
As the saying goes, "The truth shall set you free" and the Full Moon Lunar eclipse in the beginning of the month serves to do just that. Our favorite planet, Mercury, joins the retrograde party mid-month, pulling us into the tide of emotions that we're learning how to navigate better with the help of the New Moon Solar eclipse on the 21st. Once Neptune goes retrograde, we'll be seeing things a little differently as the rose-colored glasses come off. By the end of the month, Mars gives you the drive to turn your fantasies into reality.
Check out more below to see what's going on in the cosmos this month for your sign!
Aries
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month kicks off with a Full Moon Lunar eclipse, giving you the oomph you need to push past limiting beliefs that you learned from more "knowledgeable" people in your life. Wisdom comes from personal experience and it's time for you to seek answers from your own inner guru. When Mercury goes retrograde on the 18th, discussions about renovations, relocating, or family planning will be prominent in the weeks to come. The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 21st signifies a big overhaul of unresolved emotions, and intergenerational trauma, related to family members—specifically the mother figure in your life.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, helping you receive clarity on life's mysteries through your dream time and meditation. When Venus goes direct on the 25th, you'll be getting clearer about where you and bae are headed. Near the end of the month, your ruling planet finally moves into your sign, gifting you with a much-needed boost of energy to accomplish the million and one goals you've set for yourself. It's time to roll up your sleeves and get to work! On the 30th, an aspect between Jupiter/Pluto awakens you to deeper levels of your personal power. Just be mindful of going head-to-head with authority figures and even people that look up to you. With greater power comes greater responsibility.
Taurus

Laci Jordan for xoNecole
The month begins with the Full Moon Lunar eclipse gifting you some much-needed perspective about a significant experience that impacted you negatively. You might have walked through the fire but you've come out on the other side unscathed—a phoenix rising from the ashes in all its majesty. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, inviting you to take a softer approach when it comes to communicating your needs. Remember, babe, you'll catch more flies with honey. Oftentimes, the way we communicate with others is merely a reflection of our own inner dialogue and this New Moon Solar eclipse can help you move past some critical, harsh self-talk to opt for more compassion instead.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, offering a different perspective about your friends and how you fit into the bunch. If you've had someone up on a pedestal, this transit may be a bit of a reality check when it comes to their true intentions towards you. Your ruling planet, Venus, goes direct on the 25th and you'll be feeling a lot more confident about your investments and money-making endeavors moving forward, especially if you spent the retrograde brushing up on your knowledge and expertise. On the 27th, Mars enters Aries and you may find it more difficult to express your anger during this time. Dig deeper into your frustrations and maybe you'll find that your anger is really just a feeling of powerlessness, unprocessed grief, or even boredom.
Gemini
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleJune kicks off with a bang, thanks to the Full Moon Lunar eclipse in your opposite sign, Sag, bringing your focus to relationships. You're closing out a big cycle when it comes to a specific partnership or just your relationship patterns as a whole. Just remember that with an ending awaits a new beginning on the other side. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to tune into more emotionally fulfilling ways of making money. On the 21st, the New Moon Lunar eclipse transforms your self-esteem by granting you the gift of perspective. As the saying goes, "One man's trash is another man's treasure." Let the past roll off your back and remember who the f*ck you are!
On the 23rd, Neptune retrograde attempts to clear the fog when it comes to your public image and career. Any deceptive energy within your professional life will be exposed during this transit. Stay on the up and up by prioritizing authenticity and try not to take it personally if someone you're working with hasn't been as real as you initially thought. Venus finally goes direct on the 25th, giving you some forward momentum when it comes to money and love. When Mars moves into Aries on the 27th, you're focused on the collective. You could even find yourself leading a group or inspiring others to be the change they want to see in the world.
Cancer
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month gives you a much-needed kick in the ass to break through some bad habits that are keeping you from living your best (and healthiest) life. The Full Moon Lunar eclipse not only requires you to adjust your approach to your wellness but also your schedule as well. Your mantra? "I am flexible and open to change." On the 18th, Mercury begins its retrograde through your sign which could bring some missed opportunities back around (and maybe a pesky ex as well). After a year of eclipses in your sign, you're finally experiencing the last one for some years to come on the 21st. Are you ready to ascend to higher levels? Either get with the program or get dragged 'cause change is here, baby.
