
In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
Growing up, I thought being loud meant being strong.
But with maturity, I've learned that the loudest person in the room is rarely the most successful and this is big facts. Just ask 30-year-old full-time freelancer, Keyaira Kelly, who wants you to know that silence is self-care. The Brooklyn-based creative recently sat down with xoNecole and gave us a whole word about solitude, which Keyaira she says is an essential part of her daily routine.
For those of us not at peace with ourselves, solitude may feel more like a burden than a blessing, but in our interview, Keyaira revealed that time alone is essential for any social media maven on her grind. She told xoNecole, "I wind down at night by not talking. People are always like, 'let's go to happy hour!' or, 'let's meet up!' and it may come off rude, but I don't relax by speaking to folks. I exhaust so much of my energy talking to people that my relaxation means complete and utter isolation from the world and anyone's needs and silence."
View this post on InstagramA post shared by Keyaira Kelly (@keyairakelly) on Jan 16, 2018 at 3:35pm PST
Keyaira says that it's during her time alone when she allows herself to feel all of the feelings, spiritually align, and find peace when she's feeling off-balance. The Talk To Your Mom podcast host explained, "I let my flesh be pissed or cloudy, but I always return to my spiritual wisdom which knows from a heavenly perspective, 'all things are working together for my good.'"
"I am learning I can't be ruled by emotions anymore or reactionary. Taking a pause, breathing, listening to chimes, burning sage, resin or charcoal, brings my concerns back to heaven height where they dissolve."
We sat down with Keyaira to talk more about making working from home work for you, the beauty of a good bubble bath, and why solitude is the gift you didn't know you needed.
Here's what we learned:
What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of.
My typical week includes plugging numbers in and out of my spreadsheet of how many articles I need to complete this week, invoices I need to send, receipts I need to hold onto, etc. Working for yourself is… well, a lot of work! (Laughs) Sometimes I work at home, sometimes I grab a spot at a coffee shop. Where and when I work isn't monotonous right now, which I enjoy. It's nice to do the work when your brain is working the best, versus trying to cram it all into a 9-5.
What are your mornings like?
I wake up slowly. I really don't try to rush my way out of bed—as an independent contractor I have this privilege now. My best writing and best thinking happen in the morning—so I will often lay in bed, but I'm actually actively working out what the day is going to look like, what I'm grateful for, etc. I may throw some prayers in there. Sometimes I just cuddle in bed with my man and hold onto him as long as I can. Any morning that starts slowly is a good morning.
At what point in your life did you understand the importance of pressing pause and finding balance in both your personal and professional life?
Pressing pause is pretty much a necessity for me to be a good writer, so I would say I discovered its importance when I transitioned from marketing to writing full-time four years ago. My best writing happens in the stillness of my mind. I literally will delete Instagram for a few hours when I need to focus on an article.
"Pressing pause is pretty much a necessity for me to be a good writer, so I would say I discovered its importance when I transitioned from marketing to writing full-time four years ago. My best writing happens in the stillness of my mind."
When you have a busy week, what’s the most hectic part of it?
My most busy weeks are when I have a lot of travel and a lot of deadlines. It can be hard sometimes to manage writing on the road while also doing a work trip. So recently, I was in the Bahamas for one outlet doing a story (I know, poor me, right?), while also writing articles for another outlet I was on deadline for. Sometimes it's hard to sit and be in the moment when I have to work on the road. But it's a life I'm grateful for nonetheless.
Do you practice any type of self-care? What does that look like for you?
Exercise, baths, and silence are my self-care. Exercise helps to keep me sane. It's a way I advocate for my health and bodily strength that doesn't have to do with anyone or anything but me. I love giving myself that dedicated time. I am super healthy right now and I deserve to look and feel this good—so I invest in it. Baths, just being submerged in hot water, soothes my muscles and stills my mind. Silence is so good to just hear yourself in a silo--too many voices just become mental clutter.
"Exercise helps to keep me sane. It's a way I advocate for my health and bodily strength that doesn't have to do with anyone or anything but me. I love giving myself that dedicated time. I am super healthy right now and I deserve to look and feel this good—so I invest in it."
What advice do you have for busy women who feel like they don’t have time for self-care?
Honestly, when you're in a romantic relationship people say, "No one's too busy, it's just they don't want to make the time." Well, I think we need to think of ourselves that way too. When you don't make time for self-care, you're telling yourself you're not worth the effort.
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
Most of my best friends don't live in New York [and] the ones who do aren't very demanding. I am a very good text friend. I am not a good phone call/meet-up friend. My friends have adjusted to my boundaries, or have the same boundaries, so we all understand.
"I am a very good text friend. I am not a good phone call/meet-up friend. My friends have adjusted to my boundaries, or have the same boundaries, so we all understand."
Love/Relationships? Dating?
I am prioritizing my love life right now. I desire to start a family so investing in that and his needs are very important to me.
Exercise?
There's no easy way around this, I just do it. You got to do it when you don't feel like it. Commitment over feelings, always.
And honestly, what does success mean to you?
Peace. It's all peace.
For more of Keyaira, follow her on Instagram!
Featured image by Instagram/@keyairakelly.
Exclusive: Viral It Girl Kayla Nicole Is Reclaiming The Mic—And The Narrative
It’s nice to have a podcast when you’re constantly trending online. One week after setting timelines ablaze on Halloween, Kayla Nicole released an episode of her Dear Media pop culture podcast, The Pre-Game, where she took listeners behind the scenes of her viral costume.
The 34-year-old had been torn between dressing up as Beyoncé or Toni Braxton, she says in the episode. She couldn’t decide which version of Bey she’d be, though. Two days before the holiday, she locked in her choice, filming a short recreation of Braxton’s “He Wasn’t Man Enough for Me” music video that has since garnered nearly 6.5M views on TikTok.
Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."

Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
If there is one thing that I am going to do, it’s buy myself some scented soy candles. And, as I was looking at a display of them in a TJ Maxx store a couple of weekends ago, I found myself wondering just who decided which scents were considered to be “holiday” ones. The origin stories are actually pretty layered, so, for now, I’ll just share a few of ‘em.
I’m sure it’s pretty obvious that pine comes from the smell of fresh Christmas trees; however, scents like cloves, oranges, and cinnamon are attributed to two things: being natural ways to get well during the cold and flu season, and also being flavors that are used in many traditional holiday meals.
Meanwhile, frankincense and myrrh originate from the Middle East and Africa (you know, like the Bible does — some folks need to be reminded of that—eh hem — Trumpers) and ginger? It too helps with indigestion (which can definitely creep up at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner tables); plus, it’s a key ingredient for ginger snaps and gingerbread houses. So, as you can see, holiday-themed scents have a rhyme and reason to them.
Tying this all in together — several years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry ‘Christmas Sex’?” Well, in the spirit of revisiting some of that content, with a bit of a twist, I decided to broach some traditional holiday scents from the perspective of which ones will do your libido a ton of good from now through New Year’s Eve (check out “Make This Your Best NYE. For Sex. EVER.”).
Are you ready to check some of them out, so that, whether it’s via a candle, a diffuser, some essential oil, or some DIY body cream (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”), you can bring some extra festive ambiance into your own boudoir? Excellent.
1. Vanilla

Unsplash
When it comes to holiday desserts, you’re going to be hard-pressed to find recipes that don’t include vanilla — and that alone explains why it is considered to be a traditional holiday scent. As far as your libido goes, vanilla is absolutely considered to be an aphrodisiac — partly because its sweet scent is considered to be very sensual. Some studies even reveal that vanillin (the active ingredient in vanilla) is able to increase sexual arousal and improve erectile dysfunction in men. So, if you adore the smell, here is more incentive to use it.
2. Frankincense

Unsplash
Although, typically, when people think about frankincense (and myrrh), it’s in the context of the gifts that the wise men brought Christ after he was born; it’s a part of the biblical Christmas story. However, frankincense goes much deeper than that. Sexually, since it has an earthy and spicy scent, some people like to use it to meditate (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”). Also, since it has the ability to put you in a better mood, soothe and soften your skin and maintain your oral health — with the help of frankincense, every touch and kiss can be that much…sexier.
3. Cinnamon

Unsplash
I already gave cinnamon a shout-out in the intro. Personally, I’ve been a fan of it, in the sex department, for a long time now (check out “12 ‘Sex Condiments’ That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”). When it’s in oil form, it can be very sweet to the taste while sending a warm sensation throughout the body — which is why the giver and receiver of oral sex can benefit from its usage. Beyond that, cinnamon helps to increase blood flow to your genital region, elevate sexual desire and, some studies say that it can even help improve fertility. Beautiful.
4. Peppermint

Unsplash
If there’s a signature candy for the holiday season, it’s probably a candy cane — which automatically puts peppermint in the running for being an official holiday scent. Pretty much, in any form, it’s got your sex life’s back because it’s hailed as being a sexual stimulant; in part, because its smell is so invigorating. Plus, it helps to (eh hem) ease headaches, it gives you more energy and it can definitely help to freshen your breath. Also, that minty sensation? The same thing that I said about cinnamon can apply to peppermint too (if you catch my drift).
5. Ginger

Unsplash
Whether it’s in a meal or in your bedroom, ginger is going to produce results that are hella spicy. On the sex tip, science has praised ginger for being able to increase sexual arousal, improve blood circulation (which intensifies orgasms) and strengthen fertility for many years. Scent-wise, I find it to be one that both men and women enjoy because it is both woodsy and sweet. So, if you’ve got some massage oil in mind, adding some ginger is a way to please you both.
6. Pomegranate

Unsplash
September through December is the time of year when pomegranates are considered to be in season. And, as someone who is a Rosh Hashanah observer, I have a personal adoration for them because I am aware of the various things that they symbolize in Hebrew culture including the fact that they are a fruit that represents love and fertility. So yeah, they would absolutely be an aphrodisiac — one that is perfect for this time of the year. While consuming it helps to boost testosterone levels in both men and women, the floral bittersweet smell that it produces can help to reduce stress while promoting relaxation (like most floral scents do) — and the more relaxed you are, the easier it is to climax.
7. Nutmeg

Unsplash
Another signature seasoning during the holiday season is nutmeg. It’s perfect in Thanksgiving sweet potato (or pumpkin) pie and Christmas morning French toast. And yes, it can also make your sex life better. If you consume it, it can intensify your libido and, overall, its warm-meets-spicy-meets-sweet smell is so inviting that it is considered to be a pretty seductive scent.
8. Cloves

Unsplash
I ain’t got not one lie to tell you — if you’ve got a toothache, put some clove oil on that bad boy and send me a Christmas present for putting you on game. Aside from that, as I round all of this out, cloves are another holiday scent that can do wonders for your sex life. For men, it has the ability to significantly increase sexual arousal and improve stamina and endurance. For men and women alike, it also has a reputation for strengthening sexual desire. And for women solely? Well, if you want an all-natural way to increase natural lubrication down below — the scent and and feel (in DILUTED oil form) can make that happen. It can make the holidays especially special…if you know what I mean.
Ah yes — the atmosphere of the holidays and what it can do.
Take it all in! Scent ‘n whatever stimulating that comes with it! #wink
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy









