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This Couple’s Love Story Puts The Bae In Baecation
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks about love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
One thing I've been seeing return to my social media feed is the opportunity to travel. Since the top of 2020, the world has been trying to figure out what "catching a flight" will look like in the future. And when you travel with your bae, it is an extraordinary experience that should be on everyone's bucket list. On a baecation, you are able to unwind from the daily Zoom meetings and experience another culture together. It's also another way to really take your intimacy to another level and grow closer to your boo mentally, physically, and emotionally.
One couple who prioritizes their love for travel and love for each other are digital creators LaNaiza Kelly and Mahdi Gaines. Originally from New Orleans, LaNaiza and Mahdi met each other at work when Mahdi noticed LaNaiza around the office and attempted to get to know her. One day, Mahdi joked that whenever she was around him, that there should be a smile. This exchange turned into an authentic relationship where they'd go everywhere together, including traveling the world.
As their love for each other grew, they created their own platform, Love at First Flight, where they share their journey of love and travel. This is a couple that knows how to put the bae in baecation. After three years, LaNaiza and Mahdi are still showing up for each other through amazing global experiences and smiling every step of the way.
In this installment of xoNecole's How We Met, LaNaiza and Mahdi share how their love story is based on honesty, authenticity, and unlearning bad habits.
How We Met
Mahdi: I was in marketing and she was in sales. I actually transferred over to the sales department and that's when we met. LaNaiza used to walk around with this mad look on her face. She is not a morning person. One day I asked her, "Why do you look so mad in the morning?" And she told me, "Don't worry about it." My response was, "Well, you need to make sure you smile when you're around me," and she told me she will make sure she smiles next time.
LaNaiza: Yeah, I think it was a pretty well-known thing at work that I was not a morning person, so I never looked happy in the morning. Then this guy tried to tell me to smile, and I was like, "OK." I am super-sarcastic, so every time I saw him after that I had the biggest smile on my face. That's really how things got started. It was just a bunch of sarcasm with each other.
First Date
Mahdi: Usually LaNaiza and I would hang out, but it was always with a group. But one day, we decided to go to this place called Barcadia. She came over that evening to my place and she was all dressed up. She blew my mind when she showed up. I felt I was underdressed. We had a really good time that night. It was amazing.
LaNaiza: I was a ball of nerves that night. I was actually really nervous and tried to avoid any kind of feelings toward him. I wasn't looking to be in a relationship, but he was very persistent. We hung out a lot already, but I felt that this time was different and it was turning into something more. I started freaking out. But that night was a really good night at the end of the day.
The One
LaNaiza: I think the moment when I started to like him, I was thinking to myself, 'I don't want to do this anymore.' But I couldn't deny it, you know? I would notice myself feeling salty if I couldn't hang out with him sometimes, so I had to be honest with myself that I was ready [for a relationship].
Mahdi: It was pretty early on for me. Even when we were hanging out, I noticed that I stopped wanting to hang out as a group and more one-on-one with LaNaiza. At a certain point, I kind of knew that a relationship with her was where my mind was going. One night we were hanging out at this club and I told her, "You know what, what's going on here? I'm interested in you for real.'" I kind of laid it out on the table.
"At a certain point, I kind of knew that a relationship with her was where my mind was going. One night we were hanging out at this club and I told her, 'You know what, what's going on here? I'm interested in you for real.'"
Favorite Things
LaNaiza: I love that Mahdi is super goofy. He has a great sense of humor and can make friends with anyone you can imagine. I really admire that about him because sometimes I can be a little standoffish. He still embraces that inner child in him. I believe that's the core of who he truly is.
Mahdi: LaNaiza has this hard outer shell that everyone knows about but she has the biggest heart ever. She cares about people, animals, you name it. That is something that really attracted me to her. Earlier on when we were dating, I noticed that soft heart. That really means a lot to me.
The "L" Word
Mahdi: I think it was a couple of months into the relationship for me. We moved so organically and I had strong feelings for LaNaiza. We were so close and she was my best friend. I could talk to her about anything even before we became a romantic relationship, so when we finally got together, it just clicked. This was everything I ever wanted and I have never felt this way about anybody. I started thinking about my future and she was the only person I wanted to be in it with me.
