

As I embark on my journey of becoming a sex therapist, I learn more and more that without justice-justice there is no reproductive justice. We're fighting for them to take us serious at the doctor's in life or death matters, so how the f*ck do we get them to care enough to provide us with the proper information on contraception? The answer to this question is a lot more long-winded than we can get into right here and now, but what our sordid history with white supremacy at the intersection of medicine (especially in the reproductive realm) has taught us anything, it's simply this: be knowledgeable and aware of said history, then take that knowledge and demand what's best for your body and your choices.
My greatest recommendation is finding a doctor who looks like you if at all possible, but if that's not possible, here is the lowdown on one type of birth control that gynecologists and clinicians aren't talking about nearly enough and when they do, it seems to be disproportionately pushed on black and brown bodies in a way that can be "eerily" off putting — LARCs, or Long-Acting Reversible Contraception. I believe this is birth control info that everyone should have access to, so we're making it accessible!
This type of contraception lasts anywhere from three to twelve years, depending on which one you select and if you don't like it, it can be immediately removed pending a doctor's appointment. For those that are hormonal, the major implications of hormones will reverse almost immediately after removal in many cases. However, as always, it's worth mentioning that everyone's body is different and thus those results might be different.
LARCs fall under two categories: Intrauterine Device (two variations, one is nonhormonal) and the Implant.
No IOUs, Just an IUD
Seemingly, the most commonly known LARC is an IUD. The IUD is a 't'-shaped piece of plastic that is inserted into the uterus as the name might imply. So with the copper IUD, that little 't' comes wrapped up in copper while the other forms of an IUD are plastic with a synthetic variation of progestin known as levonorgestrel shooting out like a battleship in a game of Galaga. With the copper IUD, it also acts as an alternative to over-the-counter emergency contraception and is most effective than if taken within five days (the sooner, the better) for those who thought they had a pullout game or simply had the misfortune of having a shitty condom.
You might have heard about this from older generations of women who experienced the horrors of the Dal-kon Shield, where the string from the IUD was causing infection in many women and a doctor continued to push them despite knowing this. Other physicians were never informed, as a result, women were deemed infertile in some cases and dead in others. This was during the 70s when the IUD rose to popularity in the US (despite being on the market since the 50s), it has since been remodeled to avoid these complications. As of today however, there are very rarely complications with IUDs. In fact, for some it has become the BFF of birth control.
For women who have contraindications for hormonal contraception, there is a nonhormonal option within this category of LARCs. It's a copper IUD by the name of Paragard. Paragard boasts about being the only of its kind in that is 100 percent hormone-free. You're probably asking yourself, well how can this birth control method effectively prevent pregnancy if there are no hormones involved? To keep it simple, sperm doesn't like copper so when the two cross paths, sperm scurries back away from the vaginal canal.
The other forms of IUDs, non-copper or hormonal IUDs, release progestin in order to thicken the cervical mucus and block eggs from crossing the barrier.
Eggplanted or Implanted
Nexplanon (formerly known as Implanon), or the implant contraceptive, work the same as hormonal IUDs in that they rely on progestin to create a barrier of mucus to keep eggs from traveling through. They are another form of long-acting reversible contraceptives and are inserted between the biceps and triceps. It takes on a simple shape as a small, plastic rod about the length of your pinky finger and the width of a sliver or a "matchstick." Both methods are 99 percent effective with typical use, making them more effective than any other method of birth control on the market.
As an FYI: typical use is the use outside of labs that takes into account user errors such as forgetting appointments, pills, etc that would dilute the effectiveness of birth control.
Unfortunately, they have a similarly deceptive and disappointing history to the Dal-kon shield with one of the first models of the implant to be popularized — Norplant. But even worse, the government pushed incentive during the 90s for women on welfare to get the implant inserted as a modern answer to the eugenics movements. These terrifying histories have created mistrust in even the most well-meaning physicians and rightfully so.
One Size Fits All
There are still some doctors who don't feel comfortable inserting IUDs into women who have yet to have children, according to them it is more of an uncomfortable insertion when the cervix has never been dilated in a big way. Then there are doctors who simply don't feel comfortable and this may or may not have to do with their own feelings towards it, implicit bias, or a lack of knowledge on their part. The reality is that the IUDs are slightly different in size and none of them are big or small enough to truly make a difference in the discomfort that has notably been associated with womanhood. To that effect, there is actually little to no pain associated with insertion of either of these devices, however, there can be quite a bit of bruising after having it inserted.
Also, what I will disclaim is that in removing the implant it requires the doctor to make a small incision. In some cases, the implant may move over time and may require a little more pressure to find and remove. Nonetheless, this pain is not even pain but more like I described before — discomfort. If ever you are unable to feel the implant in your arm, it's important that you make an appointment with your doctor.
