor who earned a Harvard degree and runs a beauty brand called Thank God It's Natural (TGIN).
10. Get out of your own head and into a tribe.
Tiffany Dufu, who has a very clear understanding of her vision in life, said, "My life's work is advancing women and girls. I already know what my tombstone says: 'She got to as many women as she could.' I am not going to be able to get to as many women as I can doing everything by myself."
Her platform, called The Cru, actually makes it easier for women to find groups that fit their needs. You apply via the Website and are paired with nine other women to help you reach your personal and professional goals. "I've found, while working with and connecting thousands of people over the years, that even though we have a lot of people around us, we largely perceive personal and professional journey as a solo endeavor, not a team sport. There's but so much impact you can create through your own work, ingenuity, prowess or intellect...and I think that in order for us to grow our impact we have to understand that other people are involved, and we've got to figure out how to achieve results with other people as well."
Reynolds also finds a lifeline in making connections. "I have to go out and talk to people. Human interaction and talking to other people keeps me fueled," she said.
Point taken. Point truly taken.
To find out more about Black Women Talk Tech and their events, visit their Website or follow their Instagram @blackwomentalktech.
Featured Image Via Shutterstock
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Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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You'd Be Amazed How Much These 10 Essential Oils Can Give You Some Blissful Sleep
If you’re someone who has a sleep routine (or you’re seriously thinking about creating one), please make sure that you incorporate scent into it. Although things like a cooler temperature in your bedroom, incorporating nature sounds (like rain or ocean waves via a sound machine or even a YouTube channel) and even sipping on some tart cherry juice are proven ways to get you the quality of rest that you’re after, science says that your sense of smell shouldn’t be overlooked.
In fact, aromatherapy is quite powerful when it comes to promoting calm and relaxation, helping to put you into an optimistic mood, reducing stress, preventing insomnia, and improving how soundly you are able to sleep throughout the night. And so, since I’m such an essential oils fan (and I truly am!), let’s get into 10 that will help you to rest well — thanks to the way that they smell along with a few other benefits that they are able to offer you too.
Essential Oils for Better Sleep
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1. Lavender
When it comes to essential oils that are best for you in the “rest and relaxation department,” lavender may be the most popular one. That’s because it is well known for doing everything from reducing pain and inflammation and making menstrual cramps less intense to lowering anxiety and increasing your melatonin levels. On a super scientific note, something else that’s cool about lavender oil is it works with your body’s neurotransmitters in order to reduce restlessness if you happen to be someone who doesn’t sleep soundly due to tossing and turning all throughout the night.
2. Cedarwood
Although I’ve always liked the earthy scent of cedarwood, something that caused it to earn my respect was reading about how it’s an all-natural way to improve the attention span of children who’ve been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Beyond that, as far as calming oneself goes, cedarwood oil is able to soothe arthritic discomfort, reduce coughing (if a cold is what’s keeping you up), decrease the itchiness and irritation that comes with eczema, lower your stress levels, and, yes, improve your quality of sleep if you’re someone who happens to rest yet not really…rest well.
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3. Patchouli
Another oil that has a solid reputation for decreasing bodily inflammation is patchouli. Some other things that make it stellar are the facts that it helps to ward off depression-related symptoms (if that is what keeps you up at night), puts you in a better mood, boosts your immunity (so that being under the weather doesn’t prevent you from catching some zzz’s) and it even intensifies your libido — ‘cause chile, ain’t nothin’ like the sleep that you get after having an orgasm…or two. Oh, and it absolutely must go on record that patchouli oil also acts as a sedative if you’ve been dealing with insomnia as of late as well.
4. Marjoram
Women who are looking for an all-natural way to regulate their hormones (check out “5 Signs Your Estrogen Is Too High. 5 Signs It's Too Low.”) might want to speak with their doctor (or homeopath) about trying marjoram oil. Some research says that it can help to balance hormones which can make PMS and the latter stages of perimenopause more tolerable (which can make falling and staying asleep easier to do too). Marjoram is also helpful when it comes to reducing pain, easing digestion, and alleviating anxiety.