On the 23rd, Neptune joins the retrograde party, debunking any idealizations you've made of someone in a position of spiritual authority. Get in touch with your own spiritual truth before blindly following another. The planet of love finally goes direct on the 25th, gifting you the clarity you need about past lovers and relationship patterns that you've outgrown—particularly when it comes to communicating your needs. Make things about you for once, please. On the 27th, Mars enters Aries, getting you geared up when it comes to your career and public image. How can you take more control of your success? Dig in those heels and get to work.
Leo
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleYour sister sign is getting you together with a Full Moon Lunar eclipse on the 5th. Creativity and romance take front and center stage—marking a time of endings or beginnings. These eclipses are wild cards so hang loose, baby, and TRUST that whatever happens is realigning you with your destiny. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you a chance to make peace with some sh*t that just ain't cuttin' it for you anymore. Don't be surprised if your ex pops up, in real time or in your dreams, wanting to give it another go. Recognize the lesson and set them (and you) free. On the 21st, the New Moon Solar eclipse brings through the final sweep of what you cannot take into your new year with you. You've got big things to accomplish and you can't do it with all of that baggage weighing you down.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, inviting you to uncover the secrets within yourself (or someone you thought you knew). It's "Mask Off" season and now is the time to separate the real from the fake. On the 25th, Venus goes direct, helping to smooth out communication amongst your social circle. You're finally feeling like more of your bubbly self, ready to rub elbows with the movers and shakers of your community. The energy is in high drive towards the end of the month when Mars moves into Aries. The travel bug has got you ready to forget about the Rona to embark on that tropical getaway. If you're a writer or teacher, you should have no problem cranking out content during this transit. Use it to your advantage!
Virgo
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleHome and family matters are top priority at the beginning of the month, thanks to the Full Moon Lunar eclipse. It's time to revamp your space or find a new one that's a better fit for your growing needs (or family). On the 18th, Mercury goes retro, giving you a chance to catch up with old friends and some old dreams as well. Yes, Virgo, daydreaming is productive as well. It's called creative visualization and it's your best friend this month. Around the middle of the month, the New Moon Solar eclipse helps you wipe the slate clean and reimagine what your ideal tribe looks (and feels) like. Although you may be saying goodbye to an old friend, trust that you're just creating space for a new connection that's more of your vibe.
On the 23rd, Neptune joins the retrograde mash up, helping you sift through the fog of any personal relationships. It's time to see someone for what they really are—a human—so stop projecting your perfectionism onto them and getting upset when they don't meet your expectation. Look, we don't all share a Sun sign with THEE Beyoncé, so everybody can't be perfect all of the time. Compassion, Virgo. Also, realism. On the 25th, Venus finally goes direct, helping you attract opportunities that will land you in a position of power and influence. Things are getting hot and sexy for you when Mars, a.k.a. your libido, enters Aries, encouraging you to sex it out, sweat it out, or work it out.
Libra
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with a Full Moon Lunar eclipse is bringing the change when it comes to the way you communicate with yourself and others. This is a good time to promote yourself, your truth, and that book you've been working on behind the scenes. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde where the conversation is focused on work and tying up loose ends on a project you've been neglecting. The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 23rd could result in some unexpected career recognition or a change in your life path that's in alignment with your evolving needs.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde and the rose-colored glasses come off. This transit can be revealing when it comes to hidden enemies—particularly those in the work environment. This is also a supportive time to kick any bad habits like smoking, drinking, or obsessing over guys that just aren't good for you. On the 25th, Venus goes direct and your wanderlust has got you ready to brave the Rona to take that girls' trip you've been planning since last year. Things are heating up for you towards the end of the month when Mars enters your relationship house. You know what you want and you're not afraid to take charge. That whole diplomatic "door-mat" approach just won't cut it for you during this transit. It's OK to have it your way for once.
Scorpio
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleJune kicks off with the Full Moon Lunar eclipse inviting you to make some financial changes. Important conversations may arise about the shared resources. Try to find a happy middle ground but don't be surprised if the Universe dissolves a financial partnership that isn't serving either party involved. Remember the eclipse season mantra—"Out with the old, in with the new". On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, encouraging you to revisit an old project you've been working on especially in the realm of writing and educational content. The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 21st comes through to help you wipe out limiting beliefs that make you hide your gifts from the world. A sudden opportunity to present your work on a larger platform can present itself.