Show Me the Money
The short-term cost of LARCs are hands down more pricey than that of other upfront cost for your barrier methods and your oral methods. But when we look at the long-term cost that includes transportation, prescription cost, etc over a lifetime it is far more cost effective to get a LARC. Still, I'm aware of the barriers that may be in the way of getting these methods, especially with the Trump administration. It goes without saying you should check with your insurance (Medicaid included), companies first to see if they cover LARCs but if not, there are resources such as Planned Parenthood that offer income-based payment options.
This was hugely important for me as someone whose insurance was funded through a Catholic organization, and I've had my implant funded through PP twice now. Without aid or insurance, the cost of LARCs can be hundreds of dollars, specifically ranging from about $400 to nearly $1000 (or more). Bedsider makes it easy for those who may not have insurance to check out local clinics that might offer these methods at low to no cost.
Here at xoNecole, we are not physicians and by no means are we suggesting that you go forward with this method without speaking to your gynecologist, namely to ensure there are no contraindications that might put you at risk when using a LARC. What we are suggesting is that women stay armed with knowledge and potential options that may work for their bodies, especially if we see that our own physicians are not providing this info. But especially as birth control is not a one size fits all band aid that they try to make it out to be by pushing certain methods on certain groups in the way I've seen and heard of them doing with Depo-Provera.
If knowledge is power, then I can't imagine the weapon we might become if we continue to push for knowledge that affords us true reproductive justice, as it allows us to do what we feel is best for our bodies for us to move through life comfortably.
While reproductive advances may have been created to eliminate our existence and reduce our right to bodily autonomy, you being informed is an act of resistance and you deciding what works for your body—well, that's us taking control in ways they never imagined—regardless of what we choose.
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Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
My Complicated Relationship With Safe Sex
Why I Quit Birth Control And Never Looked Back
Who Said That?! The Biggest Myths About Birth Control Explored
The 411 On The Morning After Pill
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraceptive Methods | HHS.gov ›
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraception | NEJM ›
- Understanding LARC | American Sexual Health Association ›
- Long-acting reversible contraception ›
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraception (LARC) - Your Guide ›
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraception Program - ACOG ›
- Long-acting reversible contraception - Wikipedia ›
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraceptives (LARCs) | Planned ... ›
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraception: Implants and Intrauterine ... ›
- Long-Acting Reversible Contraception | Planned Parenthood Mar ... ›
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Men And Women Like To Be Touched Differently. Why Is That?
Any time I hear someone say that their primary love language is physical touch and then someone else says something snarky like, “So basically, you just want to have sex all of the time” in response — I can tell how ignorant that second individual is. Physical touch isn’t just about sexual intimacy, not by a long shot. I say that because, the reality is, basic human touch is something that all people need — some just more than others.
There is quite a bit of science to back this up too. For instance, physical touch can lower stress and boost immunity. Physical touch makes us calmer and more compassionate. Physical touch reduces pain and anxiety. Physical touch helps to cultivate emotional intimacy with other people. Physical touch creates comfort and pleasure. Bottom line, physical touch does so much for us which is why we should learn as much about it as we possibly can.
That’s not to say that all of us desire to be touched in the same fashion, though. For example, did you know that there is quite a bit of research to support the fact that men and women (overall) long to be touched in different ways?
In the effort that we all become more “fluently effective” when it comes to how we “speak” the language of physical touch to those around us (especially when it comes to our partner), let’s explore how a man wants to be touched vs. how a woman prefers to be.
Men and Women Are Different. Even When It Comes to Touch. Why, Though?
Before I get into some things that I discovered about men and women when it comes to where they prefer to be touched and how those places differ from one another, first let’s — pardon the pun — touch on why there is even a difference in the first place. Apparently, because women’s fingers are naturally softer, they are better when it comes to touch discrimination. What is that? Touch discrimination is basically having the ability to tell the difference between different types of touch sensations. And this is probably a big part of the reason why research also says that when compassion, anger, or happiness is conveyed through touch, men and women tend to respond/react a bit differently as well.
Case in point: One study stated that when two men try to convey compassion through touch, it doesn’t really resonate well, although men can detect anger, even through the slightest touch, extraordinarily well. And happiness? Well, when two women are sharing that feeling through touch, it is clearly conveyed — meanwhile, between a man and a woman or two men? Yeah, not so much.
The thought process for these three emotions is, when it comes to compassion because women have been the prominent caregivers throughout history, they have “mastered” the ability to express it. Anger? Remember, men are good at detecting it — studies say that it’s because they tend to feel and express anger more often; I’d venture to say that being protectors and providers requires being aware of that emotion far more often as well. Happiness? Reportedly, women tend to be happier more often than men are and they also convey their emotions, openly, more than men do too.