Plus, since marjoram is an oil that is high in magnesium and magnesium is a nutrient that can help you to get to sleep, stay asleep, and then wake up feeling refreshed — so long as you’re not pregnant or breastfeeding (you should consult your doctor first if you are because it can sometimes produce side effects in your case), you definitely should give marjoram a shot.
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5. Ylang Ylang
Typically, when I think of the essential oil ylang ylang, what comes to my mind is how it can make for a very eventful evening…if you catch my drift (check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm”); however, it can actually help you out in more areas of your life than just your bedroom. Ylang ylang is another oil that helps to reduce pain and anxiety. Something else to keep in mind about ylang ylang is if you’re having a hard time falling asleep due to something like a headache or even respiratory issues, putting a couple of drops into a diffuser could bring some relief. That’s because ylang ylang is also classified as being a sedative — one that can even help to lower the blood pressure in your bae (healthy men) if need be.
6. Fennel
As a doula, something that I’m well aware of is the fact that fennel seeds can help (some) mothers to produce more breast milk. It doesn’t stop there, though. If sleep is evading you due to gas or constipation, fennel oil can help you out there. Some scientific research also says that it’s the kind of oil that can help you feel less anxious if you’re trying to rest after a long hard day. And, since fennel is known for making sleeping better when it’s in tea form, I don’t see why it wouldn’t do the same thing as an essential oil too.
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7. Valerian Root
If you’re looking for the kind of essential oil that will help you to relax, on pretty much every level, look no further than valerian root. The properties in it are going to help to calm your nervous system, soothe headache tension, lower your stress levels, decrease menstrual cramp discomfort, bring relief to hot flashes (that come with perimenopause) and yes, it’s an all-natural approach to insomnia as well. Although many choose to use it in supplement form, applying valerian root oil to pressure points like your feet can also provide a very relaxing and impactful effect.
8. Jasmine
If you check out my article, “8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last” from back in the day, you’ll see that jasmine is another essential oil that is considered to be a pretty potential one if you’re looking to boost you (or your partner’s libido). I get why too because its floral-meets-fruity scent can be quite sensual. Beyond the bedroom, jasmine can help you to feel less stressed and anxious, experience less menstrual-related discomfort, and make you feel less depressed — and yes, it contains properties that qualify the oil to be a sedative. This is especially the case if you blend it with another soothing essential oil like lavender.
9. Clary Sage
If pretty much nothing but perimenopause symptoms are what’s keeping you awake at night, you might want to keep a bottle of clary sage oil on your nightstand because it can help to decrease night sweats by naturally “leveling out” the estrogen that may be on a bit of a roller coaster ride in your system right through here. Other things that this oil can do is reduce stress and help to relax your system. Not to mention the fact that if menstrual cramps are what’s keeping you up, some women say that rubbing some of the oil (add a carrier oil like sweet almond or avocado to the oil to dilute it a bit, please) to your abdominal region can provide quite a bit of relief.
10. Vetiver
Final one. In my opinion, it’s kind of surprising that vetiver essential oil isn’t mentioned more in the holistic care space. For starters, it has been celebrated for providing support for children with ADHD as well as decreasing nervousness and anxiety in adults. Some other ways that this oil can benefit you is it’s the kind of aphrodisiac that raises testosterone levels while lowering cortisol ones (cortisol is a stress hormone that’s in your body) which can intensify orgasms and promote great rest — and yes, it’s also mentioned quite often in the sleep-inducing space.
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You know, I once read that since 2010, the amount of people who rely on sleeping pills to get to sleep has pretty much doubled. Since the side effects of the long-term use of over-the-counter sedatives include things like headaches, muscle weakness, digestion issues, and even louder snoring and sleeplessness, consider trying one of these essential oils before popping a pill. As you can see, not only can certain oils help to lull you to sleep — but they can help in so many other areas too. Happy resting, chile.
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