On the 23rd, Neptune joins the retrograde party, helping you see your romantic prospect(s) more clearly. Is it true love or is it just a fling? You'll receive the clarity you need in the months to come. Emotions will be at a high during this time so channel that energy into creating something. On the 25th, Venus goes direct, possibly landing you a settlement or some money owed to you. If your intimate connections have been challenged over the past couple of months, things should start smoothing out moving forward. Fiery Mars enters Aries on the 27th, turning you into a gym rat for the rest of the year (and a drill sergeant when it comes to your schedule and diet). You need to feel your best to maintain the energy needed to build your empire!
Sagittarius
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleIt's all about you in the beginning of the month with the Full Moon Lunar eclipse in your sign. As you begin to prioritize your needs more, this may cause a little friction between you and others. Focusing on yourself isn't synonymous with harming someone else. On the 18th, Mercury goes retro and the conversation runs deep between you and the special people in your life as the intimacy levels grow stronger. If you're dealing with some emotional hang ups, this is a perfect time to schedule an appointment with a therapist. The New Moon Solar eclipse in this same part of your chart serves as the gateway to your healing and redemption.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, helping you see clearly into your family dynamics. Did you grow up under the illusion that nurturing and tenderness is for weaklings? Well, maybe now it's time for you to stop resisting exactly what you've always needed to blossom into the best version of yourself. On the 25th, Venus finally goes direct, clearing up communication issues between you and bae while also helping you secure that contract that you've been negotiating. At the end of the month, Mars enters Aries, where it'll be for the rest of the year. Your desire for creative expression, romance, and adventure is heightened during this transit. It's time to unwind and have some fun, Saggie!
Capricorn
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month kicks off with you burning bridges to your past, thanks to the Full Moon Lunar eclipse. Surrender or be dragged, sis. You can kick and scream all you want but when the Universe is ready to help you level up by any means necessary. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, giving you the chance to renegotiate contracts and redefine your boundaries within relationships. Where have you been giving too much to others and not enough to yourself (or vice versa)? The New Moon Solar eclipse on the 21st makes it clear as to who's good for you and who's not. Changes in your relationships, professional included, are bound to occur.
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, granting you the gift of clarity through some insightful conversations you'll be having in the months to come. Don't be surprised if you uncover some hidden information about your sibling getting hitched during the Rona pandemic. Once Venus goes direct on the 25th, you're focused on your health and well-being, making this a good time to learn about a new fitness regimen or detox program. Towards the end of the month, fiesty Mars enters Aries, putting your home renovation or relocation plans in overdrive. On the 30th, Jupiter and Pluto join forces to help you integrate some much-needed gems of wisdom that can propel you forward in a more empowered way.
Aquarius
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleYour social circle needs a bit of a revamp and the Full Moon Lunar eclipse is here to help with that. Whether you're kicking dusty "friends" to the curb or simply exploring new options, it's important that you align with folks that are intent on loving you in all of your truth—the good, the bad, and the ugly. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, encouraging you to nurture your mental and physical health. Drink plenty of water and opt for more gentle forms of exercise, like a stroll through your neighborhood or yoga in the park. The New Moon Solar eclipse comes through on the 21st, helping you overcome that sweet tooth or your overindulgence in wine.
Towards the end of the month, Neptune goes retrograde, bringing you back down to earth when it comes to your spending habits. It's great that you trust the Universe to provide for all of your needs but don't be out here spending recklessly. On the 25th, Venus goes direct and you're ready for some summertime fun (and romance). Get creative and see what adventures you and bae can get into in the midst of the Rona. On the 27th, Mars enters Aries, gifting you with the courage to talk yo sh*t. You're feeling more bold and confident when it comes to expressing yourself and all of your unconventional beliefs. Gon' head and shake the table, babe! Your conviction has the potential to inspire the masses (or at least your social media following).