How Men Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
Okay, so when it comes to unique things about men and women as it relates to touch, let’s start with the fellas, out the gate. I wanna do that because, when I was doing my research on all of this, I immediately came across something that proved what I just said in the intro. What part in particular? Did you know that, even when it comes to truly platonic friendships, men still wish that their female friends would engage in physical touch more than women do (via their male friends)?
That’s because, even when it comes to intimacy among friends, physical touch displays trust and a feeling of closeness — and research says that men find that to be valuable. And so yes, this does amplify the point that physical touch and the need for it go well beyond sexual intimacy.
Still, I’m sure that it comes as absolutely no surprise that if you were to ask a group of men and women who prefer the love language of physical touch more, it’s going to be men (especially if they are over the age of 45). And while there are many theories for why this is the case, mine is that, since men are traditionally known and expected to be providers and protectors and that is hard work, I think they feel safe, reassured, seen, validated and deeply cared for through physical touch. It’s a way for them to get “off of the clock” from using touch to take care of others to being touched in a nurturing way.
Some other interesting things about men and touch is, although women seem to be more at ease with being touched overall, guys are more comfortable with being touched by strangers, especially in a flirty way (in part, because they process it as a potential for “opportunity” — read between the lines there), they prefer women touching them over being touched by men and they are known to initiate touch more if who they are touching is a woman.
And what about touch as it relates to sexual intimacy? Well, according to science, while both men and women enjoy their genital region, lips, ears, shoulders, and inner thighs to be caressed, men also respond to the back of their legs to be touched while women barely even acknowledge that part of their body (in this way). Men also consider their hands to be an erogenous zone far more than women do. It should also be noted that men are more aroused by touching their partner than being touched by them.
How Women Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
So, what about women and touch? Well, something that is associated with women quite a bit is affective touch. If you’re not familiar with what that is, affective touch is all about having the ability to touch in a way that cultivates feeling and emotion. Not only do women tend to be better at doing it, but they also find it to be a more pleasurable experience than men do. Research says that this is because of the fact that, overall, women have had more positive experiences, as it related to touch than men.
Something else that is interesting about affective touch is women who express themselves through touch are typically considered to be more affectionate and trusting as opposed to men who touch a lot. And so, since women like to give affective touch, they are also highly responsive to it — and that could explain why women like to touch and be touched (like reaching out to touch someone’s hand) when someone is sharing their thoughts and feelings with them.
Another thing to note about women and touch is because their pain perception is a lot more sensitive than men’s, even slight adjustments in touch (pressure, temperature shifts in body parts, etc.) will affect them in a way that won’t affect men. When it comes to sexual intimacy, specifically, this could explain why even a slight shift in touch can bring a woman into or take a woman out of the mood far easier and quicker than it would a guy’s.
Something else that should go on record here is how women respond to touch based on their menstrual cycle. For instance, when a woman is ovulating, she tends to be more sensitive to touch; plus, she also finds kissing to be more of a priority. Meanwhile, the drastic shifts in hormones during menopause and postmenopause can make women less sensitive to touch.
As far as sex and sexual stimulation go, women reportedly like to be touched more than to touch. Also, when a man looks into a woman’s eyes while touching her, that increases her arousal levels significantly (men prefer women to gaze at their genitalia; not sure if anyone is shocked there — LOL). Places where they prefer to be touched include their breasts, neck, and butt; some even say that they can orgasm just from being stimulated in those spots (along with their lips and ears). As far as the type of touch that is most effective for women during copulation, oral reigns.
And what about how men feel about oral sex? Well, I once read an article that said that 27 percent of the male participants in their study would rather get some fellatio tonight than receive a raise, so…you do the math. LOL (while we’re on the topic of oral sex, a little over 50 percent of men and women find it to be more intimate than intercourse and consider refusal to engage to be a relationship deal-breaker. Agreed).
Okay, so with all of this intel on how men and women differ in the touch department, what does all of this even mean? To me, it’s a blaring reminder that even something as simple as touching has billions of layers to it — that even though touch is something that we all need, the art of it is something that must be studied and mastered; especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex and even more so when that person is our partner.
And yet, we shouldn’t take this information lightly because, when you (again) factor in all of the ways that touch is holistically beneficial…just imagine how much better intimacy would be, on all levels, if we respected how people prefer to be touched more often.
A poet by the name of John Keats once said, “Touch has a memory.” Think about that the next time you reach out to touch someone — and they reach out to touch you. Then ask yourself: what memories do you want them to have? What memories do you want to keep?
How can all of this data help to make that happen?
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