LaNaiza: For me, I knew I loved him but I didn't want to admit it. When I started to feel my walls coming down and I was comfortable to just be myself around Mahdi, that was when I knew. I used to never think about the future with someone and it just felt right with him. It was just one of those things where when you know, you know.
"I knew I loved him but I didn't want to admit it. When I started to feel my walls coming down and I was comfortable to just be myself around Mahdi, that was when I knew. I used to never think about the future with someone and it just felt right with him. It was just one of those things where when you know, you know."
Love Lessons
Mahdi: What I've learned about love is that when you love somebody, you give that person the real you. A lot of people like to put up a front or try to be someone else in order to fit this ideal partner. But with LaNaiza, she is unapologetically herself. She reminds me all the time (laughs). I love that because that makes me want to be unapologetically myself too.
LaNaiza: I have learned that love is a job. It is a continuing thing that you have to work toward every day. There are times where we butt heads, but if you really love someone, you have to put in the work and the effort to keep the love alive—to show up for one another.
Early Challenges
LaNaiza: In the beginning, we were both coming out of serious relationships. We were both in unhealthy relationships where we developed bad habits. We had to unlearn those habits in order to be with each other. We were honestly figuring out how to love essentially and learning how we would want to receive love. One habit I had to unlearn was communication. I am not good at communicating (laughs). I am very quick to express when I am angry. But for me it was learning how to express how I'm feeling when I am feeling it. Instead of holding it in and blowing up later.
Mahdi: For me, I had to unlearn a lot of things. I felt that I had to take care of everything like I did in my previous relationship, but LaNaiza taught me that I don't have to do everything. We are a team. With her, I feel like I am in a true partnership. I have never felt like this before. I remember we went on our first trip to Puerto Rico. The room was in my name and we were checking in. At first, I was going to take care of everything, but then LaNaiza stepped up and handled the check-in—honestly, better than I would have. As I watched her, I thought to myself, "You know what, I like this!"
Individual Self-Care
LaNaiza: We both have busy lives, so I think it is important to carve out some time for hobbies. One of my favorite things to do is salsa dancing. It's a time for me to be social and it's also how I like to unwind. Mahdi and I spend a lot of time together so we try to carve out our alone time when we can.
Mahdi: So LaNaiza is a night owl and I'm an early bird. So I like to get a morning workout [in] at around 6 a.m. It's a good start to my morning and it helps me clear my head. Then when night comes around, I'm already tired but LaNaiza is still working on emails and things. It just works because she knows I'm out for the count anyways.
Shared Values
LaNaiza: I think one shared value is just being honest with each other. I think that should be the foundation in any relationship.
Mahdi: We also talk about our life goals a lot to each other. We keep each other motivated and focused on what the end goal is. We have meetings about it and everything.
For more of LaNaiza and Mahdi, follow them on Instagram @loveatfirstflight_.
Featured image via Love at First Flight
'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Whenever I hear the church say something along the lines of, “I know God will give me [such and such] because he said that he will grant me the desires of my heart,” the first thing that comes to my mind is how unfortunate it is that church culture tends to make an Olympic sport out of editing Scripture to its own liking.
In this particular case, that resolve comes from Psalm 37:4 (NKJV); however, the entire verse says “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Yeah, do the first part and then the second portion follows. Secondly, Jeremiah 17:9-10 tells us that “the heart is deceitful;” that’s because our heart is the “center of our emotions” — and emotions change all of the time.
So…if our feelings tend to lean into being fickle, why would God give us whatever our feelings want at any given time? Sounds pretty…unstable and unreliable if you ask me — and why would God cosign on anything that is like that? Want one more? James 4:3 (NKJV) states, “You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures” — uh-huh…that one is pretty self-explanatory.
Okay, so why the mini-sermon today? I’m just laying down some groundwork to consider as we dive into something that has been pretty popular as of late: the dating delusion calculator.
If you’re not familiar, it’s an online calculator that you can use to put in some basic things that you want in a mate to see what the probability is of you being linked to an individual who perfectly fits the bill. For instance, say that you desire a Black Christian man who’s between 30 and 40, has a bachelor’s degree, has no kids, is between 5’10” and 6’1”, isn’t obese, and makes around $100,000 annually. According to the calendar, the percentage of men who fit those criteria in the US? You ready (you’re not…LOL): that’s 0.00154% or 2,541 of 164,977,341 American men. Chile…CHILE.
Now, back to the God points, if you do believe in Him, your faith can definitely make great things happen. However, a Scripture that I like a lot is the Message Version of Ecclesiastes 7:18: “It’s best to stay in touch with both sides of an issue. A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it” — and the reality is sometimes what we call “standards,” if some hardcore facts and truth aren’t added in, they could lean into becoming semi-serious delusions if we’re all not careful.
Yeah, this isn’t one of those fairy tale kinds of pieces yet, if you’ve been rocking with me on this platform for a while, you know I’m not big on those anyway. This is more like a dose of reality; if you’re big on that, then keep reading. It could be the reality check that your dating life actually needs.
The Difference Between Standards and Delusion
I can’t even count how many times I’ve seen a woman on Instagram or TikTok talk about all of these things that she wants in a man, all the while claiming that they are “standards,” when actually, they sound more like unrealistic expectations or delusional thinking. Now, just so this all makes sense, let me define “standard” and “delusion” before expounding further:
Standard: a rule or principle that is used as a basis for judgment; an average or normal requirement, quality, quantity, level, grade, etc.; those morals, ethics, habits, etc., established by authority, custom, or an individual as acceptable
Delusion: a false belief or opinion; a fixed false belief that is resistant to reason or confrontation with actual fact.
So in order to really illustrate my point, let’s go with something on the physical tip first. Words cannot express how much I hear women say that they want a man who is at least 6’ tall, all the while calling it a “standard.” Based on what a standard actually is, how are you able to judge someone’s character or make a moral assessment about them based on their height alone? I mean, isn’t that what y’all try and push down men’s throats when it comes to women and their weight? And the thing is, height can’t be changed and isn’t a potential health risk. Know what else? Reportedly,only 15 percent of men in this country are 6’ or over.
Believe you me, I like a tall glass of chocolate oat milk (LOL) as much as the next woman. I’ll also say that most of the guys I’ve been with, on any level, have “scratched that itch” as far as 6’ and over goes. Know what else I’ll say? Tall in stature absolutely doesn’t mean tall in character, so to call height a standard when it’s really more like a preference is already semi-problematic if you’re looking for a good man. However, where it really gets tricky is if you will push a good person, someone who checks off all of your other boxes, aside simply because they are 5’9” in height. My dear, to move like that is delusional thinking — it is literally a false belief that you should overlook who is right in front of you (a fact) simply because they are a couple of inches shorter than you would like (a preference).
Let’s move beyond the physical. Say that you want a man who makes six figures. First of all, since equality is shouted out on the regular in these media streets, is that what you clear after taxes? What’s your own credit score? How much money do you have up in your savings account? Have you even thought about why 'six figures' matters so much? Could it be because you’ve allowed the media (especially social media) to program you into thinking that it’s the only way a man can be a good provider?
Whatever the reason may be, if you call a six-figure earner your standard when you’re not that yourself, couldn’t it be argued that you are a bit on the delusional side? I mean, because, real talk, the facts are that most men reach their peak earning years in their early 50s (check that outhere andhere), andonly 18 percent of individuals earn more than six figures; not only that, but those who do make that kind of money (unless it’s high six-figures) tend to live paycheck-to-paycheck just like everyone else.Not only that but the reality is Black men in America who are between 40-49 earn $41,600 (on average) while Black men in America between 50-59 earn around $51,000. If you’re going to bring facts and stats into the mix, the truth of the matter is it’s delusional for every woman to think that she’s going to get a six-figure earner and even more delusional to require what she, herself, is not.