Pisces
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month brings changes to your career trajectory and public image. A sudden opportunity can open a new door for you, or you could finally be getting the recognition you deserve. On the 18th, Mercury goes retrograde, making it the perfect time to revisit that old creative hobby or project you've been neglecting. The New Moon Solar eclipse will definitely have you in your feels. You'll need a healthy outlet for channeling all of those emotions into sappy love songs or heartfelt breakup anthems. Rekindling romance may also be on your mind (or an ex of yours who's waiting for the right moment to pounce).
On the 23rd, Neptune goes retrograde, helping you get clear on your boundaries as well as your personal identity. You have a tendency to enmesh with everyone and everything around you. This transit will help you separate what is yours and what is everyone else's. As empathic as you are, it's important that you allow other people to manage their own problems. You've got other things to concern yourself with, like planning your Zoom housewarming party or doing your Googles for that new home entertainment system you want. On the 27th, Mars enters Aries, giving you a much-needed kick in the ass to get your money right. It's time to bring all of those great ideas of yours into reality and you'll have plenty of energy to do just that.
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Featured image by Laci Jordan/xoNecole
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Your October 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Magnetic Love & Divine Timing
October is about the power of attraction. This is the month to set your intentions, create space for a new beginning, and find your balance between the past, present, and future. There aren’t many astrological transits this month, signaling more possibilities in the air and an opportunity to create that which you desire.
We begin the month in Libra Season, and Libra Season is always the time of year when love is the highlight. With Juno also entering Sagittarius on October 1, right as we begin the month, it’s about committing yourself to a new adventure, to the gifts of love, and to perspectives that heal and bring you closer to another.
October 2025 Astrology: An Overview
Mercury enters Scorpio on October 6, and Mercury in Scorpio only knows depth. The conversations being had this month are inspiring, transformative, and a little more blunt than usual. This energy is good for the power of persuasion and for asking for what you want, especially within business and financial matters. On the same day, we have a Supermoon in Aries, and this is a powerful Full Moon for reflection, owning your power, and letting go of the insecurities that don’t resonate with what you want for yourself and your future.
Venus, the planet of love, moves into Libra on October 13 after being in Virgo for the past month, and after some time of healing and clarity in love, Libra is here to bring in the romance. Venus loves being in Libra, and this energy creates new beginnings within relationships and provides a little extra magic in this area of life. With Pluto going direct in Aquarius on the same day after being retrograde since May, life and love move forward mid-October, helping provide more stable and nurturing foundations in your personal life and community as well.
The New Moon of the month occurs in Libra on October 21, making it a beautiful time for manifesting romance, balance, and harmony in your world.
This New Moon aligns with the Sun in Libra, and it’s all about letting a new beginning transform your world and the love in your life for the better. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and Neptune retrograde enters Pisces on the same day, bringing in some water sign energy into the mix. As we close out the month, it’s time to renew, honor the transformations occurring, and know that your dreams aren’t as far out of reach as they may seem at times.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what October 2025 has in store for you.
What October 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is all about perspective, Aries. This is the month to trust the divine timing of your life, and not let the what-ifs overwhelm you. With the Sun in Libra, your sister sign, for most of the month, October is about building connections, finding your balance in love, and knowing that you are worthy of what your heart is seeking right now. We have a Supermoon in your sign on October 6, and emotions are a little heavier this month, but also healing. Give yourself grace, and let go of what isn’t working for you.
Venus is in your house of love from October 13 until November 6, and there is a lot to look forward to when it comes to romance and the relationship dynamics in your life as you move through the month. It’s about being confident in your power of attraction and letting love come to you right now. Before October comes to an end, we have a New Moon in your 7th house of love as well, and with all this energy in your relationship zone, life changes for you in love for the better in October.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a spiritual month for you, Taurus. You are thinking a lot about your next steps ahead, and are getting organized, focused, and aligned. The Supermoon on October 6 is a time of reflection for you, and you are entering the month ready to let go of the past, heal, and create space for something new in your life. This month is all about trusting your intuition and letting your wisdom guide you in your personal growth and evolution.
You are more than where you have been, and this month is a reminder of that.
With Mars in Scorpio and in your 7th house of love all month, you are motivated by the partnerships in your life right now. Your love life and relationships are where the action is for you this month, and you are honoring your passion and direction here. Venus, your planetary ruler, moves into your house of health mid-month and into November, and you are leaving October seeking healthier habits, daily routines, and relationships. Overall, this month is helping you align with your vision.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a fresh start for you, Gemini. Your heart is free, love is beaming, and you are feeling larger than life. This month is about taking a leap of faith in yourself, honoring your confidence in life, and being your biggest advocate. With the Sun in your 5th house of self-expression, romance, and happiness, and with Venus entering this same area of your chart mid-October, there is a lot to look forward to right now, and things are looking up for you.
On October 21, we have a New Moon in a fellow air sign, and this is a good time to set your intentions for creative projects, hobbies, romance, and your overall happiness in life. There are a lot of little moments of magic unfolding for you this month, and this New Moon is one of them. Before October comes to an end, Mercury, your ruling planet, enters Sagittarius, and this brings open communication into your relationships, and you are having lively conversations and insights.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a transformative month for you, Cancer. You are moving through closure, healing, and depth as you navigate the opportunities that are coming into your life, with the stability you are seeking. With the Sun in your 4th house of home and family in October, this is the month to spend more time in your safe spaces, connect with your loved ones, and get grounded. You are also more focused on your financial world right now, and this is a good time for building new foundations for yourself and looking at the bigger picture when it comes to your career and life goals.
Mars is in your house of romance and happiness for the entire month, and this is one of the highlights of your life right now. You are passionate about your joy and all the things that light you up inside, and you are protecting your peace and giving more of your energy to your pleasure. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Libra, highlighting your home life, and some Cancers may be moving at the end of the month or getting the opportunity to turn a page here. Overall, this is your month to reflect, go within, and make sense of what has been restricting you from feeling stable.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about taking things one day at a time and being patient with what is presenting itself to you, Leo. This month, you are getting your ducks in a row and gaining the clarity needed to create a new beginning in your life. The month begins with a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign on October 6, aligning in harmony with you and fueling your need for adventure. You are going over the wisdom you have gained as of late and how it has shifted the way you navigate your life and see the world around you.
On October 13, Pluto goes direct in your 7th house of love, after being retrograde here since May. This is bringing in more balance, empowerment, and passion into your love life, and this is a positive change of energy for you after a time of some power struggles within your relationships. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and this New Moon is the best time to set intentions for clarity, communication, and connection. October is about taking your time with things and knowing that everything is working out in your favor at the end of the day.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis October is about finding your balance, Virgo. There is a lot of energy when it comes to your finances this month, but you may be overworking or overcommitting yourself in the process. Honor the opportunities and responsibilities in your life, but make sure you are equally taking care of your health and prioritizing your time and energy so that you don’t burn out. Venus, the planet of love, is in your sign until October 13; use this energy to your benefit and let things come to you.
You are a magnet for abundance, romance, and support if you allow yourself to receive it.
On October 13, Venus moves into your 2nd house of income, and your relationships are a supportive place for you to lean on right now. Your love life and partnerships are where your financial world is evolving this month, and this is a good time to ask for what you want; you never know what may happen. At the end of the month, Neptune goes retrograde in your sister sign, Pisces, and you are taking a step back and reassessing what love means for you right now. Overall, October is about remembering that you don’t have to do it all alone, Virgo.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLibra Season is here, and it’s your time to shine and thrive! This Libra Season changes everything for you, and October is when you really begin to feel this shift in your life. The Sun is in your sign until October 22, and it’s time to put yourself first. With a Supermoon in Aries as we begin the month as well, you are letting go of any unhealthy attachments or relationship dynamics that take you away from yourself, and are moving into deeper clarity.
On October 13, Venus, your planetary ruler, enters your sign, where it loves to be the most. With Venus in your sign for the rest of the month, love takes on a new tone, and you are feeling more love for yourself and where life is taking you right now. To end the month, we have a New Moon in Libra, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want life to grow for you over the next year. This is a month of embarking on a new journey of self, and allowing what is inspiring you right now to build your confidence in yourself and your relationships.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about honoring your freedom and your power to decide, Scorpio. A lot is going on for you this month, and you have the passion and energy to see things through. Mercury, the planet of communication, moves into your sign at the beginning of the month on October 6, and this is going to help you get your ideas across, making it a good month for business matters, networking, and getting inspired. With Mars also in your sign for the entire month, life moves forward for you in transformative ways in October, and you are a force to be reckoned with.