If you put both examples (height and earnings) together, a STANDARD says that you want to be with someone who you are attracted to and who will be a consistent provider of the things that you need. DELUSION says, “I’m not even all of the things that I want yet in spite of what reality says, I’m going to ignore people who have 80 percent of what I’m looking for because I want a Prince Charming [who also isn’t real] to fall into my lap.”
Honestly, as triggering as the dating delusion calendar may be for a lot of people, that’s basically what it’s saying: that folks are coming up with a wish list like kids do for Christmas, believing that they can have it all — whether it even really makes a lot of sense or is rooted in reality or not. And then folks have the nerve to think that if they do factor reality into it all, somehow, they are settling. Amazing. Absolutely amazing.
Settling for less shouldn’t be about shallow things. Settling for less should be about convincing yourself that shallow things matter more than having a solid man who profoundly cares about you and who complements your life. Straight up.
Flexibility: The Key to Handling the Dating Game
So, what are you saying, Shellie? That I should marry some tiny guy who’s broke because that’s realistic? Listen, if that is what you choose to get out of ALL that I just said, then you are indeed choosing to do that. No, my points are as follows:
Make sure that you know the difference between a standard and a preference. Then make sure that your standards come before your preferences. If you meet an awesome man who adores you and is on the same page as you are as far as the future goes, to give him up for shallow reasons like he’s not 6’3” or making $125,000 a year is a delusional form of thinking. You already know what the stats say about finding that kind of guy (who is single); not only that but what do you expect to be the shelf life of a shallow set of desires? Ask some divorced folks you know who are willing to admit that they didn’t heed this kind of advice where it got them — and what they wish they had done differently.
Don’t demand that others be what you aren’t. Yeah, it’s mighty funny to me how folks will just toss 'six figures' and 'owning a home' out there like it’s nothing — only to find out that they barely make $50,000 and are hustling to pay rent for their apartment in the process. I’m telling you, nothing will humble you and get you out of your own dating delusions like striving to be the kind of person you want to date (check out “Before You Talk About What You 'Deserve'...Do You Know What That Even Means?”).
BE. FLEXIBLE. As I’m in the process of penning this third book of mine, it has caused me to take a few walks down memory lane. As I happened upon the Chicago Tribunedeath announcement of my late fiancé (whom I had never seen before this year), it got me to thinking about how much I would’ve missed out on (both while he was here and via the lessons that our relationship continues to teach me almost 30 years later) had I been INFLEXIBLE. Damien was a bit shorter (although still cleared 6’ — LOL), lighter, and a few other “ers” different than I was accustomed to, and sadly, I wasted a lot of our precious time by giving him quite a bit of initial pushback because of it.
Around the last 16 months of his life, I became less rigid and it was a true blessing…a billion times over. You know, it is the popular (and sometimes controversial) life coach Tony Robbins who once said, “Stay committed in your decisions, flexible in your approach” and no greater words have been spoken when it comes to dating.
Flexibility is about being open to 5’9” over 6’ (especially when you’re barely 5’5” yourself). Flexibility is about preferring an ambitious guy over a wealthy one. Flexibility is about dating the introvert to see if he balances out your extroverted qualities (someone needed to hear that). Flexibility is about being mature enough to know that if you can get the most important things from your list in a guy, you can compromise on the rest.
____
When I first happened upon what is known asthe dating delusion calculator for the first time, two sentences in the first paragraph are what made me even take it semi-seriously: “Are your romantic expectations in line with reality?” and “Using data from the US Census Bureau and the US CDC, we'll tell you if your expectations are reasonable and give you clarity in your quest for love.”
As I close all of this out, let me just say, for the record, that there is nothing wrong with wanting what you want. Demanding it without really getting real about it, though — that can end up working against you. Delusional thinking tends to do that. So, whatever it is that you want in a partner, just make sure that you are putting standards above preferences and factoring in reality to the mix. Oh, and that you are flexible in your approach. You’d be amazed where those three dating tweaks will get you — regardless of the 50 things on your list or what a calculator ultimately says. TRUST ME.
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Featured image by supersizer/Getty Images