On October 13, Venus moves into your house of closure, healing, and endings, and you are ready to close one chapter of love and create space for a new one. You are in a contemplative space when it comes to matters of the heart, and you are ready to let go of any heaviness you have been feeling here. Scorpio Season officially begins on October 22, and you are ready to begin again. This Scorpio Season is about owning your confidence in life while letting go of insecurities or self-doubts that have been getting in the way of that.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleEverything unfolds for you in a beautiful way this month, Sagittarius. You are flowing well with the energy of October, and life opens up to you. With the Sun in your 11th house of aspirations, dreams, manifestations, and community, you are feeling in balance with your desires and your reality, and are bridging the gap here. This is a month of friendship, believing in your dreams, and creating space for love. With Juno also entering your sign at the beginning of the month until the end of the year, you are attracting soulmates into your life.
On October 6, we have a Supermoon in a fellow fire sign, allowing you some closure in love and a chance at healing. Your heart is feeling renewed, and you are owning your power in creating happiness in your life. Before the month ends, Mercury moves into Sagittarius, where it will be until mid-November, and inspiration is heightened. Pay attention to the guidance you are receiving this month, the conversations you are having, and the light bulb moments that are going off for you right now.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is about going within and connecting with the guidance of your soul, Capricorn. You are taking more time for yourself this month, and rightly so, as you need time to fully process what has happened so far this year. Pluto goes direct in your 2nd house of income, and this moves things forward when it comes to your earning potential, abundance, and values.
The key this month is in valuing yourself, your perspective, and what you are building in your life right now.
On October 21, we have a New Moon happening in your career zone, and this is a good time to manifest your goals within your professional world. Put yourself out there, show up, and know that you are worthy of success and that your dreams aren’t too big for you. As we close out the month, Mercury moves into your house of closure, even further facilitating your desire for contemplation and alone time this month. Overall, October is about taking care of your mental health, owning your successes, and finding your peace.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleOctober is a new beginning for you in love and in life, Aquarius. Your heart is feeling inspired, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. The Supermoon at the beginning of the month will be occurring in your 3rd house of communication, giving you the answers you have been looking for and helping you close the door on a chapter in your life that left you feeling misunderstood or misdirected. You are ready for a change of pace this month, and you are receiving that as we begin October.
Mid-October, Pluto goes direct in your sign after being retrograde since May, and this is a huge breath of fresh air for you and your path ahead. You may have been a little harder on yourself while Pluto was retrograde this year, and now you feel ready to forgive, move on, and own your power. Before the month comes to an end, we have a New Moon in Libra, and you are embarking on a new adventure. The end of the month is a good time for traveling, exploring, and gaining a new perspective.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is giving you the guidance, perspective, and passion to see yourself with clear, loving eyes, Pisces. There is a sense of feeling more overwhelmed with life lately, and October is allowing you to gain the insight needed to move on from this energy, or at least see more of the gifts of what has occurred. On October 6, we have a Supermoon in an area of your chart having to do with self-worth, values, and income, and it’s time to see the gifts of what you have been investing in and valuing in your life, including yourself.
Let go of the need to play it small or count yourself out of important conversations, and know that you deserve a seat at the table.
With Pluto going direct in your 12th house of healing as we end the month, you are finally getting the answers you have been looking for emotionally, and it’s changing your perspective on your commitments in life and making you feel empowered. Before the month ends, Neptune goes retrograde in Pisces, and you are going to be moving through a personal revolution as we close out the year. You are inspired by change right now, and this month is what kicks starts this metamorphosis within you.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Falling Out: Here's How To 'Fall-Proof' Your Friendships
At this point, I’m pretty sure that all of us have heard the opening line of a poem by Brian A. “Drew” Chalker, which says, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” Personally, I think that relationships move a lot better (even the ones that end) when you seek out the PURPOSE (more than the reason) for why someone enters and exits…yet that’s another article for another time.
Seasonal relationships — or as we’re going to discuss today, seasonal friendships. In the general sense, some people only last for a season in our lives because they were mostly “sent” to teach us something, and/or we’ve moved out of relational alignment with them, and/or we “misread” the purpose of them even being around to begin with (that’s a BIG one).
However, today, we’re going to talk about a different kind of seasonal friendship. Today is all about why it seems like, with fall, sometimes it comes with a shift in how we interact with those around us. Then we’re going to tackle what to do about it, so that we don’t hurt, offend, or end up ending a friendship prematurely, simply because we didn’t get how autumn may have impacted us in some unpredictable yet quite relevant ways that didn’t translate well to our peeps.
Chile, live long enough and you will get that good friends really aren’t the dime a dozen you may have thought that they were in high school. So, if you want to “fall-proof” your friendships as soon as possible, here is how to do just that.
Be Aware of How the Fall Season May Affect You
GiphyI have a friend who is a diehard Scorpio (IYKYK) and chile, like clockwork, about six weeks out from her birthday, she totally goes off of the grid — sometimes with a heads up, oftentimes without. And although I used to chalk it up to being nothing more than a period of self-reflection, she also seems a bit mentally and emotionally tapped out during that time of year too.
And so, I did a bit of research and discovered that although Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) — which is a type of depression that upticks during the fall and winter seasons — is quite prevalent around this time, it is also common for many humans to go into their own form of “hibernation” which causes them to want to isolate, sleep more and not socialize as much.
Interestingly enough, because many of us find fall to be our favorite season out of the four, that can also motivate us to want to be alone to walk and look at the turning leaves, to drink hot apple cider while staring out of our living room window or to watch fall-themed rom-coms all by ourselves. And then, if you add to that the fact that, whether consciously or subconsciously, we are storing up energy (sometimes energy that we barely have) to get ready for all that the holiday season takes out of us — yeah, sometimes the last thing that we want to do during the this time is be sociable.
So, off top, if it seems like you are pulling away from your friendships right about now, take out a journal and jot down if any of what I’ve just said resonates with you. Shoot, I’ve brought this up to that Scorpio homie of mine and she said that it definitely hit home.
Get an Understanding of If Autumn Is Draining You…or If “They” Are
GiphyFall fatigue. It’s something else that is extremely common. There are a few reasons why; however, probably the most popular one is that when the days are shorter (and you are indoors more often), you get less exposure to natural vitamin D which is a nutrient that helps to give you more energy. Not only that but exposure to darkness also ramps up your internal melatonin levels which can cause you to lag around as well — and when you feel worn out, what makes you want to have drinks with friends after work or brunch with them on the weekends?
Pretty much all you want to do is lie on your couch or sleep in your bed. And so yes, this is something else that you absolutely need to consider — that you don’t “have it” for your buddies because you physically feel completely drained.
Now, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t ponder another possibility. LOL. What I mean by that is, while you’re journaling and thinking, use the quiet time as an opportunity to decide if you are using fall as an excuse to avoid certain folks, mostly because have been draining you, hell, since this time last year.
And what are some signs of a draining individual:
- They give more than they take
- They bring more problems than solutions
- They gossip and/or criticize more than they affirm
- They deflect instead of taking responsibility and accountability for their actions
- They like to play the victim
- They constantly want to be the center of attention
- They talk more than they listen
- They are super dramatic and/or childish
- They don’t give a damn about honoring your boundaries
- They cultivate more chaos than peace (more times than not)
Listen, you can read articles like, “Texting Your Friends This One Question Will Reveal A Lot About Your Relationship,” “Make Your Friendships (Even) Stronger By Doing These 6 Things,” “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends,” “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend” and “10 Questions To Ask Your Close Friends Before The New Year Begins” to know that I am big — HUGE, in fact — on promoting taking friendship inventory on an annual basis.
And that’s why, I’m definitely encouraging you to think about if you find yourself pulling away from someone (or some people) right through here because, while you’d like to think that it has to do with the autumn equinox, it’s actually more about how they are draining you — not just during the fall season either.
Clearly Articulate That with Your People
GiphyOkay, so whether it’s the weather or the person, something that I am big on is communication. So much so that my circle is used to the fact that, right around Rosh Hashanah (the new year that I personally choose to observe), I may send out a mass email about my relationship-related thoughts, feelings and expectations.
I do that because I honor my friendships enough not to play games, be passive aggressive (check out “More People Are Using The 'Gray Rock Method' To End Relationships. It Needs To Stop.” and “What Should You Do If You're Dating A Passive-Aggressive Person?”) or act like they should be able to read my mind. Nah, I want you to know right where I stand, so that we can decide where we stand too. It proves to be pretty effective because it gives them the opportunity to take inventory on us too.
And so yes, clear communication is something that I recommend, across the board — whether you need to be quiet for a few weeks, just because, or you think it’s time to do some reevaluating of a friendship and its purpose (at least for now). That way, no one feels dismissed, confused or ghosted. And that is always a good thing (a great way to honor karma as well).
Find Compromising Ways to Spend Quality Time Together
GiphySo, what if, after all of what I just said, you really do believe that the fall season is what’s got you not wanting to “hang” so much? Does that mean not hang AT ALL because while your introverted and ambivert friends are probably semi-cool with that? The extroverts? They might feel pretty slighted — and like I (basically) said in my article, “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient,'” your relationships can’t just be about your wants and your needs. Their feelings have to be taken into consideration too.
Plan some one-on-one dates (even if you need to do it several weeks from now; it shows intention and gives them something to look forward to). Go to their house or have them come to yours. Hop on Zoom, so that they can at least see your face (good lord — LOL). See, the thing that I had to explain to my Scorpio friend is that no-contact with no warning is hella extreme. At least, let’s do something together before you vanish and at least commit to replying to every third text, so that I know when to do a wellness check on your ass. LOL.
You’d be amazed how smooth transitions in seasons can go (unless you’ve got a control freak for a friend on your hands) when you’re willing to hear people out, meet them halfway and make a few compromises. Try it.
Don’t Feel Like Talking? Text. Don’t Feel Like Texting? Email.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said — there is nothing like individuals who don’t want to be bothered, who try and gaslight you about feeling some type of way about it, only for them to suddenly want you to be on-call to “come out and play” whenever THEY are in the mood. That is called relational entitlement and please, don’t fall for it.
Listen, the reality is that no matter how the fall may have someone feeling, unless it is diagnosed depression, they can at least text or email you every once in a while, not just to let you know that they are good but to check in on you as well — because, y’all, let’s not ever forget that the root word in relationship is RELATE and one definition of that word is “to bring into or establish association, connection, or relation.”
Relationships — friendships included — are a lot like plants and most plants need to be watered on a (fairly) consistent basis. That said, if you are going to be low-key for the next several weeks (or even a couple of months), care about your friendships enough to maintain some sort of communication. There is simply too much technology out here these days not to.
Tell Yourself and Them That…This Too Shall Pass
GiphyLove is patient. Put a bookmark on that for just a sec. A project that my mother executive produced many years ago featured one of the best gospel duos ever recorded — and no, I am not going to argue about it. The song is called “This Too Shall Pass” and it features Yolanda Adams and a white woman who can SANG sing, Crystal Lewis.
Now fun fact: When the album (Sisters: The Story Goes On) came out, I told my mother that “this too shall pass” isn’t exactly biblical (she didn’t believe me either—LOL). It’s actually a line from a 12th century Persian poem (the more you know, right?) — it is a beautiful sentiment nonetheless and it actually reminds me of something that I once heard Dylan McKay’s mom (shout-out to Beverly Hills, 90210) once tell Brenda (after she found out about him and Kelly): “Even despair exhausts itself.” Amen. To EVERYTHING, good and not-so-good, a time and season — and that is in the Bible (Ecclesiastes 3).
Anyway, as I wrap all of this up, I’m mentioning this phrase to say that if you are on the receiving end of a friend who relationally “falls back” during this time of the year, if you know that the two of you are good and it’s more about them and their stuff — practice a little patience. Sometimes, for friends to show up in their best form, they need some time to recharge and that is more than okay. Again, so long as the two of you are solid, it’s OK to give people some room.
This too shall pass. Literally.
___
It’s a columnist by the name of Richard J. Needham who once said, “You don't marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as the result of being.” It’s true and honestly, this insight can translate into friendships as well. There are seasons in those too and, the more you prepare for them, the easier they are to get through.
Friendship fallbacks don’t have to be fallouts.
Prepare. Adjust. Act accordingly.
Simple math.
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